All of this rejection is making me depressed

[flipflip]

I dont wanna give up but its tough out there

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Why do you care about rejection? Those people don't know who you truly are. Your self-worth should not be decided by others, but by yourself. Keep at it.

 

[flipflip]

Why do you care about rejection? Those people don't know who you truly are. Your self-worth should not be decided by others, but by yourself. Keep at it.

What you're saying makes sense but it still affects me

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

What you're saying makes sense but it still affects me

Everyone has to deal with rejection, it does not make you a lesser man. Remember that. Honestly, you shouldn't take rejection personal.

 

[Robert28]

Why do you care about rejection? Those people don't know who you truly are. Your self-worth should not be decided by others, but by yourself. Keep at it.

Doesn’t take the sting out and make you question yourself. Most of the times when people talk about rejection they aren’t talking about a 10 second cold approach on some random girl. They’re talking about someone they’ve talked to and gotten to know, maybe they’ve gone out once or a few times, and THEN the rejection comes. And it’s always some superficial reason “I just don’t have time for a relationship (even though you had plenty of time up until recently so I know it’s a lie)” “you just don’t show me enough that you’re interested (gee I’m sorry I don’t sit around and text you all goddam day because I’m working trying to make a living, Chad can because Chad doesn’t have a goddam job other than partying and drugs)”, “I thought I could feel something for you but I just haven’t over these few dates I’m sorry (basically comes off as I happily wasted your time for weeks and no I’m not sorry)”. That’s the stuff that messes with your mind. Some ***** will find something different about you that she doesn’t like and before you know it you start to question yourself because all those rejections and reasons are rolling around in your head.

 

[Barrister]

Doesn’t take the sting out and make you question yourself. Most of the times when people talk about rejection they aren’t talking about a 10 second cold approach on some random girl. They’re talking about someone they’ve talked to and gotten to know, maybe they’ve gone out once or a few times, and THEN the rejection comes. And it’s always some superficial reason “I just don’t have time for a relationship (even though you had plenty of time up until recently so I know it’s a lie)” “you just don’t show me enough that you’re interested (gee I’m sorry I don’t sit around and text you all goddam day because I’m working trying to make a living, Chad can because Chad doesn’t have a goddam job other than partying and drugs)”, “I thought I could feel something for you but I just haven’t over these few dates I’m sorry (basically comes off as I happily wasted your time for weeks and no I’m not sorry)”. That’s the stuff that messes with your mind. Some ***** will find something different about you that she doesn’t like and before you know it you start to question yourself because all those rejections and reasons are rolling around in your head.

There should be no serious investment over the course of only a few dates. If a chick says "she just isn't that into you" after 3-4 dates who cares? You should have made minimal investment in her at that point. Even if it is a woman you find very attractive, you need to keep your distance emotionally before you start a heavy investment and get to know the woman quite well (if you invest heavily at all - many posters here advocate against it entirely). These comments, if they happen then, don't have the force and effect of "depressing" you.

At the end of the day, a chick is allowed to decide whether she wants to keep seeing you after a few dates just as you do her. They also give superficial reasons as the basis for why they don't want to see a man when in reality it is something else entirely. Women are experts at gentle dumpings whether it is in the form of ghosting or some bogus reason like that she "doesn't have time for a relationship." It is how they are wired to avoid open conflict with a man. Complaining about it solves nothing. It's just reality.

 

[Robert28]

There should be no serious investment over the course of only a few dates. If a chick says "she just isn't that into you" after 3-4 dates who cares? You should have made minimal investment in her at that point. Even if it is a woman you find very attractive, you need to keep your distance emotionally before you start a heavy investment and get to know the woman quite well (if you invest heavily at all - many posters here advocate against it entirely). These comments, if they happen then, don't have the force and effect of "depressing" you.

At the end of the day, a chick is allowed to decide whether she wants to keep seeing you after a few dates just as you do her. They also give superficial reasons as the basis for why they don't want to see a man when in reality it is something else entirely. Women are experts at gentle dumpings whether it is in the form of ghosting or some bogus reason like that she "doesn't have time for a relationship." It is how they are wired to avoid open conflict with a man. Complaining about it solves nothing. It's just reality.

That makes me want to date women even less to be honest.

 

[Robert28]

I feel you, man. I'm in the middle of a demoralizing losing streak right now - it helps to know you're not the only one going through it, though.

