New to online game - building some sort of rapport without being needy

[Raasay]

Hi guys,

just had a heavy break up, I'm not ready for cold approaching yet so I'm experimenting with online dating for the first time.

It's been going ok so far, didn't put effort in my account, still getting decent and frequent matches. Those girls get dozens of matches and afaik they like to chat only with one or a few of them. I'm using a dating platform where you rather meet intelligent girls who won't jump into your bed after 5 messages, often they do not even want to give their phone number unless you texted them a couple of days (tbh this seems like a big waste of time to me but in my current situation still interesting experience).

Now the thing, I'm wondering about: how much texting should I do with them, those girls get bombarded with every sort of messages and it seems if you text them too little they are gone with the guy who texted them most + I need to build some sort of trust and rapport so they are willing to just have a walk with me or so. Not that I'd care... but I'd like to understand how this kind of game works. I usually don't text much, especially not to girls and I let them wait for some hours or days - just because I'm honestly not willing to put so much effort but that doesn't seem a good way in online dating.

Any advice here?

 

[Zimbabwe]

Texting isn't for building rapport, get their number and give them a phone call to set up a date.

 

[zinc4]

Hi guys,

just had a heavy break up, I'm not ready for cold approaching yet so I'm experimenting with online dating for the first time.

It's been going ok so far, didn't put effort in my account, still getting decent and frequent matches. Those girls get dozens of matches and afaik they like to chat only with one or a few of them. I'm using a dating platform where you rather meet intelligent girls who won't jump into your bed after 5 messages, often they do not even want to give their phone number unless you texted them a couple of days (tbh this seems like a big waste of time to me but in my current situation still interesting experience).

Now the thing, I'm wondering about: how much texting should I do with them, those girls get bombarded with every sort of messages and it seems if you text them too little they are gone with the guy who texted them most + I need to build some sort of trust and rapport so they are willing to just have a walk with me or so. Not that I'd care... but I'd like to understand how this kind of game works. I usually don't text much, especially not to girls and I let them wait for some hours or days - just because I'm honestly not willing to put so much effort but that doesn't seem a good way in online dating.

Any advice here?

My advice: use the trifecta of online dating tinder, okaycupid and bumble. Put up a good profile and pics and go to work spamming. Send put 3 to 5 messages before setting up a date time. Easy work.

 

[Raasay]

Ok, so exchange some first messages, call, or arrange date via messages, if she doesn't want to share number or meet, she is useless?

What is a good profile in your view, basically just the pics? I guess one which shows the face clearly + ? Do you recommend using a topless picture?

Do you use IG for your profiles?

 

[bat soup]

Hi guys,

just had a heavy break up, I'm not ready for cold approaching yet so I'm experimenting with online dating for the first time.

It's been going ok so far, didn't put effort in my account, still getting decent and frequent matches. Those girls get dozens of matches and afaik they like to chat only with one or a few of them. I'm using a dating platform where you rather meet intelligent girls who won't jump into your bed after 5 messages, often they do not even want to give their phone number unless you texted them a couple of days (tbh this seems like a big waste of time to me but in my current situation still interesting experience).

Now the thing, I'm wondering about: how much texting should I do with them, those girls get bombarded with every sort of messages and it seems if you text them too little they are gone with the guy who texted them most + I need to build some sort of trust and rapport so they are willing to just have a walk with me or so. Not that I'd care... but I'd like to understand how this kind of game works. I usually don't text much, especially not to girls and I let them wait for some hours or days - just because I'm honestly not willing to put so much effort but that doesn't seem a good way in online dating.

Any advice here?

There are a lot of women online that are just there to feed their egos with attention. If a woman doesn't want to meet up, it's because she has no intention of ever doing so. You have to quickly get the point and block the ones that won't give you their number or meet up.

 

[Raasay]

I agree to you to some extent, but it is not fully true, I have female friends who use dating apps as well and they are quite careful about whom to meet where, they are worried about violence, freaks, rape, stuff like that, things that I never considered as a man. So they usually try to build some sort of trust and verification that they are meeting with a sane human being.

But I'm still with you, I'm not willing to write letters to prove that I'm not a freak when there is infinite more girls to match with.

 

[DonJuanjr]

things that I never considered as a man.

That's because most men are not rapists. Yet most women treat it like 90% of men are. It's actually more fair to treat every woman you meet as a gold digging slvt than it is for them to treat every guy as a potential rapist. There's more gold digging slvts than rapists.

