Keep her or kick her ass to the curb?

[Lookatu]

So what do I do man? Im thinking about literally emotionally detaching, and just telling her “listen after what we went through I want to see eachother casually for a while. It’s what I’m comfortable with. This is the way it is so let me know”

Just keep her around as a plate to **** with no strings attached. I can go back to seeing other women and she can stay out of my damn business. We can **** and have a good time that’s it. If she sees other guys oh well I don’t want to know.

what you think ?

One month is way too early for any type of commitment. You are the prize, you set the terms. She can take it or leave it.
Do what makes you comfortable. Let her know you like her but things are moving way too fast.

 

[captain55]

One month is way too early for any type of commitment. You are the prize, you set the terms. She can take it or leave it.
Do what makes you comfortable. Let her know you like her but things are moving way too fast.

I was happier than hell with everything until the other night. Had no problem being exclusive because she was meeting all my needs.

 

[spikeanut]

So what do I do man? Im thinking about literally emotionally detaching, and just telling her “listen after what we went through I want to see eachother casually for a while. It’s what I’m comfortable with. This is the way it is so let me know”

Just keep her around as a plate to **** with no strings attached. I can go back to seeing other women and she can stay out of my damn business. We can **** and have a good time that’s it. If she sees other guys oh well I don’t want to know.

what you think ?

Emotionally detaching is an absolute must and should always be the case this early in a relationship. A woman must earn your affection and emotional vulnerability by her actions over time...numerous months if not years, not just over A month.

In my honest opinion, this relationship will be an up-hill battle; there are already many red flags. However, for your benefit and your own piece of mind OP, you need to start spinning plates again. You have complete oneitis for her, regardless of how much you are trying to convince yourself, and us, this isn't the case. As for what you say to her; you say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This is no longer about her, this is about your mental well being as a man.

Interact with her like normal, however proceed with caution. Be cautious and wary with your emotional attachment...this will also help in remaining stoic and will prevent future emotional outbursts. Do not speak of this incident any further, do not bring it up ever again. If she does, tell her you've said what you've wanted to say and it's time to move on. Don't complain or act insecure. Go forward and continue to enjoy your time with her and have fun. When she disrespects you again, act accordingly. That's all you can do at this point.

 

[Lookatu]

Emotionally detaching is an absolute must and should always be the case this early in a relationship. A woman must earn your affection and emotional vulnerability by her actions over time...numerous months if not years, not just over A month.

In my honest opinion, this relationship will be an up-hill battle; there are already many red flags. However, for your benefit and your own piece of mind OP, you need to start spinning plates again. You have complete oneitis for her, regardless of how much you are trying to convince yourself, and us, this isn't the case. As for what you say to her; you say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This is no longer about her, this is about your mental well being as a man.

Interact with her like normal, however proceed with caution. Be cautious and wary with your emotional attachment...this will also help in remaining stoic and will prevent future emotional outbursts. Do not speak of this incident any further, do not bring it up ever again. If she does, tell her you've said what you've wanted to say and it's time to move on. Don't complain or act insecure. Go forward and continue to enjoy your time with her and have fun. When she disrespects you again, act accordingly. That's all you can do at this point.

Solid advice. ^^^
I second this.

 

[captain55]

Emotionally detaching is an absolute must and should always be the case this early in a relationship. A woman must earn your affection and emotional vulnerability by her actions over time...numerous months if not years, not just over A month.

In my honest opinion, this relationship will be an up-hill battle; there are already many red flags. However, for your benefit and your own piece of mind OP, you need to start spinning plates again. You have complete oneitis for her, regardless of how much you are trying to convince yourself, and us, this isn't the case. As for what you say to her; you say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This is no longer about her, this is about your mental well being as a man.

Interact with her like normal, however proceed with caution. Be cautious and wary with your emotional attachment...this will also help in remaining stoic and will prevent future emotional outbursts. Do not speak of this incident any further, do not bring it up ever again. If she does, tell her you've said what you've wanted to say and it's time to move on. Don't complain or act insecure. Go forward and continue to enjoy your time with her and have fun. When she disrespects you again, act accordingly. That's all you can do at this point.

so cheat on her? I don’t want to do that. She wants to see me too often to effectively spin plates anyways. I mean I could but thursdays to Sunday she’s always driving to see me.

 

[EyeBRollin]

so cheat on her? I don’t want to do that. She wants to see me too often to effectively spin plates anyways. I mean I could but thursdays to Sunday she’s always driving to see me.

No, don’t cheat on her. Tell her candidly that corresponding with him is disrespectful to the relationship, thus unacceptable. Move forward with her. Be prepared to walk if you catch her communicating with him again. You must enforce this boundary and dump this girl for disloyalty if she crosses you again.