I got rejected by this Mexican girl a week or two ago after she had continued showing strong signs of interest for a bit. I look back objectively at the date, and quite frankly, I seriously can't point the finger at where I went wrong.

I damn near deported her ass after the kiss rejection....puta.

It is what it is. I'm improving significantly in several other aspects of my life right now, so that keeps me going.

Dude I had a girl I met online dating a few years ago. We’d gone on 2 dates and it seemed like it was going somewhere, she even comes to my house and BRING MY MOM A BIRTHDAY PRESENT for me to give to her. All of a sudden she starts losing interest the next week and starts being flaky. WHO THE FVCK ACTS LIKE THAT?

 

[Robert28]

Yeah I probably have the same aura. But while these women out here are getting all the d!ck they want, they aren’t getting commitment and they ain’t got no money, their credit sucks, etc. So big whoop for them and their drunken sex with Chad’s while trying to tell me “I want to wait a month and get to know you before having sex”. Besides, I RARELY strikeout when I meet a girl in person instead of Facebook or online. If she’s in my social circle or I’ve been crossing paths with her a few times, she’s going to be mine eventually if she’s single. I don’t usually do cold approaches but let me be around a girl several times and I’ll win every time. Online or Facebook? My batting average is maybe 10%. The girls just act different man. SO much bs the way they act if you don’t meet them naturally as opposed to if you do. It’s weird because I can cross paths with a girl 3-4 times and she will slowly start to like me but yet I can go on 3-4 dates with a girl online and her interest goes down fast or she doesn’t like me anymore than she started out liking me. I can’t explain that.

 

[derby1]

Doesn’t take the sting out and make you question yourself. Most of the times when people talk about rejection they aren’t talking about a 10 second cold approach on some random girl. They’re talking about someone they’ve talked to and gotten to know, maybe they’ve gone out once or a few times, and THEN the rejection comes. And it’s always some superficial reason “I just don’t have time for a relationship (even though you had plenty of time up until recently so I know it’s a lie)” “you just don’t show me enough that you’re interested (gee I’m sorry I don’t sit around and text you all goddam day because I’m working trying to make a living, Chad can because Chad doesn’t have a goddam job other than partying and drugs)”, “I thought I could feel something for you but I just haven’t over these few dates I’m sorry (basically comes off as I happily wasted your time for weeks and no I’m not sorry)”. That’s the stuff that messes with your mind. Some ***** will find something different about you that she doesn’t like and before you know it you start to question yourself because all those rejections and reasons are rolling around in your head.

Exactly I can handle rejection, but if western women were a business deal, men wouldnt sign up

It gets a bit tiring of them pursuing, then doing a 180 in the same day, after youve invested.

infact it makes me sick that someone pursues you then has the audacity to ghost, as if you were the stalker

 

[Robert28]

Exactly I can handle rejection, but if western women were a business deal, men wouldnt sign up

It gets a bit tiring of them pursuing, then doing a 180 in the same day, after youve invested.

infact it makes me sick that someone pursues you then has the audacity to ghost, as if you were the stalker

It’s impossible not to invest. I don’t mean fully invest but anyone on here claiming they haven’t invested ANYTHING with a girl they’ve been seeing and talking to regular for 3 weeks, a month, 2 months, is a damn liar. Or they’re the next serial killer. These women MAKE you invest, doesn’t matter how good your game is, you’re gonna invest eventually. Then she will lose interest. It’s never been a thing until recently as 5 years. All I know is I never had to deal with half the **** when I was younger that I deal with now that I’m older.

 

[SW15]

Best wishes @flipflip. The rejection is tough to manage. Plenty of men have needed psychotherapy due to female rejection.

 

[Francis]

There should be no serious investment over the course of only a few dates. If a chick says "she just isn't that into you" after 3-4 dates who cares? You should have made minimal investment in her at that point. Even if it is a woman you find very attractive, you need to keep your distance emotionally before you start a heavy investment and get to know the woman quite well (if you invest heavily at all - many posters here advocate against it entirely). These comments, if they happen then, don't have the force and effect of "depressing" you.

Those are good points. I think the problem is when you have traditional views on how dating & relationships should be, instead of how they actually are. I've had this problem a lot in the past, where like Robert said, you invest and focus on one person, thinking the feelings are mutual and everything is progressing, then get blind-sided by a rejection. It's kind of ironic that putting in the least amount of effort and acting like you don't want anything serious (and even acting like a jerk) is the best way to get them to do the opposite!

