Biggest mistakes you made in a LTR?

[manfrombelow]

My biggest mistake while being blue-pilled was moving into my gf's place, and things started going downhill from there.

I learned many lessons the hard way, among them was that the concept of "relationship" is all but a constant power struggle between the man and the woman.

In this struggle, if the man wins, then everything's good and everyone's happy but if the guy loses, then only hell awaits him.

And make sure you bring home more, way more money than she does. Women might not be fully submissive to a rich guy, but they sure know how to treat a poor guy like dogsh!t.

When you're poor, you're dogsh!t. It's as simple as that.

 

[mjb3617]

My biggest mistake while being a BP was ignoring the obvious red flags present while starting to see a woman. Should have just kept it to a FWB arrangement and saved myself a lot of trouble.

Lessons learned the hard way. It also opened my eyes that you can either understand women or love them, but you cannot do both.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Forgetting looks matter. Even in a LTR. I got pudgy, sloppy and unkempt. She warned me over and over. I was too BluePilled to believe her. Won’t make that mistake again.

 

[SirBigBell]

One of the biggest mistakes men in LTRs make is getting comfortable to the point of switching off their killing instincts. I made this mistake in my mid 20s and got burnt for it.

In a relationship, a man should always keep his sword sharp and his killer instincts on display but not in active use.

What do I mean by this?

See, women by their nature desire, value and elevate what other women desire. Women subconsciously want to feel like they have won you from their competitors. They dont want a guy no other woman wants.

The mistake most men make is to get comfy in LTRs and stop doing the things that got the woman attracted in the first place. They stop dressing well (self presentation); some even bathe less (sloppy hygiene); gain weight (self neglect) and socialise with their friends less (loss of social proof).

When you start displaying these adverse qualities, the woman slowly starts to lose attraction towards you and her eye starts wandering and scanning for other males that she considers to be on her level. Other women will also stop giving you that subtle eye in the supermarket isle.

Your girlfriend or wife hates it when she perceives other women checking you out, but deep down she respects it because it reminds her that she possesses something of value. Nothing keeps her on her toes like the possible threat of losing you to others.

In a LTR, stay sharp boys. This is an unwritten rule that pays dividends if you obey it and punishes you if you ignore it

 

[manfrombelow]

Young men of SS, marked and learn this thread well. Contrary to common belief, you actually learn very little from success but very much from failures. This is a thread about failures that senior guys made (and learnt from), so read it well.

 

[manfrombelow]

Actually, looking back, I think that all of my failed LTR would not have been failures if I had kept them simply as FWB aka plates. Now, I really don't think it's worth to try to invest into a LTR anymore. The juice is not worth the squeeze. Too much work and effort from the man, but too little from the woman, to keep the LTR going.

 

[manfrombelow]

Not realizing that it’s all a game, thus didn’t know that there is a delicate balance.

By not knowing that it’s just a game, I made it personal at a deep level and saw actions in the game that I miss labeled as evil motivated when in fact it was me that didn’t understand the game.

There are rules in all games. Life itself is just a game. The most important rule of this game is called “exchange”.

Would you exchange your labor and time for pennies? No. You wouldn’t. When existing in this game, the very second that you share or give your abilities, your creativity and skill at surviving in the world away for pennies, I guarantee you will lose. There must be an exchange that is equitable for both. Otherwise there is no “relationship”. There is just you giving away all your abilities and even your soul for no return. For not received.

All men have done this at one point or another. To let her work, play and dance in the world at your expense, neglect your needs or common decency, you become a little smaller. If you continue to let her extract and obtain thinking that she will equitably exchange with you, you destroy your own soul. It is ALL your fault. You did it. You went to work as a slave for pennies.

She took her marketable gifts and dangled them in front of you and you paid an exorbitant price for it never realizing that she can take back everything and leave you still paying. This is a chess game and you got beaten.

Can you please re-write this post into simpler English? I don't think I fully got what you meant. Thank you.

