How do people stay married/in relationships for a long time

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I almost lost my relationship because I lost frame and started to settle and I was able to wake up just in time before it’s too late. Now, I’m just going to act like I’m single and not listen to a damn thing she says anymore lol. However, I see simps in long term relationships and I don’t see their girls getting upset for settling lol.

 

[Juanto]

Many guys do stay married yes, but are they really happy?

 

[PRW63]

I almost lost my relationship because I lost frame and started to settle and I was able to wake up just in time before it’s too late. Now, I’m just going to act like I’m single and not listen to a damn thing she says anymore lol.

Dude. Sorry man, but if that is your interpretation and response you are already done. She just hasn't dumped yet, but she will.

Put down the PUA textbook on the floor and step away slowly.

Here we go with the Frame nonsense again. Frame is just the context of the situation and who is leading the interaction. It is a moment by moment thing. You will never always be the one in control 100% of the time. If you think you will be then you will just be an obsessive control freak and she will dump you for that.

However, I see simps in long term relationships and I don’t see their girls getting upset for settling lol.

Then maybe they aren't SIMPs and the problem is with your interpretation of them being a SIMP. There has been plenty of times my first impression of a guy was that he seemed "SIMP-ish" only to find out I was wrong when I got to know him better. I've also met guys who tried to be "alphas in their frame", only to find out later they were just full of crap, insecure, and not in control of anything.

 

[2Rocky]

The same way they stay in careers and with employers for 30 years. It is a mindset. Thinking long term and about the Team it's not wrong,...it is just different.

 

[PRW63]

The same way they stay in careers and with employers for 30 years. It is a mindset. Thinking long term and about the Team it's not wrong,...it is just different.

The people of the 1950's and on back were great examples of that. Men were manly, tough, faced a lot of hardships, but they married one woman, they stayed together, and never heard of the term "notch-count" or "body-count" unless they were talking about dead bodies in their time fighting in WW2. If they were to read half of what is on this forum (and others), then look at what is all over YouTube,...they would think humanity had lost it's collective mind. And I'd have to agree with them.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

However, I see simps in long term relationships and I don’t see their girls getting upset for settling lol.

Oh they get upset alright. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it isn't happening. Behind closed doors, they can cheat, then can have emotional affairs, they can belittle and command their partner - you aren't there to see any of that. Some women will berate their partner in the open while others will only do it behind closed doors and still others will be "ok" - sort of luke-warm to their partner (not mean but also not very sexual/lustful) while they then have the sexual or emotional affairs behind closed doors. You simply aren't seeing this.

I could write a ten page essay on all my friends relationships, including my own past blue-pilled marriage, that give example after example of this. In fact, I recently told the story here of a friend of mine who alpha widowed a girl who was trying to control him and isolate him from his friends. Not 9 months later she was engaged to be married to a blue-pilled provider. During the engagement, shortly before the wedding, she called my friend up and asked if she could come over at 10pm at night. He said yes and they had sex. She is very nice to her fiancé in public and he will never know she did this. I have other friends who I met through running - part of why they got into running is to escape their relationships and have an excuse to spend more time away (male or female). Then during running with friends/groups/races/etc, they meet someone of the opposite sex and start an emotional affair which later turns into a romantic affair. Sometimes that is as far as it goes and sometimes they end up divorcing their current partner in order to be with the person they are having an affair with.

I'm not saying all relationships are like this. I have some friends who's marriages I'm envious of (in a good way) - truly best friends. The guys in these relationships aren't beta simps though, but they do operate more beta than is preached here - but not too much... just a couple degrees to that direction.

TL/DR: Just because girls aren't leaving simps doesn't mean they have a good relationship or that she isn't cheating.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

the guys cant leave or else they will go through a dry spell.
the woman hasnt left because she hasnt found a man that wants her for anything more than sex yet. but she is most likely cheating

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Just to clarify: in your mind, all men who are in a relationship are in it just to get regular sex on tap (because they can't get it anywhere else so best to lock a woman down) and they would leave the relationship if it were not for their fear of going through a drys spell?

he would be cheating only he can't find anyone to cheat with hence why he is in the relationship?

Correct?

Just to clarify: all women who are in relationship are in it because she can't find a better deal a better man who wants her for more than sex but she stays because she is getting sex but to get more sex she is more than likely cheating because she can unlike the man..



Would you be projecting a warped perspective you may have or is this based on something more solid?

