Keep her or kick her ass to the curb?

[ThisIsSparta]

In that case, yes you still overreacted. I still suggest therapy.

Nothing wrong with a little overreaction from time to time. This incident teached her an important lesson.
It showed that OP is not tolerating disrespect (talking to ex-bf in the middle of the night, behind his back) and is willing to send her walking at any point she starts ****.

They don’t demand exclusivity without high interest level.

Demands and high interest prove nothing. There have been countless women that had demands for exclusivity with high interest in divorce-raping the man 2 kids later.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Demands and high interest prove nothing. There have been countless women that had demands for exclusivity with high interest in divorce-raping the man 2 kids later.

Wrong. Interest level is the most important factor. Interest level is fluid. Women with high interest level don’t divorce their spouse. That would be a contradiction.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Unacceptable. Punishment is in order.

If it were me, I would soft next her. In a detached, unemotional way, I would remind her that she herself wouldn’t tolerate such behavior and nor will you.

You express that you think that “given her value system“ it’s best that she pursues other options that she sees since clearly she is willing to act upon them when her inhibitions are relaxed. Then distance yourself. The key is to remain completely unemotional. This is scary and confusing to women.

This will either scare her straight or cause her to go cold. Either way the truth about her will come out. If she is in emotional upheaval and expresses serious regret, you might consider taking her back. You will appear ruthless to her, which is a good thing.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Need some honest advice here fellas. Have a plate I’m seeing, she pushed for commitment. She drives two hours to see me. She’s caught me out with beautiful women before we were official, and still
Kept seeing me. I believe a girl has to prove herself 6 months before I commit but everyone likes her a lot.

the other night we went out with her girlfriend who is best friends with the ex. I knew about this. We saw her exes best friend at the club she told me that’s my ex boyfriends best friend just letting you know in case he’s here. I walked downstairs late at night and she was on the phone with the ex. Her stupid drunk friend I guess called the ex on my girlfriends phone. I confronted her and cursed the guy out and threw her **** out of my apartment thinking she was cheating on me.

she told me she hasn’t seen the guy in 4 years. And he lives in another city. Did some digging and the story checks out. The guy doesn’t even live here

so you tell me fellas. Should I kick this girl to the curb ? Or should I be pissed but am I overreacting?

part of me feels like ending a good thing with a girl
Who treats me like a king and gives me amazing sex, over a drunk phone call with a guy she hasn’t seen in 4 years in another state feels kind of psychopathic. especially when her friend instigated it. But if she’s not to be trusted I wanna get out while I can before I invest.

I Still banged her but I need to know if I should emotionally detach. I don’t wanna get hurt here. My gut says she’s a good girl and I know she loves me but this is ****ing with me. But if I’m acting nuts over this you guys gotta tell me to give her a shot

@Hank Moody and the other guys are right about this one buddy - as far as keeping your emotions in check. One of the most powerful tools we have as men is stoicism and maintaining and even temperament. It's one thing that really sets us apart from women. Trust me, it can be difficult, especially if you think someone you love is cheating on you.

I was a lot like you. I would ALWAYS overreact or act childish when it came to arguing with my ex-wife. But finally when I was going through my divorce I just let go. I realized that the more emotionally invested in arguments I became, the more it hurt me, and the more it fed into what she wanted (i.e. getting a reaction or having ammunition to say I was 'wrong' or 'immature'). Once I started acting indifferent and stoic she had nothing on me, and I had the frame.

It sounds like this time you 'got away with it' in the sense that this girl did not turn this into a big deal, walk away, ask to break up, etc. But definitely keep that lesson in mind for the future as I'm sure part of her is still ruminating on how you handled the situation. Hey, we are all human though, right?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Dude... didn't you commit to that 21 year old chick from the other thread within like a month?

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Wrong. Interest level is the most important factor. Interest level is fluid. Women with high interest level don’t divorce their spouse. That would be a contradiction.

Wrong. You dont know what longterm interest that woman has, neither does OP. Her interest could be anything from locking down a beta provider to disney marriage with the Chad she desires.

The fact that she talks to her ex-bf in the middle of the night behind his back, asking ex-bf “how do I know it’s going to be different this time” is not a proof of high interest on OP though.

One does not talk about loving a person and at the same time ask another person if things would be better this time if she said yes.
She clearly is not over ex-bf.

 

[Atom Smasher]

^^^ THIS, guys. This. ^^^

The reason we are in the predicament we are in is because we as men do not maintain standards and we do not require civil behavior from women. Then we wonder why women are so out of control. They need and WANT discipline and limits, and only men can provide that.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Wrong. You dont know what longterm interest that woman has, neither does OP. Her interest could be anything from locking down a beta provider to disney marriage with the Chad she desires.

