Slut laments that she had slutted around

[MatureDJ]

I’ve Had Lots of Sex Through My 20s. I Just Hit My First Big Consequence—and I’m Weirdly Devastated.

This caught me by surprise.

slate.com

(NOTE: I shall use standard text as quoted text gets mostly hidden.)

I’m a mid-20s woman who mostly has sex with men. I’m not one for relationships, and prefer regular and casual hookups. I’ve always been pretty sex positive and adventurous, but always use protection, ask my partners if they’re clean, and get tested regularly. A few weeks ago, a guy I had gone on a date with and hooked up with five days prior texted me that he had been notified by a previous partner that he had been exposed to STIs, and that he had just received positive results for two STIs—both of which are common and completely curable through antibiotics. I was able to get a doctor’s appointment later that same day, and the doctor started me with a week of antibiotics for both of the infections before even getting my results back, cautioning that since I had been exposed so recently, neither would show up on a test yet if I’d gotten them and it would be better to just proactively treat them instead of waiting a few weeks to see if they’d appear on a test. I finished both rounds of antibiotics, and am waiting another week to get tested again to make sure all is clear.

Logically, I understand that this is kind of the best-case scenario for an STI diagnosis. I was notified within days of exposure, never dealt with any symptoms, hadn’t had any partners since this guy and thus didn’t have to notify anyone else that they’d been exposed, and got treatment immediately. I’m so grateful for all of this, and do not take for granted that both of these infections are completely curable and that I was able to access medical treatment quickly—both things that so many people are not lucky enough to encounter.

Practically, though, I feel humiliated. I didn’t expect this reaction in myself, and am almost embarrassed to even say that I’m feeling this way. I’ve always been such a cheerleader for sexual health, encouraging all those around me to get tested regularly and take charge of their own sex lives. I also realize that being a nonmonogamous person who has regular sex means that STIs are a real concern, and shouldn’t be brushed off. Honestly, I’ve been sexually active over a decade and have not always been proactive about getting tested—something I’ve never had to face consequences for until now. In terms of karma, this is just a slap on the wrist and a harsh reminder to keep sexual health front of mind, I suppose. I just can’t seem to shake this feeling of dirtiness and frustration. I keep reminding myself that I did everything right: I asked this guy about his status, he told me he’d recently been tested and everything was negative (now I realize how loosely some people use the term “recently”), and we used protection. Even when reasonable precautions are taken, this kind of stuff happens. I know that, and I keep reminding myself of that, and yet I’m just sitting here hating myself for “letting” this happen to me. As some of my regular flames continue to text me and ask to meet up, I can’t shake the paranoia that I could get an STI from them too. Fool me once, I guess. How can I shake this ridiculous shame and self-stigmatization, and how can I (once I’ve gotten the medical all clear) return to having a satisfying and varied sex life without constantly fearing another exposure? I feel like this has scared me so much that I’ll be abstinent forever out of caution.


—Scared Celibate

 

[B80]

Sounds like she's upset at getting the STI and now having some kind of mental issue about sleeping with others, not actually regretting 'slutting' around as such.

 

[Robert28]

Oh she’s got regrets alright. She regrets all those years of slutting around never landed her a Chad long term. That’s the regret.

 

[Fruitbat]

She just seems to be doing the same thing the entire point of this forum is. She has plates. You should be applauding it, these girls are perfect for a lot of the guys on here.

Or is it just getting women who want more and then double crossing pump and dump and leaving them upset that has merit?

Playing devils advocate but you get me

 

[SargeMaximus]

Oh she’s got regrets alright. She regrets all those years of slutting around never landed her a Chad long term. That’s the regret.

I’m not seeing that narrative in what was written

 

[SW15]

Sounds like she's upset at getting the STI and now having some kind of mental issue about sleeping with others, not actually regretting 'slutting' around as such.

That's how I read it as well. She's enjoyed riding the carousel more than she hasn't enjoyed it. Let's see if she can change her behavior. I don't see that happening. I can't see monogamy working well for her long term.

 

[PRW63]

I’m not seeing that narrative in what was written

I'm not seeing it in any of the responses....like they all just didn't quite "get it". To really grasp it you have to put yourself in that person's shoes in an emphatic way as if it was yourself rather than an observer.

