Its crazy how this works.......

[Glassguy]

Got dumped this past week even though things seemed to be going better than any script I could write. While my head is in a good place now, I have a few thoughts to share.....as for me this is a slippery slope because it's not a familiar situation to find myself in (getting dumped)......
For years I've ran rotations. Plenty of women that were attractive, good careers, educated and smart. Most guys would love to date them but I cut them off because they didn't have the "it" factor. Let's call them dollar bills simply because if I had 4 of them in my pocket and one became lost, it's not that big of a deal. I wouldn't spend too much time looking for it when I realized it was gone. And I certainly wouldn't lose sleep over losing it.
Being a single person with a busy and productive life, along with strong boundaries of letting people get genuinely close to me.....rotations made sense. They had expectations of me but outside of me using them for my benefit, I had no expectations of them.
I've dated/slept with too many women to remember. Those dollar bills. Was it fun? Sure. But I did it in a way that allowed me to never be invested which in turn I never got hurt. Zero risk all gain. Many of these women....dollar bills.....are in what seems to be in good relationships or married in what seems to be healthy relationships now. To me, they didn't have the "it" factor.
This chick that dumped me had that "it" factor. It felt like we both invested, both allowed ourselves to be vulnerable. Be available. But that's also where it might have broken down.
I'm really good at getting what I want from women. I'm good at stringing them along and then letting it die off.
Heck I blew off 5-6 chicks when I started feeling it for this one who dumped me and you know what? Those dollar bills I have in my orbit are still there. They jumped at the chance to respond to my "hey" text after not hearing from me for a month. 2 came over in the last 2 nights.
But it was awkward. Not physically. Just overall. 2 months ago they would have totally served my purpose. Now I feel as though they can't feed my purpose because my purpose with a woman has changed.
While it will probably never work out with the one that dumped me, it certainly led me to realize something.......
I'm 44 years old and I no longer just crave physical attention from a woman who will chase me. Those pesky dollar bills. I realized that even though it didn't work out with this last one, there is great exhilaration in a connection that goes beyond a physical level. That "it" factor of good chemistry and vibe that also meets mental stimulation and still has the physical needs met as well.

So this is the crossroad: being able to take my ability to capture a woman's interest and allow it to move forward naturally into more (relationship/ltr) without losing frame. Investing without being too available. Allowing myself to be vulnerable without losing frame. Basically using my same characteristics that gets them interested and in bed to allow things to continue to progress. I'm great at cutting them off when I feel that's where things could go....and for a dollar bill it's fine to allow things to die off.
But some women bring much more value. And I'm not getting any younger. The thought of spinning plates for the next 20 years seems exhausting. I'm totally open to finding someone (without settling) that I can enjoy life with. The problem for me is the transition. Not showing my hand. Not having pressured expectations while also having control of knowing where you want it to go, which is beyond a plate. I'm great at spinning plates but I SUCK at this. For future purpose I'd like to have more in my arsenal for if/when I find that woman that is far more valuable than a dollar bill and be able to convert it from a plate to something more.

Would love to hear the thoughts from the ones on here who can do this and are good at it. Those of you who are great at getting a woman's attention but also know how to keep it if you choose to allow the relationship to continue because the woman seems to check all of the boxes.

I know that was a long read, so kudos to you who read it and understand the point/question I'm asking here.
And this is the most open/vulnerable you'll ever see Glassguy post on this forum. That's a fact.

Happy Hunting

 

[Willie Naylor]

Been with my girlfriend for about 9 months, and to be honest, it's just kind of natural with us. I don't have to 'game' her at any point. I do the expected stuff of not calling/texting too too often, not spending too much time with her during the week, etc.

Probably not what you were looking for, but I'll just say that, from my current experience, when you find the girl that you just click with - you know, everything just feels right, and you don't find yourself overthinking things about how to keep her interested - that's when you know you've got the one.

 

[Glassguy]

Been with my girlfriend for about 9 months, and to be honest, it's just kind of natural with us. I don't have to 'game' her at any point. I do the expected stuff of not calling/texting too too often, not spending too much time with her during the week, etc.

Probably not what you were looking for, but I'll just say that, from my current experience, when you find the girl that you just click with - you know, everything just feels right, and you don't find yourself overthinking things about how to keep her interested - that's when you know you've got the one.

