kind of been hung up on this girl

[Sir FB]

She is trying to keep you on the hook. That hook leads to nowhere, as you are finding out.

Typically they will get REALLY P1SSY with you when you reject their offers to do something, but I will guarantee you that if you had accepted one of her offers, something would have came up and she wouldnt show up for it.

Then they will play the VICTIM card like you did something wrong to them when you keep ignoring them. A lot of women turn into crying children and throw a fit when they dont get their way for FREE attention. And you know what? Who cares.

The only advice I can give you is this:

When she reaches out again, say "no I am busy that night. But I am free tomorrow night between 7-9 if you want grab some take out and come over and have sex".

She will either come over and fvck or she will tell you how sh!tty of a "friend" you are. Honestly, who cares in the long run if you have the strong frame of not wanting her around anyway if she isnt doing things that benefit you (Sex).

But being VERY DIRECT will work more than you think. You just need to balls to do it and own it.

This is good advice. When I did this, the woman got very angry and it shook me up a bit, like I had done something horribly wrong. Looking back, it was exactly what I needed at the time, and having her cut off all communication was exactly what I needed so I could go out and pursue women who were actually interested in me sexually and not just as their validating orbiter.

 

[Glassguy]

She obviously wants to be friends, at least for now. It's your call if you find value in that or not. Personally, I wouldn't go out of my way to hang out with a girl as a buddy - BUT I do like socializing and grabbing a drink and chatting so sometimes I will do it. Women can bring plenty of other value besides sex (in spite of what a lot of SoSuavers say), but it all comes down to your time/energy and your expectations. If you want to spend that time on slaying puss, or just don't want to do things with a girl you "like" right now, dialing things back (without being insulted) is probably the best route.

Right now in my life I'm the opposite; I have a main girl, and other girls (not friends just randos) have been hitting me up but I just don't have the time. But if a female "friend" wanted to catch up I'd probably do that because it's more relaxing.

I don't have much of an ego about this stuff any more, so for me sexual vs. non sexual is all part of the same big thing. Girls become friends, lovers, back to friends, whatever. I think the important thing is if you had some sort of crush, to detox yourself from that if necessary by refocusing on you. Women know men want them, so for me telling her it's sex or bust is just kind of pointless.

I do agree with the earlier post that you can be busy and tell her "come on over if you like" and see if she complies. If she does, then you have a chance to make another move. Something like "been working on stuff all week, I have a half bottle of wine I'm going to finish tonight and relax, if you want to join."

This is a GREAT post and I 100% agree.....however it only works if the man is in control and OP is clearly not.

When you lose control to a woman, the game is entirely different and either getting to the point or ejecting from the situation is the only real way to make something happen.

As far as me personally, I dont stick around for a situation or relationship that I am not in control over. Sometimes I feel like I have 60% control and sometimes close to 100%., depending on the woman and all kinds of other variables. But if I know that I am under 50%, its a recipe for disaster soon down the road. So I eject or back off (silence and distance).

 

[Lookatu]

my current situation with my long term friend who I recently got he hots for ...

All good suggestions above. However, her being a long term friend, I'm not sure how much you value the friendship part. If you do and you're able to manage your emotions, you can always just hang out with her to pick up other girls and have her be a wing for you. Or just keep things light and keep her around on minimal but friendly level for networking purposes. She may meet or have friends that might turn into opportunities for you.

Just another thought...

 

[PRW63]

She keeps reaching out to me like 30 mins ago she texted me saying ‘ do you think you’ll be free one day this week then or are you working?’

I replied saying not too sure just yet, I’m really busy at the moment will keep you updated.

But now you sound like the woman. "Just not sure yet" is a femine response. That is what women tell men when they really aren't that into them and aren't motivated to really meet up with the guy. No one is saying you can't go on a date with her. But be the man,...you either do it,...or you don't. It's is just a flippin' date, not a marriage. So either make a date plan, tell her what it is, and make it happen,...or tell her you don't think it is going to work out so she can move on to another guy and not wast her time on you,...which is what any guy really just wants women to do instead of getting strung along by them.

