I wonder if being a good person is worth it in the end.

[TheTigerV1]

By good I don't mean "nice". I mean trying to "leave them better than you found them" and realising in the end that you got nothing out of it, and maybe you also got played.

I have always been a cynical DJ, I have always asked more than I gave, fearful that if I was too kind I would be made a fool.
I was blessed enough to love and be loved, but this mental attitude of cynicism destroyed every serious relationship I had.

However one day I meet a girl on Tinder, sex on the first date, great chemistry and we start dating. There was a lockdown in my country so it was convenient for me to do something more long term. We agreed to be exclusive.
She was much younger than me and I was seen by her with admiration, like a more mature guy with his s*it together, a mentor, someone to experiment with sexually etc. I helped and guided this girl, I inspired her to undertake some projects with university, to get an apartment for herself etc. I ****ed her in every way and did things to her that nobody did. She was always submissive, never flaked etc. But I always had the feeling that she was taking and taking..while I was getting nothing valuable from her beside good sex and no drama.

I did everything from a position of strenght, not from the desperation of an AFC. I have been with many women and treated them all bad and for once I wanted to be the best I could, have some trust and actually leave something valuable to someone, who one day could look back to her young life and say "wow, that guy was a catch".

In the end, there was one month left before we both would move temporarily to our homes in different country (university summer break)....and during a very unfortunate day, I found some condoms in her bag. We never used condoms. This, coupled with her propensity to lie about her past and the fact that she clearly still had feeling for her ex (denied by her but I know better), made me draw my conclusions.

Ironic, I treated this girl better than some exes who I actually loved, and I find myself at the end of this relationship not knowing if I have been cucked, and with a great cloud of doubts in my head. I thought that when a girl sees you as superior and respects you, she is not going to cheat.
Now I feel that you can do everything right and it still won't matter.

 

[The Duke]

With women, nothing lasts forever. Enjoy your time with them and move onto the next. It's the nature of the beast and the world we live in. Nothing worth getting cynical over.

 

[TB24]

@TheTigerV1: The question is, do you regret being a good guy? Or are you proud of what you did? Do you think she would have been loyal if you hadn't helped her?

You've let emotions get into your live. I don't think it's a strong move to shut down emotionally. That would be based on fear. It's stronger to let emotions in (like you did), fully knowing that you can be hurt.

 

[f283000]

I think you need to change your perspective on this. Instead of feeling wronged even though you did everything right just think of it as you acting as you always should which is you being your authentic self and treating everyone the same.

Because when you think about it there's some a**hole who was being his genuine self (being and a**hole) and a girl with a good head on her shoulders saw the signs and left him. Yes I know we only talk about the instances where they fall for the bad boy but not all girls are stupid.

So the way you behave doesn't necessarily determine the outcome of how you'll be treated. So instead just be yourself, your authentic self and if a girl likes it she'll stay and treat you right and if not IT'S ON HER NOT YOU. It's not your fault it's her and that's just the way she is.

She doesn't belong to you and you don't belong to her.

 

[RickTheToad]

By good I don't mean "nice". I mean trying to "leave them better than you found them" and realising in the end that you got nothing out of it, and maybe you also got played.

I have always been a cynical DJ, I have always asked more than I gave, fearful that if I was too kind I would be made a fool.
I was blessed enough to love and be loved, but this mental attitude of cynicism destroyed every serious relationship I had.

However one day I meet a girl on Tinder, sex on the first date, great chemistry and we start dating. There was a lockdown in my country so it was convenient for me to do something more long term. We agreed to be exclusive.
She was much younger than me and I was seen by her with admiration, like a more mature guy with his s*it together, a mentor, someone to experiment with sexually etc. I helped and guided this girl, I inspired her to undertake some projects with university, to get an apartment for herself etc. I ****ed her in every way and did things to her that nobody did. She was always submissive, never flaked etc. But I always had the feeling that she was taking and taking..while I was getting nothing valuable from her beside good sex and no drama.

I did everything from a position of strenght, not from the desperation of an AFC. I have been with many women and treated them all bad and for once I wanted to be the best I could, have some trust and actually leave something valuable to someone, who one day could look back to her young life and say "wow, that guy was a catch".

In the end, there was one month left before we both would move temporarily to our homes in different country (university summer break)....and during a very unfortunate day, I found some condoms in her bag. We never used condoms. This, coupled with her propensity to lie about her past and the fact that she clearly still had feeling for her ex (denied by her but I know better), made me draw my conclusions.

Ironic, I treated this girl better than some exes who I actually loved, and I find myself at the end of this relationship not knowing if I have been cucked, and with a great cloud of doubts in my head. I thought that when a girl sees you as superior and respects you, she is not going to cheat.
Now I feel that you can do everything right and it still won't matter.

You need to give them a taste of cinnamon every so often, then go back to spice. You cannot treat them better than you treat anyone else. They must know they can be replaced at a moments notice; and you are not afraid to hit the eject button. Keeps them on their toes and wondering. Being Mr. Nice Guy is a recipe for disaster. You can be Mr. Good Guy, but you put her ass in check any time she goes off the rails. You should also withhold sex from them and turn them down from time to time.

If you are not getting anything out of it aside from sex, you may want to consider down grading her to plate status and look for other females that interest you. You need to do some soul searching here dude.

 

[Black Widow Void]

First time posting, I see.
Welcome aboard...

That feeling of self-defeat, we all know too well. As I've gotten older (I'm more than 25 years older than you) I've come to realize something.

The "niceness' that you are describing is actually "conditional niceness." This isn't a put down, I've been there too (if other members are honest, we all have). Oh sure... none of us like to feel taken advantage of or used, but let's be honest with ourselves. If we were nice and it was without motive, we wouldn't care about the outcome. And so, were we really as "nice" as we thought we were? Well, if we expected an outcome for our actions, then we really weren't being "nice". Instead, our niceness was based on a condition.

I'm so old (and with that comes experience) that I now use "niceness" as a test. If I do something randomly nice (and not as some pattern) and the woman becomes smug or unappreciative, then she's actually (and unintentionally) done me a favor. She's revealed her true colors and I can then cut bait and focus on someone else more worthy.

I've done the nice act a few times; hoping that they'd respond in a humble and appreciative manner, and was disappointed and blindsided when their true nature was revealed. My point being.... that it's better to find out early than to invest unnecessary emotion, energy etc... toward someone that's undeserving.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

To you? probably not. But if everyone realizes this society may crumble.(or: is crumbling).