Being outside today

[AttackFormation]

I just came home from being with 5 guys and 1 girl (the gf of one of the guys) in a riverwalk full of people. Lots of people in mixed company were lounging around, some people had brought music, and there was some dancing going on.

I like to observe social situations, and there were two things i noticed:

1) I saw all kinds of couples. If the hard black pill was true, those couples shouldnt exist. None of the men were really ugly, but basically none of them stood out as being particularly good looking either. They were just "normal", or even subpar.
2) There are plenty of women outside, no matter what your type is. But i dont think these women use online dating. OLD is a humiliating joke.

My conclusion is a reinforcement of what we already know: the greatest problem for meeting women is having no social spheres to do it through. Because i guarantee that as good as none of these couples had met through OLD, and that virtually no cold approaching was going on in the riverwalk either.

That's it for now..... i just want to say that the internet black pill has good truth to it but is also too extreme and decontextualised, and that to use OLD as a man is to clown yourself. I want to start meeting women irl... i saw plenty of women i would have wanted to talk to and am relatively good looking, but im neither a practised cold approacher nor is it in the culture here to cold approach (as far as ive ever seen or heard). Gotta start this shyt somehow... anything is better than this fvcking humiliating bullshyt online.

 

[Billtx49]

My conclusion is that the greatest problem for meeting women is having no social spheres to do it through.

Gotta start this shyt somehow... anything is better than this fvcking humiliating bullshyt online.

Bingo……. For both sexes, insecurities, lack of social skills / confidence, and personal motivation to get IRL are the primary reasons why OLD sites exist.

Yep, you can’t finish in the race until you enter…

 

[Serenity]

Finally someone else who boldly steps out into the real world, using his actual senses instead of dwelling in a basement and parroting that relationships are doomed based on some twisted distortion of reality due to isolation.

I don't get these black pillers. I get that bad experiences happen with the opposite sex, it happens to literally everyone. Black pillers blow it way out of proportion and doom themselves. They are not to be taken seriously, they have a distorted view of reality.

 

[AttackFormation]

Bingo……, For both sexes, insecurities, lack of courage, and personal motivation to go IRL are the primary reasons why OLD sites exist.

Yep, there are no finishers in a race that no one enters…

The problem is the difference between cold approaching vs preselection.

When you cold approach, girls will have a number of questions that they dont have when youre preselected:

• Who are you?
• What do you want?
• Why do you have to do this?
• Why should they bother with you instead of going back to what they were doing?

Both the man and the woman know that cold approaching is not something "normal" people do (at least in my culture), and that's the problem. It creates the questions for the woman and the anxiety for the man. You have to sell yourself immediately and on the spot. Again, this is what creates anxiety - not talking to women in itself. No one gets anxious from going up and saying something completely innocuous like "where's the X? Ok thanks!". But knowing that you are doing something women think is "weird" and perhaps bothersome too, and that you have to stand out right now on the spot of a skeptical audience, that creates anxiety.

How to solve this?

 

[Billtx49]

But knowing that you are doing something "weird", and that you have to stand out right now on the spot of a skeptical audience, that creates anxiety.

How to solve this?

Anxiety is a lack of courage, and that lack of courage results from a lack of practice / experience and a fear of the future…

It’s not weird if you talk to women often and consistently, until it becomes second nature to you.

 

[9-3enthusiast]

Landed a date while out and about today.
I'd just got out of my car after parking in town, she was headed for the ticket machine - We made eye-contact and she immediately looked down sheepishly... so I told her "No need for a ticket, it's free after 2 0'clock"
When she replied "Thanks!" I kept the conversation going a few minutes, was getting a good vibe and long-story-short, we're meeting up for coffee on Tuesday afternoon.
Blonde, quite slim, looked about 40-ish, very feminine-looking flower-print summer dress - Freckled forehead so I suspect her hair may be dyed from red or auburn - hope to find out
I love to be out and about on warm summery days!

 

[Velasco]

at least in my culture

Yea in my culture (NYC) girls go out to meet or are open to meeting guys to hook up with. That takes are of 1 and 2 (They don't care who I am. And they know what I want). 3. Why should they bother with me instead of their friends is because they find me attractive and want to get laid. Sinple.

 

[AttackFormation]

Yea in my culture (NYC) girls go out to meet or are open to meeting guys to hook up with. That takes are of 1 and 2 (They don't care who I am. And they know what I want). 3. Why should they bother with me instead of their friends is because they find me attractive and want to get laid. Sinple.