 

[gettinit]

I'm dealing with the end of something like this right now. I have walked away twice and she came back hard the second time. It was great for a while, but I ended up catching some feelings. Just as I began to realize this, she decided to move and gave me the "we can still be friends" speech. Walking away does have an effect, but obviously she didn't have deep feelings, because it was an optional move to a new locale. It sounds like you still have cards to play, but gaming via fear of loss has its limits that very well may be short lived. Its typical risk, reward. Is she cool and hot enough (in your eyes) to make all the effort? Personally, I'm done with it. As @Glassguy had written, you aren't in control of the relationship and that is the only place that you want to be.

 

[Chamber36]

"I'm not going to insult your intelligence by telling you what you already know. Do you really want some dude hanging around hoping things change, pretending to be your friend. It's not fair to you and it isn't fair to me. If things change and you are really available, reach out, and if I'm not involved with someone else then we can go from there."

Great advice

 

[Aesthetix29]

Time to cut the cords on this now I think ...

Met up tonight ... she was dressed to impress for sure .... tight pants and crop top etc ... kept catching her looking at me out the corner of my eye ... but she kept saying stupid stuff like ‘ This is why I can’t get a bf ‘ I can’t even remember what we was talking about but as soon as I heard that I knew it was game over. And stuff like ... Dave messaged me today (a guy we both know) asking if I wanted to go out but I just ignored him ... BS I don’t see the point in saying things like that. I think this girl just likes the attention and nothing more.

Time to silence and distance.

 

[Brassneck]

Dave messaged me today (a guy we both know) asking if I wanted to go out but I just ignored him

Now according to ********, this could be her telling you to make a move on her!

 

[Aesthetix29]

Now according to ********, this could be her telling you to make a move on her!

Yeah possibly .. I just see mixed signals. I bet there’s easier safes to crack ha ha

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Time to cut the cords on this now I think ...

Met up tonight ... she was dressed to impress for sure .... tight pants and crop top etc ... kept catching her looking at me out the corner of my eye ... but she kept saying stupid stuff like ‘ This is why I can’t get a bf ‘ I can’t even remember what we was talking about but as soon as I heard that I knew it was game over. And stuff like ... Dave messaged me today (a guy we both know) asking if I wanted to go out but I just ignored him ... BS I don’t see the point in saying things like that. I think this girl just likes the attention and nothing more.

Time to silence and distance.

Did you attempt to escalate in anyway?

 

[Aesthetix29]

Did you attempt to escalate in anyway?

Yeah I’m just trying not to come across too pushy ... because I’m trying to dig myself out the friend zone it’s harder than just meeting someone and escalating

I do think I’ve made some headway .. just need her to give clearer signals if that’s the case .... probably fu**ed it now but deffo going to learn from this

 

[Brassneck]

just need her to give clearer signals

Sounds like your in reactive mode, you shouldn’t worry about looking for signals from her. Lead and see if she follows.

 

[Robert28]

Any man that says they haven't been in this situation is a liar. It happens to us all at some point, but really just learn from the experience and improve. That's all that you can do.

The WORST thing you can do is think you can turn this around. She knows you like her, and wanted more... and she is sending you clear signals she isn't available, so you're done. All you can do is try to forget about her... my recommendation would be to stop looking at her social media feed and when you find yourself thinking about her and wishing you had done something different, just get busy with something else that is productive. If she reaches out, try to make a date... if she won't commit to this, just move on. Trust me... if you've been sniffing around doing sh1t for this chick any length of time, she'll try and pull you back in.

Now if she really values you as a friend, she might get upset that you are walking away, just like she would be upset by one of her valued GFs that moved on... if this is the case, she'll reach out and ask "What's wrong, are you mad?" or some such BS... if she does this this is what you say:

"I'm not going to insult your intelligence by telling you what you already know. Do you really want some dude hanging around hoping things change, pretending to be your friend. It's not fair to you and it isn't fair to me. If things change and you are really available, reach out, and if I'm not involved with someone else then we can go from there."

Then you are done... walk away and never look back. But the truth is in most cases, she'll just let you drift off.

