My big question about interracial dating

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I'm a black male in a relationship with a white female, and it has started to concern me that my partner and I will never be aware of each other's struggles due to race. She will never understand what it is like to be a black man in America and I will never understand what it is like to be a white woman in America. How do particularly minority americans deal with this issue when dating white women?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Is your girlfriend Polish?

New Zealander

 

[Alvafe]

you know, I belive you are looking for a excuse

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

you know, I belive you are looking for a excuse

I tried looking this up and there was literally only one video by Donovan Sharpe that addressed this issue, the rest were either black women complaining about interracial relationships or black men blindly simping for white women

 

[SirBigBell]

I'm a black male in a relationship with a white female, and it has started to concern me that my partner and I will never be aware of each other's struggles due to race. She will never understand what it is like to be a black man in America and I will never understand what it is like to be a white woman in America. How do particularly minority americans deal with this issue when dating white women?

Dude, its difficult for people to really understand things that fall beyond the boundaries of their own lived experience. Thats why it becomes super toxic when people blinded by the goodness of their lived experience are allowed the platform to discuss the painful lived experiences of those they cant genuinely relate to.

You and your girlfriend understand the world through the different lenses of your lived experiences as a Caucasian and an Afro American. I know it may be frustrating to you when she doesn't fully grasp the breadth and depth of the pains, limitations and struggles common in the black experience, but quite frankly why would she have to when she hasnt lived it?

Its similar to grief. Everybody understands its painful to lose a parent to death, but it takes experiencing that loss personally for one to appreciate the big gap between understanding the pain in theory and the reality of “dude my mom just died”.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Interracial dating does add one more level of stress to the relationship. But I’ve never found it to be more than a minor issue.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I have good news.
If culture identity is this important to you, then you can eliminate your problem; if you decide to date within your own culture.
Wha la... problem solved!

As a man, why do you need your woman to understand your struggles? Personally, I try to avoid discussing any childhood dysfunctional upbringing... when with a gal. After all, the girl isn't my mother and I'm supposed to be *their* rock.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Dude, its difficult for people to really understand things that fall beyond the boundaries of their own lived experience. Thats why it becomes super toxic when people blinded by the goodness of their lived experience are allowed the platform to discuss the painful lived experiences of those they cant genuinely relate to.

You and your girlfriend understand the world through the different lenses of your lived experiences as a Caucasian and an Afro American. I know it may be frustrating to you when she doesn't fully grasp the breadth and depth of the pains, limitations and struggles common in the black experience, but quite frankly why would she have to when she hasnt lived it?

Its similar to grief. Everybody understands its painful to lose a parent to death, but it takes experiencing that loss personally for one to appreciate the big gap between understanding the pain in theory and the reality of “dude my mom just died”.

I guess it does make sense. Im not going to try and convince her otherwise but it’s just always going to stick at that back of my head.

 

[RickTheToad]

I'm a black male in a relationship with a white female, and it has started to concern me that my partner and I will never be aware of each other's struggles due to race. She will never understand what it is like to be a black man in America and I will never understand what it is like to be a white woman in America. How do particularly minority americans deal with this issue when dating white women?

Please enlighten us.. What "struggles" does a white woman in America have?

This should be good.

 

[Bandolero]

This is No 1 Bull****.
If you want somebody to understand your struggle on how it is to be a black man in America then go and date a black man.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Fuuck what other people think man! Just the other day I was talking to my sister and a couple friends about some of the girls I had been talking to. They all gave me the proverbial eye roll over the telephone: "Oh enough about Spanish women. That's all you go for. You're obsessed. Etc. Etc."

Yeah? So what? IDGAF what they think. I enjoy that culture and the values of a lot of Hispanic women. I like dancing to Spanish music, cooking Spanish food, and I'm trying to learn Spanish and Portuguese. If my friends and family don't get it or don't understand it, that's their problem. I'm not going to change what I like just because society tells me to.

 

[stovepipe]

Why does she have to care about what it's like to be a person of color? Drop your balls and get rid of that victim mentality. I'm a person of color and it's getting old seeing any race or color constantly playing the victim card. When you stop giving a fuk, you'll live a happier life.

I've been in your position and I didn't give a fuk then and I still don't give a fuk now. We're living in times where people care too much about things not worth worrying about.


If it bothers you that much you could always identify as a different race like gen z is doing

 

[Plinco]

I've dated women from different races as well as different age groups. Honestly I don't worry about it. Everybody in their natural state is selfish and no one understands you but you. If I were you, I would not overthink it and just focus on building your business, or career, or whatever.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I'm a black male in a relationship with a white female, and it has started to concern me that my partner and I will never be aware of each other's struggles due to race. She will never understand what it is like to be a black man in America and I will never understand what it is like to be a white woman in America. How do particularly minority americans deal with this issue when dating white women?

