I have been thinking about the behavior of some women that many here would consider toxic. What I have written is from personal relationship experience, experiences of my friends and from women who I have known over the years without a romantic relationship. Consider this:
She has lots of guy friends, who she spends time with. With some, she is flirtatious, others just friendly. She has her one alpha that she will follow and wait for, act feminine, be submissive, doting, completely loyal physically and provides him sex on demand. He can just call or show up. She is a "good" woman for him. She rarely (if ever) introduces any of her guy friends to her man so she can maintain the aire of availability and satisfy her need for attention and intimacy from her "nice guy" friends. For her, it's basically a complete relationship made up of parts. She is smart, sharp and can take care of herself. Her relationship history always seems to end in a train wreck and it's never her fault, unless she eventually cheats and gets caught. Then there is strong, open remorse, but the guy she cheated on is also somehow responsible. There is always a "but".
The view from the "guy friends":
She really seems to like me. Sits close, eye contact, flipping her hair, gives me her number, has drinks or lunch with me... all of the "buying signals". I'll ask her out on a "one on one" romantic date, just one more time and hopefully she won't be busy this time.
The view of the "regular guy" who dates her:
She wants to be friends first. OK, we can go slow and see what happens. She is a good girl, so I will wait for her. How she is talking to that guy isn't really flirting, its just how she is and it will die down as we get closer. I'm getting tired of being the one always initiating contact and having her only accept my invitations and lack of consistent sex. Why isn't this progressing?
The view from the "red pilled, regular guy" :
She has a lot of guy friends so I'm going to date her with caution. See what she puts in and if her words match her actions. Date others and take some time to see who might really reside in her head. If red flags pop up, look at them for what they are and if serious, bail before you get too involved. If at any point there is a major infraction that crushes your known boundaries, next.
The view from the "alpha":
I'm busy, have my own life and a woman should follow my lead and support my goals. I demand respect and If she won't give it up and play by my rules, I'll find one that will. Get me a beer.
The view from her standpoint:
My man is busy and I need something to do. I'll just be friendly with other guys, just to the point of them thinking that they have a chance. Its all harmless fun. If they call me on it, I'll just tell them that I'm sorry that they got the wrong idea, I'm just friendly. I miss my man and hope he calls so I can go and be with him. I don't have any commitments to those other men, so cancelling last minute to be with him instead, isn't a problem and is none of their business if I am in a relationship.
After a break up with her alpha and "settling" to date a regular guy, she is actually still pining for the alpha who dumped her and uses the regular guy as her "safe, but unofficial boyfriend" until she feels better and another alpha comes along. Then she gives the regular guy the "I think that we should just be friends" a short time after meeting her new alpha, acting feminine, submissive with him and then banging his brains out. She misses the closeness, metal intimacy and safety of her regular guy and will do her best to keep him around her long enough to wean herself off of any feelings for him. She has no cares for how the dumped guy feels, just how SHE feels.
Rinse repeat.
Although this may seem like a toxic woman, I don't believe that they are. They are just a type of woman. Not evil. It just takes a certain type of man to keep them for a period of time. Knowing the history of a few like this, they have usually been in relationships with narcissistic partners where the bar is always raised, they strive to be in good graces and stay as his number one. They are actually pleasers. It's like a tread mill with a big carrot and for her, and a natural match where she can be in an LTR for years and it will only end when the guy moves on or does something so egregious that she ends it. All she does is complain about him to her very closest "guy friends", never understands why she is never truly happy and when dumped, complains that she can't find a nice guy. She constantly tests her man and if she senses a chink in his armour, her masculine side comes out and she slowly wears him down until he is just a regular guy in her eyes, soon to be replaced. If the man begs to stay together, she may agree, but it's only temporary. She now holds the cards and she will play him until he is emotionally broke. If she plays the friends card, she probably already has a replacement in her sights. The only choice is to walk and not look back. If she comes running back and you are still considering a do over, make her work so hard that she never wants to experience it again. Do this at your peril since unless you are careful, this will eventually wear off. If you walk, the only satisfaction for you is that there is a better chance than not, that someday she will regret her decisions and pine for you for a short time, probaby between alphas. She may even try to rekindle things to experience comfort for a while.
If you aren't stone cold and attachment or bonding is not in your vocabulary, this type of woman simply is not for you. No matter what you do, if you care at all for her beyond what she can do for you, you are going to end up unhappy or dumped. God forbid if you marry her. Just accept it for what it is and instead of trying to date her, grab some popcorn, watch the drama unfold with some other guy and go out and find the type of woman that is right for you.