 

[manfrombelow]

I will try. Let’s do this. This is the provider paradigm.

Her sex and intimacy is her currency. Your ability to think in a straight line gives you extreme abilities. You are more creative. You build worlds in your mind and then turn it into reality. You are stronger. You have the ability to deliver extreme violence when needed. You can protect others with your very life. A woman doesn’t have this. Except perhaps the protection of her children but rarely sacrifices her life. She can make more children.

What does she have? She has the beauty of the world. The extreme potential to nurture life. Bring life into the world.

When you give all your gifts to her or allow her to get all the benefits from those gifts but she withholds her gifts from you, you have lost the game. The more you give the less she has to give. Thus you don’t have a game. You do not have an exchange. You are paying charity to her because she has a pu$$y. You are a beggar.

How do you corrupt a person or even a civilization? You give them something for free and they return nothing.
If you understand physics and math, this is called the Theory of the Conservation of Energy.

You are literally turning her into a bag of useless shyt.

In short, whenever a man stops making conditions for his woman to give him the benefits he wants (in most case it's the sex and intimacy), he already has lost the "game".

But men all around the world are playing this game already, it's called "marriage".

 

[manfrombelow]

If a woman wants to borrow a thousand dollars from you and doesn’t pay you back…
why is she avoiding you? Why is she critical of you? Why does she say things about you? Even worse, in a relationship, why does she suddenly think she’s in charge? Even more unhappy than she was before?

YOU didn’t ensure that there was an exchange. You degraded her. You could have at least gotten a dozen BJs. Anything. A dozen BJs would have at least gotten her respect. She understands men and it would be a reasonable exchange in her mind. It would make sense to her. Give it to her for free? She would instantly know you are a sap.

I never loan money. If a family member or friend truly needs help I gift it to them and tell them to pay it forward or I don’t give them any money at all. The reason I don’t loan money is because I want them to survive well and I want the best for them. I would help them brainstorm some ideas. Anything else.

In short, never be a simp or a provider. Everything is an exchange. As men, we might not want our so-called "LTR" an exchange, but we HAVE TO MAKE IT one, for our sake. Because, as long as a relationship remains an exchange, it can survive. But the moment we turn into White Knights and say to our women "Baby you don't have to do anything just sit back, relax and let me bring you what you need", they would literally MURDER us.

 

[metalwater]

My biggest mistake while being blue-pilled was moving into my gf's place, and things started going downhill from there.

I learned many lessons the hard way, among them was that the concept of "relationship" is all but a constant power struggle between the man and the woman.

In this struggle, if the man wins, then everything's good and everyone's happy but if the guy loses, then only hell awaits him.

And make sure you bring home more, way more money than she does. Women might not be fully submissive to a rich guy, but they sure know how to treat a poor guy like dogsh!t.

When you're poor, you're dogsh!t. It's as simple as that.

some good stuff in this thread.

you will get what you negotiate not what you deserve. yes, I know that we can not negotiate desire, but we can negotiate behavior and submissive is behavior. A rich guy that does not insist on a woman being submissive is not negotiating well.

women will behave the same or at least similar, you can change them out or keep one, either way, you will get what you want if you insist and she is getting what she wants.

Like any other project, if you don't manage it someone will steal while another will do substandard work or no work at all if you allow it.

we dream of a woman that will priority us over their own wants. It will happen only if we insist and it is a good deal for her. The other thing is we need to be honest with ourselves about what she wants. Put yourself in her place and what would you do... probably the same thing she does. She is thinking, what do I have to do to get what I want.

If she wants your validation she will do everything and more for you until she gets it or decides to abandon. this is what a short-term game is about. For long-term project management is needed, negotiation and enforcement just like any other project. Often men are good at short term suck at the long term because you don't really need to manage a woman seeking validation from you, won't last forever.