NYC doesnt count man. Every time someone says they are having success with women online or offline on this forum, they are in motherfvcking NYC lol.

 

[9-3enthusiast]

No one gets anxious from going up and saying something completely innocuous like "where's the X? Ok thanks!". But knowing that you are doing something women think is "weird" and perhaps bothersome too, and that you have to stand out right now on the spot of a skeptical audience, that creates anxiety.

How to solve this?

After the innocuous introduction, just see where the conversation goes....
Usually nowhere, but from time-to-time when there's positive vibe, just keep things going a little while.... comment on the surroundings/whatever - doesn't really matter.
If not, then simply go on with your day - no harm done...

Usually nothing will come of it, and you just come across as sociable - but occasionally it goes well....

 

[AttackFormation]

After the innocuous introduction, just see where the conversation goes....
Usually nowhere, but from time-to-time when there's positive vibe, just keep things going a little while comment on the surroundings/whatever - doesn't really matter.
If not, then simply go on with your day - no harm done...

Usually nothing will come of it, and you just come across as sociable - but occasionally it goes well....

What about eye contact? and btw, keep in mind at your age you will probably be referencing women who grew up without cell phones and the internet.

 

[BMX]

When you cold approach, girls will have a number of questions that they dont have when youre preselected:

• Who are you?
• What do you want?
• Why do you have to do this?
• Why should they bother with you instead of going back to what they were doing?

How to solve this?

You gotta dig deep into the SS Archives and the posted sticky's to get our cold approach from yesteryear tactics. Believe me, there used to be an abundance of info on cold approaching and numerous cold approach journals being logged daily. I liked using the false time constraint excuse when cold approaching. I was one of the dudes on here that was solely doing daygame cold approaches and used to avoid the bars/clubs and night scene (but that changed with age). So yes, you will need to make eye contact, get their name, number and talk about stuff occurring around you in real time. Sneak in a good compliment if you can to help ease the tension but do not force this part. You DO NOT want to linger on too long. My approaches were 2-5 minutes top---snap introductions, chatter and a compliment to ease tensions and BUILD RAPPORT (comfort and some knowledge sharing between the both of you) and then hit them with the false time constraint (I.E. hey, it was nice talking to you, but I have to go pick my brother up from the airport, we should go get some coffee later what's your number?). Use whatever time constraint you need to and suggest whatever activity you want to do, doesn't have to be coffee.

The eye contact and approaching is bizarre due to your local customs in Scandinavia. I've done it in Norway only to get directions on the train stations, but it had the girls smiling and giggling and giving a little more eye contact there because nobody randomly opens up anyone in public from what I witnessed. In fact, some ppl were put off or seemingly repulsed that I sat right next to them on the train, but to an outsider from the states, there were far too damn many half-empty rows of seats.

 

[9-3enthusiast]

What about eye contact? and btw, keep in mind at your age you will probably be referencing women who grew up without cell phones and the internet.

Well yes - my 'target audience' wouldn't have had a cell phone until in her 20s or older, and would be pushing 30 by the time smartphones became common (I usually do best with women from about late 30s to mid 40s)

On the subject of eye contact though, you can usually tell if there's any interest.
If she looks down it's usually a subconscious sign of submission, if it happens quickly she was probably looking at you and had a small panic when you 'caught' her - Both are good signs. And if she holds the contact for more than a couple of seconds is also usually a good sign.
And you can usually judge the facial expression that goes with the eye contact too.
As I go about, I deliberately look for eye contact with any woman I find attractive - If it looks positive I'll say something innocuous, then see how it goes... or if it goes at all...
I'll only continue a conversation if she seems to be open to it...

 

[Sam_J]

The problem is the difference between cold approaching vs preselection.

When you cold approach, girls will have a number of questions that they dont have when youre preselected:

• Who are you?
• What do you want?
• Why do you have to do this?
• Why should they bother with you instead of going back to what they were doing?

Both the man and the woman know that cold approaching is not something "normal" people do (at least in my culture), and that's the problem. It creates the questions for the woman and the anxiety for the man. You have to sell yourself immediately and on the spot. Again, this is what creates anxiety - not talking to women in itself. No one gets anxious from going up and saying something completely innocuous like "where's the X? Ok thanks!". But knowing that you are doing something women think is "weird" and perhaps bothersome too, and that you have to stand out right now on the spot of a skeptical audience, that creates anxiety.

How to solve this?

Only way to solve it is by doing it a lot and accepting it's gonna be super awkward at first and doing it anyway. I def haven't "solved" my anxiety yet but it's getting slightly better after approaching almost every day.

