Giving up single life too easily?

[BackInTheGame78]

Broke up from a long term relationship a few months ago.

Thought I'd try online dating mainly for a few casual hook ups. Been having great success with it.

The thing is I'm falling for a women I met on there that's turned out to be really compatible with me. Same relationship style , really comfortable and natural around each since day one, same views and interest, everything just seems to match.

She's fallen for me really hard and things are progressing quite rapidly between us.

I guess my concern is I haven't been single long and I was looking forward to rolling with single life. Basically I had two ****ing months of being single, free to sleep with whoever I wanted, and now I find myself in a new relationship (which just feels right).

Where I'm at now I'm just going to roll with whatever feels right and if it doesn't work out then I go back to being single (which was my original plan and what I was looking forward too doing).

Two ****ing months though!

What's the point of being single if you are with people you aren't as interested in or don't like?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't get what you're saying?

It's like I'm planning to marry her or stick a baby inside her.

If it carries on the way it's going it would typically go like this. In a relationship , living in different houses and jumping back and forth between houses.

See how things are. If things are working have her move in with me, I own my own home outright so that's always going to make sense.

Not interested in marriage.

I just don't get why I would wait two years before getting into a relationship?

I don't get what's wrong with bringing someone into your life, trying them on for size , get to know their true selves quite quickly and if it doesn't work out break up and no big deal and nothing lost.

Nothing wrong with it per se, it just typically becomes too intense and fizzles out quicker when it moves too fast.

It would be like trying to build a building super fast but not building a good foundation because it would take too long and you want to build upwards quickly.

Eventually with a poor foundation in place, the building collapses under it's own weight.

Think of a relationship like this. When you build it too fast, you lack a proper foundation and it will crumble much faster than if it had a good foundation.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So we haven't had chance to see each other for about 9 days . Being busy and logisticly it hasn't been possible. So we talked on the phone a bit and a few video calls.

Giving me hot and cold, but mostly been giving me cold the last few days and she's acting quite co cky about it. I've probably inflated her ego a bit while I was confused and trying to figure out what's up.

It honestly feels like she's started to play games. It just hasn't been feeling natural like it has been and she's been really cool up until recently.

I'm supposed to be spending the next four days with her starting from tomorrow. I've opened up some time for her which I could just as easily close.

I do know the games will stop once we are together and it will be cool. That's not the point though, it feels like she's played with me.

In hindsight I should have just checked out when she started these games, but I didn't.

Regardless. Although nothing major , it's given me doubts. Silly games aren't something I want in a girlfriend. So first doubts and a red flag (regardless if I did a crappy job dealing with it or not).

I don't even know if I want to hang out with her tomorrow. The way I'm feeling I could just as easily hang out at my sport's dog club, training dogs with my buddies instead of spending time with her.

Mabye I will flip a coin in the morning.

She hasn't exactly made her self that appealing.

Thoughts?

These are tests because she sensed that you like her more than you should 2 months in and she wants to see if you are needy and/or desperate.

You can't be mad at her for that in reality because you did it to yourself by your behaviors.

You pass these by being unaffected by them and going about your day. Why are you spending 4 straight days with a woman you've known for 2 months??

That has desperate/needy written all over it. You are giving her way too much of your time.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Slow it down dude. People wear masks to hide their true intensions. At minimum, you MUST give the female 2 years to see how things play out. Then, maybe six months to a year of living together / engagement to see how that works. Don't fvck around and be all lovey dovey.

Yea 100% not even just her, both parties are usually on best behaviour during the honeymoon phase

true demeanours are often suppressed in an attempt to connect

My EX gf was very unmotivated in life

i don't think i even noticed it for the first year

 

[Loki.7]

These are tests because she sensed that you like her more than you should 2 months in and she wants to see if you are needy and/or desperate.

You can't be mad at her for that in reality because you did it to yourself by your behaviors.

You pass these by being unaffected by them and going about your day. Why are you spending 4 straight days with a woman you've known for 2 months??

That has desperate/needy written all over it. You are giving her way too much of your time.

Yeah man and I've been failing these little tests. I suppose this ain't even about her and I need to have a look in the mirror as the way I've delbt with this is clearly a sign something is up.

Mabye it's snowballed too fast or it might be too soon for me to be going deeper..

I'm seeing it as a sign that I need to do a bit of self reflection and be honest with myself. After all if I were mentality in the right place these tests would have been irrelevant. Mabye I'm not ready for something after all.


We both have some free time. We live a couple of hours apart. So I was going to go to hers for a couple days. I have a trail at my club I want to go to at the weekend so we were going to travel back to mine to watch the trail over the weekend.

 

[2Rocky]

A few days together will give you a pretty good indication if the juice is worth the squeeze. I was going to suggest she attend the Trial with you. Any foot dragging, whining or anything less than full enthusiasm sets her up for a "Next" in my opinion if Birddog or retriever trials is your passion. After all there are women like this out there...

