Cold Approach vs. OLD

[Degenerate Haven]

I don't understand how you could be good at sales but not good with talking to women? I was in sales also and it helped tremendously.

I can offer my take, depends on the kind of sales but also

1. You get exhausted from constantly talking

2. Have a bad month or quarter, it impacts your overall confidence

3. You have a lot of toxic coworkers in sales which can rub off on you in a bad way

4. You learn that the success in sales comes less from being social and more from finding where the best leads are

5. Most success in sales is luck, good territory pretty much sets you up for success

 

[SargeMaximus]

I can offer my take, depends on the kind of sales but also

1. You get exhausted from constantly talking

2. Have a bad month or quarter, it impacts your overall confidence

3. You have a lot of toxic coworkers in sales which can rub off on you in a bad way

4. You learn that the success in sales comes less from being social and more from finding where the best leads are

5. Most success in sales is luck, good territory pretty much sets you up for success

Not quite. I work alone. I get leads for companies. It’s like sales, same skills, but no actual selling. I just call it sales because I started off doing sales and it’s the same skill set. However, it’s easy as fvck to do both for me. I used to sell
Furnaces door to door. I was the only one in my team that sold any. The secret is I’m direct and go for the sale. Conversation has nothing to do with it

 

[espanish]

i prefer cold approach because with cold approach you dont have anything to prove, you have already established that you are this confident guy and not a loser etc etc and so she will be eating out of the palm of your hands.
anybody can get a smart phone and install tinder so with online dating you have something to prove. you have to prove you are not a weirdo and you are confident. IDK for me it's very hard to do that. the frame is just different, she is not as receptive.
also with cold approach she knows exactly how you look, she knows you are hairy, short, whatever so there are no surprises.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

It always warms me to hear good cold approach stories. For me, I have never seen it pulled off as much in real life and I keep reading about it working........

As for daygame, I feel like it can have a higher ceiling but it does seem quite awkward. Most people do not seem to be open to talking to strangers as much and it is tough from what I notice to go from stranger making small talk to guy that wants to be in bed with you. Like I cannot imagine how that transition would look like.

I will give you just one of many examples for me personally.

Saw a girl walking on the street. We were walking somewhat toward one another. I stepped directly in front of her (while I was still about 5-10 yards away from her). She looked up at me to understand why someone would deliberately move into her path and I put my hand up at waist level in a gentle "stop" kind of expression, smiled and said, "Excuse me. I know it is kind of odd to stop a stranger on the street but I noticed our paths were crossing and you looked like someone I would want to meet." She smiled broadly and said, "Oh, ok." So I asked her where she was going. She told me she was on the way to a friend's house. I asked her how she knew this friend and she told me she worked with her and that they were both professional ballerinas (I could tell by her body that she wasn't kidding - which is part of why I noticed her). So that sparked a deep conversation about dancing and what that's like and so forth. After 10 or 15 minutes standing there in the middle of the sidewalk with lots of talking and smiles I said, "Well I have to get going but we should continue this conversation over a drink. Why don't you give me your number and I'll set something up." She agreed and gave me her number and I immediately texted her right after entering it in so she would have mine. We went on our ways. I got busy the next couple days and didn't have a chance to reach out to her and on day two she reached out to me and asked if I was still going to schedule something. I said yeah let's go out tomorrow night at 8pm at ______ place. She agreed. We met for some drinks, had a lot of great conversation and the vibe was good. I suggested we go to another place down the street so we did. More good conversation. At one point the talk turned to music and after a while I said, "Hey we should go back to my place and I can play you some of that music I was telling you about." She agreed. We went back to my place, I played some music. She asked me if I could dance and I told her I was the worst dancer ever (I am humble where applicable and everyone likes self-defeating humor in the right amount). She asked me to prove it so I did. She told me I wasn't a bad dancer and then she danced for me a little bit, then we made out and moved into the bedroom and slept together. She ended up staying the night. We dated for a year after that. She was the most emotionally healthy and mature girl I've ever dated, which is insane for a 23yo. Most cold approaches that end in sex don't end in relationships, but this one did and so have plenty more since that's my main source of meeting women.