 

[characternote]

It's good that you're making up your own mind about all of this. See how things are for yourself - bit like I did with cold approach after initially being a bit brainwashed with PUA and coming to my own conclusions after thousands of approaches and a good handful of lays!

With the exception of that brief initial period, i've never really subscribed to any of the 'pills'!

I don't like the incel movement and blackpill where everyone thinks that you need to look like a young DiCaprio in order to get your hands on a hot young girl unless you're paying for it. We all know average looking guys with really hot girlfriends (who could get any guy) who don't have money and aren't THAT handsome or whatever.

A few from where i live:






Plus i've banged some fairly hot girls and i'm no chad thundercock. Far from it. And I won't claim it was 'game' either, tbh. (because that's not how it works). Maybe 'numbers game'.


And I also don't like the hardcore PUA community who try to trick people into thinking that you can create sexual attraction that isn't there if only you remember to use the right negs and self amuse and use pushpull lines and some 'influence' verbals and that 'girls don't care about looks at all' stuff. Marketing. If you went out for the night with your favourite PUA's the fascade would come crumbling down

Here's the lowdown on game/PUA/cold approach - She needs to think you are fairly good looking. Not necessarily the best looking guy she's ever seen. Just her 'type' or whatever. (and it can vary). She's attracted (because no NLP lines or negs or whatever are gonna MAKE a girl attracted). Game is simply to help you more efficiently bang girls who are into you. She also needs to be open to meeting people and be sociable etc. This can be an issue when you are approaching random girls without any IOI's. Culture can come into this to some degree and you mention it. So you kind of need the perfect storm (physical attraction + a girl who happens to be open to cold approach). It's rough. So rough that professional PUA's fake infields or who's actual approach to lay rate they would never dare share. In terms of cold approach I personally only do nightgame for what it's worth.

OLD - I Don't really do it so not an expert. Some girls on there for validation. The girls who swipe and are serious are at least presumably open to meeting people, but the medium just encourages her to pick the best looking guy of her matches and the whole thing is a waste of time for most guys as far as I can see.

Social circle! As you said, you see guys with hot girls and that it was unlikely he cold approached her or that they met on tinder. You're right. And it's something I wish I realised earlier and invested in more. I've done things the hard way. Say i've banged maybe 60 girls, and 58 of them have been from cold approach! If I had good social circles and stuff with loads of girls, I doubt i'd have found this place.

I've never seen guys in real life regularly punch above their weight unless it's through social circle. I'm not clever enough to give you a detailed explanation on propinquity or whatever, but I just know what i've seen throughout my life. (such as the pics I posted above)

I'm kind of convinced that if you took some below average guy, and put him in a job where he was working with 100 super hot girls everyday and they had to all go out for 'works drinks' every Friday night, and he actually tried to flirt a little bit (game basically) then at some point I bet at least one of these super hot girls would wanna bang him. However, if the same guy had a 'groundhog day' experience where he relived the same day each day, and he was attempting to pick these girls up at a bar as a stranger, he'd never get close, even if he relived that day a thousand times

I can't wait to get out there and cold approach again once social distancing and lockdown ends here (hopefully 3 weeks) but I really need to work out a way to get a better social circle with girls in it! I simply don't have it and never have. Some of my friends lucked out with their jobs (one that springs to mind is a great example of a friend who was close to incel and then banged 2 hot girls half his age due to his work environment). I've never had that sort of job, though. Most working with hairy men lol. Most of the advice i've read about socialcircle maxxing isn't that helpful tbh. My only current plan is to try to hang with a younger guy I met a while back (through trying to cold approach a girl in his social group but we got chatting) and see if I can get in his group.

 

[SW15]

the greatest problem for meeting women is having no social spheres to do it through.

The people who end up using swipe apps do so because they can't meet anyone through the limited social circles. Social circles have been weakening for decades.

 

[BMX]

You want to go into the approach without the nervous jitters, so expect that you will brick a bunch of your earlier attempts because of your nerves. Don't leave them after revealing too much personal information, let them wonder about you and want to find out more after you hit them with that false time constraint and get the #. I used to do several approaches years ago when I was starting out. It does have numerous benefits for cold approaching in the day from my experience: you get your rejections out of the way A LOT quicker---as opposed to going out with someone from OLD who just uses you as a meal ticket and bounces, you get to feel how they vibe with you in person, you can tell when they give you their # if they truly want to give it or are just going along to get along, you get out of your comfort zone and grow a pair, you have all kinds of venues to make your approaches, and other reasons.

