High IOI, eye contact and then suddenly condesending and indifferent

[hardboiled85]

Over the last 6 weeks I've been trying to game this girl that works at a coffee shop in the mall -- It's right in the middle of the walk way and really busy (she's always on the go and never seems to leave the area)
Basically she is really really my type and this thing has compounded that she has been giving me eye contact for weeks so I've been slowly building up the game - I mean she will spot me from 30 meters away and look at me, some times to look away but very scared/anxious looks -- so I've been buying coffees and working out how the little shop works ie; Working out how to talk pickup without embarrassing her in earshot of her fellow workers)

So basically our thing has been checking each other out for a while without knowing anything about our personailities.
I finally talked to her last week - just an order and a close interaction.

Since then she has more or less stopped the looking thing.. I ordered from her today, and was planning to just get her number and get it over with; FIND OUT FOR SURE IF SHE DOES LIKE ME OR JUST GET HER REJECTION AND DEAL WITH THE BLOW
So I walk up with my game on, and she had this real condesending tone "HIIII WHAT CAN I GET FORRR YOU?"
Totally just threw me for six, I was a little shattered and couldn't tell if it was a **** test or what. So I decided to pause the mission and reassess...

I felt like she suddenly had me worked out and she was better than me (Mind you I am 10 years her senior) - Could this be in actual fact a sign of high interest, like she is butt hurt that I have maybe been missing her IOI signals and is mad? + she now thinks I don't like her?

Help appreciated

 

[CoandaEffect]

You probably just waited too long. When these opportunities present themselves you have to act immediately. In my experience women flip very quickly when you just keep flirting but don’t ask them out.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

This ^

It could have been other things too though - just no way of knowing for sure and at this point, it doesn't matter because it is too late so you need to forget about her.

Women really dislike it when a guy is always looking at them from afar but not doing anything about it. It communicates that you are nervous, not confident, and that you might be a creeper. Once they make this assessment of you, the LAST thing they want is for you to hit on them so they put up a front like she did in hopes it will discourage you from finally doing it.

It's always best to flirt and ask a girl out in the first interaction. I wouldn't worry about embarrassing her in front of her co-workers. Women LOVE that sh*t. They love the confidence it takes for a guy to ask her out right in front of everyone - that alone communicates high value. Second, if you are planning, plotting, assessing, calculating, it puts you in a subordinate position where you are placing way too much value on the girl and this WILL manifest itself in subconscious ways that you won't realize, but the girl will pick up on. Once she gets a whiff of that, it's game-over. One example of that is what I already mentioned - a guy doing a lot of looking but not making a move quickly. But there are MANY more ways it manifests itself.

My rule is one or two looks and I make my move or forget about her.

 

[hardboiled85]

You probably just waited too long. When these opportunities present themselves you have to act immediately. In my experience women flip very quickly when you just keep flirting but don’t ask them out.

I may have described this wrong -it all stated with MANY looks from her high, low, left and right - because she really fits my type i played a longer game - WE have only spoke once, so in my eyes it felt like it was this interaction that reflected negatively on me - As in; however I was on that particular day BROKE whatever fantasy she projected I MIGHT BE before ever speaking to me - I definately didnt hit it outta the park, I am more a long game hitter and build my confidence up.

So After her 2nd bitchy interaction I am trying a new game of ignoring her and NOT looking at her at all when I pass by, I tried this today and could tell she at least could see I was more interested in the ceiling than her world. So I will play this and see if I can reconfigure her mind.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

What those two said. Also, often, they flirt during a period low validation from men including boyfriend, but feel highly validated from the same man or men generally on a different day and then you see the snobbery coming out.

This 100, can't tell you how many married women approach me at the gym, it's just annoying, the second I learn they are married with kids I just walk away, very deliberate and blunt

 

[hardboiled85]

Women really dislike it when a guy is always looking at them from afar but not doing anything about it. It communicates that you are nervous, not confident, and that you might be a creeper. Once they make this assessment of you, the LAST thing they want is for you to hit on them so they put up a front like she did in hopes it will discourage you from finally doing it.

