Finding a woman who shares your #1 passion and initially seeing her participate in it

[oc16]

I think this is key in having that initial spark that can lead to a LTR. It has to be your passion, which is usually something that you've liked or been into since you were a child or as far back as you can remember. It can't just be something you "like" or don't mind doing.

For example, I am into fitness since I like to look good and feel good. However, I am not at all passionate about it where I like studying technique, or into reading books on nutrition or anatomy, etc. I never took any anatomy, nutrition classes in school either.

However, I am very into history. I was a history major in college. I have gone on historical tours in Europe, read non-fiction all the time (usually history related). I will take and pay for classes at community colleges when offered and tour historical houses/properties when I can.

Two days ago I was in Lancaster County , PA touring a historical home that was over 200 years old. The guide was a female who was a volunteer and was passionate about she was doing. Now in my case, most people who like history or are guides/curators are men or female senior citizens. I found it interesting and I was very intrigued that this woman within my age range ( I am 44) was doing this. I don't live close by to this woman and I think she married, but I have not been able to get her out my head ever since.

This woman was not hot or beautiful but she was still cute (6.5-7) and she looked anywhere from late 30's to mid 40's. Normally, I am hung up on age where I am closed minded and want a LTR to be at least 7+ years younger. I was smitten with her even though she wasn't hot per se or in my desired age range. If I would of saw this same woman walking around the mall, it would not have made the same impression.

So, we all have a number #1 passion, and meeting a person (not online) who shares in that is huge for that initial attraction burst.

Some other examples:

Surfing (you've loved it since you were a kid and still do it)
Drawing/Painting
WWE wrestling---No joke---a friend of a friend was really into WWE stuff and found a woman that was also into it.
Music-Piano is your passion
Tattoo design
Foreign Languages--You've been into learning languages since you were growing up

You get the picture.

 

[oc16]

I think you are talking about "social circle" wherein woman and men are sharing an activity and you see them on the regular.

I agree, that is the best way to meet someone.

I wasn't referring to social circle per se, but I see what you mean.

Also, I read most people meet people through their social circle. You might not meet a woman through your best friend. However, his other friend has a girlfriend who is friends with another girl. I met somebody like that once.

I think social circle and work are your best bet. Online dating and bars/clubs not very good.

 

[Zimbabwe]

When you two share passions it's a lot easier to get along with them, people say opposites attract but it's a lot harder to connect when you have nothing in common.

I'm really into art and i always love finding people who share that passion, I can talk about it for hours and it's always good to learn new things from them.

I've got other more specific and niche passions and it's always surprising to find women in them like i really enjoy Real Time Strategy video games/Geopolitics and it's so rare to find a woman who enjoys that

 

[Bokanovsky]

I've never dated women that I shared passions with. Most of the stuff I'm into is "guy stuff" that feminine, attractive women generally aren't interested in. I do also have interests that are not, strictly speaking, "guy stuff" (i.e. history and philosophy), but I've never met women that I could have a deep intellectual conversation on those subjects. I also find that trying to have deep intellectual conversations women is generally counterproductive and a mood killer.

 

[SW15]

That would be ideal, but few women play tennis at my level. Tennis is one of the more female friendly sports and it's still difficult to meet women through tennis.

Volleyball and soccer are better options as sports for meeting women.

 

[oc16]

That would be ideal, but few women play tennis at my level. Tennis is one of the more female friendly sports and it's still difficult to meet women through tennis.

Volleyball and soccer are better options as sports for meeting women.

Yeah, I would think there are plenty of women playing tennis (more than men) Ever consider being some kind of coach? Now, most volley ball chicks seem intense.

 

[metalwater]

You mean like some sort of "checklist"?

I always end up falling hard for the guy with nothing on my checklist.

I no longer believe in checklists, assuming that is what you meant.

I go by our energy, how we vibe. Yeah it's great if we have commonalities but if not, we can introduce each other to new interests or new ways of approaching things -- approaching life and relationships.

I am not sure if men and women are different in this regard, but perhaps they are.

chemistry. has nothing to do with the checklist. has everything to do with if your body tells your feelings that they are hot. generally works the same way for both men and women.

the bad boy almost never has anything from the checklist... except perhaps size and looks... even then the looks are probably different than the checklist.

men are a little more honest in the checklist.

a checklist is worth only 5% while chemistry is 95%.

better to teach a hobby to a willing student than debate it with an expert that doesn't listen...

 

[SW15]

Yeah, I would think there are plenty of women playing tennis (more than men) Ever consider being some kind of coach? Now, most volley ball chicks seem intense.

