How do you date when you absolutely ****ing hate yourself?

[Firecrotch66]

I only have negative thoughts and I don't like me at all. I don't see why people like being around me. I'm not who I thought I was going to be and sure I can work on it its just not, me. I don't know who I am to be honest. Or what I want. I feel like I used to know now it's just nothing matters.

 

[SW15]

You're going to want to resolve some of those issues. This is one of those times where taking a break from dating for a bit to do some psychotherapy makes a lot of sense.

 

[Poonstra]

I agree with the poster above me. When in a mindset like this you are not gonna attract someone who is worth your time. The one you'll attact are just gonna bring more negativity in your life. Concentrate on finding yourself and what you want/desire in life, reading you post I get the feeling you're not happy with your (social) position. Work on that first. Remember, women are the cherry on top of the ice cream, not the desert itself.

 

[nicksaiz65]

I feel like this issue is so important. I’m working on it still too. Self improvement helped me a ton in raising my Self Esteem.

 

[RickTheToad]

I only have negative thoughts and I don't like me at all. I don't see why people like being around me. I'm not who I thought I was going to be and sure I can work on it its just not, me. I don't know who I am to be honest. Or what I want. I feel like I used to know now it's just nothing matters.

Work on your self respect dude. If you do not respect yourself, how do you expect anyone else to?

 

[cola]

6 months of monk mode bro.

6 days a week in gym that’s weights and cardio each session
Read a book a week
Meditate
You can masturbate but no porn.
Minimal spending. Buy nothing but necessities which is really just food, gas money for work and housing.

TV on weekends only.

No hanging out with friends .. solitude.

Trust me you need this.

 

[Plinco]

I only have negative thoughts and I don't like me at all. I don't see why people like being around me. I'm not who I thought I was going to be and sure I can work on it its just not, me. I don't know who I am to be honest. Or what I want. I feel like I used to know now it's just nothing matters.

Do a lot of writing. Write down your thoughts and read it back to yourself. I don't know if that will help, but it's what I would do in a similar situation.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I think a lot of young men lacking father figures are in this position today and it's a hard thing to get people to care about, it is really messed up, if your not a woman or LGBTQ you basically don't exist until you go see professional help and then it's finding the right professional because it's rare to just settle on your first experience, you need to find the right professional on a personal level and some people never do.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

I only have negative thoughts and I don't like me at all. I don't see why people like being around me. I'm not who I thought I was going to be and sure I can work on it its just not, me. I don't know who I am to be honest. Or what I want. I feel like I used to know now it's just nothing matters.

Thought this warranted making a video response (no advertising of any kind in the video per SoSuave rules):

 

[metalwater]

heavy lifting-
running sprints-

and

practice and implement the technique described in the book "the power of now" at first will seem silly, just try it out for a week, it's a short read. when you clear your mind small joy can lead to large joy. being happy with small things changes the internal vibe, like a light switch but one with a dimmer. the more you learn to like the simple things will cause the world to brighten.

if you have nothing better to do already give it a try. I guarantee it works for some/many.

do the things I suggest and also know that time will take care of some of it. just keep showing up and doing things, time has a way of changing things. almost everyone has been there at one time or another.

 

[B80]

I only have negative thoughts and I don't like me at all. I don't see why people like being around me. I'm not who I thought I was going to be and sure I can work on it its just not, me. I don't know who I am to be honest. Or what I want. I feel like I used to know now it's just nothing matters.

I'd recommend removing anything that can alter how you see the world. So no alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, junk food, even cafeinne if it makes you anxious etc. Eat 'clean' food, exercise regularly and as hard as it is, just let yourself be, don;t be harsh on yourself, judgmental etc. You should observe a gradual change as your thoughts, mind naturally becomes clearer and more positive. Don;t spend time with anyone that causes you doubt or anxiety.

If after a couple of months of clean living you still feel negative, may need professional help, but I wouldn';t go down that route until you;ve established a good base line with nothing that could contribute to negativity.

This is whats helped me in the past when I;ve been down about things, albeit not sure I'd ever diagnose myself as having depression at any point. Followed above when going through divorce from partner of 12 years with a 1.5 year old child. Don't think it would have gone as relatively smoothly if I wasn;t as disciplined.

