What now ?

[Machine10033]

Don’t know if this is what’s known as a midlife crisis or what but lately I have been asking myself what’s left?

Found this forum in 2002 and sucked in everything I could. Once I got the game down it was easy for me. I spun plates... hooked up... and kept females at an arms length knowing their true nature. I cruised thru my 20’s and 30’s focused on myself and my betterment.

So here I am at 41... in the best shape of my life. Not married... still have plates that keep me occupied when I want them... I’m financially secure... and can walk away from work in the next few years and be comfortable the rest of my life.

But... The people In my life that I cherish are slowly dying off or have faded away. My dad is 75 still doing well but he won’t be around forever... my brother lives worlds away and I see him once or twice a year... all my old friendships have faded.. I’m the single guy.. and they all had families, and we just grew apart.

At 41... deep down I assumed I would have a family... I always wanted to pass on my genes and knowledge.... and here I am at 41... with everything materially a guy could want, but soon I won’t have anything. It’s a depressing thought anyway this is where I am... and maybe a cautionary tail that at some point some guys may want to stop and assess what is important in their life. I’m going to pass away one day and there will be no legacy... hell maybe someone will get lucky and I will will my stuff to them but for them I would just be a lottery ticket.

 

[RBK]

I think I'm in a similar place as you albeit 38 years old. I do have a daughter who is younger and its nice to watch her grow but it is indeed exhausting raising a child.

Your feeling are normal at your age. It's either your situation or the masses pushing strollers at Disney World spending their savings for the year on a few days with the family (and there's nothing wrong with that as I've done it).

Maybe look for a good partner for a longer term situation, you're only 41 kids are still possible. It may be time to reevaluate what you want.

 

[Plinco]

Don’t know if this is what’s known as a midlife crisis or what but lately I have been asking myself what’s left?

Found this forum in 2002 and sucked in everything I could. Once I got the game down it was easy for me. I spun plates... hooked up... and kept females at an arms length knowing their true nature. I cruised thru my 20’s and 30’s focused on myself and my betterment.

So here I am at 41... in the best shape of my life. Not married... still have plates that keep me occupied when I want them... I’m financially secure... and can walk away from work in the next few years and be comfortable the rest of my life.

But... The people In my life that I cherish are slowly dying off or have faded away. My dad is 75 still doing well but he won’t be around forever... my brother lives worlds away and I see him once or twice a year... all my old friendships have faded.. I’m the single guy.. and they all had families, and we just grew apart.

At 41... deep down I assumed I would have a family... I always wanted to pass on my genes and knowledge.... and here I am at 41... with everything materially a guy could want, but soon I won’t have anything. It’s a depressing thought anyway this is where I am... and maybe a cautionary tail that at some point some guys may want to stop and assess what is important in their life. I’m going to pass away one day and there will be no legacy... hell maybe someone will get lucky and I will will my stuff to them but for them I would just be a lottery ticket.

As long as you are physically healthy, your age is whatever you think it is. If you want to start a family then it doesn't sound like there is anything stopping you.

John Tyler - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

There was a former president who fathered children well into his old age.

 

[bat soup]

Don’t know if this is what’s known as a midlife crisis or what but lately I have been asking myself what’s left?

Found this forum in 2002 and sucked in everything I could. Once I got the game down it was easy for me. I spun plates... hooked up... and kept females at an arms length knowing their true nature. I cruised thru my 20’s and 30’s focused on myself and my betterment.

So here I am at 41... in the best shape of my life. Not married... still have plates that keep me occupied when I want them... I’m financially secure... and can walk away from work in the next few years and be comfortable the rest of my life.

But... The people In my life that I cherish are slowly dying off or have faded away. My dad is 75 still doing well but he won’t be around forever... my brother lives worlds away and I see him once or twice a year... all my old friendships have faded.. I’m the single guy.. and they all had families, and we just grew apart.

At 41... deep down I assumed I would have a family... I always wanted to pass on my genes and knowledge.... and here I am at 41... with everything materially a guy could want, but soon I won’t have anything. It’s a depressing thought anyway this is where I am... and maybe a cautionary tail that at some point some guys may want to stop and assess what is important in their life. I’m going to pass away one day and there will be no legacy... hell maybe someone will get lucky and I will will my stuff to them but for them I would just be a lottery ticket.

I'm also 41. What I think is that whatever path you take in life, you'll always wonder what life would be like if you took the other path.

There are married guys wishing they were still free and single and there are single guys wishing they had a family. In both cases, they are running out of time. Such is life.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

So here I am at 41... in the best shape of my life. Not married... still have plates that keep me occupied when I want them... I’m financially secure... and can walk away from work in the next few years and be comfortable the rest of my life.

ya know, most guys would trade places with you in a second. Seems what we have is never quite good enough, theres always something more we didnt get or missed out on. I have 3 kids 17,18 & 22, i havent seen in about 2 yrs now. They grow up, they move away, they dont come around, they dont call, they dont text. Sure, i got kids but im just as alone as if i didnt have kids. Sounds to me you had a better life than most, don't regret the things you didnt get and be happy with what you have.