Don't hate her for this, she can't help it... it's just the way chicks are... you can't control her, only how you respond to it.

Spot on except for one thing I disagree with. Your last paragraph. Chicks CAN help it. You can not do sh!tty behavior, I dunno why women get this free pass for theirs. Being a sh!that user manipulator is being a sh!tang user manipulator, genetic makeup has nothing to do with it. The fact that women aren’t self aware of their bad behavior isn’t my problem, anyone can stand in front of a mirror and look within and say “you know what, I am responsible for my behavior and results of my choices”.

 

[Robert28]

My only experience like this was that when I actively tried to move myself out of the friend zone and into the “romance” zone, it made the woman quite angry that I was no longer willing to do a friends only relationship. I didn’t have the benefit of the advice from folks in this forum or I might have done it differently. I agree that you’ll never turn this around, however if you slowly go silent and distant, you might avoid the angry confrontation that I experienced.

She was only angry because she knew she was losing on her free ride and endless favors. She’s selfish and was only thinking of what SHE was losing, she wasn’t thinking of you the person, only what you did for her. That’s why they get upset. It’s like taking a toy away from a child.

 

[Robert28]

Man y’all play too many games and dance around for me. Be direct. When I say be direct I mean “look, I do not want to be your friend. We aren’t in middle school, we are both adults here.” You don’t care if she gets mad, you don’t care what she might say. Know why? Because you block her number after you send that message! Look, it’s never worth it even if you could turn the friendzone around. The sex isn’t all that great like you had in your mind it would be, and you’re only feeling like this because you had her on a pedestal so long. Don’t play the “I’m busy, catch ya later maybe” game. Just say “you know what, I don’t want your friendship. Never did, never will.”

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like your in reactive mode, you shouldn’t worry about looking for signals from her. Lead and see if she follows.

100% agree with this.

 

[Brassneck]

And don’t verbally tell her you like her, SHOW HER through your actions.

 

[Robert28]

I wouldn’t even waste another second on this girl. Seriously. I wouldn’t even have a conversation with her. She’d be blocked and deleted in my phone and thrown away like yesterday’s garbage.

 

[Robert28]

Good question! Female here, hoping you'll "allow" me to chime in without ripping my head off LOL.

Anyway I was "platonic friends" with my second long term boyfriend (now ex) before he took the LEAD one night and led us to where he wanted us to go.

Which was to bed, after which we went to bed a few more times before we became bf/gf for 4 years!

How? One night we're out (as friends) ordered drinks, I got a bit drunk and he gave me one of the best kisses of my life (up to that point)!

He didn't ask, he just took the lead and kissed me! And I'll be honest in saying up till then, I only saw him as a platonic friend because that's what I thought I was to HIM! Because he had not escalated.

Calling her and asking her if she wants to come over and fuc*k as has been advised I can almost guarantee you would not have netted same result as what happened with me and my now ex.

Why? It's disrespectful and debasing, its what you ask a 2-bit wh0re NOT a woman who's been a good friend for a year or however long you've been platonic friends.

Where's your confidence man? Your boldness, take no prisoners attitude?

Confident men LEAD, so lead.

If she shoots you down, so be, you move on.

Where’s our confidence you ask? Well there’s this movement going on, maybe you’ve heard of it, called the #metoo movement. Everything is sexual harassment these days. So yeah, forgive us men if we don’t “man up” and randomly kiss a girl that friendzoned us.

 

[Robert28]

I agree, kissing a girl at work or some random off the street is sex harassment but this girl has been a 'friend' for a year so it's a bit different.

It's called escalating, I'm sure you've heard if it? Xd

Ideally, they're sitting at the bar, drinking, he begins escalating by first flirting in a sexual way, gauging her response, waiting for a "window," then making a move by kissing her.

Just trying to help, it worked for my ex, we had sex that night!

And what pray tell do you think inviting her over to bang is? That's not sex harassment? LoL

I don’t invite them over to bang, and I certainly don’t accept friendship when they offer it or try to shoehorn me into some one sided friendship either. I just go escalate with girls who don’t need to start out as friends or give me the friend route. Been there done that, wasted a lot of time.