She reaches back out and then flakes

[RickPound]

Me (36) her (28). Started seeing this chick back in early summer. Met her at an event through mutual friends and then slid into her DMs and got a date. Things ramped up over the next few weeks into mid summer. Got sexual by the 2nd or 3rd date. We hung out maybe once a week to where her IL was pretty high (started asking me out, sending nudes).

I was wrapped up in a mindfvck situationship with another girl which took away from some of my game and I kind of let this one drop. She pulled away and I got the message pretty quick. Didn’t chase and I think she got a little more serious with another dude anyway.

Fast forward a few months, I see her around a few times. Say hi, be cordial, but act cool/disinterested. Then last week, her and two friends walk into a restaurant where I was having dinner with buddies. We all kind of know each other so they stop at our table, say hi etc and they go to the bar. We finish up, I know they’re still at the bar but I walk out without even looking at them.

On my way home I get a text from her:
“What? No goodbye kiss?”

Mind you we haven’t hung out in months, she basically stopped being receptive and I gave up. There would be absolutely no reason in this scenario for me to kiss her goodbye, let alone even say goodbye. Anyway, I chalk it up to a little alcohol and her ****ing with me. The next morning at 10am she texts again and says “Wanna meet up this week and grab a drink/catch up?” I say sure what’s your schedule and we pick Thursday night. Thursday morning she flakes with an excuse that she had tickets to a show with her girlfriends that she forgot about and asks for a rain check to the weekend. I say “Nice, let me know what you’re up to this weekend” and leave it at that.

Haven’t heard from her…

 

[mjb3617]

Sounds like the flake was payback for ignoring her while you left the restaurant

 

[DonJuanjr]

Thursday morning she flakes with an excuse that she had tickets to a show with her girlfriends that she forgot about and asks for a rain check to the weekend. I say “Nice, let me know what you’re up to this weekend” and leave it at that.

This is just a game of "who can get the other person to show interest". You won the first round by not reciprocating interest at the bar. Then she gets you to show interest by setting up a date, so she can win that round. So do it again to her. Get her to agree to a date, and then flake last minute.

 

[RickPound]

Sounds like the flake was payback for ignoring her while you left the restaurant

Silly (of her if that’s true), there was no need to talk more than the quick convo when they stopped by our table on their way in. Going out of my way to say goodbye would’ve been odd.

This is just a game of "who can get the other person to show interest". You won the first round by not reciprocating interest at the bar. Then she gets you to show interest by setting up a date, so she can win that round. So do it again to her. Get her to agree to a date, and then flake last minute.

I was expecting everyone to say “validation” - that she was just seeing if I’d still bite for her ego. So the game of who can get the other to show interest is kind of along those lines, but I’m not gonna play that. If she wants a date I’m not going to make it to easy, but I’m not going to intentionally flake.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Flake now or flake later, take your pick with this one

 

[manfrombelow]

Sounds like the flake was payback for ignoring her while you left the restaurant

It's simply this.

OP, by replying to her (fake) invitation to hang out, you handed her the golden opportunity to finally get her revenge against you for ignoring her that day.

This says a lot about her: Low-level, childish, and toxic. I'd say you dodged a bullet.

 

[Robert28]

She’s a narcissist. Plain as day.

 

[3AM]

Reading the comments above I agree with the guys here. She isn't really worth the brain space on this one. That being said, I am lent to believe a large portion of this is because the beginning of the relationship didn't display to her that she can't treat you in this manner.

Women are flaky with men they don't respect or care about. Simply that. In the beginning this is normal because you still need to build rapport. If this is happening after you are "Familiar" then you failed to build value and display leadership. I say this regardless of the circumstance of you both splitting paths.

Women I know, never do this to me ever. Unless they don't know me. Once they know me and the values I set, they know they are wasting time if there is any intention of flaking. I hold people 100% accountable for poor behavior.

If you know someone and invite them to your house, are you going to let them just throw their trash on your floor and you pick it up for them? Or are you going to demand they respect your space and they submit and pick up the trash? Simple analogy to display what's taking place here.

 

[rjc149]

I think you're getting typical responses because this is typical female courtship behavior. Rebuffing or ignoring a woman causes them to doubt their attractiveness, which causes them anxiety, which they must soothe.

I would have responded to the flake with "don't worry about it, this weekend isn't good for me."

Hindsight is 20/20. I don’t think you need to be told to never contact her again.

 

[RickPound]

I was just genuinely surprised. When she faded away a few months back I assumed she appreciated that I got the hint she lost interest/was seeing somebody else and I did the right thing by stopping contact. I saw it as adult dating and no games.

