Struggling to Maintain Long Term Relationships

[Georgepithyou]

I'm in my mid 20s and don't have all that much experience maintaining a relationship for more then 7 months. The problems that always seem to arise at this point are as follows

- The struggle to hold frame 24/7. You must resist her attempts to break you down and ply you to her will.

- The damp realization that sex becomes routine and predictable. You may soon begin to crave new strange.

- The relationship leans more towards friendship as familiarity sets in. This can be good/bad depending on your lens and aim.

- You get comfortable, and so does she. Your habits should not falter, as you are a man. Women getting more lax is the norm - this is where you set her straight.

What can you do to prevent these things from happening, is it just not the right woman or is there a way to maintain frame long term? I'm interested to know what the more experienced users here think

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Most relationships fail because people think doing what got them into a relationship will keep them in it. Most guys are afraid of being vulnerable. But without any vulnerability the relationship cannot grow. It stagnates and then something feels off and she leaves.

This is what women mean by being emotionally unavailable.

 

[zekko]

- The struggle to hold frame 24/7. You must resist her attempts to break you down and ply you to her will.

I would say that if she's testing you that much, she's probably not a good fit. You're in your mid 20s, there isn't any real rush there, you've got plenty of time to find someone. At your age, your main focus should be self improvement.

As to your other points, hey you do what you can. As you say, as a man you shouldn't get lax, LTR or not.

 

[Velasco]

The problems that always seem to arise at this point are as follows

- The struggle to hold frame 24/7. You must resist her attempts to break you down and ply you to her will.

don't feel bad about being a dck to her when you know that doing a certain thing will make her lose attraction for you in the long run. its for your doing it because you love her, and ultimately its for your guys own benefit.

- The damp realization that sex becomes routine and predictable. You may soon begin to crave new strange.

cheat.

- The relationship leans more towards friendship as familiarity sets in. This can be good/bad depending on your lens and aim.

don't need to tell her every last detail of your life. just the skinny. allow her to fill in the details herself. "A woman’s imagination is the single most useful tool in a man’s Game arsenal"

- You get comfortable, and so does she. Your habits should not falter, as you are a man.

solved your own problem

 

[TheKid]

Most relationships fail because people think doing what got them into a relationship will keep them in it. Most guys are afraid of being vulnerable. But without any vulnerability the relationship cannot grow. It stagnates and then something feels off and she leaves.

This is what women mean by being emotionally unavailable.

You cannot be vulnerable with someone who doesnt want to be vulnerable themselves. From my experience girls with a lot of pride are the most insecure but will never admit it.

 

[bat soup]

I'm in my mid 20s and don't have all that much experience maintaining a relationship for more then 7 months. The problems that always seem to arise at this point are as follows

- The struggle to hold frame 24/7. You must resist her attempts to break you down and ply you to her will.

- The damp realization that sex becomes routine and predictable. You may soon begin to crave new strange.

- The relationship leans more towards friendship as familiarity sets in. This can be good/bad depending on your lens and aim.

- You get comfortable, and so does she. Your habits should not falter, as you are a man. Women getting more lax is the norm - this is where you set her straight.

What can you do to prevent these things from happening, is it just not the right woman or is there a way to maintain frame long term? I'm interested to know what the more experienced users here think

Maybe the solution is to just accept it and stop seeing it as a problem. After all, if you're bored of the sex after 7 months why would you want it to continue? When a relationship ends, you become free again to be independent, travel, do what you want and meet other girls. You need relationships to end in order to start new ones, unless your doing the open relationship thing.

If just one relationship lasts 10 years, you'll be in your 30s by the time it ends. Is that really what you want?

For me, when I was younger I had this "problem" and at the time I thought it was a problem. Now I look back and see that I wouldn't have had all of the experiences I had if I had stayed with just one girl and the freedom and lack of commitment was what allowed me to travel and live my life.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

- The struggle to hold frame 24/7. You must resist her attempts to break you down and ply you to her will.

I will say that every time I doubt frame and loosen mine up in a relationship, I ultimately regret it. HOWEVER, holding frame does not mean being a d*ck, or making all the decisions, or having everything "your way" or being demanding or domineering. It simply means, if she is asking something you really don't agree with, especially on moral principles, then do not do it just to make her happy because believe me, it will not make her happy. For example, if she demands that you block an ex on social media or says she doesn't like some of your friends that you hang out with, and after you truly think about it and make up your own mind about whether what she is saying is fair or not, you do what you decide. You don't have to be a jerk about it - you can tell her you understand how it makes her feel and ask questions and honestly and genuinely care about her emotions, but it doesn't mean you have to do everything she tells you to. There are two types of women:
1. Women who were really just looking for the validation and assurance that you care, and by being open and willing to talk to her about it and truly understanding her and asking questions about it and letting her "get it all out", is all that she needs to make her happy - she's over it after that and isn't concerned with the demand she made. And you don't have to do anything you don't agree with.
2. Women who will not let go of the issue until you take the exact action they are demanding. No amount of positive, productive communication will satisfy her. She wants your compliance and she will not rest until she gets it. Even if she seems to put it behind her, she will be seething under the surface and it will manifest itself in many different ways, none of them pleasant, until finally it bubbles up to the surface again and she lashes out and repeats her same demand for compliance to you.

