When a woman says “don’t touch me.”

[BadBoy89]

Well......it might be helpful if you could give some context as to what the situation was LEADING UP TO the women making those comments.

Like,did you meet the women in real life first,or online?

Real life.

What was the conversation like/about before they made the remarks....

Normal

Like the 36 year old: You said you took her back to your place,and on the elevator,she said you couldn't touch her. Ok,fine......but WHAT was she going over to your place for in the first place? What did you say to her to convince her to come over to your place to begin with?

‘Do,you want to come take a look at my place?” (While driving her home after dinner)
‘OK.”

Possible.....but I'd say unlikely. If there wasn't any attraction from the 36 year old,then WHY would she agree to come over to your place,KNOWING you two would be alone together?

Good question

Same with the 29 year old: Why would she agree to a SECOND date if there was no type of interest or attraction to further explore from the first?

Good question.

My guess....you had attraction/interested starting out,but somewhere along the way,something happened to cause it to dip...hence their "don't touch me" comments. That's why I ask what the conversation was LEADING UP TO the remarks.

Fairly normal.

Also curious as to how YOU REACTED when they said this. One last thing......

I said “OK.”

The 36 year old told you you couldn't touch her in the elevator on the way to your place... Well once you got to your apartment,what did you two ACTUALLY DO when you got there?

Talked.

Talk?

Yes.

Watch movies?

No, it was too late.

Were you sitting on one end of a couch,with her sitting waaaay on the other end?

More details are needed.

I didn’t have anything in the fridge for 36 year old. My place is nice and large but I only had yogurt which I gave her. I guess I wasn’t really “prepared” for her to come over with items such as candlelight and wine and soaps and lotions. But she couldn’t have known in the elevator.

 

[sangheilios]

My thoughts? I feel that if a woman was acting this way towards me, regardless of the reasons, I'd never consider spending time with her again and most certainly wouldn't be wasting any more of my time trying to decipher her behavior. I don't mean this as an insult, but these women just sound like a waste of time and possibly even a lot of trouble/drama down the road.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Last 2 dates I’ve been on; 36 year divorced women looks good, 29 year old girl looks really good, both of them have said the same thing during or before the date.

Took the 36 year old back to my place and in the elevator she said “I can’t touch her”. 29 year old said “we can go out next week but I’m not looking for you to touch me.”

Guessing the attraction isn’t there, but isn’t that a *little* harsh, or am I the sucker?

Thoughts?

No girl worth your time, energy, and resources would say this. In my book, this will get me to show you the door.

Regardless of whether she is trying to tease, flirt, etc, that type of statement will get me turned off both mentally and physically. And like @corrector said, if s**t hits the fan she will have proof of no consent. And it is simply not worth it.

A few members have suggested playing cool and banter a little and they are not wrong per se. Some women just like to play hard and be chased after. However, personally, these types of women don't meet my standards.

I was talking to a friend of mine, and I reminded my friend that I will go as far as extending 1 invite. If that invite gets a "Shoot I can't, thank you, rain check" then there will be no second invite coming from me. I get full consent, cooperation, and submission or they are out. Now if she says "I can't, but how about next Thurs?" that warrants another invite if we can't align dates.

So again, set your standards high (within reason), and get full cooperation from women.


Modern Man Advice

 

[rjc149]

My thoughts? I feel that if a woman was acting this way towards me, regardless of the reasons, I'd never consider spending time with her again and most certainly wouldn't be wasting any more of my time trying to decipher her behavior. I don't mean this as an insult, but these women just sound like a waste of time and possibly even a lot of trouble/drama down the road.

Hmmm I think it's like the old adage goes: if everyone you know is an a$$hole, you're the a$$hole.

Two different women on dates reacted to him in the same way...

The 36 year old possibly accepted the invitation to his place to avoid confrontation.

 

[DonBud94]

you hug women? how can you hug a woman and expect her to respect your penis.

Haha, I hope you were joking when typing this

 

[2Rocky]

Took the 36 year old back to my place and in the elevator she said “I can’t touch her”. 29 year old said “we can go out next week but I’m not looking for you to touch me.”
Guessing the attraction isn’t there, but isn’t that a *little* harsh, or am I the sucker?

Thoughts?

 

[derby1]

Haha, I hope you were joking when typing this

So you think the high value guy/bad boy who blows her doors out, the one she gossips about non stop over girls drinks, hugs her?

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP,

That’s woman—ese for you are a creep. Stop feeling women up on dates.

 

[BadBoy89]

Love how half this site says I totally turned them off and messed up.

Yet the other half says the girls are nuts and I shouldn’t waste any more time with them.

The 36 year old; to say that in the elevator ride, did that to get a reaction out of me; I just said “ok”

The 29 year, I probably said some things at lunch I shouldn’t have, but she started it.