But you are right, casual in the beginning with no expectations really is the best way to go these days. Can't keep investing in people when you have no idea if they feel the same way.

 

[Robert28]

Those are good points. I think the problem is when you have traditional views on how dating & relationships should be, instead of how they actually are. I've had this problem a lot in the past, where like Robert said, you invest and focus on one person, thinking the feelings are mutual and everything is progressing, then get blind-sided by a rejection. It's kind of ironic that putting in the least amount of effort and acting like you don't want anything serious (and even acting like a jerk) is the best way to get them to do the opposite!

But you are right, casual in the beginning with no expectations really is the best way to go these days. Can't keep investing in people when you have no idea if they feel the same way.

But the thing is whenever I’ve tried to act like that and not invest and all, that’s why they claim they lost interest in me after awhile. Maybe they’re lying but I’ve had several women tell me that so it must be something to it. Acting like sociopathic Chad just isn’t my game, it’s never been. I think the other thing is the women who are pretending to like you are acting like all the girls did that you dated in the past, but now it’s hard to tell who’s legit and who’s faking it. You don’t know they’re faking it until they start acting weird out of nowhere. The even more confusing thing is the same women have been in relationships, long term ones, so what did those other guys do so different than you did?

 

[Francis]

But the thing is whenever I’ve tried to act like that and not invest and all, that’s why they claim they lost interest in me after awhile. Maybe they’re lying but I’ve had several women tell me that so it must be something to it. Acting like sociopathic Chad just isn’t my game, it’s never been. I think the other thing is the women who are pretending to like you are acting like all the girls did that you dated in the past, but now it’s hard to tell who’s legit and who’s faking it. You don’t know they’re faking it until they start acting weird out of nowhere.

I agree, it's tough out there. You have to be able to deal with a lot of BS and just push through it without letting all the baggage get in the way. There's a lot of bad apples and it's easy to get bitter. I try to view and treat every new person as a clean slate, even outside of dating. After a while you start recognize red flags and time wasters more clearly.

Otherwise, if you go in bitter and angry, you take a lot of crap out on people who don't deserve it and may even be good for you, and end up turning them off anyway.

 

[corrector]

I dont wanna give up but its tough out there

At least you are not divorce-raped. There are worst types of rejection out there. I don't think your case is that bad compared to what is out there.

 

[Robert28]

I agree, it's tough out there. You have to be able to deal with a lot of BS and just push through it without letting all the baggage get in the way. There's a lot of bad apples and it's easy to get bitter. I try to view and treat every new person as a clean slate, even outside of dating. After a while you start recognize red flags and time wasters more clearly.

Otherwise, if you go in bitter and angry, you take a lot of crap out on people who don't deserve it and may even be good for you, and end up turning them off anyway.

Honestly I just stick to meeting girls naturally in person. I’ll meet less girls compared to online dating but my mental health is MUCH better doing that. Out of all my relationships not a one has ever been from online dating or Facebook. They all came from social circle and randomly meeting women over time.

the weird thing is online women tell me I’m shy and quiet in person when they meet me but women I meet in person have never told me that.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Unfortunetly we all get slapped with rejection from women. You have to try and keep in mind what one girl thinks dosnt make it law. There are billions of women, If we all got along yes it would be paradise but we arn’t wired that way.

Start focusing on self improvement, you are in your early 20s so it's a very good time. Hit the gym if you haven't already.

Start checking out the wealth section of this forum as well.

 

[Francis]

Unfortunetly we all get slapped with rejection from women. You have to try and keep in mind what one girl thinks dosnt make it law. There are billions of women, If we all got along yes it would be paradise but we arn’t wired that way.

Agreed. I remember talking to a good friend years ago about the problems I was having with women at the time. (For reference, when we were in our late teens, he was banging a lot of women.) He basically told me "you win some, you lose some". And it's true. He approached and flirted with a LOT of women, which is something I witnessed from everyone who was good at the game. They were assertive and went for it with no care about the results.

In all honesty, they dealt with the same crap everyone else does. They just didn't get as invested and got out as soon as they got laid. And they were not afraid to be sexual right from the beginning.

 

[DonBud94]

Chin up and on to the next. One is bound to say yes but for that you have to keep going.