There is nothing special to what I described above. It's not magic. It's pretty straight forward
1. DO the fvcking approaches and stop making excuses
2. Be interested in her and demonstrate this by asking questions and occasionally relating her answers to something about yourself (this also helps the interaction not feel like an interview)
3. End on a high-note and say we should continue the conversation over a drink or a coffee or whatever and see what she says. If the answer is yes, get her number then reach out to setup a date around 2-5 days later. If the answer is no say "No worries, I enjoyed talking to you" and walk away.
4. Go out on the date. Try to hit 2 venues if possible. Base your conversation on the same thing I said in #2
5. Invite her back to your place under some pretense that will not trigger her ASD so that she feels comfortable (AKA make an excuse as to why you are inviting her over) - In the example above, I used music, but if you have a pet that's another option and there are many more.
6. If she comes back to your place, she's probably going to sleep with you. Just keep up what you've been doing and slowly physically escalate until you are sleeping together.

Had I not pulled the trigger and stopped her on the street like I did, I would have never had that incredible experience. Think about how many opportunities just like this you are passing up each and every day as your life slips by.

 

[Sam_J]

I will give you just one of many examples for me personally.

Saw a girl walking on the street. We were walking somewhat toward one another. I stepped directly in front of her (while I was still about 5-10 yards away from her). She looked up at me to understand why someone would deliberately move into her path and I put my hand up at waist level in a gentle "stop" kind of expression, smiled and said, "Excuse me. I know it is kind of odd to stop a stranger on the street but I noticed our paths were crossing and you looked like someone I would want to meet." She smiled broadly and said, "Oh, ok." So I asked her where she was going. She told me she was on the way to a friend's house. I asked her how she knew this friend and she told me she worked with her and that they were both professional ballerinas (I could tell by her body that she wasn't kidding - which is part of why I noticed her). So that sparked a deep conversation about dancing and what that's like and so forth. After 10 or 15 minutes standing there in the middle of the sidewalk with lots of talking and smiles I said, "Well I have to get going but we should continue this conversation over a drink. Why don't you give me your number and I'll set something up." She agreed and gave me her number and I immediately texted her right after entering it in so she would have mine. We went on our ways. I got busy the next couple days and didn't have a chance to reach out to her and on day two she reached out to me and asked if I was still going to schedule something. I said yeah let's go out tomorrow night at 8pm at ______ place. She agreed. We met for some drinks, had a lot of great conversation and the vibe was good. I suggested we go to another place down the street so we did. More good conversation. At one point the talk turned to music and after a while I said, "Hey we should go back to my place and I can play you some of that music I was telling you about." She agreed. We went back to my place, I played some music. She asked me if I could dance and I told her I was the worst dancer ever (I am humble where applicable and everyone likes self-defeating humor in the right amount). She asked me to prove it so I did. She told me I wasn't a bad dancer and then she danced for me a little bit, then we made out and moved into the bedroom and slept together. She ended up staying the night. We dated for a year after that. She was the most emotionally healthy and mature girl I've ever dated, which is insane for a 23yo. Most cold approaches that end in sex don't end in relationships, but this one did and so have plenty more since that's my main source of meeting women.

There is nothing special to what I described above. It's not magic. It's pretty straight forward
1. DO the fvcking approaches and stop making excuses
2. Be interested in her and demonstrate this by asking questions and occasionally relating her answers to something about yourself (this also helps the interaction not feel like an interview)
3. End on a high-note and say we should continue the conversation over a drink or a coffee or whatever and see what she says. If the answer is yes, get her number then reach out to setup a date around 2-5 days later. If the answer is no say "No worries, I enjoyed talking to you" and walk away.
4. Go out on the date. Try to hit 2 venues if possible. Base your conversation on the same thing I said in #2
5. Invite her back to your place under some pretense that will not trigger her ASD so that she feels comfortable (AKA make an excuse as to why you are inviting her over) - In the example above, I used music, but if you have a pet that's another option and there are many more.
6. If she comes back to your place, she's probably going to sleep with you. Just keep up what you've been doing and slowly physically escalate until you are sleeping together.

Had I not pulled the trigger and stopped her on the street like I did, I would have never had that incredible experience. Think about how many opportunities just like this you are passing up each and every day as your life slips by.

Awesome post and really inspiring. It's amazing how many guys on this forum are just here to just waste their lives and troll and whine and talk sh1t about why cold approaching is dumb because they are afraid of approaching themselves (which I was for years too). They should read posts like this.

 

[manfrombelow]

I will give you just one of many examples for me personally.

