Who are women actually dating and how do they find them?

[AttackFormation]

Im using an OLD app that ive never used before, which gives you a free premium trial. By now my profile has allegedly been shown to hundreds of women through free boosts, but ive only got a single like out of it - with a woman who put no effort in and later unmatched me.

My barber a few days ago told me that last time, her next customer after me asked if i was a "photo model", and she too went on about it and said i should try it... I say that to give the proper perspective for my next question which is, if none of them think im good enough, who the fvck are they dating? and how do they meet them? The women on that app dont drink and dont go to clubs, so it cant be that they are simply hooking up with the local club Chads, though i will give that they might find men through antisocial media. Are they actually as lonely as men are?

I just dont see how this social situation can hold in the long run.

 

[allergictobs]

Something you may find interesting:

I did some online dating a few years ago. Got a few dates with average women in their late 20s. Didn't end up dating any of them, but friended many of them on facebook at the time. I considered myself to be way out of their league, but obviously they didn't see it the same way - they basically all rejected me, but remained on my facebook to this date.

Now, years later, a quick survey shows every one of them is still single (at least according to facebook). Their photos also indicate that they are still single.

I'm convinced that most of the older women (above age 25) on online dating sites are permanently single. Especially the older dating sites are often the last resort for women to find a guy - they typically try all other methods first. This means that none of their orbiters was good enough for them. Which usually implies that no one is good enough.

 

[SW15]

I'm convinced that most of the older women (above age 25) on online dating sites are permanently single.

There is a class of perma-single women/marginally attached women. It's possible to disappear from apps for an extended period (6-12 months) and see some of the same women on the apps 6 or 12 months later. Sometimes this can go on for years.

This means that none of their orbiters was good enough for them. Which usually implies that no one is good enough.

Accurate

 

[AttackFormation]

Something you may find interesting:

I did some online dating a few years ago. Got a few dates with average women in their late 20s. Didn't end up dating any of them, but friended many of them on facebook at the time. I considered myself to be way out of their league, but obviously they didn't see it the same way - they basically all rejected me, but remained on my facebook to this date.

Now, years later, a quick survey shows every one of them is still single (at least according to facebook).

I'm convinced that most of the older women (above age 25) on online dating sites are permanently single. Especially the older dating sites are often the last resort for women to find a guy - they typically try all other methods first. This means that none of their orbiters was good enough for them. Which usually implies that no one is good enough.

I agree with this. So then we have to explain: if most women are not on OLD whereas far more men are, implying those men are not meeting enough women IRL, and the few women who are there think just about no man is good enough, how are women today actually meeting men? I feel im at a breaking point if i cant start meeting women soon. It feels bizarre that it should be this impossible, so i hope im just not doing it right.

 

[allergictobs]

I agree with this. So then we have to explain: if most women are not on OLD whereas far more men are, implying those men are not meeting enough women IRL, and the few women who are there think just about no man is good enough, how are women today actually meeting men? I feel im at a breaking point if i cant start meeting women soon. It feels bizarre that it should be this impossible, so i hope im just not doing it right.

I'm of the opinion that most women (who are not perma-single) meet guys through friends, and usually the guy is one of their many orbiters in that social circle. The girl may dream of an alpha/celebrity/athlete, but gladly accept one of her orbiters.

The attitude you have right now (at a breaking point) is surely not good for meeting women. Women/dating is not worth getting depressed, you have to solve that first in some way.

 

[Smok1nAce]

I know how you feel, I've asked out and tired to pursue many women single women only to have them reject me and I was ok with it. Then months or years later I see their boyfriend and am absolutely dumb founded.

My opinion on the matter is women will lie to themselves and will never admit they made a mistake despite their happiness. The number one reason why the dating world right now is insufferable to most level headed people.

 

[AttackFormation]

I'm of the opinion that most women (who are not perma-single) meet guys through friends, and usually the guy is one of their many orbiters in that social circle. The girl may dream of an alpha/celebrity/athlete, but gladly accept one of her orbiters.

The attitude you have right now (at a breaking point) is surely not good for meeting women. Women/dating is not worth getting depressed, you have to solve that first in some way.