I do agree with you. It's as much about the 2 people, chemistry and connection than it is about how you handle it. But you always have to be able to handle it or it will stall out at some point.
Kudos to you. Sounds like you have a good thing going.

 

[RickTheToad]

Got dumped this past week even though things seemed to be going better than any script I could write. While my head is in a good place now, I have a few thoughts to share.....as for me this is a slippery slope because it's not a familiar situation to find myself in (getting dumped)......
For years I've ran rotations. Plenty of women that were attractive, good careers, educated and smart. Most guys would love to date them but I cut them off because they didn't have the "it" factor. Let's call them dollar bills simply because if I had 4 of them in my pocket and one became lost, it's not that big of a deal. I wouldn't spend too much time looking for it when I realized it was gone. And I certainly wouldn't lose sleep over losing it.
Being a single person with a busy and productive life, along with strong boundaries of letting people get genuinely close to me.....rotations made sense. They had expectations of me but outside of me using them for my benefit, I had no expectations of them.
I've dated/slept with too many women to remember. Those dollar bills. Was it fun? Sure. But I did it in a way that allowed me to never be invested which in turn I never got hurt. Zero risk all gain. Many of these women....dollar bills.....are in what seems to be in good relationships or married in what seems to be healthy relationships now. To me, they didn't have the "it" factor.
This chick that dumped me had that "it" factor. It felt like we both invested, both allowed ourselves to be vulnerable. Be available. But that's also where it might have broken down.
I'm really good at getting what I want from women. I'm good at stringing them along and then letting it die off.
Heck I blew off 5-6 chicks when I started feeling it for this one who dumped me and you know what? Those dollar bills I have in my orbit are still there. They jumped at the chance to respond to my "hey" text after not hearing from me for a month. 2 came over in the last 2 nights.
But it was awkward. Not physically. Just overall. 2 months ago they would have totally served my purpose. Now I feel as though they can't feed my purpose because my purpose with a woman has changed.
While it will probably never work out with the one that dumped me, it certainly led me to realize something.......
I'm 44 years old and I no longer just crave physical attention from a woman who will chase me. Those pesky dollar bills. I realized that even though it didn't work out with this last one, there is great exhilaration in a connection that goes beyond a physical level. That "it" factor of good chemistry and vibe that also meets mental stimulation and still has the physical needs met as well.

So this is the crossroad: being able to take my ability to capture a woman's interest and allow it to move forward naturally into more (relationship/ltr) without losing frame. Investing without being too available. Allowing myself to be vulnerable without losing frame. Basically using my same characteristics that gets them interested and in bed to allow things to continue to progress. I'm great at cutting them off when I feel that's where things could go....and for a dollar bill it's fine to allow things to die off.
But some women bring much more value. And I'm not getting any younger. The thought of spinning plates for the next 20 years seems exhausting. I'm totally open to finding someone (without settling) that I can enjoy life with. The problem for me is the transition. Not showing my hand. Not having pressured expectations while also having control of knowing where you want it to go, which is beyond a plate. I'm great at spinning plates but I SUCK at this. For future purpose I'd like to have more in my arsenal for if/when I find that woman that is far more valuable than a dollar bill and be able to convert it from a plate to something more.

Would love to hear the thoughts from the ones on here who can do this and are good at it. Those of you who are great at getting a woman's attention but also know how to keep it if you choose to allow the relationship to continue because the woman seems to check all of the boxes.

I know that was a long read, so kudos to you who read it and understand the point/question I'm asking here.
And this is the most open/vulnerable you'll ever see Glassguy post on this forum. That's a fact.

Happy Hunting

Can’t have it both ways dude. Eventually, she will want a commitment or she leaves. You will have to make a choice; one way or another.

 

[CBear]

This seems to be a common trend with many people. We spin plates, date around, etc. and then we find the ones we've got a real connection with and it just feels more fulfilling. The thing with spinning plates is you don't have to be too vulnerable or get your emotions involved (especially as a man). When it comes to someone that has that "it" factor that you describe and that you both naturally have good chemistry, we're willing to let everyone else loose. But at the same time, more vulnerability is required, which sucks but it's true. This means good communication. Having some real talks about yourselves and expectations (in a non needy manner) can really help build that connection and grow the relationship. Because it requires you to be vulnerable by talking about yourself and your expectations and it involves the other person to do that as well. Most men arent willing to or don't know how to start these conversations. This has always been simple to me because I'm reserved but assertive/to the point. Women tend to fall in love very quickly for a mysterious guy that they see opening up to them over time. When someone sees that you're willing to talk about some deep stuff and they reciprocate (after attraction and chemistry has already been established), it becomes nearly impossible to want to end a relationship that's going strong, especially that early on. Because you're vulnerable enough to let another person know what's going through your head and you know that they're willing and feeling comfortable enough to communicate about these things as well. Balancing this with not being too readily available will get her super excited to see you in person next because it will exponentially increase the value of your time when you are together.

