Giving up single life too easily?

[Loki.7]

Broke up from a long term relationship a few months ago.

Thought I'd try online dating mainly for a few casual hook ups. Been having great success with it.

The thing is I'm falling for a women I met on there that's turned out to be really compatible with me. Same relationship style , really comfortable and natural around each since day one, same views and interest, everything just seems to match.

She's fallen for me really hard and things are progressing quite rapidly between us.

I guess my concern is I haven't been single long and I was looking forward to rolling with single life. Basically I had two ****ing months of being single, free to sleep with whoever I wanted, and now I find myself in a new relationship (which just feels right).

Where I'm at now I'm just going to roll with whatever feels right and if it doesn't work out then I go back to being single (which was my original plan and what I was looking forward too doing).

Two ****ing months though!

 

[bat soup]

Broke up from a long term relationship a few months ago.

Thought I'd try online dating mainly for a few casual hook ups. Been having great success with it.

The thing is I'm falling for a women I met on there that's turned out to be really compatible with me. Same relationship style , really comfortable and natural around each since day one, same views and interest, everything just seems to match.

She's fallen for me really hard and things are progressing quite rapidly between us.

I guess my concern is I haven't been single long and I was looking forward to rolling with single life. Basically I had two ****ing months of being single, free to sleep with whoever I wanted, and now I find myself in a new relationship, which just feels right. I'm also getting the impression that this could turn end up being long term.

Where I'm at now I'm just going to roll with whatever feels right and if it doesn't work out then I go back to being single (which was my original plan and what I was looking forward too doing).

Two ****ing months though!

I had a similar experience, although for me I was completely single for a year and spent that time travelling around Europe and parts of the Middle East. In a way, I wanted to get into a relationship but at the same time when I thought about it I realised that being alone was what made my lifestyle possible and I didn't want to give that up.

There's always that dilemma - when you're in a relationship sometimes you wish you were single and when you're single sometimes you wish you were in a relationship.

 

[RickTheToad]

Slow it down dude. People wear masks to hide their true intensions. At minimum, you MUST give the female 2 years to see how things play out. Then, maybe six months to a year of living together / engagement to see how that works. Don't fvck around and be all lovey dovey.

 

[mjb3617]

Proceed with caution. I did the hard and fast falling thing in a few months and it was a big mistake.

Control your feelings and slow it down. You may wind up in a worse place if this fling doesn't pan out.

 

[Loki.7]

Slow it down dude. People wear masks to hide their true intensions. At minimum, you MUST give the female 2 years to see how things play out. Then, maybe six months to a year of living together / engagement to see how that works. Don't fvck around and be all lovey dovey.

I don't get what you're saying?

It's like I'm planning to marry her or stick a baby inside her.

If it carries on the way it's going it would typically go like this. In a relationship , living in different houses and jumping back and forth between houses.

See how things are. If things are working have her move in with me, I own my own home outright so that's always going to make sense.

Not interested in marriage.

I just don't get why I would wait two years before getting into a relationship?

I don't get what's wrong with bringing someone into your life, trying them on for size , get to know their true selves quite quickly and if it doesn't work out break up and no big deal and nothing lost.

 

[Machine10033]

Nothing wrong with it...

 

[Kotaix]

Take it easy and see where it goes, you have to be ready to take what life throws at you, whether it's random pvssy or someone that you're super compatible with.

 

[2Rocky]

If you are confident you could go back in the dating pool, next week, next month and resume your successes, then seeing where this relationship takes you wouldn't be all bad. After 6 months it can become a comfort trap or it can be better than you imagined it could be.

Be sure to have a list of deal breakers and stick to it. Remember you know how to be in a relationship but be in one because you want to be.

 

[Loki.7]

If you are confident you could go back in the dating pool, next week, next month and resume your successes, then seeing where this relationship takes you wouldn't be all bad. After 6 months it can become a comfort trap or it can be better than you imagined it could be.

Be sure to have a list of deal breakers and stick to it. Remember you know how to be in a relationship but be in one because you want to be.

I think that's where I'm at. I'm very confident in my ability to attract the type of women I want.

I suppose that's the reason I feel like I can be care free with this new relationship that's developing quite quickly.