Agreed again, which is bad news for guys like me who either lack social spheres or have male dominated ones. Looking back on who i was at 18, in conclusion i astronomically overestimated how viable OLD would be for meeting women in my 20s. If i could see a snapshot then of conditions now, i would have done much more to keep in contact with and build new female social contacts, maybe even tried to settle down with one of the girls i met.

The problem is im in one of the periods when i cant push it back anymore, and my brain wont let me concentrate on anything else. If i could just decide to not care i would have loved to haha.

I have recently thought of simply buying a card pack and going out asking women-rich groups in bars if they want to play... it's going to take something drastic like that to make a change. I dont really want to be in bars, but walking around trying to establish eye contact with women is not working.

 

[SW15]

Agreed again, which is bad news for guys like me who either lack social spheres or have male dominated ones.

I identify. Due to numerous childhood relocations, I could never develop a social circle. Since turning 18, I've also had numerous moves. Even though I'm 38 and have been in the same city 10 years, my social circle is not all that strong.

Since I've not had a social circle since hitting puberty, my 20+ years in the dating/relationships has been about cold approaching and swipe app/websites in the pre-swipe app era.

Both are tough roads.

 

[characternote]

The UK has always been social circle in my experience; Basically every guy I know got their girlfriends and wives etc through knowing them from school and having many mutual friends. Or sometimes work. I feel like i'm one of the only people I know (out of hundreds) who has hooked up with complete strangers a good few times (thank you cold approach). I'm sure i've had friends who tried a bit, but the failure rate was unacceptable to them. They realised soon that girls here really don't wanna talk to some complete stranger. (unless she just happens to be mega physically attracted to him)

The girls tend to already have so many friends and stuff from pre-existing social circles with a good handful of guys who they like and they really don't care to go outside of their circle. (this seems to be especially true in more chavvy areas) - And those that do tend to just meet hot guys on tinder which rules out a huge percentage of guys

I feel like in the US it's always been a bit different as people are so much more social and friendly when it comes to strangers (I noticed this throughout my life on visits to various US states. And also noticed it back when i'd watch infields and the interactions were SO different to what i'd expect here lol)

but I also think that maybe the US is slowly becoming a bit more like the UK. I see posts like this on reddit too which make me think that.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I feel im at a breaking point if i cant start meeting women soon. It feels bizarre that it should be this impossible, so i hope im just not doing it right.

I feel like I could have wrote this. You're not alone man. It's very frustrating for sure. Like you I too am not having luck with OLD. I just deleted my tinder account yesterday. I will try hinge and bumble at some point, but not in the immediate future. I wish I could go back in time to account for the dumpster fire that is todays dating reality.

 

[AttackFormation]

The UK has always been social circle in my experience; Basically every guy I know got their girlfriends and wives etc through knowing them from school and having many mutual friends. Or sometimes work. I feel like i'm one of the only people I know (out of hundreds) who has hooked up with complete strangers (thank you cold approach). I'm sure i've had friends who try, but the failure rate was unacceptable to them. They realised soon that girls here really don't wanna talk to some complete stranger. (unless she just happens to be mega physically attracted to him)

I feel like in the US it's always been a bit different as people are so much more social and friendly when it comes to strangers (I noticed this throughout my life on visits to various US states. And also noticed it back when i'd watch infields and the interactions were SO different to what i'd expect here lol)

but I also think that it's slowly becoming more like the UK. I see posts like this on reddit too which make me think that.

Britain sounds like Sweden. I have been trying to establish eye contact with women here during the summer, to the extent my fear of coming off as a rapist or harasser allows me to look at women. But so far it hasnt worked, in the rare cases when they arent digged into their phone they dont look back or are simply unemotive. And forget about them doing anything proactively with me.

However ive also been in USA once. It was winter in the midwest and i wasnt out much, especially not around people.. but i still got hit on once, and a very strong IOI from another girl (who i was afraid she was underaged). I felt amazed by both events, and simply stunned by the IOI. Some guy even started talking to me on a train ride.