The fact that she talks to her ex-bf in the middle of the night behind his back, asking ex-bf “how do I know it’s going to be different this time” is not a proof of high interest on OP though.

One does not talk about loving a person and at the same time ask another person if things would be better this time if she said yes.
She clearly is not over ex-bf.

Interest level is fluid. There is no such thing as long term interest. You don’t get credit for things done in the past.

Bottom line is: Women with high interest level do not stray. The OP has grossly overrated her interest level. He needed to run tighter game.

 

[RBK]

Over reaction bro, we've all been there. Need to be more stoic. Read Meditations by Marcus Aurellis.

Her girl grabbed the phone, wasn't even her. You care too much in this scenario and that's bad.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Interest level is fluid. There is no such thing as long term interest. You don’t get credit for things done in the past.

Bottom line is: Women with high interest level do not stray. The OP has grossly overrated her interest level. He needed to run tighter game.

There are countless women out there with a high long term interest in keeping her man as a beta provider/family dad while secretly craving and ****ing Chad. That **** happens all the time.

The bottom line is right, he needs to run tighter game.

 

[EyeBRollin]

There are countless women out there with a high long term interest in keeping her man as a beta provider/family dad while secretly craving and ****ing Chad. That **** happens all the time.

This isn’t a thing, dude. If “family dad” is “alpha” enough to have her at maximum interest, she doesn’t secretly crave anything. These characters have never been mutually exclusive. Guys just don’t run proper game. Maintaining an LTR requires many roles.

 

[bat soup]

Need some honest advice here fellas. Have a plate I’m seeing, she pushed for commitment. She drives two hours to see me. She’s caught me out with beautiful women before we were official, and still
Kept seeing me. I believe a girl has to prove herself 6 months before I commit but everyone likes her a lot.

the other night we went out with her girlfriend who is best friends with the ex. I knew about this. We saw her exes best friend at the club she told me that’s my ex boyfriends best friend just letting you know in case he’s here. I walked downstairs late at night and she was on the phone with the ex. Her stupid drunk friend I guess called the ex on my girlfriends phone. I confronted her and cursed the guy out and threw her **** out of my apartment thinking she was cheating on me.

she told me she hasn’t seen the guy in 4 years. And he lives in another city. Did some digging and the story checks out. The guy doesn’t even live here

so you tell me fellas. Should I kick this girl to the curb ? Or should I be pissed but am I overreacting?

part of me feels like ending a good thing with a girl
Who treats me like a king and gives me amazing sex, over a drunk phone call with a guy she hasn’t seen in 4 years in another state feels kind of psychopathic. especially when her friend instigated it. But if she’s not to be trusted I wanna get out while I can before I invest.

I Still banged her but I need to know if I should emotionally detach. I don’t wanna get hurt here. My gut says she’s a good girl and I know she loves me but this is ****ing with me. But if I’m acting nuts over this you guys gotta tell me to give her a shot

Keep banging, but don't give her committment.

 

[Lookatu]

Ask yourself if you're doing this out of punishment or insecurity?

Then ask yourself what is to be gained by your actions or further actions.

 

[captain55]

Guys I am fine. I am in a great place. I have only stopped spinning plates for a few weeks since we became exclusive, my smv is high and she knows this. She has seen beautiful women hit on me. I acted like an ******* and cracked her phone and threw her **** out of the apartment and told her let’s either be casual so I can **** other chicks or we are exclusive and she begged to stay. She has not seen this man in 4 years. I called the guy back and he said they dated 4 years ago and haven’t seen eachother in years. Her friend called the ex. But what she did was wrong and she owns it.

She knows I’m going out of town soon for a trip and asked me if I am going to cheat on her now because of this. Despite me overreacting she is still here. I just told her don’t waste my ****ing time.

for the person that said run tighter game, yes I could of perhaps given her more reassurance after she caught me on a date with another chick (even before we were exclusive she was still hurt by it).I also would go 4-5 hours without responding to her texts or calls when I would go out so maybe she’s suspicious. But none of this justifies what she did drunk or not.

I stopped spinning plates with her because the sex was so good I didn’t see the point in dating other chicks and she asked for a title. I am happy with her but this is not some **** I should be dealing with in the middle of my summer. I don’t want a girl being loyal to me out of fear.

I just want to know do I trust this woman or not?