 

[Grounded eagle]

I only have negative thoughts and I don't like me at all. I don't see why people like being around me. I'm not who I thought I was going to be and sure I can work on it its just not, me. I don't know who I am to be honest. Or what I want. I feel like I used to know now it's just nothing matters.

Been there.First order of business,figure that **** out,because you can’t date with it. You might get into relationships,but they will neither last nor be rewarding,and then you’ll be left with regrets,which in turn will further fuel the ****ty feeling you have about yourself,and the cycle just repeats itself,perpetuating your problem.Your profile says you’re 23.If that’s true,then you have time.More than you realize.But you are at a make or break stage where you cannot afford to waste anymore of it.If you want answers,find a purpose,dedicate yourself entirely to that purpose,it will become your true north, and everything will sort itself out.Everything else goes on the back burner for now, and that includes dating.You’re in no shape for it anyway.

 

[rjc149]

I would look into Talkspace, or if you have health insurance, book a few sessions with a professional who is covered under your plan. It’s possible you’re in a low point in life, or it’s possible you suffer from depression. You provided no background so I can’t say.

If you smoke weed or use any drugs, STOP IMMEDIATELY.

I would not drink any alcohol either, it chemically imbalances your hormones and mental health.

Exercise, especially cardio, is a very powerful antidepressant.

 

[africanbadboy]

6 months of monk mode bro.

I FELT THIS MAN

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

How do you date when you absolutely ****ing hate yourself…
How is this a question? You DON’T. Nobody wants to date someone in that kind of situation, and what you need right now isn’t a partner (unless you already have one, in which case you should spend some time with them if that feels right but not too much).

 

[Epimanes]

You can't be happy for anyone else... if your not happy with yourself.... you will need to work on it. Whatever that looks like to you. Women smell that **** a mile away.

You can't rely on someone else for your happiness... that's too much to put in someone.

 

[Roober]

You've lost gratitude for the basics in life.

Try 20 hour fasts
Try eliminating all water intake for a day
Try living outside in a tent for a week

Push your mind or body to your limits, and you will begin to appreciate the basics like a roof over your head and food in your belly.

 

[Serenity]

Answering the title, you don't.

You can't receive love and much less give love if you can't even love yourself. The people you meet probably don't hate you right away and they might even like you as long as there's some distance between you. Dating is different because people seek intimacy and to reduce that distance, so sooner or later the fact that you hate yourself will definitely affect the relationship.

There is no point in dating for as long as you do not love yourself, it will just be a frustrating waste of time ending in disappointment and pain every single time.

You should focus on yourself and find a way to love yourself before even considering dating. You may have to completely redefine yourself, it's not going to be easy and it will get a lot worse before it gets better. It is possible though, I have done it, but I hit rock bottom before I was able to rise up from it. I imagine many people just don't have the strength to go through with it though.

 

[bat soup]

I only have negative thoughts and I don't like me at all. I don't see why people like being around me. I'm not who I thought I was going to be and sure I can work on it its just not, me. I don't know who I am to be honest. Or what I want. I feel like I used to know now it's just nothing matters.

The good news is that if you can find a woman that hates you, then at least the two of you will have something in common.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Answering the title, you don't.

You can't receive love and much less give love if you can't even love yourself. The people you meet probably don't hate you right away and they might even like you as long as there's some distance between you. Dating is different because people seek intimacy and to reduce that distance, so sooner or later the fact that you hate yourself will definitely affect the relationship.

There is no point in dating for as long as you do not love yourself, it will just be a frustrating waste of time ending in disappointment and pain every single time.

You should focus on yourself and find a way to love yourself before even considering dating. You may have to completely redefine yourself, it's not going to be easy and it will get a lot worse before it gets better. It is possible though, I have done it, but I hit rock bottom before I was able to rise up from it. I imagine many people just don't have the strength to go through with it though.

Narcissist self view believes that it can't give love and perform loving actions if you don't love yourself. But there are plenty of people who don't take that good care of themselves who share love and loving actions with others more than they do so for themselves.