This is basically a sack of ****e by the way just to be clear.

i think some kind of context is missing here ,are you talking good relationships or BAD relationships . cause judging by op's post it looks like why do ppl stay in a relationship thats not going so well.
my answer is yes for men it is probably sex
especially if the dude is beta and he is scared he wont get another girl like that and maybe he's invisible to other women then maybe it will be tough for him to break up, even when he should .
i think i speak for everybody when i say id rather have sex with a hot woman than jack off to porn.


idk if its just women but i think even men want the best that they can get, especially if you have to share a living space and cars , house , family ,etc. with someone especially for a woman i feel like all kinda things are gonna go wrong if she doesnt feel like its worth it so yes im not only pointing at women but even men will stay in a relationship if they cant possibly do any better, i think thats pretty fair , would you swap a dime for a penny?


explain to me how thinking is warped?

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Let's not get caught up in fallacies. It's not one or the other.

fallacie? maybe if you're counting gay men or incels, or even mgtow.
then i agree


generalizing. There's a lot of dynamics at play.

most of my statements were general and were not meant to be said as ''ALL '' indefinitely

[/QUOTE]

 

[Zimbabwe]

Many guys do stay married yes, but are they really happy?

My theory is that these guys have no life outside of their marriage, friends drifted apart and they no longer partake in any hobbies.

the guys cant leave or else they will go through a dry spell.
the woman hasnt left because she hasnt found a man that wants her for anything more than sex yet. but she is most likely cheating

people don't get into a relationship just for sex, or it would be a FWB scenario.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Crossed was me being kind to your incoherent babble. No idea what your view is as you said a lot of nothing. Randomly throwing in gays and incels and mgtow

Try at least to sort out your own thoughts before you spout nonsense.



It probably does as you made the effort to claim it doesn't.

Enjoy your stay.

i spoke facts, you basically said men dont get with women for sex, which is the biggest fallacy.
then you said in your own words that women aren't hypergamous , thats a proven fallacy.
i could have called you stupid many times and i have spared you, brother.
so please refrain from attacking me , its not a good look. just disagree and go on about your day

 

[Dash Riprock]

The 6 human needs per Tony Robbins are:

certainty
uncertainty/variety
significance
connection/love
growth
contribution

Pretty accurate.

Look at #1 and #2. They're in direct conflict. That means that, yes, humans like certainty. You want to come home and see your house standing, loved ones alive, your job intact the next day, etc. BUT, we also need degrees of uncertainty or BOREDOM sets in.

Therein lies the balancing act. Most couples gravitate too much to #1 over time by default and the relationship becomes stale and boring. Guys usually don't get dumped if they’re charismatic, fun, exciting, funny, etc. They get dumped because they BORING. Ask any hot chick. They crave fun, adventure and excitement. Can Mr. Play It Safe Vanilla Guy provide that? Nope. But too much James Dean, gunslinger, wild man, and the woman will crave some balance and certainty in her life too.

So the key to success in marriages and LTRs is to create a BALANCE between #1 and #2 in a non-dramatic way. Cheating on a spouse and then telling them about it is not the way to create uncertainty. IDGAF does. Having your own life and goals and friends does. Planning some fun exciting, new, and different activities on a regular basis also does. All three should be implemented in any LTR.

Personally, I can do this only so long and A) Boredom sets in regardless B) I get sick of the woman even if she's a HB 9.99 and C) I get tired of all the effort it takes to grow and maintain a relationship at the expense of my own goals and interests as there are only 24 hours in a day.

Good luck.

 

[The Duke]

I almost lost my relationship because I lost frame and started to settle and I was able to wake up just in time before it’s too late. Now, I’m just going to act like I’m single and not listen to a damn thing she says anymore lol. However, I see simps in long term relationships and I don’t see their girls getting upset for settling lol.

Each person does their part. Never stop dating each other. Pick your battles. Dont disrespect your relationship.

 

[bat soup]

I almost lost my relationship because I lost frame and started to settle and I was able to wake up just in time before it’s too late. Now, I’m just going to act like I’m single and not listen to a damn thing she says anymore lol. However, I see simps in long term relationships and I don’t see their girls getting upset for settling lol.

How do you remain friends with someone for a long time? Does it take a huge effort? Do you have to continuously play games with them and try to make them feel small so that they believe that they're lucky to have you? If so, is that a relationship that's worth keeping?

 

[manfrombelow]

A lot of men I know are really suffering in their LTRs, they just verbally refuse to accept it as a fact.

"The most dangerous kind of delusion is self-delusion."

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Leaving or dumping a woman has zero long term effect. Who told her she could act that way to start with? You did. You did with your “frame”.

me and a co-worker were talking about how women monkey branch out of boredom, he said''then they realize they ****ed up and you were better''
i thought to tell him thats not always the case , but i have given up trying to unplug ppl , ignorance is BLISS.

 

[manfrombelow]

You must leave those men behind. There is nothing you can do for them.

We can't save those who refuse to save themselves.