There are far more male tennis players than female ones. If you ever go to a public court, observe who is playing. There will be more men than women. You will rarely see 2 women under 40 playing a singles match. When women under 40 play tennis, it is often with a boyfriend, husband, or brother.

Similar things happen at private clubs except for more doubles play with women 40-65. A private tennis club is a good place for an older guy to pick up some attractive 40 something divorcee.

There are more younger women playing volleyball, especially outdoor volleyball (typically sand). Way more 20s/30s women play volleyball. Women who played volleyball in high school and college are semi intense. As a tennis player, I've been good at serving in volleyball because it is the same motion. The other parts of volleyball are more difficult for me. I'm also only 5'10", which is around the same height as the good female volleyball players.

 

[metalwater]

Dude, Apex Mindset put out a pretty cool video that covers this in great detail. Highly recommend.

This dude is smart as hell.

The conclusion is this. You don't need a high SMV. You don't need to fulfill a checklist of what women want. All you need is Game and an ability to manipulate female emotions. That's all it is. Dangerous knowledge here.

it is more difficult from ground zero to learn EFFECTIVE game than to increase SMV. SMV can be adjusted with well-known formulas and effort. Game requires mental abilities not common to all, and an internal vibe that is in tune for this purpose.

what we try to figure out is how to transplant game into another man who does not have it. we know how to increase his SMV. many many questions in this forum asking "how to game". never seen a good instruction yet only telling its needed and to do it. but ask how to lift or earn or look better and we can get very detailed and correct answers, we know-how.

we can't seem to reliably teach game. if we could we would not have guys stuck for years. I can tell the basics now, but I know it doesn't work if the mindset is wrong. I can feel the right mindset but have no idea how to teach that as it comes from places and things that would take years to learn.

the key is the internal mindset. how to adjust it?

 

[metalwater]

Yup, it's your mutual energy, how well you vibe together. That's chemistry, literally.

Forget checklists and don't worry about another man being "better" than you.

When you're vibing and got that mutual energy/chemistry thing going on, that's all you need.

Unless she's a shallow, superficial golddigger wanting a beta provider, in that case, you probably wouldn't be vibing very well with her anyway.

Best to stay away from those types.

every woman AWALT, has a persona of golddigger and other personas. accessing those and knowing the others exist is key. as a woman you may or may not know that or believe it.

You're right about other men, if they are annoying removal is the answer as worry does not help. took me a long time to accept that. that is how it has been done forever by successful men. I used to believe in the idea of due unto others as we would like to be treated and also to sacrifice for others as goodness and strength is found in that. women do have a persona that behavior is effective for, all women. but that is only one of several personas, knowing about the others is important together with knowing that the behavior I just described will not get the desired results from the other persona's.

 

[metalwater]

Great question. How to teach Game to men?

I have this difficulty trying help guys to see it my way - most guys seem to get extremely triggered by it. But then I come across guys who "get it" and we can immediately have a conversation and laugh about it, compare notes, etc.

I think it's a case of this - it's easier to lie to someone than to convince someone that they have been fooled. Guys have too much ego invested in a false reality.

Maybe it is just a brain wiring thing. Not necessarily intelligence. I know some very very intelligent guys who just can't compute this stuff, but they are players when it comes to their careers, technical know-out. They can build computers and airplanes, but they can't build attraction with women.

Honestly, I don't know why I feel a need to help bluepills. It doesn't really help me, specifically, and I don't directly benefit from it. In fact the more bluepills there are, the better it is for me.

Maybe it's because I used to be bluepill myself?

it is triggering, but many of the things I have and do are only sci-fi dreams of the past.

so how does a rewire occur? it might not be possible... the key difference I see is greed, but that also is a trigger word. it's the closest thing I can think of that fits when the vibe is set and working for this. and it is what others seem to tell.

do you actually know what it is that you do to adjust your mindset and is it on purpose or something that occurs predictably but for reasons outside?

perhaps you feel some accomplishment if another can be unblocked. a sense of purpose with a higher moral feeling. I guess you are in a better position to have a theory about why you would do that than anyone else. or maybe it's funny to watch rats run the maze, who knows.