 

[RangerMIke]

When I was in the Army I knew a lot of Black soldiers that married German or Korean women. I also know a lot of White soldiers that married German or Korean women. The truth is that regardless of the race of the American soldier, these marriages were ALWAYS difficult.

In my experience, the problem was CULTURE not race. It is really hard for women born and raised in another country to come to the US and live. If you never lived anyplace else accept the US you simply will not understand how different it is living in another culture. I spent 3 years living in Germany, it is VERY different than being in the US. Everything from navigating health care in the US (which is an epic sh1t show) to having advertising in your face all the fvcking time.

When I first moved to Germany it was an adjustment that things were more expensive... but the tradeoff in Germany is no matter what service you paid for (painting, home maintenance, car repairs, et. al.) you got a quality product. You didn't have to worry about if you were taking your car to get fixed at a 'good' mechanic... you were going to get quality work... In the US, while things can be cheaper, you always have to struggle with making sure that you were getting quality work. Another thing I had to struggle with is operating hours from different businesses. In the US, if you want to get something to eat at 10PM, well you can find restaurants that are open... not in Germany... businesses are closed early and on Sundays... but in Germany, people have generous leave time to accommodate operating hours of businesses.

Another thing you notice is that you never see some junk car driving on the roads, because that is illegal. You would never seen some idiot driving with plastic sheets instead of windows. German pretty much follow the rules. A German woman moving to the US is going to struggle with commercials, billboards mucking up the environment, homeless people begging in the streets, people living in run down houses, the level of crime... the feeling that you always have to be on the look out for cons, keeping your hand on your wallet, wondering if you are going to get ripped off. Fighting with insurance companies.... It is these cultural differences that cause problems.

We have sub-cultures in the US, and if you are trying to date a chick that comes from a different sub-culture THIS is going to a bigger problem than skin color.

 

[Bokanovsky]

A German woman moving to the US is going to struggle with commercials, billboards mucking up the environment, homeless people begging in the streets, people living in run down houses, the level of crime... the feeling that you always have to be on the look out for cons, keeping your hand on your wallet, wondering if you are going to get ripped off. Fighting with insurance companies.... It is these cultural differences that cause problems.

I'm guessing that you were stationed near a small town and never really got to see Germany. Go to Fankfurt or Berlin, or any other big city, and you will see all of the things that you've described above, in spades. Poverty-ridden immigrant ghettos, drug use, crime, no-go zones...you can find all fo that in Germany too. And anywhere else in Western Europe, from that matter, thanks to their immigration/assylum policies. Also, the German culture is not nearly THAT different. In fact, I'd wager a guess that your average white German is culturally closer to an average white Americans than, say, a black American from Alabama is to a to white American from Maine.

 

[CBear]

It's not just a racial issue, it's a cultural issue. That's why cultures tend to stick with their own as there are more understandings and similarities which equals better communication. Even European people who have come to the West in the past as refugees or with barely any money go through struggles that most Americans will not understand. Everyone in the West has their own privileges and struggles. When dating outside of your culture, both of you either accept that and go through it together or not. Having said that, a victim mentality is only going to lead to downfall. The entire world is struggling. Anyone that lives in the West is already privileged in a way that they'll be too ignorant to understand, no matter the culture or race.

 

[Glassguy]

How do particularly minority americans deal with this issue when dating white women?

Most white men dont know how to deal with white women issues.

Simple- dont date different cultures. The belief systems and social systems are probably not shared, making things next to impossible.

Go smash a few. Leave it at that.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I'm a black male in a relationship with a white female, and it has started to concern me that my partner and I will never be aware of each other's struggles due to race. She will never understand what it is like to be a black man in America and I will never understand what it is like to be a white woman in America. How do particularly minority americans deal with this issue when dating white women?

If she doesn't understand or "get" you, it's time to move on--period--no mater what color/race she is.

Don't overthink or over complicate it.

See Occam's Razor: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occam's_razor

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I'm a black male in a relationship with a white female, and it has started to concern me that my partner and I will never be aware of each other's struggles due to race. She will never understand what it is like to be a black man in America and I will never understand what it is like to be a white woman in America. How do particularly minority americans deal with this issue when dating white women?

Is your question more about being in each other's shoes and understanding what that feels like being a problem or more about what other people think and how each of you reacts or deals with it differently?

If it's the former, I can tell you that if it is the ladder then should not worry about that. If it is the former, should also not overthink it. Even if she was African American, we can't truly understand what each of us goes through in life. Whether it's a mental health thing or a racial thing, we are all walking our own journies and fighting our own battles.

What truly matters is, are both aligned on the same vision for life and share those ethical/spiritual values that are fundamental to you as a human being beyond flesh and bones. That is what you should focus on. Because if you are not, then you are wasting your time.

Modern Man Advice