 

[Bokanovsky]

As long as you are physically healthy, your age is whatever you think it is. If you want to start a family then it doesn't sound like there is anything stopping you.

John Tyler - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

There was a former president who fathered children well into his old age.

There is another former president (who is still alive) who did the same...

 

[speed dawg]

If you truly have plates, why not pick one that you are compatible with, and have a family? What's stopping you?

That's one thing we never really talk about here, which is the innate nature of us to reproduce. And a family is the best way to do this. No one can escape it. Even the self-proclaimed 'players-for-life' here generally aren't as happy as they let on, and most end up going crazy in their own way.

 

[BadBoy89]

I don’t get this idea of ”children being legacy.”

Whenever people think of family and children they think “hot wife, beautiful daughter.” You know what I think? Wife, who has been f*cked 18 ways from Sunday since high school, now wants a baby with the genetically unlucky guy. Then she will try to take all the money he has and leave him with a gay son. It ain’t that appealing.

Its appealing when women are young and hot and virgins, and cannot divorce without being shamed. Its not too appealing when women and f*cked everything, are in their mid 30s and have the backing, power, and blessing of the government to destroy the man at any time.

 

[Willie Naylor]

I don’t get this idea of ”children being legacy.”

Whenever people think of family and children they think “hot wife, beautiful daughter.” You know what I think? Wife, who has been f*cked 18 ways from Sunday since high school, now wants a baby with the genetically unlucky guy. Then she will try to take all the money he has and leave him with a gay son. It ain’t that appealing.

Its appealing when women are young and hot and virgins, and cannot divorce without being shamed. Its not too appealing when women and f*cked everything, are in their mid 30s and have the backing, power, and blessing of the government to destroy the man at any time.

When you're old and gray, you will look back at all this Red Pill, Manosphere crap and wonder why you ever bought into all of it.

 

[speed dawg]

I don’t get this idea of ”children being legacy.”

Whenever people think of family and children they think “hot wife, beautiful daughter.” You know what I think? Wife, who has been f*cked 18 ways from Sunday since high school, now wants a baby with the genetically unlucky guy. Then she will try to take all the money he has and leave him with a gay son. It ain’t that appealing.

Its appealing when women are young and hot and virgins, and cannot divorce without being shamed. Its not too appealing when women and f*cked everything, are in their mid 30s and have the backing, power, and blessing of the government to destroy the man at any time.

They don't have to be, but for 99.99% of us, that's all we are going to leave behind. How many Arnold Schwarzeneggar's/Donald Trump's/Michael Jordan's/etc. are there? Guys that do things that are actually remembered in history? Think about the guys in American history - Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin - how many people can actually achieve that status? For any country, anywhere in the world?

 

[BadBoy89]

When you're old and gray, you will look back at all this Red Pill, Manosphere crap and wonder why you ever bought into all of it.

All Red Pill crap is is living in your own terms.

Having a family guarantees nothing. Your wife could leave you, your child could move to another country, be gay, be developmentally challenged, abuse you, bankrupt you. I’ve seen it in my own family.

Having a child and / or family can be a great thing, but it can also not be a great thing. A man has to do what is best for him. But to say to procreate and your problems are solved is short sighted.

Maybe I’ve experienced too abuse, or I’m mentally weak compared to the strong men in the world.

 

[Willie Naylor]

All Red Pill crap is is living in your own terms.

Having a family guarantees nothing. Your wife could leave you, your child could move to another country, be gay, be developmentally challenged, abuse you, bankrupt you. I’ve seen it in my own family.

Having a child and / or family can be a great thing, but it can also not be a great thing. A man has to do what is best for him. But to say to procreate and your problems are solved is short sighted.

Maybe I’ve experienced too abuse, or I’m mentally weak compared to the strong men in the world.

The mindset that 'something might not work out down the road, so I shouldn't even attempt it' is insane.

I could get hit by a bus in 5 minutes...but I still need to cross the street. So, I'm gonna take the risk.

 

[BadBoy89]

They don't have to be, but for 99.99% of us, that's all we are going to leave behind. How many Arnold Schwarzeneggar's/Donald Trump's/Michael Jordan's/etc. are there? Guys that do things that are actually remembered in history? Think about the guys in American history - Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin - how many people can actually achieve that status? For any country, anywhere in the world?

True.

Yet personally I have some assets and I wouldn’t mind a daughter, yet the way females attitudes are right now, with government and societal backing, Im almost at the point of donating it all to a hospital to put my name on a wing or something than working on getting offspring with a woman who will leave me with a gay son and leave me for a more genetically blessed guy.

 

[Macadellic]

Adopt a son(s). Find young men to mentor. Write a book and or start a podcast to “leave a legacy” of all your knowledge and wisdom.

I don’t know if you are a Believer but you can find a great church and get involved in a men’s group.

Talk to the head pastor and express, discuss, communicate that you want to start to build something.

You can have an orphanage in your name in another country.

 

[Fruitbat]

Don’t know if this is what’s known as a midlife crisis or what but lately I have been asking myself what’s left?