You can't win with woman #2 and they are simply not relationship material.

Secondly, a part of feminine energy is the desire to feel and experience the masculine. Trying to break you down and ply you to her will is exactly how they do this. They want to FEEL your strength. They may get upset, but a good woman will ultimately release after feeling that she's been heard through productive conversation, some physical touching, and a really, really good pounding. You have to reprogram your mindset to not see her challenges as annoying, but as her way of trying to experience your masculine energy.

- The damp realization that sex becomes routine and predictable. You may soon begin to crave new strange.
- The relationship leans more towards friendship as familiarity sets in. This can be good/bad depending on your lens and aim.

It doesn't have to be like this. Maybe you aren't dating women that you are REALLY turned on by? In the last 6 or so years, I've been in some relationships over a year and the sex never got boring, overly predictable, or less enjoyable. Did I crave some strange? Oh for sure, but if your girl really turns you on physically then the craving and urge for strange isn't so bad.

- You get comfortable, and so does she. Your habits should not falter, as you are a man. Women getting more lax is the norm - this is where you set her straight.

While you can encourage her to stay in good habits, I am wondering if the ways you do this, and over which specific things, might be what is causing some problems? This can be a touchy subject.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Because 99% of dating advice is trash for LTRs and aimed at picking up toxic insecure women for one night stands and hoping they stick around and make good partners later lmao.

1) Control and fix what you can about yourself. We have similar problems according to that red flag topic and I think it can be attributed from being confused by mixing reality and the familiar toxic red pill advice we have digested. I am currently going through a depilling process and there are some guys that I still listen to that I can find some beneficial advice from. The Roommates. TheSingleguy, Alex Costa, The CBP Channel, Playingwithfire aren't bad at all/ I listen to Coach Greg Adams and Kevin Samuels for Venting purposes/ Do not listen to AMS, Fixitfearless, MJGetright, Austin Dunham, Freshnfit, or any mega red pill old/young guy that is arrogant af and complains about single moms like Entrepreneur in cars and Darius for example. Also, Tik Tok is pretty toxic too.

2) Quit being scared of being played by Secret Stacy. Most guys are scared of being played by that one girl, so they come on here with this frame/game bull ****. You just have to accept that nothing is ever going to shield you from a toxic woman, so the best thing you can do is just leave the relationship and dust yourself off.

3) Start vetting and filtering out women before you go on dates with them. I have started asking women "what are they looking for" pretty much and if they give me a response that I do not like then I kindly tell them this will not work out lol. This simple method has actually worked pretty well for me tbh. Yes, you will get less dates, but you need stop being scared of being flaked on/being alone for a night lol.

This is a WIP currently, but so far it's going great lol.

 

[TheProspect]

You cannot be vulnerable with someone who doesnt want to be vulnerable themselves. From my experience girls with a lot of pride are the most insecure but will never admit it.

Ideally, you wouldn’t LTR such a girl... at least, for long.

In my experience the girl will usually be vulnerable and open up first at some point in the dating process, before an LTR even happens in most cases.

Girls who open up too much too soon, or who don’t allow their walls to come down at all (or very slowly), should generally be avoided consideration for an LTR because the reasons they’d do either are not usually conducive to a healthy relationship.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You cannot be vulnerable with someone who doesnt want to be vulnerable themselves. From my experience girls with a lot of pride are the most insecure but will never admit it.

You are the man. Take the lead. Lead in all situations.

 

[Lookatu]

Most guys are afraid of being vulnerable.

This is what women mean by being emotionally unavailable.

While I agree with this, the timing and application is often misunderstood, especially by novices. IMO, you should only be vulnerable if you are strong in the relationship. Read that again to all the novices on here. Otherwise women that want someone to be "emotionally available" can often use it to take advantage of you(aka manipulation) once you start showing the vulnerability if you are weak.

HOWEVER, holding frame does not mean being a d*ck, or making all the decisions, or having everything "your way" or being demanding or domineering.

Very good message and something that is often misunderstood or misapplied with novices as well. They often mistake frame and turn into a d1ck or someone that's selfish.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

While I agree with this, the timing and application is often misunderstood, especially by novices. IMO, you should only be vulnerable if you are strong in the relationship. Read that again to all the novices on here. Otherwise women that want someone to be "emotionally available" can often use it to take advantage of you(aka manipulation) once you start showing the vulnerability if you are weak.