 

[manfrombelow]

@TheFinalLine :

Regarding money, I never loan money either. Because if I refuse to loan money to my friend, I might lose a friend. But if I loan it to him, I might lose a friend AND money.

So, I either gift people money (the kind of money I can afford to give away), or I don't do anything at all. Loaning money to people is the fastest way to destroy your relationship with them. The moment you loan money to your friend, you have become his owner and he your slave. That's not friendship anymore.

Again, thank you for your wisdom man. I'm reaching my mid 30's, and if only I had known all these knowledge in my early twenties of my teenage years, hell, if I HAD a real father that taught me this kind of stuff back then, my life would have been way better than it is now.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I've had good LTRs, I just don't have any desire to meet their continued rising expectations, I've been pretty comfortable outside relationships for a while though so I'll probably stay that way for the foreseeable future, keep banging 18 year olds till I'm 35

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

letting her give me an ultimatum to marry her and then marrying her, then letting her push me into having kids. The life i coulda had without a wife and kids {later divorce and 21 yrs of child support)

 

[manfrombelow]

I've had good LTRs, I just don't have any desire to meet their continued rising expectations, I've been pretty comfortable outside relationships for a while though so I'll probably stay that way for the foreseeable future, keep banging 18 year olds till I'm 35

So you ended the LTR the moment you smelled disaster coming? Then you have had FWB relationships, not LTRs then.

 

[manfrombelow]

letting her give me an ultimatum to marry her and then marrying her, then letting her push me into having kids. The life i coulda had without a wife and kids {later divorce and 21 yrs of child support)

Man, I'm sorry to hear this. I'm lucky to have learned (not the hard way) that the moment the woman gives you an ultimatum to marry or else, you MUST end the relationship on the spot.

 

[SargeMaximus]

My biggest mistake while being a BP was ignoring the obvious red flags present while starting to see a woman. Should have just kept it to a FWB arrangement and saved myself a lot of trouble.

Lessons learned the hard way. It also opened my eyes that you can either understand women or love them, but you cannot do both.

Same here. Should have kept it as a fwb. Definitely shouldn’t have moved in together, and really shouldn’t have “tried to work things out” when things went south. Also, should never have gone monogamous

 

[bat soup]

My biggest mistake while being blue-pilled was moving into my gf's place, and things started going downhill from there.

I learned many lessons the hard way, among them was that the concept of "relationship" is all but a constant power struggle between the man and the woman.

In this struggle, if the man wins, then everything's good and everyone's happy but if the guy loses, then only hell awaits him.

And make sure you bring home more, way more money than she does. Women might not be fully submissive to a rich guy, but they sure know how to treat a poor guy like dogsh!t.

When you're poor, you're dogsh!t. It's as simple as that.

The biggest mistake a man can make with a woman is forgetting that he is the boss. The moment you start letting a woman tell you what to do, your life is over.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

So you ended the LTR the moment you smelled disaster coming? Then you have had FWB relationships, not LTRs then.

Not sure how you were able to get this take away from what I posted, but please continue to tell me about my relationships

 

[IKO69]

The only one that needs to be mentioned is not putting myself first.

When I was younger I had a very foolish idea of how relationships go from all the stupid movies and crap I was exposed too, like a lot of men i'd wager.

If you don't put yourself first, no one else will --- that's the lesson.

The biggest mistake a man can make with a woman is forgetting that he is the boss. The moment you start letting a woman tell you what to do, your life is over.

This. Thanks bat soup.

 

[manfrombelow]

Before moving in, make sure the place (house/apartment) is YOURS, or at least has the rent 100% PAID BY YOU.

If it's the woman's place, or she has her share (no matter 50% or 30% of whatever) in the rent money, then for some mysterious mechanism, she'd start looking down on you, losing respect for you gradually until she starts sucking other d!cks out there.

NEVER, EVER, move into a woman's place. Or better yet: DON'T MOVE IN AT ALL.

This is one of the lessons that I learned the hardest way possible.