 

[metalwater]

I could go on and on. You get the drift. This is basically how I became RedPilled on women. I just observed their behavior and noticed that the way they select men is totally different from how society says that women select men. Because I didn't have any bluepill ego investment in female nature, once it "clicked" I was able to rapidly adjust myself to the Game. For me, it was just like learning how to play a computer game. Once you learn the controls, and the movement etc, then you can play the Game. It was exactly like that for me. I didn't have any anger or resentment when I unplugged, I just felt a bit annoyed that Mitch knew all this stuff before I did

great story, and as you are an active poster it adds to the flavor of your posts. good stuff.

of course, manipulate emotions is the key. that makes sense. the reverse is true and we all work to not allow our own emotions to be manipulated by women or other men.

do you have a script or scripts that you follow?

what I get so far is:
- you're taller than average
- larger than average
- better looking than average
- better game than average
- failed or mostly failed until study diff between you and mitch(your mindset changed...)
- mindset without guilt or anger

so what is the Pan87 how-to guide? probably fits most situations and girls with a few adjustments for any and all.

I still don't get the mindset exactly, it might be inborn... and if so it is why men do all the work and are still stuck sometimes. Maybe it will be clear based on your how-to guide.

If your how-to guide is just like all the others, then it's the mindset.

 

[metalwater]

I can't imagine simping and failing and not learning. It confuses me.

thanks for your ideas.

They or we don't learn because of faith. Can't break faith because it's built on nothing but a dream and a wish. It will be defended into death even when it is proven wrong. I have a variety of religious teaching, I clearly remember Catholic catechism and how when I asked some really obvious questions, the honest answer was, "if you want to be one of us, you have to choose to believe this". That was forced cognitive dissidence. It's the same as what you think of as a blue pill mindset. Even when something can be clearly seen the faith will trump the logic. It has to because that is what faith is, a choice to defend a dream and hope. I have failed more than once, so a bit of an expert at how to not to do it.

Simping will get a provider position with someone, usually if only temporary. so it does work, to get something. Now, we know that something from simping is not a good deal but that doesn't stop the fact that it works. If it just never worked it would stop. Most simps (more than half of men) have never had a woman treat them as a lover, never.

A short time ago only my eyes are cleared, the abundance for me is crazy silly. My mindset changed, so I am trying to understand what that is. I can tell and explain to others pretty exactly how and what things work, as it's really clear now. I just did not certain of the mindset change that occurred and I know that's the critical lynchpin. I don't usually tell something unless I am really sure, so am adding your ideas to make it more clear.

seems it's really a clown world after all.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I disagree with the OP. She doesn’t have to share your passion; she just has to support it. Her support is a function of interest level and upbringing.

 

[oc16]

I disagree with the OP. She doesn’t have to share your passion; she just has to support it. Her support is a function of interest level and upbringing.

Yes, good point

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I think this is key in having that initial spark that can lead to a LTR. It has to be your passion, which is usually something that you've liked or been into since you were a child or as far back as you can remember. It can't just be something you "like" or don't mind doing.

For example, I am into fitness since I like to look good and feel good. However, I am not at all passionate about it where I like studying technique, or into reading books on nutrition or anatomy, etc. I never took any anatomy, nutrition classes in school either.

However, I am very into history. I was a history major in college. I have gone on historical tours in Europe, read non-fiction all the time (usually history related). I will take and pay for classes at community colleges when offered and tour historical houses/properties when I can.

Two days ago I was in Lancaster County , PA touring a historical home that was over 200 years old. The guide was a female who was a volunteer and was passionate about she was doing. Now in my case, most people who like history or are guides/curators are men or female senior citizens. I found it interesting and I was very intrigued that this woman within my age range ( I am 44) was doing this. I don't live close by to this woman and I think she married, but I have not been able to get her out my head ever since.

This woman was not hot or beautiful but she was still cute (6.5-7) and she looked anywhere from late 30's to mid 40's. Normally, I am hung up on age where I am closed minded and want a LTR to be at least 7+ years younger. I was smitten with her even though she wasn't hot per se or in my desired age range. If I would of saw this same woman walking around the mall, it would not have made the same impression.

So, we all have a number #1 passion, and meeting a person (not online) who shares in that is huge for that initial attraction burst.

Some other examples:

Surfing (you've loved it since you were a kid and still do it)
Drawing/Painting
WWE wrestling---No joke---a friend of a friend was really into WWE stuff and found a woman that was also into it.
Music-Piano is your passion
Tattoo design
Foreign Languages--You've been into learning languages since you were growing up

You get the picture.

Yes, in an ideal world (one where there is no OLD) and people interact with each other in a natural way, the best way to increase your chances of compatibility and long-term relationship with someone is to be on the same life wavelength.

We are creatures driven by energy. Whatever fulfills you and makes you feel alive is what drives your life force. If someone is on that same wavelength, you will attract each other naturally; it will be an organic and smooth relationship.

