She wants my money

[kekePower]

Hey!

As we al know, wahmen are sneaky and so is my gf.

She "told" me the other day that if she were to be able to pay for her expenses, I'd have to buy all the groceries for our household from now on. All I could do at the moment was to grunt as I felt uneasy and uncomfortable.

I find it difficult to put my foot down after having been blue pilled for all my life and red pilled for only 6+ months now. I also don't 100% trust her since she's been telling me that she wants to move on/out several times during our 7 years together and, yet, she's still with me.

What is the best way to approach this situation of me not wanting to do this?

Any guidance is greatly appreciated.

 

[RickTheToad]

Hey!

As we al know, wahmen are sneaky and so is my gf.

She "told" me the other day that if she were to be able to pay for her expenses, I'd have to buy all the groceries for our household from now on. All I could do at the moment was to grunt as I felt uneasy and uncomfortable.

I find it difficult to put my foot down after having been blue pilled for all my life and red pilled for only 6+ months now. I also don't 100% trust her since she's been telling me that she wants to move on/out several times during our 7 years together and, yet, she's still with me.

What is the best way to approach this situation of me not wanting to do this?

Any guidance is greatly appreciated.

This can be fixed. Ready? Here you go.............

NO. Next time your gf says this, you say immediately, NO. You are willing to share the expenses, somewhat fairly, but NO on you paying for everything.. She withholds sex or becomes hard to deal with, you get rid of her.

In the future, dudes must start using this magical word, NO, early on in the relationship to establish control and boundaries.

 

[bat soup]

Hey!

As we al know, wahmen are sneaky and so is my gf.

She "told" me the other day that if she were to be able to pay for her expenses, I'd have to buy all the groceries for our household from now on. All I could do at the moment was to grunt as I felt uneasy and uncomfortable.

I find it difficult to put my foot down after having been blue pilled for all my life and red pilled for only 6+ months now. I also don't 100% trust her since she's been telling me that she wants to move on/out several times during our 7 years together and, yet, she's still with me.

What is the best way to approach this situation of me not wanting to do this?

Any guidance is greatly appreciated.

Put all of her stuff in plastic bags next to the curb and change the locks.

 

[rjc149]

she's been telling me that she wants to move on/out several times during our 7 years together and, yet, she's still with me.

I think this is the only fact pattern that's relevant. She's stuck with you for 7 years -- that's a LONG time. Clearly, that status quo of your relationship is functional. I would keep it that way.

Telling you she wants to move on/out sounds like protest behavior, because you're not giving her the validation she needs. It's a somewhat toxic way of communicating that she needs more closeness from you, but a lot of women do this so she's not unique in that regard.

If you don't want to do what she's asking, tell her, and stand by it. Hold your frame. Even if it's been 7 years, you still need to be ready to walk.

 

[bcude]

I remember you OP. Didn't you want to buy a new car a couple of months back and something else and asked for advice since your wife was in complete control of your relationship? How did that go?

She's used to tell you what to do and used to get away with it aswell. This is a good of opportunity as any to take a stand. The alternative is feeling miserable and that is not an option.
Also watch what she does (stays with you) and not what she says (threating to leave).

 

[kekePower]

Thanks a lot for your comments.

"No" has been really difficult for me since I was a child, but I will practice it from now on.

Can't put her stuff in bags without putting our son's stuff as well. Not an option.

I've been attentive lately to see what she does and I don't always listen to what she says. It goes both ways. Sometimes she's positive in words and negative in actions and vice versa.

I bought the car without telling her and she blew up. I stood my ground and we're good on this point. It was really eye opening for me as I've almost never ever treated myself before others without feeling guilty.

We do share common expenses and now she wants to focus on her own progress by spending the little money she has left and is hoping I'll be the buffer.
She's so sweet, telling me that everything she does, she does for the family. Roping me in with the sense of guilt if I don't help the collective.

Why is it so hard to go from being a Nice Guy to becoming more assertive? I always feel like shyte every time I stand my ground. I really want to take care of me first, but the blue pill upbringing has made/makes it a bit more difficult.