Men, please have the conversation about exes before agreeing to exclusivity.

 

[captain55]

Well fellas, most of you say in this situation give her a shot but detach emotionally. I’m not going to cheat on her but I’m definitely not going to be going all in with her for a while.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Well fellas, most of you say in this situation give her a shot but detach emotionally. I’m not going to cheat on her but I’m definitely not going to be going all in with her for a while.

Emotionally detaching from a girlfriend is bad advice. Frankly, there is no reason to be exclusive with a woman if you have to detach from her. Check her on her shvt once, tell her it is unacceptable then move forward. If she repeats the bad behavior you simply dump her with no hesitation.

 

[captain55]

Emotionally detaching from a girlfriend is bad advice. Frankly, there is no reason to be exclusive with a woman if you have to detach from her. Check her on her shvt once, tell her it is unacceptable then move forward. If she repeats the bad behavior you simply dump her with no hesitation.

Im just having a hard time getting things back to where they were on my end. I can **** her, but the emotional part it’s just hard for me to feel that connection right now after what she did. Even if it was somewhat innocent, logic isn’t helping me right now. I heard what I heard and it’s ****ing with me. I don’t care if your friend called the guy and you were drunk and haven’t seen him in years. You called him under my ****ing roof, and had I not entered the conversation who knows where it would of led to. Would she have made plans to see the guy? I just don’t know. Point is she ****ed up and I shouldn’t have to deal with it.

but...the sex is great and she treats me like a king so I’m on the fence about what to do still

 

[EyeBRollin]

Im just having a hard time getting things back to where they were on my end. I can **** her, but the emotional part it’s just hard for me to feel that connection right now after what she did. Even if it was somewhat innocent, logic isn’t helping me right now. I heard what I heard and it’s ****ing with me. I don’t care if your friend called the guy and you were drunk and haven’t seen him in years. You called him under my ****ing roof, and had I not entered the conversation who knows where it would of led to. Would she have made plans to see the guy? I just don’t know. Point is she ****ed up and I shouldn’t have to deal with it.

but...the sex is great and she treats me like a king so I’m on the fence about what to do still

This is something to work through with a professional therapist. If she’s a great gal otherwise, you have to accept what happened as done and move forward. That’s all that can be done in the context of an LTR. You can keep mental score of her fvck ups but can’t take it out on her. All that does is lower interest level and create future problems.

 

[captain55]

This is something to work through with a professional therapist. If she’s a great gal otherwise, you have to accept what happened as done and move forward. That’s all that can be done in the context of an LTR. You can keep mental score of her fvck ups but can’t take it out on her. All that does is lower interest level and create future problems.

let me ask you this then. How should I proceed when it comes to the vibe not being the same on my end? I am more distant than usual and I know she’s upset about it, but at the same time She can’t expect to just snap her fingers and things go back to exactly how they were. She is the reason we are in this position and I shouldn’t have had to deal with that bull****. Before this weekend things were great. I don’t want to punish her or cheat on her, I just need time and she needs to respect it.

 

[captain55]

Just engage in silence/distance for a while to reaffirm that she can't get away with doing things that even SHE thinks is wrong. I would be prepared for her to monkey branch. From what I've read on this site, it doesn't matter if she is fighting for your relationship. She can be fighting for the relationship one day, and then monkey branch a few days later. Others on here have attested to this.

Ok so why not just tell her look let’s just be casual for now?

 

[captain55]

That might get her to monkey branch sooner? @EyeBRollin said going too extreme with the punishment will only result in lowering of interest from her. I think if you talk about non monogamy, she will see it as a sign of non security from you. Which will result in her to start to subconsciously think about where to get security from.

As ****ed up as it sounds, Do you think gaming other chicks is necessary to keep certain ones? I’ve had the abundance mindset this entire fling, She has caught me out with other beautiful women, I told her that I feel numb most of the time and it’s hard for me to love .... and all it did was make her interest level go up. She complains that I don’t text her enough and am aloof and I stress her out. But I feel like the things she says she hates are the things that attract her to me. She says I’m the only guy that excites her and she usually gets bored. She also told me she left the last guy she was with and he treated her very well.

 

[EyeBRollin]

let me ask you this then. How should I proceed when it comes to the vibe not being the same on my end? I am more distant than usual and I know she’s upset about it, but at the same time She can’t expect to just snap her fingers and things go back to exactly how they were. She is the reason we are in this position and I shouldn’t have had to deal with that bull****. Before this weekend things were great. I don’t want to punish her or cheat on her, I just need time and she needs to respect it.

Hire a shrink. Can’t hold onto that energy against her when it is something internal that you are dealing with.