It sounds more like she is moving in to the realization of the vanity, wastefulness, and pointlessness of it all. It is like King Solomon who had 700 wives and 300 concubines. He wrote a large sections on vanity that became part of the Bible in Proverbs. Even among non-Christians they are widely known of and may get loosely quoted among people.

 

[jaymbrs]

@B80 nailed it. Misleading title.

 

[SargeMaximus]

I'm not seeing it in any of the responses....like they all just didn't quite "get it". To really grasp it you have to put yourself in that person's shoes in an emphatic way as if it was yourself rather than an observer.

It sounds more like she is moving in to the realization of the vanity, wastefulness, and pointlessness of it all. It is like King Solomon who had 700 wives and 300 concubines. He wrote a large sections on vanity that became part of the Bible in Proverbs. Even among non-Christians they are widely known of and may get loosely quoted among people.

Yes I’ve read proverbs 3 times in my life. Still don’t see whatever you do

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Don't

I’ve Had Lots of Sex Through My 20s. I Just Hit My First Big Consequence—and I’m Weirdly Devastated.

This caught me by surprise.

slate.com

(NOTE: I shall use standard text as quoted text gets mostly hidden.)

I’m a mid-20s woman who mostly has sex with men. I’m not one for relationships, and prefer regular and casual hookups. I’ve always been pretty sex positive and adventurous, but always use protection, ask my partners if they’re clean, and get tested regularly. A few weeks ago, a guy I had gone on a date with and hooked up with five days prior texted me that he had been notified by a previous partner that he had been exposed to STIs, and that he had just received positive results for two STIs—both of which are common and completely curable through antibiotics. I was able to get a doctor’s appointment later that same day, and the doctor started me with a week of antibiotics for both of the infections before even getting my results back, cautioning that since I had been exposed so recently, neither would show up on a test yet if I’d gotten them and it would be better to just proactively treat them instead of waiting a few weeks to see if they’d appear on a test. I finished both rounds of antibiotics, and am waiting another week to get tested again to make sure all is clear.

Logically, I understand that this is kind of the best-case scenario for an STI diagnosis. I was notified within days of exposure, never dealt with any symptoms, hadn’t had any partners since this guy and thus didn’t have to notify anyone else that they’d been exposed, and got treatment immediately. I’m so grateful for all of this, and do not take for granted that both of these infections are completely curable and that I was able to access medical treatment quickly—both things that so many people are not lucky enough to encounter.

Practically, though, I feel humiliated. I didn’t expect this reaction in myself, and am almost embarrassed to even say that I’m feeling this way. I’ve always been such a cheerleader for sexual health, encouraging all those around me to get tested regularly and take charge of their own sex lives. I also realize that being a nonmonogamous person who has regular sex means that STIs are a real concern, and shouldn’t be brushed off. Honestly, I’ve been sexually active over a decade and have not always been proactive about getting tested—something I’ve never had to face consequences for until now. In terms of karma, this is just a slap on the wrist and a harsh reminder to keep sexual health front of mind, I suppose. I just can’t seem to shake this feeling of dirtiness and frustration. I keep reminding myself that I did everything right: I asked this guy about his status, he told me he’d recently been tested and everything was negative (now I realize how loosely some people use the term “recently”), and we used protection. Even when reasonable precautions are taken, this kind of stuff happens. I know that, and I keep reminding myself of that, and yet I’m just sitting here hating myself for “letting” this happen to me. As some of my regular flames continue to text me and ask to meet up, I can’t shake the paranoia that I could get an STI from them too. Fool me once, I guess. How can I shake this ridiculous shame and self-stigmatization, and how can I (once I’ve gotten the medical all clear) return to having a satisfying and varied sex life without constantly fearing another exposure? I feel like this has scared me so much that I’ll be abstinent forever out of caution.


—Scared Celibate

Don't most women have a "free and wild" phase? Like @B80 said, she is only regretting because she is now what society would consider as "defective".

Modern Man Advice

 

[bat soup]

Personally I think she deserves a medal.

 

[PRW63]

Yes I’ve read proverbs 3 times in my life. Still don’t see whatever you do

It ain't hard to "google" it.