If it is burned what do I have to lose ACTUALLY confirming it from her own mouth at this point??
LIke if she WAS attracted, and I was, then surely just ENDING this hole thing conclusively is much better then conjecture and boiling it down to the female mystique of subtle NLP ?

 

[rjc149]

Basically she is really really my type

So basically our thing has been checking each other out for a while without knowing anything about our personailities.

I get the sense that you read into things too much. You don't know damn thing about this girl, and yet, you're projecting profound compatibility onto her.

My theory -- you were seeing IOI's because you wanted to see them. If she gave them to you, you passed them up.

You hesitated and waited, working up your "game" to finally go talk to her. This is a turn-off for women. They either see you as a pvssy, or as passing them over. They reject you either way.

So I walk up with my game on, and she had this real condesending tone "HIIII WHAT CAN I GET FORRR YOU?"
Totally just threw me for six, I was a little shattered and couldn't tell if it was a **** test or what. So I decided to pause the mission and reassess...

I felt like she suddenly had me worked out and she was better than me (Mind you I am 10 years her senior) - Could this be in actual fact a sign of high interest, like she is butt hurt that I have maybe been missing her IOI signals and is mad? + she now thinks I don't like her?

More evidence for my theory above. She greeted you, a customer, and asked you what you wanted to order. You're doing all kinds of mental gymnastics trying to ascribe some ulterior passive-aggressive communication that almost certainly does not exist. She asked you what you wanted to drink because she works at a coffee shop.

 

[hardboiled85]

I get the sense that you read into things too much. You don't know damn thing about this girl, and yet, you're projecting profound compatibility onto her.

My theory -- you were seeing IOI's because you wanted to see them. If she gave them to you, you passed them up.

You hesitated and waited, working up your "game" to finally go talk to her. This is a turn-off for women. They either see you as a pvssy, or as passing them over. They reject you either way.


More evidence for my theory above. She greeted you, a customer, and asked you what you wanted to order. You're doing all kinds of mental gymnastics trying to ascribe some ulterior passive-aggressive communication that almost certainly does not exist.

They reject you either way. -- Reject what? my coffee order? -- I havent asked for her number yet so no actual strike yet

 

[rjc149]

They reject you either way. -- Reject what? my coffee order? -- I havent asked for her number yet so no actual strike yet

As a general rule of practice. If you pass up IOI's from a woman, 1 of 2 things will go through her mind.

1. "He's a pvssy who can't talk to girls. Next."
2. "He doesn't find me attractive enough to make a move. Next."

Your hyper-analysis of this girl and this situation will come through as nervousness and awkwardness. It's coming through that way to me just reading about it.

Don't simply ask her for her number. You have to build some rapport first, she needs to be familiar and comfortable with you, and not see you as another customer, or worse, an older guy who shows up to ogle her and acts weird when she asks him what he wants to drink.

Don't overthink it. Just chat with her, make small talk, learn her name. If you're getting a receptive response from her, ask her for her number. If she's clearly trying to abort the interaction and get back to work, next. She's not your type, she's not one of a kind. She has a vagina and has poo stains on her thongs, like the other 3.5 billion human beings with vaginas.

 

[Bingo-Player]

"hey how long have you been working here"

Her - yada yada yada

You - " are you single !?! "

YES/NO

You - Cool here's my number text me / Cool have a nice day

It doesn't need to be anymore complicated than that ,

Just as a side note with girls in working environments i would prefer to give my number and see if she reaches out that way you know she's interested if not you can just forget about it and move on

Rather than getting hers texting her waiting 2 working days for a reply just to wind up in exactly the same situation

 

[oldmanofthesea]

If it is burned what do I have to lose ACTUALLY confirming it from her own mouth at this point??
LIke if she WAS attracted, and I was, then surely just ENDING this hole thing conclusively is much better then conjecture and boiling it down to the female mystique of subtle NLP ?

Then what are you asking us? You are saying you want to ask her out. So ask her out. What's your question? Is it this:

Could this be in actual fact a sign of high interest, like she is butt hurt that I have maybe been missing her IOI signals and is mad? + she now thinks I don't like her?

If that is your question, why are you asking it? What difference would it make? Do you think you can ever really know the answer to this question? If you could, how would it change your actions?