Found this forum in 2002 and sucked in everything I could. Once I got the game down it was easy for me. I spun plates... hooked up... and kept females at an arms length knowing their true nature. I cruised thru my 20’s and 30’s focused on myself and my betterment.

So here I am at 41... in the best shape of my life. Not married... still have plates that keep me occupied when I want them... I’m financially secure... and can walk away from work in the next few years and be comfortable the rest of my life.

But... The people In my life that I cherish are slowly dying off or have faded away. My dad is 75 still doing well but he won’t be around forever... my brother lives worlds away and I see him once or twice a year... all my old friendships have faded.. I’m the single guy.. and they all had families, and we just grew apart.

At 41... deep down I assumed I would have a family... I always wanted to pass on my genes and knowledge.... and here I am at 41... with everything materially a guy could want, but soon I won’t have anything. It’s a depressing thought anyway this is where I am... and maybe a cautionary tail that at some point some guys may want to stop and assess what is important in their life. I’m going to pass away one day and there will be no legacy... hell maybe someone will get lucky and I will will my stuff to them but for them I would just be a lottery ticket.

this is kind of like the wall, but male version. I’m not being a douche mate, I chose to have a family and quite a few on here are very scathing about my choice, basically saying it’s weak and beta etc, but I came to this conclusion early on.

for me, I have such a small family and it’s basically a broken home. I only have a mum and a dad and a sister and the 2 families don’t speak and meet up at Christmas, I have to go to separate houses.

suffice to say, at a very young age in my 20s I knew what having no family felt like in many ways. I have no uncles/cousins of note that I keep in touch with. Once my grandparents died I was very isolated.

I got into drugs, drinking etc (still managed a career though) but there was always something missing and now I know how right I was to have kids. I am now much more successful than when single. I am getting into jobs that would have intimidated me before but I do it, because, when it’s your kids who you’re doing it for, it kind of makes getting more and better a non negotiable. I can’t just coast now, I have mouths to feed.
You’re not too old at 41.

if you have fatherly instincts I can highly recommend it, if you don’t, don’t bother.

I knew from quite early I wanted a family. It was years of a disfunctionsl life which made me want a happy home.

nowadays I work hours And hours and make bank, and I still wear 10 year old sweats at home and don’t buy myself anything. What makes me happy are things like a fat life assurance plan for my daughter. Home improvements. You really do get less self centred.

I’m a total provider and I don’t care. I love it. It’s what I was born to do. And I genuinely don’t care if I don’t bang another girl other than my wife. Things like banging chicks seem a bit trivial in contrast to a role as head of a household,

 

[speed dawg]

Adopt a son(s). Find young men to mentor. Write a book and or start a podcast to “leave a legacy” of all your knowledge and wisdom.

I don’t know if you are a Believer but you can find a great church and get involved in a men’s group.

Talk to the head pastor and express, discuss, communicate that you want to start to build something.

You can have an orphanage in your name in another country.

Good stuff here. At some point, you just want to do stuff that matters, stuff that has a lasting impact.

Everybody wants this, but they don't often have the guts.

 

[Macadellic]

Good stuff here. At some point, you just want to do stuff that matters, stuff that has a lasting impact.

Everybody wants this, but they don't often have the guts.

And it doesn’t have to be with a church.

You can contact a youth development program, high school, college, etc.

And have a scholarship in your name that will go to a male student athlete.

The point is that you want to leave your legacy and you don’t have to get married to do it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Having a child and / or family can be a great thing, but it can also not be a great thing.

The same is true of everything in life. You could buy a dream home and discover that it's a leaky, structurally compromised mess. You could buy a dream car that turns out to be an unreliable piece of junk. You could go travel the world and end up dying in an airplane crash. Nothing in life is guaranteed to be a "great thing". You can't completely eliminate the risk of negative outcomes but you can do your best to minimize it.

 

[rjc149]

The idea that happiness is only achieved by monogamous mate partnering and self-replication of genes is a doctrine that has been ingrained into you for your entire life.

I'm in your boat -- 37, no wife, no kids, no plans on either, but sometimes the desire. Most of my old friends faded away, started families, moved to other parts of the country. Or, fell behind my increasing standards for who I want to spend my time around.

I have a few core friendships. I also have a brother to me close in age, which I thank God and my parents for. But now he's getting serious with his girlfriend. Such is the life of a middle-aged bachelor. Solitude is a necessary part of the plate-spinnin' life. Freedom means being unattached -- but being unattached means no one is there with you. Your relationships with women are all transient.

I'm old enough to have seen fairytale marriages crash and burn around me. Broken hearts, bitterness, betrayal, financial ruin. I'm not old enough to have seen friend's children grow into adults yet, but my take is that it's always a bittersweet experience.

Ask yourself -- are you feeling this way because you want children, and you feel time is running out (it isn't, that's a perk of having a Y chromosome), or, are you suffering from the increasingly common epidemic of male loneliness?

 

[Macadellic]

OP, what is it that YOU are PASSIONATE about?

Now take action and get involved in your passion.

I have been a big brother mentor, soccer coach trainer, academic tutor and volunteer in a church.

Because I’m PASSIONATE in those areas.

Good luck,
I know you will find something.