Saw a girl walking on the street. We were walking somewhat toward one another. I stepped directly in front of her (while I was still about 5-10 yards away from her). She looked up at me to understand why someone would deliberately move into her path and I put my hand up at waist level in a gentle "stop" kind of expression, smiled and said, "Excuse me. I know it is kind of odd to stop a stranger on the street but I noticed our paths were crossing and you looked like someone I would want to meet." She smiled broadly and said, "Oh, ok." So I asked her where she was going. She told me she was on the way to a friend's house. I asked her how she knew this friend and she told me she worked with her and that they were both professional ballerinas (I could tell by her body that she wasn't kidding - which is part of why I noticed her). So that sparked a deep conversation about dancing and what that's like and so forth. After 10 or 15 minutes standing there in the middle of the sidewalk with lots of talking and smiles I said, "Well I have to get going but we should continue this conversation over a drink. Why don't you give me your number and I'll set something up." She agreed and gave me her number and I immediately texted her right after entering it in so she would have mine. We went on our ways. I got busy the next couple days and didn't have a chance to reach out to her and on day two she reached out to me and asked if I was still going to schedule something. I said yeah let's go out tomorrow night at 8pm at ______ place. She agreed. We met for some drinks, had a lot of great conversation and the vibe was good. I suggested we go to another place down the street so we did. More good conversation. At one point the talk turned to music and after a while I said, "Hey we should go back to my place and I can play you some of that music I was telling you about." She agreed. We went back to my place, I played some music. She asked me if I could dance and I told her I was the worst dancer ever (I am humble where applicable and everyone likes self-defeating humor in the right amount). She asked me to prove it so I did. She told me I wasn't a bad dancer and then she danced for me a little bit, then we made out and moved into the bedroom and slept together. She ended up staying the night. We dated for a year after that. She was the most emotionally healthy and mature girl I've ever dated, which is insane for a 23yo. Most cold approaches that end in sex don't end in relationships, but this one did and so have plenty more since that's my main source of meeting women.

There is nothing special to what I described above. It's not magic. It's pretty straight forward
1. DO the fvcking approaches and stop making excuses
2. Be interested in her and demonstrate this by asking questions and occasionally relating her answers to something about yourself (this also helps the interaction not feel like an interview)
3. End on a high-note and say we should continue the conversation over a drink or a coffee or whatever and see what she says. If the answer is yes, get her number then reach out to setup a date around 2-5 days later. If the answer is no say "No worries, I enjoyed talking to you" and walk away.
4. Go out on the date. Try to hit 2 venues if possible. Base your conversation on the same thing I said in #2
5. Invite her back to your place under some pretense that will not trigger her ASD so that she feels comfortable (AKA make an excuse as to why you are inviting her over) - In the example above, I used music, but if you have a pet that's another option and there are many more.
6. If she comes back to your place, she's probably going to sleep with you. Just keep up what you've been doing and slowly physically escalate until you are sleeping together.

Had I not pulled the trigger and stopped her on the street like I did, I would have never had that incredible experience. Think about how many opportunities just like this you are passing up each and every day as your life slips by.

This sounded beautiful, thank you brother. Most ballerinas are classy and elegant.

 

[corrector]

I think my opinion on picking up women on OLD vs cold approach has slightly changed. On one hand, I still stand by OLD being a possible outlet to get women, but on the other, I am starting to think it’s actually easier to get women cold approaching and much easier to get hotter women. I banged three different women in the past 3 nights:

1. HB 7.5 Age 28: I was buying a rug for my apartment at a furniture store and I saw her standing at the counter. I already knew what rug I was going to get but saw this as an easy opening. I went up to her asked her if I could get a woman’s opinion. She of course said yes and followed me to the two rugs it had come down to. I told her what I thought and asked her opinion. An easy, flirtatious conversation followed. I asked for her number at the end of the convo and set up plans for this past Thursday for a drink. Drinks went well and she came back to my place.

2. HB 8.5 Age 25 - this was the most traditional approach. Happened at a bar near where I live. She was with 2 other friends and I walked up to all 3 while they were ordering drinks and asked if I could add mine to their tab. Of course this got a rise out of all of them with some friendly banter exchanged. I told them I was kidding and put all 3 girls on my tab and invited them over to my table where my two guy friends were. She then talked to me at the table primarily and I got her number. She and I went out a couple times prior, but Friday she came directly to my place and we banged.

3. HB 8 - Age 24: I was at the pool yesterday at my apartment. She walked up to a seat near mine and laid down. I watched her out of the corner of my eye for a bit then just turned to her and asked her her name. Easy conversation followed. I invited her to come out with me last night if she was interested. She said she could meet up with me later. Long story short I left the bar early I was at and texted her I was leaving but maybe another time and I was back at my apt. She asked if “I was just going to go to bed.” This was obvious opening and I invited her to stop by. She did and we banged and fell asleep.