For those you say I messed up -> ok, they agree to the date, for me to pick them up, get in my car alone, go to the movie alone, go eat alone, get back in my car alone, park in my place alone, take the elevator alone, and then in the elevator ride alone say “don’t touch me.”

I don’t think I’m a creep, I think I’m a sucker.

 

[EyeBRollin]

For those you say I messed up -> ok, they agree to the date, for me to pick them up, get in my car alone, go to the movie alone, go eat alone, get back in my car alone, park in my place alone, take the elevator alone, and then in the elevator ride alone say “don’t touch me.”

I don’t think I’m a creep, I think I’m a sucker.

No. Your behavior is most likely inappropriate. Women who want to be seduced allow it to happen. You escalated too quickly. Your game needs calibration.

 

[joesbigship]

It means don't touch her.

 

[rjc149]

Love how half this site says I totally turned them off and messed up.

Yet the other half says the girls are nuts and I shouldn’t waste any more time with them.

That's SS. You've got guys here with a growth/improvement mindset, and you've got guys here who just resent the sh!t out of women.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Love how half this site says I totally turned them off and messed up.

Yet the other half says the girls are nuts and I shouldn’t waste any more time with them.

The 36 year old; to say that in the elevator ride, did that to get a reaction out of me; I just said “ok”

The 29 year, I probably said some things at lunch I shouldn’t have, but she started it.

For those you say I messed up -> ok, they agree to the date, for me to pick them up, get in my car alone, go to the movie alone, go eat alone, get back in my car alone, park in my place alone, take the elevator alone, and then in the elevator ride alone say “don’t touch me.”

I don’t think I’m a creep, I think I’m a sucker.

You are wasting your time and, frankly, other people’s time because you are either unable or unwilling to describe precisely what you said or did immediately prior to the “don’t touch me” comment being made. It’s like going to a doctor and complaining that you are in pain but refusing to say which body part hurts.

 

[jaymbrs]

I would've told them playfully that the same applies to them, with a smirk. See how they react and go from there. If they look at you like a weirdo, that's an immediate next. If they smile, I would proceed. That reverse psychology has worked wonders for me. At the end of a fun date, I'll say some **** like "and don't think I'm going to give it up on a first date" and it usually leads to some action.

 

[DonBud94]

So you think the high value guy/bad boy who blows her doors out, the one she gossips about non stop over girls drinks, hugs her?

Of course I do

 

[2Rocky]

The next thing she says is.....

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Establish you will respect her boundary, "Yeah, absolutely, I totally understand" and then immediately turn every conversation sexual, it's like your placing your toe at the foot of the boundary, letting her know that your not gonna have my time without complying basically.

But don't touch her when you do this, don't be vindictive about it either, she needs to establish physical contact with you.

 

[devilkingx2]

That's SS. You've got guys here with a growth/improvement mindset, and you've got guys here who just resent the sh!t out of women.

Based on the story OP has told and the details given (and not given) it's perfectly reasonable to think the women are the problem here.

If OP is the problem here, he left out whatever he did wrong so we have no idea and could only speculate.

 

[Igetit!]

Based on the story OP has told and the details given (and not given) it's perfectly reasonable to think the women are the problem here.

If OP is the problem here, he left out whatever he did wrong so we have no idea and could only speculate.

Agreed. There's just not simply enough to go on to give any sound,helpful advice.


Even now.....two pages in,I still have no idea what they talked about in the dates. And I'm fairly certain the OP hasn't learned anything new going forward,to apply on future dates so as to possibly avoid this happening again. His answers are too vague.

This would be like calling 911 and having a conversation like....

911 operator: "911,what's your emergency?
caller: I need help.
operator: Ok,what's the nature of your emergency?
caller: Please.....HELP ME!!
operator: Uhh...ok. You need fire? Ambulance? Police?
caller: Please send help quick!
operator: Ok. Uh...where do you live?
caller: On earth.
operator: Huh? Could you be more specific?
caller: In the northern hemisphere.


That's what this thread has been like. I asked what the conversation was like,OP said "normal". Ok,what.....you talk about the weather? What was on tv last night? Just not enough to go on.

I will say this,though...... .If the conversation..WHATEVER IT WAS......was DRY,full of one-word answers,and felt like pulling teeth,the same as it felt trying to get the OP to open up and answer questions about the dates,I think I can see WHY the women made those comments.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Last 2 dates I’ve been on; 36 year divorced women looks good, 29 year old girl looks really good, both of them have said the same thing during or before the date.

Took the 36 year old back to my place and in the elevator she said “I can’t touch her”. 29 year old said “we can go out next week but I’m not looking for you to touch me.”

Guessing the attraction isn’t there, but isn’t that a *little* harsh, or am I the sucker?

Thoughts?

Sucker. Don't waste your time. She said you can serve her but don't worry about doing anything with her.