Cheers!

 

[RickTheToad]

Thanks a lot for your comments.

"No" has been really difficult for me since I was a child, but I will practice it from now on.

Can't put her stuff in bags without putting our son's stuff as well. Not an option.

I've been attentive lately to see what she does and I don't always listen to what she says. It goes both ways. Sometimes she's positive in words and negative in actions and vice versa.

I bought the car without telling her and she blew up. I stood my ground and we're good on this point. It was really eye opening for me as I've almost never ever treated myself before others without feeling guilty.

We do share common expenses and now she wants to focus on her own progress by spending the little money she has left and is hoping I'll be the buffer.
She's so sweet, telling me that everything she does, she does for the family. Roping me in with the sense of guilt if I don't help the collective.

Why is it so hard to go from being a Nice Guy to becoming more assertive? I always feel like shyte every time I stand my ground. I really want to take care of me first, but the blue pill upbringing has made/makes it a bit more difficult.

Cheers!

How? STOP IT. Watch the video below for a better example and reinforcement.

 

[320dean]

Hey all,
I'm new here so bear with me. I only want to point out one thing that I realised before waking up. Rick, if you don't take care of you first then nobody can. Whilst a stable relationship is all good, you need to take care of YOU.
I don't know if that helps but my first post, so a bit hesitant.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Hey!

As we al know, wahmen are sneaky and so is my gf.

She "told" me the other day that if she were to be able to pay for her expenses, I'd have to buy all the groceries for our household from now on. All I could do at the moment was to grunt as I felt uneasy and uncomfortable.

I find it difficult to put my foot down after having been blue pilled for all my life and red pilled for only 6+ months now. I also don't 100% trust her since she's been telling me that she wants to move on/out several times during our 7 years together and, yet, she's still with me.

What is the best way to approach this situation of me not wanting to do this?

Any guidance is greatly appreciated.

Know this, that if you cannot lead your woman will not respect you, your woman will be stingy with s*x. She will also look elsewhere for an emotional connection with a man.

Start leading. Honestly, you might be better off starting in a new relationship with a blank slate. Practice leading with this one, then breakup and find a better girl.

 

[Serenity]

Am I reading this correctly? She says if she's able to pay for her expenses, then you'd have to buy all the groceries?

Your reaction was to grunt and feel uncomfortable? That's no way to call out unfairness and assert yourself. I would have laughed as if she was joking, put a lock on the fridge if she wasn't and told her to go starve until she contributes her fair share to the household.

Roping me in with the sense of guilt if I don't help the collective.

What you do should be for the good of the family, but it also should be fair. Her paying for herself while you cover the family is clearly not fair. Use this against her for all it's worth, if she doesn't contribute then she doesn't do her part in taking care of the family.

As long as you don't have the courage to grab your balls and leave if she does not play fair, then she will continue to have you by the balls. That's the best leverage you've got and you're too afraid to use it, as long as that remains true you will get nowhere.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Your replacement is already lined up, now it's just a matter of what she can take from you, you already know what you have to do.

 

[B80]

Hey!

As we al know, wahmen are sneaky and so is my gf.

She "told" me the other day that if she were to be able to pay for her expenses, I'd have to buy all the groceries for our household from now on. All I could do at the moment was to grunt as I felt uneasy and uncomfortable.

I find it difficult to put my foot down after having been blue pilled for all my life and red pilled for only 6+ months now. I also don't 100% trust her since she's been telling me that she wants to move on/out several times during our 7 years together and, yet, she's still with me.

What is the best way to approach this situation of me not wanting to do this?

Any guidance is greatly appreciated.

Without going as far as 'dread game', maybe start going out more, getting other interests, get in good shape, get a decent hair cut, nice clothes etc. Get her 'hamster' going. Of course it may back fire and cause her to mess about (if she isn;t already), but tbh this doesn;t sound like it will end well if you just continue as you are.

Thats if you think shes worth it. Do you have kids together?

She probably think she has you totally under the thumb and can be a b1tch and you won;t stand up to her - basically doesn;t respect you anymore.