 

[monkeybrain]

Hi guys,

just had a heavy break up, I'm not ready for cold approaching yet so I'm experimenting with online dating for the first time.

It's been going ok so far, didn't put effort in my account, still getting decent and frequent matches. Those girls get dozens of matches and afaik they like to chat only with one or a few of them. I'm using a dating platform where you rather meet intelligent girls who won't jump into your bed after 5 messages, often they do not even want to give their phone number unless you texted them a couple of days (tbh this seems like a big waste of time to me but in my current situation still interesting experience).

Now the thing, I'm wondering about: how much texting should I do with them, those girls get bombarded with every sort of messages and it seems if you text them too little they are gone with the guy who texted them most + I need to build some sort of trust and rapport so they are willing to just have a walk with me or so. Not that I'd care... but I'd like to understand how this kind of game works. I usually don't text much, especially not to girls and I let them wait for some hours or days - just because I'm honestly not willing to put so much effort but that doesn't seem a good way in online dating.

Any advice here?

Alright man here's my two cents on this:

A: It is bull**** that you are not ready for day game/cold approach. This method is always superior to online interactions and this line of thinking is just sheltering you. The best thing you could do about this is go talk to at least 1 girl today! Being multidimensional in your game just elevates everything.

B: Online dating is the wild west and from the female perspective, any random dude could be a serial killer. So yes building rapport is important and so is standing out. So you need dope pics and you need to be entertaining when your texting. From her perspective you are literally an online avatar and not a person. It's up to you to get her attention. Lots of guys will say get the number close asap I agree but don't appear needy/sketchy when you do this. Have a natural conversation that goes there don't push it super hard.

C: Open by asking something like "what's your spirit animal?" lol. Its goofy and usually gets a response. Also have a dog in one of your pictures.

D: In my experience online dating has a massive failure rate and pretty much isn't worth a lot of your time. I view it as a slow drip complementary method of meeting new girls.

 

[MrEkko]

It depends on the city/area you live. Where I am, I have found that it works best to match, exchange a few messages and then ask for number to arrange a date. Works almost always and if I get a "I want to get you know you first” or equivalent I don't bother. You can do some light texting once you get the number and maybe mirror her texting frequency before the date. My advice is if you set up a date say a week in advance to keep at least some conversation and chat going because the changes she will cancel are high if you don't interact at all until then.

 

[SW15]

Texting isn't for building rapport, get their number and give them a phone call to set up a date.

It is somewhat different to get a woman born after 1980 on a telephone call. Additionally, many people refer to the text messages to remember details. I have tended to ask out for a first date in person as I close the conversation of a cold approach. I will later text then the details of what they agreed to in person. This way, I'm not dealing with mishaps from a voice conversation, which can happen.

 

[Zimbabwe]

It is somewhat different to get a woman born after 1980 on a telephone call. Additionally, many people refer to the text messages to remember details. I have tended to ask out for a first date in person as I close the conversation of a cold approach. I will later text then the details of what they agreed to in person. This way, I'm not dealing with mishaps from a voice conversation, which can happen.

You're right, a lot of women lack social skills and can't even do a phone call. To weed those out i just say "Here's my #, give me a call". I've had many girls tell me they much preferred it since its easier to connect on the phone instead of texting. It also makes me stand out.

Sure a lot of girls try to "get to know me more" by asking to text instead, i just ignore them and focus on the small amount that do want to call.

Texting only works if you're good at banter/small talk but i suck at it.

 

[SW15]

You're right, a lot of women lack social skills and can't even do a phone call. To weed those out i just say "Here's my #, give me a call". I've had many girls tell me they much preferred it since its easier to connect on the phone instead of texting. It also makes me stand out.

Sure a lot of girls try to "get to know me more" by asking to text instead, i just ignore them and focus on the small amount that do want to call.

Texting only works if you're good at banter/small talk but i suck at it.

To be fair, I know some men who are bad at answering their cell phones.

I prefer phone conversations to text messages.

It is best to do as little as possible on cell phones in the early stages of dating. This is true for phone calls, text messages, and social media.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Any advice here?

Treat this as a long game exercise rather than stressing the details.

Learning from your own experiences, good or bad, is the best way.

Give yourself plenty of time, try a bunch of different styles, approaches, etc., see what works, what doesn't etc.