I did see her on OLD a few days after this which makes me think she had something going on, it ended, and she was back out looking for some validation.

My crazy meter might be un-calibrated after the other situation I’ve been in, because to me she doesn’t seem like a narcissist and I’d like to get her spinning again.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Rookie mistake

You dont agree to dates with flakes. Once she flakes the only recourse is for her to prove shes dtf by coming to your place. Your followup text lets her know she can continue to jerk you around.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Me (36) her (28). Started seeing this chick back in early summer. Met her at an event through mutual friends and then slid into her DMs and got a date. Things ramped up over the next few weeks into mid summer. Got sexual by the 2nd or 3rd date. We hung out maybe once a week to where her IL was pretty high (started asking me out, sending nudes).

I was wrapped up in a mindfvck situationship with another girl which took away from some of my game and I kind of let this one drop. She pulled away and I got the message pretty quick. Didn’t chase and I think she got a little more serious with another dude anyway.

Fast forward a few months, I see her around a few times. Say hi, be cordial, but act cool/disinterested. Then last week, her and two friends walk into a restaurant where I was having dinner with buddies. We all kind of know each other so they stop at our table, say hi etc and they go to the bar. We finish up, I know they’re still at the bar but I walk out without even looking at them.

On my way home I get a text from her:
“What? No goodbye kiss?”

Mind you we haven’t hung out in months, she basically stopped being receptive and I gave up. There would be absolutely no reason in this scenario for me to kiss her goodbye, let alone even say goodbye. Anyway, I chalk it up to a little alcohol and her ****ing with me. The next morning at 10am she texts again and says “Wanna meet up this week and grab a drink/catch up?” I say sure what’s your schedule and we pick Thursday night. Thursday morning she flakes with an excuse that she had tickets to a show with her girlfriends that she forgot about and asks for a rain check to the weekend. I say “Nice, let me know what you’re up to this weekend” and leave it at that.

Haven’t heard from her…

I think your mistake is allowing to reconnect. She dropped you the first time. That to me is an incentive to move on, fully move on.

Not saying ignore her if see her on the street, always be the better person and be cordial. Otherwise, you might come across (and probably are deep down) butthurt aka salty about whatever happened.

But to reignite something that died, and rather quickly, is a sign of weakness on your part. Set your standards high and only allow women that fully cooperate into your life and be part of it.

Knowing women these days, she probably wanted to prove a point (aka play mind games) and get a little of validation from you. And you played right into it.

Next time respectfully pass the offer. You're busy, got plans, thanks for the offer. Rain check. If she insists burn her with the "I am not interested. Thanks." That will get spinning her wheels for a min.


Modern Man Advice

 

[RickPound]

You guys are probably right. I agreed too quick and set myself up for the flake. But, I’m not butthurt by her dropping off the first time. Same with this one. My mindset truly was I can take it or leave it. When she reached back out I felt just as nonchalant about seeing her again as I was about letting her drop. If it was her idea I wasn’t going to say no out of spite.

There’s some school of thought on here that you can pass up a lot of potential p*ssy by being so hard on nexting.

btw- I know threads on flaking are all over the place so sorry if we’re beating a dead horse.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

There’s some school of thought on here that you can pass up a lot of potential p*ssy by being so hard on nexting.

That school of thought is called Desperation Mindset and it fuels flaking because she knows you'll be there, your no different than her cellphone, able to be picked up and put down at will

 

[RickPound]

That school of thought is called Desperation Mindset and it fuels flaking because she knows you'll be there, your no different than her cellphone, able to be picked up and put down at will

Yea, I’m not saying I’m at the top of my game right now.

 

[P_Sht]

Me (36) her (28). Started seeing this chick back in early summer. Met her at an event through mutual friends and then slid into her DMs and got a date. Things ramped up over the next few weeks into mid summer. Got sexual by the 2nd or 3rd date. We hung out maybe once a week to where her IL was pretty high (started asking me out, sending nudes).

I was wrapped up in a mindfvck situationship with another girl which took away from some of my game and I kind of let this one drop. She pulled away and I got the message pretty quick. Didn’t chase and I think she got a little more serious with another dude anyway.

Fast forward a few months, I see her around a few times. Say hi, be cordial, but act cool/disinterested. Then last week, her and two friends walk into a restaurant where I was having dinner with buddies. We all kind of know each other so they stop at our table, say hi etc and they go to the bar. We finish up, I know they’re still at the bar but I walk out without even looking at them.

On my way home I get a text from her:
“What? No goodbye kiss?”