She has lots of guy friends, who she spends time with. With some, she is flirtatious, others just friendly. She has her one alpha that she will follow and wait for, act feminine, be submissive, doting, completely loyal physically and provides him sex on demand. He can just call or show up. She is a "good" woman for him. She rarely (if ever) introduces any of her guy friends to her man so she can maintain the aire of availability and satisfy her need for attention and intimacy from her "nice guy" friends. For her, it's basically a complete relationship made up of parts. She is smart, sharp and can take care of herself. Her relationship history always seems to end in a train wreck and it's never her fault, unless she eventually cheats and gets caught. Then there is strong, open remorse, but the guy she cheated on is also somehow responsible. There is always a "but".
The view from the "guy friends":
She really seems to like me. Sits close, eye contact, flipping her hair, gives me her number, has drinks or lunch with me... all of the "buying signals". I'll ask her out on a "one on one" romantic date, just one more time and hopefully she won't be busy this time.
The view of the "regular guy" who dates her:
She wants to be friends first. OK, we can go slow and see what happens. She is a good girl, so I will wait for her. How she is talking to that guy isn't really flirting, its just how she is and it will die down as we get closer. I'm getting tired of being the one always initiating contact and having her only accept my invitations and lack of consistent sex. Why isn't this progressing?
The view from the "red pilled, regular guy" :
She has a lot of guy friends so I'm going to date her with caution. See what she puts in and if her words match her actions. Date others and take some time to see who might really reside in her head. If red flags pop up, look at them for what they are and if serious, bail before you get too involved. If at any point there is a major infraction that crushes your known boundaries, next.
The view from the "alpha":
I'm busy, have my own life and a woman should follow my lead and support my goals. I demand respect and If she won't give it up and play by my rules, I'll find one that will. Get me a beer.
The view from her standpoint:
My man is busy and I need something to do. I'll just be friendly with other guys, just to the point of them thinking that they have a chance. Its all harmless fun. If they call me on it, I'll just tell them that I'm sorry that they got the wrong idea, I'm just friendly. I miss my man and hope he calls so I can go and be with him. I don't have any commitments to those other men, so cancelling last minute to be with him instead, isn't a problem and is none of their business if I am in a relationship.
After a break up with her alpha and "settling" to date a regular guy, she is actually still pining for the alpha who dumped her and uses the regular guy as her "safe, but unofficial boyfriend" until she feels better and another alpha comes along. Then she gives the regular guy the "I think that we should just be friends" a short time after meeting her new alpha, acting feminine, submissive with him and then banging his brains out. She misses the closeness, metal intimacy and safety of her regular guy and will do her best to keep him around her long enough to wean herself off of any feelings for him. She has no cares for how the dumped guy feels, just how SHE feels.
Rinse repeat.
Although this may seem like a toxic woman, I don't believe that they are. They are just a type of woman. Not evil. It just takes a certain type of man to keep them for a period of time. Knowing the history of a few like this, they have usually been in relationships with narcissistic partners where the bar is always raised, they strive to be in good graces and stay as his number one. They are actually pleasers. It's like a tread mill with a big carrot and for her, and a natural match where she can be in an LTR for years and it will only end when the guy moves on or does something so egregious that she ends it. All she does is complain about him to her very closest "guy friends", never understands why she is never truly happy and when dumped, complains that she can't find a nice guy. She constantly tests her man and if she senses a chink in his armour, her masculine side comes out and she slowly wears him down until he is just a regular guy in her eyes, soon to be replaced. If the man begs to stay together, she may agree, but it's only temporary. She now holds the cards and she will play him until he is emotionally broke. If she plays the friends card, she probably already has a replacement in her sights. The only choice is to walk and not look back. If she comes running back and you are still considering a do over, make her work so hard that she never wants to experience it again. Do this at your peril since unless you are careful, this will eventually wear off. If you walk, the only satisfaction for you is that there is a better chance than not, that someday she will regret her decisions and pine for you for a short time, probaby between alphas. She may even try to rekindle things to experience comfort for a while.
If you aren't stone cold and attachment or bonding is not in your vocabulary, this type of woman simply is not for you. No matter what you do, if you care at all for her beyond what she can do for you, you are going to end up unhappy or dumped. God forbid if you marry her. Just accept it for what it is and instead of trying to date her, grab some popcorn, watch the drama unfold with some other guy and go out and find the type of woman that is right for you.
- if she is still looking pretty decent, she will divorce him and start chasing the Alpha that she had to give up the chase for.