 

[2Rocky]

By some peoples standards, I shouldn't talk to my ex of 5 years when we are both at our child's sports games. JAY-ZUZZZ KEEEERIIIIISTTT!


If you neckbeards are wondering what is "Alpha" it is treating people who may have wronged you in the past in a polite manner and letting them know, by your actions, you have moved on to something bigger and better and you regard them as merely an acquaintance from the past who doesn't generate an emotional response anymore.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I just want to know do I trust this woman or not?

options that she sees since clearly she is willing to act upon them when her inhibitions are relaxed.

I wouldn't

 

[captain55]

Ask yourself if you're doing this out of punishment or insecurity?

Then ask yourself what is to be gained by your actions or further actions.

brother.... a month ago She catches me on a date with a hot ass chick, and tells me listen you can either commit to me but I’m not going to keep having sex with you while you entertain other women. Then a month later you catch her on the phone with an ex? Why shouldn’t I be pissed?

I was literally five minutes away from telling her I’m about to go bang that chick you caught me on the date with that night. My summer was going great man I had a nice rotation of plates going. I wanted to keep things casual ...but decided to give her a chance because I saw the effort she was putting into me and now Im dealing with this ****.

my friends think I’m overreacting but quite frankly I don’t care. I didn’t need this **** and I’m pissed. I can find a million women who I can start fresh with where there won’t be an issue. I gave her a shot but I have not emotionally opened up to her. But I’m 28, I don’t want to be a player anymore one chick is enough for me As long as the sex is great

 

[Barrister]

brother.... a month ago She catches me on a date with a hot ass chick, and tells me listen you can either commit to me but I’m not going to keep having sex with you while you entertain other women. Then a month later you catch her on the phone with an ex? Why shouldn’t I be pissed?

I was literally five minutes away from telling her I’m about to go bang that chick you caught me on the date with that night. My summer was going great man I had a nice rotation of plates going. I wanted to keep things casual ...but decided to give her a chance because I saw the effort she was putting into me and now Im dealing with this ****.

my friends think I’m overreacting but quite frankly I don’t care. I didn’t need this **** and I’m pissed. I can find a million women who I can start fresh with where there won’t be an issue. I gave her a shot but I have not emotionally opened up to her. But I’m 28, I don’t want to be a player anymore one chick is enough for me As long as the sex is great

It seems like you left a lot of information out with the initial post OR maybe I missed some earlier post? I can see why you got as angry as you did when you saw she was on the phone with this other dude now given some of the backstory. Initially, however, it looked like it was pretty abrupt. That said, I still would have handled in a much more detached way. But good job in this case getting her to comply and come back into your frame.

 

[DonJuanjr]

OP is treating this female like she's supposed to have an honor system like men.

a month ago She catches me on a date with a hot ass chick, and tells me listen you can either commit to me but I’m not going to keep having sex with you while you entertain other women. Then a month later you catch her on the phone with an ex? Why shouldn’t I be pissed?

 

[captain55]

Unacceptable. Punishment is in order.

If it were me, I would soft next her. In a detached, unemotional way, I would remind her that she herself wouldn’t tolerate such behavior and nor will you.

You express that you think that “given her value system“ it’s best that she pursues other options that she sees since clearly she is willing to act upon them when her inhibitions are relaxed. Then distance yourself. The key is to remain completely unemotional. This is scary and confusing to women.

This will either scare her straight or cause her to go cold. Either way the truth about her will come out. If she is in emotional upheaval and expresses serious regret, you might consider taking her back. You will appear ruthless to her, which is a good thing.

I agree 100%. But my friends keep saying because she hasn’t seen the guy in years, and that her best friend called the guy and not her I should excuse it. And if it was a guy she ran into recently, the intentions to cheat should be higher.

It seems like you left a lot of information out with the initial post OR maybe I missed some earlier post? I can see why you got as angry as you did when you saw she was on the phone with this other dude now given some of the backstory. Initially, however, it looked like it was pretty abrupt. That said, I still would have handled in a much more detached way. But good job in this case getting her to comply and come back into your frame.

I know damn well I overreacted. But we are only a few weeks in. I was not scared to lose her which is why I threw all her stuff out. But quite frankly I don’t really want a girl being afraid to cheat on me out of fear. I think my logic I should give her another chance, but I am hurt by this. I don’t think it’s fair to say she “cheated” ...but I’ve never caught a girl red handed doing something wrong like this. I also don’t like the fact that her best friend is friends with the ex. Part of me thinks the friend wants to **** me and was trying to sabotage the relationship. But she chose to talk to the guy so..