 

[Bingo-Player]

First off you have completely avoided the most important question

Why did she dump you ?

Would love to hear the thoughts from the ones on here who can do this and are good at it. Those of you who are great at getting a woman's attention but also know how to keep it if you choose to allow the relationship to continue because the woman seems to check all of the boxes.

You have to invest and expose yourself even though its against all your better judgement at least for the first 6 months - year , that's the only way to establish a genuine emotional connection with a female you actually want to be with

After that you can start too pull back a bit if you feel you need to and she will usually remain attached to you

This comes at a high cost though as you are currently experiencing so you must pick very very wisely and carefully

 

[zinc4]

Got dumped this past week even though things seemed to be going better than any script I could write. While my head is in a good place now, I have a few thoughts to share.....as for me this is a slippery slope because it's not a familiar situation to find myself in (getting dumped)......
For years I've ran rotations. Plenty of women that were attractive, good careers, educated and smart. Most guys would love to date them but I cut them off because they didn't have the "it" factor. Let's call them dollar bills simply because if I had 4 of them in my pocket and one became lost, it's not that big of a deal. I wouldn't spend too much time looking for it when I realized it was gone. And I certainly wouldn't lose sleep over losing it.
Being a single person with a busy and productive life, along with strong boundaries of letting people get genuinely close to me.....rotations made sense. They had expectations of me but outside of me using them for my benefit, I had no expectations of them.
I've dated/slept with too many women to remember. Those dollar bills. Was it fun? Sure. But I did it in a way that allowed me to never be invested which in turn I never got hurt. Zero risk all gain. Many of these women....dollar bills.....are in what seems to be in good relationships or married in what seems to be healthy relationships now. To me, they didn't have the "it" factor.
This chick that dumped me had that "it" factor. It felt like we both invested, both allowed ourselves to be vulnerable. Be available. But that's also where it might have broken down.
I'm really good at getting what I want from women. I'm good at stringing them along and then letting it die off.
Heck I blew off 5-6 chicks when I started feeling it for this one who dumped me and you know what? Those dollar bills I have in my orbit are still there. They jumped at the chance to respond to my "hey" text after not hearing from me for a month. 2 came over in the last 2 nights.
But it was awkward. Not physically. Just overall. 2 months ago they would have totally served my purpose. Now I feel as though they can't feed my purpose because my purpose with a woman has changed.
While it will probably never work out with the one that dumped me, it certainly led me to realize something.......
I'm 44 years old and I no longer just crave physical attention from a woman who will chase me. Those pesky dollar bills. I realized that even though it didn't work out with this last one, there is great exhilaration in a connection that goes beyond a physical level. That "it" factor of good chemistry and vibe that also meets mental stimulation and still has the physical needs met as well.

So this is the crossroad: being able to take my ability to capture a woman's interest and allow it to move forward naturally into more (relationship/ltr) without losing frame. Investing without being too available. Allowing myself to be vulnerable without losing frame. Basically using my same characteristics that gets them interested and in bed to allow things to continue to progress. I'm great at cutting them off when I feel that's where things could go....and for a dollar bill it's fine to allow things to die off.
But some women bring much more value. And I'm not getting any younger. The thought of spinning plates for the next 20 years seems exhausting. I'm totally open to finding someone (without settling) that I can enjoy life with. The problem for me is the transition. Not showing my hand. Not having pressured expectations while also having control of knowing where you want it to go, which is beyond a plate. I'm great at spinning plates but I SUCK at this. For future purpose I'd like to have more in my arsenal for if/when I find that woman that is far more valuable than a dollar bill and be able to convert it from a plate to something more.

Would love to hear the thoughts from the ones on here who can do this and are good at it. Those of you who are great at getting a woman's attention but also know how to keep it if you choose to allow the relationship to continue because the woman seems to check all of the boxes.