My point with these stories is that I don’t think that first any of these women would ever be on OLD - or if they were they would be such a hot commodity given their sex appeal that with all of their options I would never match with them on there. I have very good SMV, but OLD doesn’t allow you to demonstrate your people skills which I think is huge. Just starting a normal conversation and asking for her number at the end opens the door to almost any woman. It gets their guard down and is so much better than dealing with flakiness while exchanging DMs.

I used to be a proponent of using both. I think I now think only use OLD if you literally have no other options. You can meet women anywhere. You can also pull far younger and hotter with cold approach. OLD demands a very big time sink compared to just going out and enjoying yourself along the way. My two cents.

Yeah people cant check you off on age or some other nonsence if you cold approach.

 

[DonJuanjr]

This sounded beautiful, thank you brother. Most ballerinas are classy and elegant.

What I like about oldmanoftheseas posts is he goes into detail more than others. Many successful djs go into great detail criticizing someone's actions, yet don't go into great detail about their own superior interactions with women. Many guys are starting at the bottom of the totem poll on here, and simple stuff like notating their conversation and showing HOW they flirted with the woman to get success would be more beneficial than the in depth criticism after the fact. I guess hindsight is 20/20....

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

I used to be team online dating many years ago, this was around 2014 to 2018 or so when dating apps were still a somewhat legitimate way to meet women. Yeah, it felt validating to get 100+ matches on Bumble, Hinge, and Tinder. However, I found that over the years, it became a pay to play environment and you were constantly having to restart your profile or buy boosts. I moved to Miami and found that apps like Hinge barely had any women on it and I constantly matched with women that lived in Ft. Lauderdale which is a 30 min+ drive.

So I got into approaching and it has felt so great. Even though the success is far less, you get to decide what kinds of women you pull into your life or at least have a strong say in it. After months of doing it and getting laid, I cannot complain. I cannot find a better thing to do on weekends despite having options and friends. It puts you in a special league when done right.

 

[member160292]

However, I found that over the years, it became a pay to play environment and you were constantly having to restart your profile or buy boosts.

Definitely pay to play, I'm all for it. How do you restart your profile on Tinder/Hinge? Isn't it linked to your mobile number?

 

[Machine10033]

To give you an idea how good looking, one guy when he goes to the club his method to get laid is he just goes on the dancefloor and comes from behind and starts grinding on the girls.

Lol i am far removed from the club scene but when I used to go in my 20’s this was my approach. I need to give myself credit I guess ? I thought it worked because most of the girls were high on ecstasy... and hornier than most dudes. Most of the time within the first few minutes they were reaching behind them to grab my c0ck.... looking back it was probably playing Russian Roulette with stds but I was lucky. Got double pink eye once... that was it .

 

[Bokanovsky]

Threads like this should come with a YMMV caveat. One’s success at cold approach is heavily dependent on two factors: looks and location.

The first one is pretty self-explanatory. You have to be at least somewhat above average in terms of looks to have consistent success. It’s what allows you to get your foot in the door.

Location is very important too. In some cities, cold approaching is not really a part of the cultural landscape, so women get weirded out by it. In other places (i.e. NYC) it’s very common and therefore “normal”.

Barrister, out of curiosity, which city do you live in?

 

[oc16]

I think my opinion on picking up women on OLD vs cold approach has slightly changed. On one hand, I still stand by OLD being a possible outlet to get women, but on the other, I am starting to think it’s actually easier to get women cold approaching and much easier to get hotter women. I banged three different women in the past 3 nights:

1. HB 7.5 Age 28: I was buying a rug for my apartment at a furniture store and I saw her standing at the counter. I already knew what rug I was going to get but saw this as an easy opening. I went up to her asked her if I could get a woman’s opinion. She of course said yes and followed me to the two rugs it had come down to. I told her what I thought and asked her opinion. An easy, flirtatious conversation followed. I asked for her number at the end of the convo and set up plans for this past Thursday for a drink. Drinks went well and she came back to my place.

2. HB 8.5 Age 25 - this was the most traditional approach. Happened at a bar near where I live. She was with 2 other friends and I walked up to all 3 while they were ordering drinks and asked if I could add mine to their tab. Of course this got a rise out of all of them with some friendly banter exchanged. I told them I was kidding and put all 3 girls on my tab and invited them over to my table where my two guy friends were. She then talked to me at the table primarily and I got her number. She and I went out a couple times prior, but Friday she came directly to my place and we banged.