I wasn't doing this as some PUA, but out there truly getting after it. I wound up going to a party with some Georgetown Law student woman, dated some of those I cold approached, went to more parties and clubs following some of their invites. It's a useful tool but I wouldn't rely on it 100% anymore. Lately, I have done zero cold approaches but I will start again later this summer.

 

[corrector]

Yeah, going out in nature and seeing couples around or other people just hits you sometimes. These are the places to bring girls to as a type of outdoor date with the hopes of making out in the park. I've met a Black lady once in a trail, back in 2015, and we french-kissed at the end of the trail and I groped her while we were kissing. I basically tagged behind her on my bike and just started talking. I felt in my gut something was going to happen that year on that trail and that happened.

 

[corrector]

It's good that you're making up your own mind about all of this. See how things are for yourself - bit like I did with cold approach after initially being a bit brainwashed with PUA and coming to my own conclusions after thousands of approaches and a good handful of lays!

Thousands of approaches and 5 lays. The juice was worth the squeeze?

 

[Velasco]

Thousands of approaches and 5 lays. The juice was worth the squeeze?

Good handful /= 5.... And he's a self proclaimed ugly guy who goes after hot girls half his age. Were he in a different environment he'd have even more lays.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

But knowing that you are doing something women think is "weird" and perhaps bothersome too, and that you have to stand out right now on the spot of a skeptical audience, that creates anxiety.

How to solve this?

I've spent hundreds of hours day gaming in Eastern European countries where it is absolutely not the norm to approach strangers and start up a conversation.

To directly address your question-comments quoted above:
As to cold approaching being something "weird" and/or bothersome, the more you cold approach, the more you realize it isn't weird in a bad way and 9 times out of 10 or more it isn't bothersome. Most women are interested in having an interaction with a stranger who carries on a good conversation, even if she isn't available or attracted. As men, we forget a woman's nature is to talk talk talk talk talk. They LOVE it. And they also love experiencing the full range of positive and negative emotions too. So talking to strangers scratches multiple itches. You are literally doing them a favor. So you MUST reprogram your brain to stop thinking it's a bad/bothersome thing. Actually doing the cold approaches will help you the most with this, but you can also do daily affirmations. Once a day, repeat to yourself, "Women want to meet me and talk to me." Sounds dumb but it works. Ready Psycho Cybernetics if you haven't already.

Now, as for it being weird, yes it is somewhat out of the ordinary - no argument there. But NOT in a bad way and that's what you need to get past. It's weird in a GOOD way. Women are not used to men with balls big enough to literally stop them on the street with no IOIs and start talking to them. Generally the closest they will get to that are guys who cat-call them which is a completely different thing from having a genuine, personal interaction. So, what I have learned works extremely well in cold approaches without IOIs is to be completely direct, and pre-frame the conversation with the acknowledgement that you understand this is unusual and not typical. That pre-frame demonstrates to her that you are socially intelligent and not crazy. And being direct is usually received in a positive way by a complete stranger and it eases some of the tension. Some might debate me about releasing tension and direct vs indirect approaches - I'm happy to have that debate but when you are new to cold approaching, I can tell you from hundreds, if not thousands of cold approaches from my own personal experience, that being direct is the way to go unless there is some other circumstance that helps you ease into a natural conversation (like you see her reading a book you've read and you can start a conversation about the book etc).

So the technique is just to walk directly up to a woman and say, "Excuse me, I know this is a little unusual, but I saw you and thought you were incredibly attractive and I just had to come and meet you," or something very similar. Even if she isn't interested or has a boyfriend or whatever, MOST women won't react negatively to that at all. They will be flattered and appreciative and will have a conversation with you. I can't tell you how many women have literally thanked me, at the end of the conversation or via text or social media later, for stopping and talking to them. I've heard, "you made my day" countless times and that's even from a percentage of women who I wasn't subsequently able to get out on a date. Could be they had boyfriends or just weren't interested, but in either case, the point here is that they LIKED it.

In all my hundreds/thousands of approaches, I've had maybe two that I recall as being bad. One was a girl waiting at the exit of a grocery store, waiting on her girlfriend to finish checking out. I did this one indirect, looking in her cart and asking her what she was cooking. I could tell she wasn't into it and gave one word answers. So after maybe 20 seconds of trying to get her to open up, I excused myself. Another was in Eastern Europe and I happened to meet a girl who apparently didn't speak English. She hissed something at me in another language and didn't stop walking. I've had some girls just keep walking and ignore my approach but that's actually pretty rare.

I wish I lived where you did so I could go out with you and help you get some momentum.