I know that was a long read, so kudos to you who read it and understand the point/question I'm asking here.
And this is the most open/vulnerable you'll ever see Glassguy post on this forum. That's a fact.

Happy Hunting

44 years is getting up there man. Spinning plates definitely needs to be the least of your concerns. Not dogging you as you seem to have a lot of success. Spinning plates don't mean **** in the long run though for anyone. Especially when you will be an elderly man before you know it.

To answer your question. You basically become their best friend while still trying to always maintain frame. Will always be a give and take though. I have been in a few 2 year plus relationships. The longest 5 years. Two of those proposed to me...well flat out asked me...and i was married once in my early 20s, big mistake ofcourse.

Maintaining your frame while establishing real trust /connection in a long term relationship is not easy.

 

[metalwater]

Welcome to the other side. Double-check your selection/filter plan.

Promoting a plate and then dropping your other plates is changing who you are and your vibe no matter how you look at it. The girl likes you probably a lot while being a plate in competition with other plates, regardless of what she tells you.

good luck, this is going to be more difficult. be really picky on what you want and think about what you want while applying ALL of your RP knowledge into the selection plan.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Good post GG. I've been in many LTRs (2-9 yrs) with the longest and most recent being 9 yrs. I'm a bit older than you, but looking back on them I can see a few common denominators that kept them interested for years:
- talking *a bit* about my vulnerabilities but not too much
- being there but also *just* out of reach, not too available because...
- I had many other interests; friends, job, hobbies, etc.
- planning fun dates, not the usual boring vanilla crap most guys do
- showing affection without gushing or spilling my guts
- ocassional surprise of an AM text or greeting card, but like hot sauce, I used it very sparingly

It seemed with some of my LTRs, every time I did open up and show vulnerability, they lost respect, cheated, my value was lowered, or I was just dumped at some point. Sad, but true.

Being an over 40 DJ, the challenge I have now is the time and $ and emotional investment it takes to find ONE good woman that even has the potential of a LTR or more. When my 9 yr LTR and me broke up, 5+ years ago now, I dated --no exaggeration-- 70-80 women. Some were cheap w*hores for se*x but most were in pursuit of finding something more. Many I dismissed because they didn't have the "it" factor and some were just bad fits early on. 1-2 were under consideration and 1 I did date off and on for 5 months then it ended. So 1 out of 80.

It actually churns my stomach to think about starting that whole process again especially in the age of covid, dating apps, women with kids, crazy women, etc.

My advice for you is to stop dating altogether for a few months to reset. It seems you like to jump back in asap. A boxer needs time between fights. I think we make better decisions and get more clear on what we want and what we need to correct when we step back and reevaluate.

Hope all that helps.

Hang tough.

 

[Glassguy]

Why did she dump you ?

Not 100% sure although I have my suspicions on 2 things that could have happened. Things were going great, she was making long term plans, invited me to their family out of town 3 day Christmas vaca, etc. The she did a 180 last week. When she did the 180 I got wobbly instead of keeping the solid frame that I am normally really good at keeping.
I think her mother grilled her for inviting me on the trip given the mom is the trust fund holder and the matriarch of the family. The now ex was recently married after jumping into a relationship, getting married 5 months later and divorced all within a year. Her mom probably reminded her of her past relationship decisions and it panicked her. The other option would be someone from her past came back into the picture.....but she was just with me all day the day before this started blowing up and there was never a point that she was really on her phone texting anyone.

So not sure. I reached out to her last night, had a 20 minute phone call that was light and fun and I invited her out to coffee this week. She didnt answer at first but then said "I dont think its a good idea right now, but let me think about it and if I change my mind I will definitely let you know".

And I left it at that. And she will never hear from me unless she reaches back out.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Not 100% sure although I have my suspicions on 2 things that could have happened. Things were going great, she was making long term plans, invited me to their family out of town 3 day Christmas vaca, etc. The she did a 180 last week. When she did the 180 I got wobbly instead of keeping the solid frame that I am normally really good at keeping.
I think her mother grilled her for inviting me on the trip given the mom is the trust fund holder and the matriarch of the family. The now ex was recently married after jumping into a relationship, getting married 5 months later and divorced all within a year. Her mom probably reminded her of her past relationship decisions and it panicked her. The other option would be someone from her past came back into the picture.....but she was just with me all day the day before this started blowing up and there was never a point that she was really on her phone texting anyone.