I always advise the men I coach to simply forget about women and stop chasing. Do whatever makes you feel alive and fulfilled, whatever that is. Let your purpose guide you through life, anything else is a distraction. Eventually, the more you learn about yourself and live on that wavelength, it is inevitable to cross paths with someone that can complement that path. She will be presented in some way or another, however, it will be your job to recognize it and take action. Things just don't fall onto your plate.

Modern Man Advice

 

[mrskinnypantz]

It might be inborn.

I noticed from a very early age that things I was being told by adults just weren't "adding up" in my mind. The stuff adults were telling me just didn't feel right and my brain just switched off to it, so I avoided a lot of the bluepill conditioning that sets men up for failure. I always had this sense that I was being lied to, innately. It caused me problems in school because I saw school as a total joke and I felt I was there to be controlled rather than to learn. I wanted to be out in the forest, playing with my friends.

So I had the foundations of the Redpill from birth. I was always anti-authority. I hated being told what to do.

But I was totally clueless about female nature.

This is what really woke me up. In school, I was considered the best looking guy. I don't mean this as a brag, it's just a fact. It was widely known and stated by everyone at the time. I remember I used to walk across the playground and girls would just stare at me with their mouths open. It was an incredibly powerful feeling and it fed my narcissism like hell.

Girls would approach me all the time and ask me to date them, but I was quite shy. I didn't know how to deal with all the attention. Keep in mind also that this was in the pre-social media days so girls were much more sheltered. Being the hottest guy at your school was a big deal back then, because chicks were not getting instagram validation and their pool of guys was much smaller.

Now here's where it got interesting for me. Even though I was considered the hottest guy at my school, I was not actually banging any of these girls because I just didn't know what I was doing, and the idea of sex actually made me feel a bit anxious. I was worried about being crap in bed and everyone finding out about it. I knew I was popular, but I feared being exposed as being quite unsure of myself sexually. Girls would touch my c0ck through my pants at house parties and I'd feel the pressure to perform. Sexually aggressive girls who wanted my c0ck actually put me on the backfoot initially. Luckily I have a big c0ck so I was able to disguise and relieve my sexual anxiety through that. Even flaccid it was still impressive for girls at the time so I'd get lots of compliments about it (protip - Size Matters!). I remember other guys at school were exposed as having small c0cks (at house parties) and they were basically permanently shamed out of the dating game. This is relevant because, even though I was anxious about sex, getting c0ck compliments took some of the sting and shame out of it.

The guy at my school who WAS banging all the girl was a boy called Mitch. He had a face full of acne and a potato nose.....but he was a badass. He just "got it". He knew what women wanted and he knew how to manipulate their emotions. You might have a similar example of a guy at your school. I think all schools have a "Mitch".

I found Mitch's success really disturbing at the time. Why were these Ho's sleeping with him? He was an ugly degenerate. It took some time for me to figure out what was going on. I had a very basic notion of how women selected men, and I thought it was purely based on looks (I was projecting, because I only cared about looks. I didn't understand what women were truly attracted to).

I could go on and on. You get the drift. This is basically how I became RedPilled on women. I just observed their behavior and noticed that the way they select men is totally different from how society says that women select men. Because I didn't have any bluepill ego investment in female nature, once it "clicked" I was able to rapidly adjust myself to the Game. For me, it was just like learning how to play a computer game. Once you learn the controls, and the movement etc, then you can play the Game. It was exactly like that for me. I didn't have any anger or resentment when I unplugged, I just felt a bit annoyed that Mitch knew all this stuff before I did

I had a similar experience growing up
I was “handsome” but not the best looking guy( I knew a few of those and no matter where they went they had pvssy waiting for them)i had a lot of pvssy thrown at me and then I would just
Leave it on the table , I was painfully shy and I was afraid of making mistakes with women and being looked at as a fvck up. I was very fearful of being shamed. Or being “exposed”
Unfortunately I never learned the “ controls “ of the game.

The “Mitch” in my game was a fat pimpled face short asian dude at work named “Irwin”
He was by no means a chad in any sense of the word but he was very rude and aggressive, always seemed to be in a bad mood
women seemed to like that side of him
He could have fvcked any girl in that warehouse.
I was just sitting here thinking that there are “Irwin” clones everywhere and running away is not the answer , the problem is actually me not putting in the work and relying on my looks only. As crutches .

it’s time to learn the “ controls “ to this game now or never .
If not , “irwin” and “Mitch” will take over and there will be nothing left

 

[mrskinnypantz]

putting aside all emotions, self-doubt, male self loathing (we men love to hate on ourselves). All that sh1t needs to go.

Amen bruv
No more self loathing , men can adapt and Change if they choose to.