 

[bat soup]

Over the last 6 weeks I've been trying to game this girl that works at a coffee shop in the mall -- It's right in the middle of the walk way and really busy (she's always on the go and never seems to leave the area)
Basically she is really really my type and this thing has compounded that she has been giving me eye contact for weeks so I've been slowly building up the game - I mean she will spot me from 30 meters away and look at me, some times to look away but very scared/anxious looks -- so I've been buying coffees and working out how the little shop works ie; Working out how to talk pickup without embarrassing her in earshot of her fellow workers)

So basically our thing has been checking each other out for a while without knowing anything about our personailities.
I finally talked to her last week - just an order and a close interaction.

Since then she has more or less stopped the looking thing.. I ordered from her today, and was planning to just get her number and get it over with; FIND OUT FOR SURE IF SHE DOES LIKE ME OR JUST GET HER REJECTION AND DEAL WITH THE BLOW
So I walk up with my game on, and she had this real condesending tone "HIIII WHAT CAN I GET FORRR YOU?"
Totally just threw me for six, I was a little shattered and couldn't tell if it was a **** test or what. So I decided to pause the mission and reassess...

I felt like she suddenly had me worked out and she was better than me (Mind you I am 10 years her senior) - Could this be in actual fact a sign of high interest, like she is butt hurt that I have maybe been missing her IOI signals and is mad? + she now thinks I don't like her?

Help appreciated

Just ask her and find out. It doesn't really matter if she rejects you. Who cares? There's plenty of other places to get coffee.

 

[Grounded eagle]

Attraction has an expiry date.If she was into you,you just might have blown it.

Over the last 6 weeks I've been trying to game this girl that works at a coffee shop in the mall -- It's right in the middle of the walk way and really busy (she's always on the go and never seems to leave the area)
Basically she is really really my type and this thing has compounded that she has been giving me eye contact for weeks so I've been slowly building up the game - I mean she will spot me from 30 meters away and look at me, some times to look away but very scared/anxious looks -- so I've been buying coffees and working out how the little shop works ie; Working out how to talk pickup without embarrassing her in earshot of her fellow workers)

So basically our thing has been checking each other out for a while without knowing anything about our personailities.
I finally talked to her last week - just an order and a close interaction.

Since then she has more or less stopped the looking thing.. I ordered from her today, and was planning to just get her number and get it over with; FIND OUT FOR SURE IF SHE DOES LIKE ME OR JUST GET HER REJECTION AND DEAL WITH THE BLOW
So I walk up with my game on, and she had this real condesending tone "HIIII WHAT CAN I GET FORRR YOU?"
Totally just threw me for six, I was a little shattered and couldn't tell if it was a **** test or what. So I decided to pause the mission and reassess...

I felt like she suddenly had me worked out and she was better than me (Mind you I am 10 years her senior) - Could this be in actual fact a sign of high interest, like she is butt hurt that I have maybe been missing her IOI signals and is mad? + she now thinks I don't like her?

Help appreciated

 

[MissouriMark]

So for 6 weeks you passed her coffee stand, but never stopped and ordered anything there until just this last time? Next time you're in that mall and she's working there, go up to her and say I should've gotten coffee more often here cuz it was really good (obviously who cares if it's true or not) and make it seem almost like you're back for the coffee as much as you're there for her. Obviously you're there for her but it's a good icebreaker cuz she does work at a coffee place.

If she seems at least receptive to your chit chat, ask her out/get her number. Even have another coffee place in mind beforehand and say, "speaking of coffee, I know of this other place that serves great coffee as well, we should check it out." Or something like that insinuating that you want to meet her outside of her job. Even if she doesn't drink coffee, see how she responds to that and get her contact info if she seems interested. If she's not, at least you know now.

 

[Zimbabwe]

OP just ask her out for coffee

 

[Stoic]

If it is burned what do I have to lose ACTUALLY confirming it from her own mouth at this point??
LIke if she WAS attracted, and I was, then surely just ENDING this hole thing conclusively is much better then conjecture and boiling it down to the female mystique of subtle NLP ?

You are overrthinking things. Try to develop a new habit, where you see a girl, approach and say hi and quick banter. No hesitations.