So not sure. I reached out to her last night, had a 20 minute phone call that was light and fun and I invited her out to coffee this week. She didnt answer at first but then said "I dont think its a good idea right now, but let me think about it and if I change my mind I will definitely let you know".

And I left it at that. And she will never hear from me unless she reaches back out.

My feeling is your judgement it too clouded to see the entire picture ….. it happened with my EX when you really like a girl in the interim stages you become "love" drunk you start missing some really obvious stuff and your behaviour becomes weak

I would break up your day to day routine as quickly as possible because otherwise your gonna play what if scenarios over in your mind over and over and probably make the situation worse

Go take a vacation , get out of town even the country for a week or two

Never forget she broke things off so she has to be the one to try to repair the relationship you shouldn't be asking her for coffee

Try and go MIA for 30 days see what happens ...... my bet would be she if she felt anywhere near the same as you did she will extend a branch most women cannot help themsleves they are slaves to emotion

You can practically guarantee she will have one too many glasses of wine one weekend and start blowing up your phone

If she don't then you dodged a bullet anyway

 

[Glassguy]

My feeling is your judgement it too clouded to see the entire picture ….. it happened with my EX when you really like a girl in the interim stages you become "love" drunk you start missing some really obvious stuff and your behaviour becomes weak

I would break up your day to day routine as quickly as possible because otherwise your gonna play what if scenarios over in your mind over and over and probably make the situation worse

Go take a vacation , get out of town even the country for a week or two

Never forget she broke things off so she has to be the one to try to repair the relationship you shouldn't be asking her for coffee

Try and go AWOL for 30 days see what happens ...... my bet would be she if she felt anywhere near the same as you did she will extend a branch most women cannot help themsleves they are slaves to emotion

You can practically guarantee she will have one too many glasses of wine one weekend and start blowing up your phone

If she don't then you dodged a bullet anyway

I started NC last night. She has no more space in my head and I wont reach out again.

 

[Barrister]

I have discussed this with a few other members here, but I don't think you can strictly adhere to Red Pill in an LTR (at least not if you want a LTR - because I think you will NEXT them pretty quick otherwise). I think most of the principles still work -- principally S&D -- but other techniques can't be used in a relationship like this. Additionally, it is impossible to NOT have an emotional connection to a woman you are seeing exclusively and let it weaken you so you start making some exceptions for her from your standard, ironclad rules. This is why so many members here are anti-LTR in general.

I don't think you did anything wrong by the sound of it besides maybe, as you yourself stated, you softened your frame up with her. The interesting part you mentioned about her mom leaning on her about you -- I have found that family being somewhat against you has actually strengthened my relationship many times; not made it weaker.

I would stay in NC at this point. If she reaches back out determine what you will do - although from reading your previous thread on her I think you may be best served simply moving on no matter what.

 

[Glassguy]

It seems you like to jump back in asap. A boxer needs time between fights. I think we make better decisions and get more clear on what we want and what we need to correct when we step back and reevaluate.

I definitely dont jump into things fast at all. In the case of this one woman I probably allowed my self to follow her faster paced outlook.

Its spinning plates for me again at this point, but I want to be a little better suited for the next situation that arises that has that "it" factor at some point.

- talking *a bit* about my vulnerabilities but not too much
- being there but also *just* out of reach, not too available because...
- I had many other interests; friends, job, hobbies, etc.
- planning fun dates, not the usual boring vanilla crap most guys do
- showing affection without gushing or spilling my guts
- ocassional surprise of an AM text or greeting card, but like hot sauce, I used it very sparingly

I followed this pretty well, outside of probably a little too much texting when she was blowing up my phone, a little too available (but not much) for calls/texts.....

Very easily could be that she led me down this road of what I thought she was looking for and when she thought she had me, she lost the mental stimulation of the chase and also lost interest. Hard to tell. I am not going to waste more time wondering what happened because I cant change it or the situation. Just letting it be is the only choice at this point.

Good post Dash

 

[Willie Naylor]

@Glassguy this could be a case of her simply seeing that she already had you won over, so she lost interest and bailed.

 

[Dash Riprock]

@Glassguy this could be a case of her simply seeing that she already had you won over, so she lost interest and bailed.

It's sad that this is even a consideration, but realistically, it is. Hence my "hot sauce" approach that has always hooked and kept women. The whole want what you can't have premise is 100% true, especially for females.

This is why I exhaustively preach on this board to make sure you have a very busy life outside of dating and your LTR.