3. HB 8 - Age 24: I was at the pool yesterday at my apartment. She walked up to a seat near mine and laid down. I watched her out of the corner of my eye for a bit then just turned to her and asked her her name. Easy conversation followed. I invited her to come out with me last night if she was interested. She said she could meet up with me later. Long story short I left the bar early I was at and texted her I was leaving but maybe another time and I was back at my apt. She asked if “I was just going to go to bed.” This was obvious opening and I invited her to stop by. She did and we banged and fell asleep.

My point with these stories is that I don’t think that first any of these women would ever be on OLD - or if they were they would be such a hot commodity given their sex appeal that with all of their options I would never match with them on there. I have very good SMV, but OLD doesn’t allow you to demonstrate your people skills which I think is huge. Just starting a normal conversation and asking for her number at the end opens the door to almost any woman. It gets their guard down and is so much better than dealing with flakiness while exchanging DMs.

I used to be a proponent of using both. I think I now think only use OLD if you literally have no other options. You can meet women anywhere. You can also pull far younger and hotter with cold approach. OLD demands a very big time sink compared to just going out and enjoying yourself along the way. My two cents.

Wow, good work. There are four things I learned from your post

a.) I think for cold approaches you have to be reasonably good-looking to be successful (which you stated you are)

b.) Since so many men stare at women and fail to make a move; they are probably a bit taken aback when a random guy who they haven't been given IOI's to starts talking to them. This is a good thing since it shows confidence, and we know women love confidence.

c.) If you see an attractive woman you want to talk to you regardless of IOI's, you should do it right away. The more you hesitate the more you will get into your own head and NOT do anything.

d.) I try and make small talk with most female cashiers, baristas at Starbucks regardless of if I find them attractive or not since it is good practice.

 

[SW15]

I used to be team online dating many years ago, this was around 2014 to 2018 or so when dating apps were still a somewhat legitimate way to meet women. Yeah, it felt validating to get 100+ matches on Bumble, Hinge, and Tinder. However, I found that over the years, it became a pay to play environment and you were constantly having to restart your profile or buy boosts. I moved to Miami and found that apps like Hinge barely had any women on it and I constantly matched with women that lived in Ft. Lauderdale which is a 30 min+ drive.

Online dating has always been a shiit show, even in the 2014-2018 years. Most men were getting more matches then but most were garbage matches leading to the "one date, no sex, no second date" outcome. Those dates aren't worth going on.

Tinder was best in 2012-13 when it first launched. It went to shiit pretty quickly.

Prior to swipe apps, dating websites were bad. Women were getting their inboxes pounded by thirsty guys and it was difficult to stand out and get a response. Swipe apps eventually compounded this problem but via the swipe queue instead of the inbox. Anyway, even when you get a match on a swipe app, it's not that easy to get a date from the conversation. Lots of mid-conversation flaking.

I got into approaching and it has felt so great. Even though the success is far less, you get to decide what kinds of women you pull into your life or at least have a strong say in it. After months of doing it and getting laid, I cannot complain. I cannot find a better thing to do on weekends despite having options and friends. It puts you in a special league when done right.

I just approached a service sector worker from a popular bar while out walking. Most men would only be able to talk to her while she's on duty. The best way to get a service sector worker is to meet them off duty.

 

[BadWatermelon]

I'm not naturally an extrovert but i can play the role well when needed too and women always pick up on this

How do you approach this? I've found that alcohol helps me be more outgoing, but it's not always an option, and not a very healthy one.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I'm black, the swipe apps work perfectly for me. It's either 1 or 0 attraction from women I get.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I'm black, the swipe apps work perfectly for me. It's either 1 or 0 attraction from women I get.

Polarization is what you want

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Polarization is what you want

Exactly, if a girl doesn't like black guys then you are a 1 to her regardless if you are 10/10 on paper or not. You could mitigate this by approaching in black friendly areas, but I don't like mud sharks lol. I hate easy prey lol. On Tinder, if a girl swipes on you then you know that boundary is gone.

 

[DonJuanjr]

@Jake_Gyllenhaal69 If you had the chance to be white, but 5'6 and bald would you do it?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

@Jake_Gyllenhaal69 If you had the chance to be white, but 5'6 and bald would you do it?

No I like being 6ft and not bald lol. However, I do think he would have it easier dating wise than me. I don't let women rule my life, so it is what it is lol.