But for clarity, she demanded you pay for groceries all the time, not just if she's out of work for a period. Do you earn more than her?

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

the problem is you care and thats dangerous. Next time she says she wants to move out just look at her and say OK, let me know when you find a place. I know its hard but when you reach a stage of not caring what a woman does you reach a state of nirvana and its powerful.
Maybe not caring comes with age but once you reach it the planets align and life if good.

 

[kekePower]

the problem is you care and thats dangerous. Next time she says she wants to move out just look at her and say OK, let me know when you find a place. I know its hard but when you reach a stage of not caring what a woman does you reach a state of nirvana and its powerful.
Maybe not caring comes with age but once you reach it the planets align and life if good.

I've asked "When?" on several occasions and it always fizzles out after that.

 

[kekePower]

Without going as far as 'dread game', maybe start going out more, getting other interests, get in good shape, get a decent hair cut, nice clothes etc. Get her 'hamster' going. Of course it may back fire and cause her to mess about (if she isn;t already), but tbh this doesn;t sound like it will end well if you just continue as you are.

Thats if you think shes worth it. Do you have kids together?

She probably think she has you totally under the thumb and can be a b1tch and you won;t stand up to her - basically doesn;t respect you anymore.

But for clarity, she demanded you pay for groceries all the time, not just if she's out of work for a period. Do you earn more than her?

I know she doesn't respect me and one of the main reasons I stay is because we have a kid together. If it wasn't for him, I'd have left many years ago.

I had just started to work out when I broke a few ribs, so now I'm stuck in pain for at least 4 more weeks

I shave regularly, I dress nice, I smell nice and always wake up with a smile on my face.

Used to simp so hard for her. Even cried in front of her (One of my most cringe moments and I hate it).

Turning 49 in a few months makes me think I'll be unable to change even though I really want to.

 

[bcude]

I know she doesn't respect me and one of the main reasons I stay is because we have a kid together.

Turning 49 in a few months makes me think I'll be unable to change even though I really want to.

It's a cliché but it's never too late to change. You've the motivation or else you wouldn't be here. Why not start today?
Disrespect in any context is unacceptable, and is often an indicator of lower interest. The disrespect will aggrandize over time.
Self-respect is a superlative principle. Once your self-respect is violated, your frame is compromised, and your relationship will fail irrespective of future context. Interest level is everything. Your most empowering response, then, is to walk away from the relationship on your terms, on your boundaries, with self-respect fully intact. Live life on your terms, walk away from low-interest women, accept no BS or poor behavior from anyone, and prioritize self-respect in every context.

Your priority should absolutely be the child, but part of that commitment is respecting yourself as a man and as an individual. You cannot let someone disrespect you and cross your boundaries. What kind of message is that going to form in your child's brain as it grows up? Mom shiits on dad every chance she gets....and dad TAKES it.
When you are a kid there is nothing worse than having parents who fight incessantly, or having a mom who trashes your dad when he isn't around. Kids cannot process that objectively and it gets internalized into dysfunctional adult behavioral traits.
If lines have been crossed and all reasonable attempts at rectifying the problem have been made, your child will be far better off with divorced parents but a healthy loving dad, rather than married parents who live in discord and misery.

Food for thought. Also, read "no more mr.nice guy" by Robert A. Glover if you haven't already.

 

[Serenity]

I know she doesn't respect me and one of the main reasons I stay is because we have a kid together. If it wasn't for him, I'd have left many years ago.

It's less healthy for kids to grow up with parents who have contempt for each other than to have happy parents who no longer live together. No matter how subtle you think you are, they will be affected by it and they may not even be consciously aware of it.

Turning 49 in a few months makes me think I'll be unable to change even though I really want to.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't... You're right.

 

[Bokanovsky]

She "told" me the other day that if she were to be able to pay for her expenses, I'd have to buy all the groceries for our household from now on. All I could do at the moment was to grunt as I felt uneasy and uncomfortable.

Tell her to cut down on her "expenses" or start eating less.