To all the DJs here. I am looking for a perspective.
Here is how things went:
I was a typical friend-zone person. Met a girl 12 years ago (let us call her “Susan”), liked her but did not had the guts to say anything so became best friends with her but eventually I moved on towards other women because I was not ‘good enough’.
We were strong and have been there for each other. However in 2019, somehow, I realised I wanted to be with her in but knew I am knee deep in the friend-zone so had to get out.
Worked on myself, lost weight, did therapy, worked in my confidence and made a lot of resolution with my old self. On April 2020, I told her how I felt about her but she said no because she did not see me that way. It was disappointing at that time but I smiled and said ok and moved on but maintained our friendship.
Started dating another woman only to realise that she was what we would describe a ‘damsel in distress’. That made me wonder about my own psyche as like-minded people attract each other. Had to go through another intense therapy to identify why I was attracted to that woman and realised my own insecurities and traumas that were not healed. Mostly - I realised I was not in touch with my own masculine prowess.
As time flew, I kept working on my psyche. Susan came to visit my city in Asia (we live geographically apart due to our jobs) back in December 2020. We spent a good amount of time together - lunch, dinner, errands, night outs, car karaoke, long drives… We had fun. When she left, I had this intense feeling that something is different. And this feeling was mutual as her behaviour changed as well.
I sat down - meditated, over-thought, wrote and felt every emotion for 7 months. This time - I rationally thought of the situation. I looked at the differences we had and the similarities. In these 7 months, I wanted to be sure what is it that I want and had to rationalise myself before taking a step.
Susan visited my city again in July 2021. We had the same vibe where we left off. However, I made myself clear that I need to tell her how I felt so that I may find my closure.
On our last day together, after a thorough built, I proposed to her. She had the same answer - She did not feel anything for me, I am her best friend and other reasons. To this I replied that since she has rejected me for the second time, I need to leave. I did not say that I need to leave because I need to get over her but gave an ultimatum.
She was shocked and left.
I got a message later night that we cannot be together because we are two different individuals, with different family values and cultures. I told her that I have done my thinking and am aware of the differences therefore I am ready for what is to come and have my confidence. Told her further that if she needs further time, I will patiently wait for a final answer and am willing to discuss further.
A week later - she told me that she thought about us and cannot get pass the difference in our families and cultures. To this I replied that if the very intimacy is not present, there is no need to push a relationship therefore when I do not need reasons - therefore, why am I being given one and what is it that she wants?
Last night I got the reply that she wants us to be friends believes that we are incompatible so she ‘knows’ that she does not want to marry me.
To this, I replied that her decision will be respected but I will be staying firm with my own as well. She believes that this is a temporary phase and that she would wait for me to come back but I have made a firm decision and have told her that once I leave - there is no coming back.
That said - I have ended everything from my side.
From the above story - what is your perspective? Did I take things too far or did I take the right step? Further, it is evident that she is in a state of confusion herself so should I wait or move on?
Your answers would be much appreciated!
Here is how things went:
I was a typical friend-zone person. Met a girl 12 years ago (let us call her “Susan”), liked her but did not had the guts to say anything so became best friends with her but eventually I moved on towards other women because I was not ‘good enough’.
We were strong and have been there for each other. However in 2019, somehow, I realised I wanted to be with her in but knew I am knee deep in the friend-zone so had to get out.
Worked on myself, lost weight, did therapy, worked in my confidence and made a lot of resolution with my old self. On April 2020, I told her how I felt about her but she said no because she did not see me that way. It was disappointing at that time but I smiled and said ok and moved on but maintained our friendship.
Started dating another woman only to realise that she was what we would describe a ‘damsel in distress’. That made me wonder about my own psyche as like-minded people attract each other. Had to go through another intense therapy to identify why I was attracted to that woman and realised my own insecurities and traumas that were not healed. Mostly - I realised I was not in touch with my own masculine prowess.
As time flew, I kept working on my psyche. Susan came to visit my city in Asia (we live geographically apart due to our jobs) back in December 2020. We spent a good amount of time together - lunch, dinner, errands, night outs, car karaoke, long drives… We had fun. When she left, I had this intense feeling that something is different. And this feeling was mutual as her behaviour changed as well.
I sat down - meditated, over-thought, wrote and felt every emotion for 7 months. This time - I rationally thought of the situation. I looked at the differences we had and the similarities. In these 7 months, I wanted to be sure what is it that I want and had to rationalise myself before taking a step.
Susan visited my city again in July 2021. We had the same vibe where we left off. However, I made myself clear that I need to tell her how I felt so that I may find my closure.
On our last day together, after a thorough built, I proposed to her. She had the same answer - She did not feel anything for me, I am her best friend and other reasons. To this I replied that since she has rejected me for the second time, I need to leave. I did not say that I need to leave because I need to get over her but gave an ultimatum.
She was shocked and left.
I got a message later night that we cannot be together because we are two different individuals, with different family values and cultures. I told her that I have done my thinking and am aware of the differences therefore I am ready for what is to come and have my confidence. Told her further that if she needs further time, I will patiently wait for a final answer and am willing to discuss further.
A week later - she told me that she thought about us and cannot get pass the difference in our families and cultures. To this I replied that if the very intimacy is not present, there is no need to push a relationship therefore when I do not need reasons - therefore, why am I being given one and what is it that she wants?
Last night I got the reply that she wants us to be friends believes that we are incompatible so she ‘knows’ that she does not want to marry me.
To this, I replied that her decision will be respected but I will be staying firm with my own as well. She believes that this is a temporary phase and that she would wait for me to come back but I have made a firm decision and have told her that once I leave - there is no coming back.
That said - I have ended everything from my side.
From the above story - what is your perspective? Did I take things too far or did I take the right step? Further, it is evident that she is in a state of confusion herself so should I wait or move on?
Your answers would be much appreciated!