I feel like I could have wrote this. You're not alone man. It's very frustrating for sure. Like you I too am not having luck with OLD. I just deleted my tinder account yesterday. I will try hinge and bumble at some point, but not in the immediate future. I wish I could go back in time to account for the dumpster fire that is todays dating reality.

The self-help you get from society about this, which spills over to here, is unfortunately quite absurd. You are basically supposed to be entirely fine without a human need (touch, intimacy) that babies cant even survive without, despite your brain not letting you concentrate properly on anything else. And only then when you have become some kind of android are you supposed to be with women, despite that at this point you supposedly dont want them for anything. Seeing touch, intimacy and companionship as a foundation for life instead of some kind of accessory is "weird". I am haunted by visions of the past when i touched and joked with a woman.

I hope you have better fortune on bumble and hinge than i did.

 

[characternote]

Some guy even started talking to me on a train ride.

haha - that's what i'm talking about.

When I was in the US I done pretty good with girls, but people could say 'Oh, it's your accent', which may well be true. idk.
But what I noticed (as you mention) is that strangers were talking on trains and in stores and stuff. Lots. Guys go to bars by themselves and they meet other guys by themselves and they drink beers together and stuff. As a Brit, that's madness! lol. Never seen it. (my brother noticed the same thing when he went to the US with his gf)

I saw someone make a post once, and it was something like ''If I approach a girl in the US and say 'hi, i'm Andy', she'll smile, say 'Hi Andy'', and then volunteer HER name! I'm Kelly. What's up?' kind of thing.
He said' in the UK, walking up to a girl and saying ''Hi, i'm Andy'' would have her looking at you like you'd escaped from an asylum and she's wonder why the hell you were telling her that!' haha

But yeah, I kinda think things are changing slowly even over there. Maybe a result of the heavy social media world that is taking over. I'm not clever enough to explain it tbh, but from reading peoples posts sometimes, I think ''Hmmm...sounds like teh US is slowly becoming like the UK in terms of 'stranger danger''' lol

 

[allergictobs]

Agreed again, which is bad news for guys like me who either lack social spheres or have male dominated ones. Looking back on who i was at 18, in conclusion i astronomically overestimated how viable OLD would be for meeting women in my 20s. If i could see a snapshot then of conditions now, i would have done much more to keep in contact with and build new female social contacts, maybe even tried to settle down with one of the girls i met.

I feel you, I too lack a proper social circle and my work environment is almost all males.

The problem is im in one of the periods when i cant push it back anymore, and my brain wont let me concentrate on anything else. If i could just decide to not care i would have loved to haha.

Sounds like you just need to get laid? There are women who can take care of that for money (where it's legal). I'm not advocating it, but I also think it should not be shamed if it solves the problem.

In general, I don't understand why guys don't use escort services more commonly when they are desperate. Sure beats picking up a random, below average girl from a bar drunk as hell and trying to have sex with her before she throws up on you.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Using OLD as any kind of metric for who women are dating is a bad idea. Most are on there for attention alone, or if they ARE meeting guys from it, they've already been spoiled by their ability to get guys 4 leagues above their own yet haven't understood why they keep getting pumped and dumped. They think the next 9 they match with will be the one who will want to be in a relationship with them.

I never met a quality girl on OLD. Just damaged goods. I did sleep with a fair amount of seriously hot girls from it though but that doesn't mean they were quality girls - just attractive. And I had to go on my fair share of dates with girls who looked nothing like their photos to get to the hot ones. I do way better with cold approach.

Most girls meet guys through social circle / friends, work, events, and hobbies/activities.

 

[DonJuanjr]

That's the thing though... We are just wanting the physical intimacy with a woman. Getting that is hard enough let alone finding a "quality" one.

 

[AttackFormation]

I feel you, I too lack a proper social circle and my work environment is almost all males.



Sounds like you just need to get laid? There are women who can take care of that for money (where it's legal). I'm not advocating it, but I also think it should not be shamed if it solves the problem.

In general, I don't understand why guys don't use escort services more commonly when they are desperate. Sure beats picking up a random, below average girl from a bar drunk as hell and trying to have sex with her before she throws up on you.

Haha, well then you know what im talking about man. See...