That which is in short supply is always coveted.

 

[Dash Riprock]

My feeling is your judgement it too clouded to see the entire picture ….. it happened with my EX when you really like a girl in the interim stages you become "love" drunk you start missing some really obvious stuff and your behavior becomes weak

Being the science and biology nerd I am, there are actually chemical and physiological changes that take place in your (and her) brain when you're really into someone. Hence, the bad decisions people make when they're "in love" - crimes of passion, stalking, jealously, moving too fast, fast marriage, living together too soon, tantrums, going back to an abusive partner, and unrealistic expectations (probably #1).

And no one is immune to it. Kind of like saying don't think about, hunger for, or react to the warm, gooey, double cheese and pepperoni pizza sitting on the table after you've hiked 10 miles and haven't eaten all day,

 

[Bingo-Player]

Being the science and biology nerd I am, there are actually chemical and physiological changes that take place in your (and her) brain when you're really into someone. Hence, the bad decisions people make when they're "in love" - crimes of passion, stalking, jealously, moving too fast, fast marriage, living together too soon, tantrums, going back to an abusive partner, and unrealistic expectations (probably #1).

And no one is immune to it. Kind of like saying don't think about, hunger for, or react to the warm, gooey, double cheese and pepperoni pizza sitting on the table after you've hiked 10 miles and haven't eaten all day,

Indeed

 

[Glassguy]

@Glassguy this could be a case of her simply seeing that she already had you won over, so she lost interest and bailed.

Yes. I started as my usual direct, witty, sexual, light and fun, mysterious self. When she took me down the road of her being more open, vulnerable, making plans a month out.......I became less of a mental challenge and I started having expectations. I went right along with her to that rabbit hole of opening up and being too available, agreeing to longer term plans, etc.

I didnt continue to be a high value challenge. I let my guard down and it was too soon for that to come into play. And this chick is very attractive, smart and I am sure has a lot of guys desiring her. She probably feeds off of that mental challenge and felt as though it slipped off through my behavior. I became too nice, too available. Too much of the bf vibe.

Game over lol. When you show some chink in your armour (your frame) when things can get a little bumpy it becomes a slight loss of respect and a woman cant love a man without respecting him first.

Lesson learned. So now I patch up my ego, clear out the space she occupied in my head and start chatting up/seeing those women that put themselves in my orbit when I slowly faded them out when Sarah came along.

Will she reach out after some time passes by? Idk. I think the chances of women reaching back out after being the dumper is often for the wrong reasons and not sure if at this point I would want to touch that hot stove that already burned me again. Its easier to start with a fresh canvas and not make the same mistakes rather than trying to cover up paint that is already on the canvas.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Hey GG, sorry to hear about this.

Most of us try to rationalize that we could have had control over the situation had we done something differently. It's easier to think like this because it means we believe we can probably ensure it never happens again. While that mindset may be true and may help us in our early days of learning to be successful with women, I think once we are having regular success, it doesn't always hold true; sometimes even if we did everything "right", a girl simply loses interest. And even if you could go back and do things differently, continue being a big challenge, and keep her around for longer, there would have been an end eventually. One can't be unavailable and closed-off for years with a girl and then suddenly/finally end up in a healthy real relationship with her. So yes, maybe you could have strung it out further but it would have probably ended anyway, so better it end now than after you've invested even more.

The only other point I'd make is on this:

I'm 44 years old and I no longer just crave physical attention from a woman who will chase me.

This is how I have always been. But I have found that it has not worked out well for me. We all want a challenge but the women who present a challenge are also very often psycho are unsuitable for a relationship. There is a spectrum when we say "women who chase".... just as there is a spectrum of "women who represent a challenge." For example, if you have read how BE operates with men, she is a challenge, yet doesn't make things difficult for the man and she is generous to him. IMHO most women who are a challenge are very narcissistic and are not generous at all. But I have found that in past relationships, I am drawn to these women because of the challenge they present and because the challenge conveys higher value to me. I've recently gotten over that (deliberately and as a result of exhaustion from really awful psychotic exes) and am focusing on women who pursue me and are generous instead. I wouldn't say they "chase" me exactly but the dynamic is of them wanting me more than I want them. For an LTR, this is what I have come to believe you really want. I think it does require some amount of deliberate mindset shift, and that's something I am still working toward with the girl I've been seeing for a few months now. Something to consider anyway.