Making new friends at 34

[andy87]

Good day folks, after kicking a few mates to the curb due to them being beta alcoholic simps and one who was taking me for a mug I'm finding myself trying to find new friends at age 34, what do you guys suggest? I don't look 34, where do guys my age go at weekends? Can I go out myself without looking like a loser? Thanks andy

 

[Kotaix]

try joining a climbing gym if you're into that kind of thing. It's a great place to meet new people and most people that engage in it are really chill. There are usually a lot of hot chicks there too.

 

[corrector]

If you are umvaccinated then you cant really go anywhere to meet people.

 

[rjc149]

A lot of 34 year old guys are slowing down, turning in early on weekends, in LTR's or married. Maintaining a vibrant social life as a man past 30 is a known challenge.

If you've kicked your core group of friends out of your life, rebuilding it without the benefit of school, roommates, or work peers means you have to just go out and pound the pavement. Put yourself out there. Face rejection. Accept occasional or maybe even frequent loneliness as the price you pay for axing people out of your life at this point.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Good day folks, after kicking a few mates to the curb due to them being beta alcoholic simps and one who was taking me for a mug I'm finding myself trying to find new friends at age 34, what do you guys suggest? I don't look 34, where do guys my age go at weekends? Can I go out myself without looking like a loser? Thanks andy

I'm on the same boat as you. I am 35 and since I have a habit of traveling and moving around a lot, I find myself having to make friends all over again.

But first, proud of you for recognizing negative/destructive influences in your life and putting your wellbeing/future first.

Something I constantly preach and do myself is to simply live your life man. Not sure what hobbies or activities you are into, but there are always people around doing the same things you like doing. I often find myself joining sports leagues (soccer, vball, etc) or simply joining pickup games. I hike a lot, and so do other people. I have a dog, and so do other people.

Simply get out there and do what you like doing. There will be people there that you can connect with, and if not you still had a kick-ass time. Next event there will be more people, and so on.

I recently moved to the PNW, and I've met so many people. Many who have come and gone, but some stuck around and consider them my friends. I simply live life with them sometimes, but not always.

I still value my alone time and individuality. And that is important for anyone, but especially for men, to enjoy your own company. That will teach you a lot of things about yourself. It will allow you to value yourself deeply.

Now this part, " Can I go out myself without looking like a loser". That is your perception, and if you feel that way most likely people will feel your vibe. If you are truly enjoying your company (and unless you are standing around beer in hand staring at people like you are about to pull a gun) people will not view you as a creep.

Reality is, there is something powerful about someone that can go out and have dinner, a drink, hike, watch a movie, etc, etc alone. It speaks about their mindset and self-love.

Putting all the fluffiness aside, like I said, you will connect with people in a more genuine and deeper way if you are both doing something you are passionate about. If that is climbing for you, that's what you should do. That even goes with dating, which is why I am against OLD. If you want to truly find someone you can connect with and have some type of sustainable future, you are most likely to find her that way than going in OLD.

There is a podcast about this topic from Art of Manliness, I suggest you take a listen.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Willie Naylor]

Something I constantly preach and do myself is to simply live your life man.

This is refreshing to hear. I have to remind myself of this often.

When you stop and think about it, so many people (myself included) often live their lives seeking, craving, the approval of others.

Like you said, the best advice to anyone is to go do their own thing. Do what makes you happy. The people that are supposed to come into your life, will.

Conversely, if someone doesn't like you, then just take that as the universe's way of telling you that person isn't supposed to be in your life.

 

[LucianoM]

Good day folks, after kicking a few mates to the curb due to them being beta alcoholic simps and one who was taking me for a mug I'm finding myself trying to find new friends at age 34, what do you guys suggest? I don't look 34, where do guys my age go at weekends? Can I go out myself without looking like a loser? Thanks andy

At that age you need to worry about finding girls to hang with, not guys. Seeing a group of 30 something yr old guys at the bar is sad. You should be there with girls or by yourself.

 

[SW15]

Can I go out myself without looking like a loser?

Yes! You can also approach women while out alone. Non-bar venues are better for this than bars but you can approach at bars when alone too. I have done it.

Most unattached men over 30 don't have a lot of friends. Couples rule most social circles and they want to be friends with other couples. Also, a lot of men over 30 are married betas.

 

[joesbigship]

Yes! You can also approach women while out alone. Non-bar venues are better for this than bars but you can approach at bars when alone too. I have done it.

Most unattached men over 30 don't have a lot of friends. Couples rule most social circles and they want to be friends with other couples. Also, a lot of men over 30 are married betas.

At that age you need to worry about finding girls to hang with, not guys. Seeing a group of 30 something yr old guys at the bar is sad. You should be there with girls or by yourself.

All of this sh1t rings true but why is it so depressing?!? After all early 30's is not old at all!

 

[lost_blackbird]

You lot want to try being friendless at my age. Nobody wants to make friends with someone who's almost 50.

 

[joesbigship]

You lot want to try being friendless at my age. Nobody wants to make friends with someone who's almost 50.

I doubt age is the issue, especially in your case (no offense intended).

But be sure to take care of several barriers

-are you wildly over-ambitious in your desire to "make friends" with women or even men who are much younger and far more attractive than average?

-do you take care of your grooming and are you careful to present positive and friendly body language?

I'll just go ahead and say what apparently has yet to be said: friendship is largely reserved for kids and young adults prior to the formation of families. At that point, serious responsibilities take over and friendships take a backseat to the necessities of raising a family.

Friendship in the workplace is tough since you are all likely jockeying for position and advancements throughout your working life.

Free time outside of work becomes quite valuable and largely spent with immediate family and sometimes extended family.

All of this friendship talk is taking place in a vacuum with total disregard for life's stages.

 

[lost_blackbird]

I doubt age is the issue, especially in your case (no offense intended).

None taken. I would say it's partially the issue but it's not helped at all by my Asperger's. The trouble
with being wired the way I am is that the moment I detect and kind of false friendship then I completely
cut all ties pretty much instantly. I cut some people out of my life who I've known and considered friends
for over 30 years not that long after my marriage failed, I really needed them at that time as I was a mess and
they couldn't make time for me. Three of them were people for whom I was their best man at their weddings.
I don't really tolerate disloyalty as I am the most loyal friend anyone could ever ask for. Always truthful, always
very giving with both my time, help and material things too. It takes me a long time to let someone in but some
of these guys I grew up with and have known since we were kids. Now they are dead to me, my black and white
thinking won't let me give them a chance, I honestly wouldn't shed a tear if I'd heard that any of them had died.
But that's my autistic honesty talking there, but it's true. When I say they're dead to me I mean it wholeheartedly.
Obviously being such a polarised kind of guy myself seems to engender a similar response in others and I find
people either love me (occasionally) or hate me (far more common) and so I find I get rather extreme reactions
from people either one way or the other when I try and be sociable. It's far less exhausting to just accept that
I'm not really designed to be close to others and avoid people at all costs. Regardless, my age is also a factor.
Admittedly I don't look my age (again another surprisingly common trait in autistic people) but none the less
I'm too old for the party crowd and having no partner or children excludes me from the couples and family
crowd more commonly associated with people my age. It's a bit creepy to go out to the clubs and bars vetting
new friends since I am old enough to be their father in the majority of cases, the dynamic just isn't right.