 

[bat soup]

Over the last 6 weeks I've been trying to game this girl that works at a coffee shop in the mall -- It's right in the middle of the walk way and really busy (she's always on the go and never seems to leave the area)
Basically she is really really my type and this thing has compounded that she has been giving me eye contact for weeks so I've been slowly building up the game - I mean she will spot me from 30 meters away and look at me, some times to look away but very scared/anxious looks -- so I've been buying coffees and working out how the little shop works ie; Working out how to talk pickup without embarrassing her in earshot of her fellow workers)

So basically our thing has been checking each other out for a while without knowing anything about our personailities.
I finally talked to her last week - just an order and a close interaction.

Since then she has more or less stopped the looking thing.. I ordered from her today, and was planning to just get her number and get it over with; FIND OUT FOR SURE IF SHE DOES LIKE ME OR JUST GET HER REJECTION AND DEAL WITH THE BLOW
So I walk up with my game on, and she had this real condesending tone "HIIII WHAT CAN I GET FORRR YOU?"
Totally just threw me for six, I was a little shattered and couldn't tell if it was a **** test or what. So I decided to pause the mission and reassess...

I felt like she suddenly had me worked out and she was better than me (Mind you I am 10 years her senior) - Could this be in actual fact a sign of high interest, like she is butt hurt that I have maybe been missing her IOI signals and is mad? + she now thinks I don't like her?

Help appreciated

To me it sounds like she was just being friendly and when you hit on her she realised that you had taken it the wrong way, so now she is trying to avoid being too friendly so that you don't get the wrong idea.

 

[zinc4]

This 100, can't tell you how many married women approach me at the gym, it's just annoying, the second I learn they are married with kids I just walk away, very deliberate and blunt

Call them out subtly in front of everyone next time innocently. Say where everyone can hear.....wait a minute, so you are married with kids? Do you always approach random strange men like this? Wow your husband must go crazy about this, right?

If she says something like oh he's not the jealous type to try and save face or im just trying to be friendly with you then just say ah okay sorry but as a single man there is literally zero reason i should be speaking to a HAPPILY married woman with kids. Emphasize happy not yell it ha.

That's just confirming to everyone there at the gym that shes a *****. The humiliation that she will feel will be good. They deserve to be called out on stuff like this.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Over the last 6 weeks I've been trying to game this girl that works at a coffee shop in the mall -- It's right in the middle of the walk way and really busy (she's always on the go and never seems to leave the area)
Basically she is really really my type and this thing has compounded that she has been giving me eye contact for weeks so I've been slowly building up the game - I mean she will spot me from 30 meters away and look at me, some times to look away but very scared/anxious looks -- so I've been buying coffees and working out how the little shop works ie; Working out how to talk pickup without embarrassing her in earshot of her fellow workers)

So basically our thing has been checking each other out for a while without knowing anything about our personailities.
I finally talked to her last week - just an order and a close interaction.

Since then she has more or less stopped the looking thing.. I ordered from her today, and was planning to just get her number and get it over with; FIND OUT FOR SURE IF SHE DOES LIKE ME OR JUST GET HER REJECTION AND DEAL WITH THE BLOW
So I walk up with my game on, and she had this real condesending tone "HIIII WHAT CAN I GET FORRR YOU?"
Totally just threw me for six, I was a little shattered and couldn't tell if it was a **** test or what. So I decided to pause the mission and reassess...

I felt like she suddenly had me worked out and she was better than me (Mind you I am 10 years her senior) - Could this be in actual fact a sign of high interest, like she is butt hurt that I have maybe been missing her IOI signals and is mad? + she now thinks I don't like her?

Help appreciated

Since 2010, the game has changed and for the worst. IOIS used to mean something. In 2022, it's a different game and the baseline approach is COMPLY OR BYE. Gauge interest. How? COMPLIANCE.

Ambiguity = #next

 

[Black Widow Void]

Unless she blatantly turns up the heat, then here's how you walk away with dignity.

You (after your coffee order has been placed). "Mam?"
She; turning around after finally realizing that you are referring to her as "mam."
You: "Mam, if it's not too late, I'd like you to add _____ (insert what ever ingredient) to my drink."

You then thank her in a tone that you would to any barista and walk away (as you would with any other barista).