The way I'm seeing it's win win. If I'm wrong about her , then I can go back to being single (which originally intended/wanted), if she's it for me then that's great.

 

[RickTheToad]

I don't get what you're saying?

It's like I'm planning to marry her or stick a baby inside her.

If it carries on the way it's going it would typically go like this. In a relationship , living in different houses and jumping back and forth between houses.

See how things are. If things are working have her move in with me, I own my own home outright so that's always going to make sense.

Not interested in marriage.

I just don't get why I would wait two years before getting into a relationship?

I don't get what's wrong with bringing someone into your life, trying them on for size , get to know their true selves quite quickly and if it doesn't work out break up and no big deal and nothing lost.

Regardless, relationships progress. Should you want to end it at any time, that is your prerogative. However, the basis still remains about the masks and the acts that people play in the initial weeks and months into a relationship. Things and her will change.. They always do dude. Just keep your eyes open as you progress with her.

 

[Barrister]

Broke up from a long term relationship a few months ago.

Thought I'd try online dating mainly for a few casual hook ups. Been having great success with it.

The thing is I'm falling for a women I met on there that's turned out to be really compatible with me. Same relationship style , really comfortable and natural around each since day one, same views and interest, everything just seems to match.

She's fallen for me really hard and things are progressing quite rapidly between us.

I guess my concern is I haven't been single long and I was looking forward to rolling with single life. Basically I had two ****ing months of being single, free to sleep with whoever I wanted, and now I find myself in a new relationship (which just feels right).

Where I'm at now I'm just going to roll with whatever feels right and if it doesn't work out then I go back to being single (which was my original plan and what I was looking forward too doing).

Two ****ing months though!

1. Following the dissolution of a LTR you will feel more lonely and desire companionship much more than once you are back in the swing of things. After just two months you definitely would not have had that out of your system. This woman filled that brand new void for you from a companionship standpoint - likely making you gloss over any issues.

2. You are in the honeymoon phase of this new relationship. Pump the brakes a bit thinking she’s this perfect angel. Because that probably is not accurate. You will be fighting with her over stupid bullsh1t soon and probably wondering what you saw in her.

Or maybe not. But it’s much more likely that this woman is a temporary band-aid for you than that you suddenly have found this perfect match 2 months after you broke up with your last LTR.

 

[SW15]

Finding a good relationship soon after one LTR ends is not bad. Keep going if things feel right.

 

[BMX]

Get after it. Do better.

 

[Georgepithyou]

There's always that dilemma - when you're in a relationship sometimes you wish you were single and when you're single sometimes you wish you were in a relationship.

You could always find a woman who also enjoys the same hobbies/interests as you. Two birds with one stone.

 

[bat soup]

You could always find a woman who also enjoys the same hobbies/interests as you. Two birds with one stone.

Not if my hobby is banging broads.

 

[KirthWGersen]

Not if my hobby is banging broads.

Actually, that sounds perfect.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Broke up from a long term relationship a few months ago.

Thought I'd try online dating mainly for a few casual hook ups. Been having great success with it.

The thing is I'm falling for a women I met on there that's turned out to be really compatible with me. Same relationship style , really comfortable and natural around each since day one, same views and interest, everything just seems to match.

She's fallen for me really hard and things are progressing quite rapidly between us.

I guess my concern is I haven't been single long and I was looking forward to rolling with single life. Basically I had two ****ing months of being single, free to sleep with whoever I wanted, and now I find myself in a new relationship (which just feels right).

Where I'm at now I'm just going to roll with whatever feels right and if it doesn't work out then I go back to being single (which was my original plan and what I was looking forward too doing).

Two ****ing months though!

2 months of bachelor life. Back in a LTR already.

 

[Loki.7]

So we haven't had chance to see each other for about 9 days . Being busy and logisticly it hasn't been possible. So we talked on the phone a bit and a few video calls.

Giving me hot and cold, but mostly been giving me cold the last few days and she's acting quite co cky about it. I've probably inflated her ego a bit while I was confused and trying to figure out what's up.

It honestly feels like she's started to play games. It just hasn't been feeling natural like it has been and she's been really cool up until recently.

I'm supposed to be spending the next four days with her starting from tomorrow. I've opened up some time for her which I could just as easily close.