 

[KirthWGersen]

So

A few days together will give you a pretty good indication if the juice is worth the squeeze. I was going to suggest she attend the Trial with you. Any foot dragging, whining or anything less than full enthusiasm sets her up for a "Next" in my opinion if Birddog or retriever trials is your passion. After all there are women like this out there...

View attachment 6990 View attachment 6991

So, no pretty ones?

 

[rjc149]

A few days together will give you a pretty good indication if the juice is worth the squeeze. I was going to suggest she attend the Trial with you. Any foot dragging, whining or anything less than full enthusiasm sets her up for a "Next" in my opinion if Birddog or retriever trials is your passion. After all there are women like this out there...

View attachment 6990 View attachment 6991

Chick is pretty swole.

 

[Loki.7]

So I did end up hanging out with her. Actually had a few good days together.

Now that I'm back home the power dynamic seems to have been reset. She's back to the one chasing.

In reality I just needed to shut up and nut up, the whole power shift could have been easily avoided.

I just got into my own head , taken note and lesson learned.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

So we haven't had chance to see each other for about 9 days . Being busy and logisticly it hasn't been possible. So we talked on the phone a bit and a few video calls.

Giving me hot and cold, but mostly been giving me cold the last few days and she's acting quite co cky about it. I've probably inflated her ego a bit while I was confused and trying to figure out what's up.

It honestly feels like she's started to play games. It just hasn't been feeling natural like it has been and she's been really cool up until recently.

I'm supposed to be spending the next four days with her starting from tomorrow. I've opened up some time for her which I could just as easily close.

I do know the games will stop once we are together and it will be cool. That's not the point though, it feels like she's played with me.

In hindsight I should have just checked out when she started these games, but I didn't.

Regardless. Although nothing major , it's given me doubts. Silly games aren't something I want in a girlfriend. So first doubts and a red flag (regardless if I did a crappy job dealing with it or not).

I don't even know if I want to hang out with her tomorrow. The way I'm feeling I could just as easily hang out at my sport's dog club, training dogs with my buddies instead of spending time with her.

Mabye I will flip a coin in the morning.

She hasn't exactly made her self that appealing.

Thoughts?

Be single. Get options and then have them fight for you.

Women will claw out the eyes of every man women and child to get the alpha.

 

[Loki.7]

Be single. Get options and then have them fight for you.

Women will claw out the eyes of every man women and child to get the alpha.

Recently I've came to the realisation that I've been massively underestimating my value.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

being in a relationship is fine, just dont be stupid and move her in or marry her until you have dated at least 2 yrs. I always say you dont know what type woman you have until you have had a few fights with her. Marriage is out in my world but im old so it doesnt matter anymore.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Broke up from a long term relationship a few months ago.

Thought I'd try online dating mainly for a few casual hook ups. Been having great success with it.

The thing is I'm falling for a women I met on there that's turned out to be really compatible with me. Same relationship style , really comfortable and natural around each since day one, same views and interest, everything just seems to match.

She's fallen for me really hard and things are progressing quite rapidly between us.

I guess my concern is I haven't been single long and I was looking forward to rolling with single life. Basically I had two ****ing months of being single, free to sleep with whoever I wanted, and now I find myself in a new relationship (which just feels right).

Where I'm at now I'm just going to roll with whatever feels right and if it doesn't work out then I go back to being single (which was my original plan and what I was looking forward too doing).

Two ****ing months though!

Yea, I would tend to say if you click with someone and there is potential and there is a mutual effort then go for it. In your case, I do think it is important to take your time being single and enjoying being alone. There is something quite powerful about being alone. Something you only learn by being single.

However, since you seem to be compatible and having a good time just roll with what feels right.

Modern Man Advice

 

[mjb3617]

Yea, I would tend to say if you click with someone and there is potential and there is a mutual effort then go for it. In your case, I do think it is important to take your time being single and enjoying being alone. There is something quite powerful about being alone. Something you only learn by being single.

Modern Man Advice

I am enjoying being alone right now and learning to like it.

What's valuable to me right now is my peace and quiet. Working on myself and getting my mind harder.

I've been reading the book by David goggins "can't hurt me" and so far it's been a good read. There's a lot of good information in there on how to harden your mind and improve yourself.

I'm more interested in myself these days. However, if an opportunity to smash presents itself, I'm taking it.

 

[B80]

I am enjoying being alone right now and learning to like it.

What's valuable to me right now is my peace and quiet. Working on myself and getting my mind harder.

I've been reading the book by David goggins "can't hurt me" and so far it's been a good read. There's a lot of good information in there on how to harden your mind and improve yourself.

I'm more interested in myself these days. However, if an opportunity to smash presents itself, I'm taking it.

good book, motivational if nothing else. guy had to deal with a fair amount of sh1t.