Mind you we haven’t hung out in months, she basically stopped being receptive and I gave up. There would be absolutely no reason in this scenario for me to kiss her goodbye, let alone even say goodbye. Anyway, I chalk it up to a little alcohol and her ****ing with me. The next morning at 10am she texts again and says “Wanna meet up this week and grab a drink/catch up?” I say sure what’s your schedule and we pick Thursday night. Thursday morning she flakes with an excuse that she had tickets to a show with her girlfriends that she forgot about and asks for a rain check to the weekend. I say “Nice, let me know what you’re up to this weekend” and leave it at that.

Haven’t heard from her…

the reason why she flaked was because you were too available when she first flaked . you moved it to the weekend rather than telling her that you cant and you'll will let her know. even though you were free that day . It shows you have your priorities straight an d that she's not the most important girl/ only girl youre seeing . its not whenever she wants or else shell forever use that power till you take it away.. watch her ask you to hang in a couple months lol

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Me (36) her (28). Started seeing this chick back in early summer. Met her at an event through mutual friends and then slid into her DMs and got a date. Things ramped up over the next few weeks into mid summer. Got sexual by the 2nd or 3rd date. We hung out maybe once a week to where her IL was pretty high (started asking me out, sending nudes).

I was wrapped up in a mindfvck situationship with another girl which took away from some of my game and I kind of let this one drop. She pulled away and I got the message pretty quick. Didn’t chase and I think she got a little more serious with another dude anyway.

Fast forward a few months, I see her around a few times. Say hi, be cordial, but act cool/disinterested. Then last week, her and two friends walk into a restaurant where I was having dinner with buddies. We all kind of know each other so they stop at our table, say hi etc and they go to the bar. We finish up, I know they’re still at the bar but I walk out without even looking at them.

On my way home I get a text from her:
“What? No goodbye kiss?”

Mind you we haven’t hung out in months, she basically stopped being receptive and I gave up. There would be absolutely no reason in this scenario for me to kiss her goodbye, let alone even say goodbye. Anyway, I chalk it up to a little alcohol and her ****ing with me. The next morning at 10am she texts again and says “Wanna meet up this week and grab a drink/catch up?” I say sure what’s your schedule and we pick Thursday night. Thursday morning she flakes with an excuse that she had tickets to a show with her girlfriends that she forgot about and asks for a rain check to the weekend. I say “Nice, let me know what you’re up to this weekend” and leave it at that.

Haven’t heard from her…

When a girl crosses the line you black delete. Not go dumpster diving.

 

[RickPound]

When we first met she kept trying to get me to come to her yoga studio for a class. She just reached back out with a picture of my profile in the booking system and said “This you?”

I was in there from years ago when I went a few times with an ex.

I said “Yea why?”and she said “Well I just gave you 2 free classes if you ever wanna get back into it”

I said “That’s awesome, thanks. What days do you work?”

She told me what days and said “Why you trying to avoid me?”

I said “Yea” and she said “lol you’re evil”.

 

[bat soup]

Me (36) her (28). Started seeing this chick back in early summer. Met her at an event through mutual friends and then slid into her DMs and got a date. Things ramped up over the next few weeks into mid summer. Got sexual by the 2nd or 3rd date. We hung out maybe once a week to where her IL was pretty high (started asking me out, sending nudes).

I was wrapped up in a mindfvck situationship with another girl which took away from some of my game and I kind of let this one drop. She pulled away and I got the message pretty quick. Didn’t chase and I think she got a little more serious with another dude anyway.

Fast forward a few months, I see her around a few times. Say hi, be cordial, but act cool/disinterested. Then last week, her and two friends walk into a restaurant where I was having dinner with buddies. We all kind of know each other so they stop at our table, say hi etc and they go to the bar. We finish up, I know they’re still at the bar but I walk out without even looking at them.

On my way home I get a text from her:
“What? No goodbye kiss?”

Mind you we haven’t hung out in months, she basically stopped being receptive and I gave up. There would be absolutely no reason in this scenario for me to kiss her goodbye, let alone even say goodbye. Anyway, I chalk it up to a little alcohol and her ****ing with me. The next morning at 10am she texts again and says “Wanna meet up this week and grab a drink/catch up?” I say sure what’s your schedule and we pick Thursday night. Thursday morning she flakes with an excuse that she had tickets to a show with her girlfriends that she forgot about and asks for a rain check to the weekend. I say “Nice, let me know what you’re up to this weekend” and leave it at that.

Haven’t heard from her…

Classic attention whoare behaviour.

She reeled you in, you took the bait and then she ghosted you.

She'll probably do it again next week.

 

[The Duke]

This girl just wants validation. Too much work. Spend your time pursuing others that are more promising. Those that actually trade validation for sex. This one doesn't.