I do know the games will stop once we are together and it will be cool. That's not the point though, it feels like she's played with me.

In hindsight I should have just checked out when she started these games, but I didn't.

Regardless. Although nothing major , it's given me doubts. Silly games aren't something I want in a girlfriend. So first doubts and a red flag (regardless if I did a crappy job dealing with it or not).

I don't even know if I want to hang out with her tomorrow. The way I'm feeling I could just as easily hang out at my sport's dog club, training dogs with my buddies instead of spending time with her.

Mabye I will flip a coin in the morning.

She hasn't exactly made her self that appealing.

Thoughts?

 

[mjb3617]

So we haven't had chance to see each other for about 9 days . Being busy and logisticly it hasn't been possible. So we talked on the phone a bit and a few video calls.

Giving me hot and cold, but mostly been giving me cold the last few days and she's acting quite co cky about it. I've probably inflated her ego a bit while I was confused and trying to figure out what's up.

It honestly feels like she's started to play games. It just hasn't been feeling natural like it has been and she's been really cool up until recently.

I'm supposed to be spending the next four days with her starting from tomorrow. I've opened up some time for her which I could just as easily close.

I do know the games will stop once we are together and it will be cool. That's not the point though, it feels like she's played with me.

In hindsight I should have just checked out when she started these games, but I didn't.

Regardless. Although nothing major , it's given me doubts. Silly games aren't something I want in a girlfriend. So first doubts and a red flag (regardless if I did a crappy job dealing with it or not).

I don't even know if I want to hang out with her tomorrow. The way I'm feeling I could just as easily hang out at my sport's dog club, training dogs with my buddies instead of spending time with her.

Mabye I will flip a coin in the morning.

She hasn't exactly made her self that appealing.

Thoughts?

Sounds like you should cancel your upcoming time with her and see what happens. If you feel she is playing games, she most likely is. Time for some silence and distance. Let that hamster spin.

 

[rjc149]

So we haven't had chance to see each other for about 9 days . Being busy and logisticly it hasn't been possible. So we talked on the phone a bit and a few video calls.

Giving me hot and cold, but mostly been giving me cold the last few days and she's acting quite co cky about it. I've probably inflated her ego a bit while I was confused and trying to figure out what's up.

It honestly feels like she's started to play games. It just hasn't been feeling natural like it has been and she's been really cool up until recently.

I'm supposed to be spending the next four days with her starting from tomorrow. I've opened up some time for her which I could just as easily close.

I do know the games will stop once we are together and it will be cool. That's not the point though, it feels like she's played with me.

In hindsight I should have just checked out when she started these games, but I didn't.

Regardless. Although nothing major , it's given me doubts. Silly games aren't something I want in a girlfriend. So first doubts and a red flag (regardless if I did a crappy job dealing with it or not).

I don't even know if I want to hang out with her tomorrow. The way I'm feeling I could just as easily hang out at my sport's dog club, training dogs with my buddies instead of spending time with her.

Mabye I will flip a coin in the morning.

She hasn't exactly made her self that appealing.

Thoughts?

Reading your initial post, and then this follow up, I can guess what's going on.

Women pull away and cool off when you are being too warm and smothering, especially in the initial dating phases. When they feel like they're being chased, they evade. All humans do this, actually. Maybe you're communicating a needy, relationship-seeking vibe to her. A bit much, a bit too soon.

It sounds like you've pedestalized this girl. Hence her c0ckiness and the distancing.

It also sounds like you're on a rebound. 2 months isn't long enough to heal and move on from an LTR, unless you had checked out of the relationship long before it formally ended. It sounds like you're trying to bring this girl up to speed where you left off.

The hardest thing to do is to check yourself and control your emotions when that oxytocin is pumping during the honeymoon phase.

The only advice is to mirror. If she distances, you distance. Take your time responding to her. Ax the video calls. Communicate on the phone only to set up logistics. Stop initiating contact for a few days. Be scarce. In your interactions with her, remain upbeat, charming, and playfully non-compliant, but indifferent to her. She's happy? Cool. She's angry? Cool. She's sad? Cool. She's frustrated with you? Cool. She's threatening to end things? Cool. Unaffected.

See what that does, and take it from there.