Just mechanically getting laid wouldnt do anything for me. If the problem was simply that i wanted to get laid, i would never have stopped seeing the women from my past who i couldnt wait to get away from, and right now i would just be jacking off and content with that. But for sure i would rather jack off than be with a girl im not attracted to and dont like, as in your example, which ive repeatedly had to realise the hard way.

That's the thing though... We are just wanting the physical intimacy with a woman. Getting that is hard enough let alone finding a "quality" one.

I miss joking with a girl i used to be with. Yesterday i was at a lake we used to go to.. we would joke, make out, i could touch herto my heart's content... now i dont even remember how to tongue kiss hahaha... while she has fvcked literally tens of more men.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I miss joking with a girl i used to be with. Yesterday i was at a lake we used to go to.. we would joke, make out, i could touch herto my heart's content... now i dont even remember how to tongue kiss hahaha...

At least you realize it's the intimacy with a female, and not that particular woman that you miss. This will help prevent oneitis.

 

[SW15]

I never met a quality girl on OLD. Just damaged goods. I did sleep with a fair amount of seriously hot girls from it though but that doesn't mean they were quality girls - just attractive. And I had to go on my fair share of dates with girls who looked nothing like their photos to get to the hot ones. I do way better with cold approach.

If the common experience on swipe apps for men is to just meet damaged goods and deal with a lot of aggravation for the privilege of short term sexual release with damaged women, then it would make sense for most men not to play in the sandbox. It would be better to choose a sandbox where the general outcomes are more pleasant and more productive. That's why I've chosen not to market myself in that realm after bad experiences. I can say that I have more peace in my life when not trying to get my dicck wet via swipe apps.

Using OLD as any kind of metric for who women are dating is a bad idea. Most are on there for attention alone, or if they ARE meeting guys from it, they've already been spoiled by their ability to get guys 4 leagues above their own yet haven't understood why they keep getting pumped and dumped. They think the next 9 they match with will be the one who will want to be in a relationship with them.

10 years ago, I would have completely agreed with your statement on using OLD as a metric for the market of single women. In the last 3-5 years, I'm not sure. It seems like most singles are now making their way on to some swipe app at some point in their singlehood, so the apps might serve as a good proxy of the overall singles market.

Most girls meet guys through social circle / friends, work, events, and hobbies/activities.

If they have longer term relationships, then this likely true.

My closest male friends that I've made in current city met their LTR/wife through the following means.

-Social circle
-Bar cold approach
-Social circle
-Social circle

I realize my male friends from my local area are not a representative sample.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I can say that I have more peace in my life when not trying to get my dicck wet via swipe apps.

Same. Just not worth it. I'd rather go through a dry spell if that's the alternative, and spend more time with friends or doing the things I enjoy. OLD takes a fair amount of effort. Swiping, responding, setting up dates, communicating, going on dates, dealing with flakes, dealing with ghosters, blah blah blah. Not really worth it to me.

All my friends who are coupled up met their wife/husband in college, or through social circles. I do have one old friend in Silicon Valley who met his wife on Tinder, though that was more years ago than I can recall, when dating apps were just coming out.

 

[AttackFormation]

Same. Just not worth it. I'd rather go through a dry spell if that's the alternative, and spend more time with friends or doing the things I enjoy. OLD takes a fair amount of effort. Swiping, responding, setting up dates, communicating, going on dates, dealing with flakes, dealing with ghosters, blah blah blah. Not really worth it to me.

All my friends who are coupled up met their wife/husband in college, or through social circles. I do have one old friend in Silicon Valley who met his wife on Tinder, though that was more years ago than I can recall, when dating apps were just coming out.

Speaking of that, i had a flake yesterday from an app that ive still not managed to meet anyone from. She pretended to have forgotten we were supposed to meet yesterday. I didnt really care, in fact i was quite relieved i wouldnt have to bother - i was more concerned with myself having forgotten my own motto of expecting them to flake, which i now remember again haha.

I will need to do something drastic to change this shyt.... i am trying to see opportunities to cold approach through IOIs, but it hasnt been working so far - they are digged into their phones, or dont look back, or are completely unemotive. Do you ever get IOIs to approach?