Very good message and something that is often misunderstood or misapplied with novices as well. They often mistake frame and turn into a d1ck or someone that's selfish.

Being vulnerable doesn't always mean crying or acting "wimpy". Sometimes it's just opening up a little and showing her a side of you she just doesn't realize is there...like maybe you have been dating for a few months and then she comes over one day and you show her some paintings you have been working on and she never even knew you were into that and then you talk to her about how you got into it as a kid etc...

Being vulnerable might not be a great choice of words, maybe opening up and letting her inside your world more might be a better choice. Something where she feels like as time goes on she is learning more and more about you and you form a stronger connection.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I'm in my mid 20s and don't have all that much experience maintaining a relationship for more then 7 months. The problems that always seem to arise at this point are as follows

- The struggle to hold frame 24/7. You must resist her attempts to break you down and ply you to her will.

- The damp realization that sex becomes routine and predictable. You may soon begin to crave new strange.

- The relationship leans more towards friendship as familiarity sets in. This can be good/bad depending on your lens and aim.

- You get comfortable, and so does she. Your habits should not falter, as you are a man. Women getting more lax is the norm - this is where you set her straight.

What can you do to prevent these things from happening, is it just not the right woman or is there a way to maintain frame long term? I'm interested to know what the more experienced users here think

Anything you have lost, you weren't supposed to have. Anyone you've lost wasn't supposed to be around.

But putting the philosophy aside, there are so many factors that come into play. It is all subjective and situational. The best thing you can do is keep getting better and better at vetting women during the dating phase. You will never find that "perfect" partner, that is Disney BS, but you will need to be better at recognizing red flags and finding a woman that best complements your life, mind, ideas, philosophy, etc.

What this does is gives you a better chance at working things out when things get "tough". Because they will get tough at some point. It is absolutely normal and happens in every relationship when things become stale, you crave strange a**, and you want out. In fact, you will always want strange a**. We are men. We are always looking for strange a** so you will need self-control.

Relationships go through phases. Expect that.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Lookatu]

Being vulnerable doesn't always mean crying or acting "wimpy".

Being vulnerable might not be a great choice of words, maybe opening up and letting her inside your world more might be a better choice.

I never said that and I don't advocate that.

Agree on opening up but not foolishly either. Only after getting to a certain point with someone.

Where as me, I just blast Madonna's "Like a Virgin" on the first date to open up. Haha

 

[RangerMIke]

First... there is nothing you can do to keep a woman interested in you... if she loses attraction, you are fvcked. If she isn't loyal... she'll bounce. If she IS LOYAL, she will morph into the fat nagging b1tch as she uses passive aggressive manipulation until you read her mind and figure out what she wants from you. Add to that, if another dude comes along that she thinks will do a better job of meeting her needs, she'll bounce faster and ramp up the aggravation.

Okay... now that you are firmly concreted in reality... Maintaining a LTR requires you to walk a tight-rope, while juggling flaming swords, while your relationship chick throws rocks at you. It has nothing to do with 'frame' or 'behavior'... there are no magic tricks that you can perform to make this happen. It becomes a lifestyle you have to embrace.

(1) ALWAYS strive for self-improvement ... you can NEVER be content with where you are in life. There is ZERO room for complacence. If you own a store... you have to be pushing to open more. If you are in school, and making 'B's... you have to push to make 'A's. This is in everything. The only time you can rest is when you are dead.

(2) ALWAYS insist on reciprocity. Never get in a place where you are giving all the time... she is always taking. She has to work for the relationship or she will not value it. If she won't do this.... well.... on to #3. I know SO MANY dudes that are bending over backwards keeping their chick happy. This is futile because women are never happy if they think they can do better. I know men that buy their wives new cars, install pools, get bigger houses.... putting themselves in debt.... these are band-aids on a gushing wound... she'll be happy for awhile, but she will always drift back to being miserable.

(3) ALWAYS be ready to walk away and not give a fvck. She has to know that if you walk, that's it... no going back, and that she is easily replaced. This is where most guys fvck up... Look... if you ever find yourself in a place where you believe you can not do without her, you are already dead. The best way to make a long term relationship work is to always plan for worst case scenario, and it WILL END. This is the hardest to do and it requires a great deal of emotional self control, with a healthy dose of selfishness.

If you do these things your chances will improve, but understand there is no guarantee. The simple truth is that often the best course of action is to let the relationship die... when your turn on the ride is over... go find another ride.

 

[EyeBRollin]

We can’t make wine without fresh grapes.

1) Screen properly. The girl must like you a lot from the beginning. She must have healthy self esteem and upbringing.

2) Let her come to you. The LTR must her idea.

3) Focus on your purpose. She is just along for the ride. She has to be a sidekick character in your life story. How can she help you build an empire if your main focus is her?

4) Create space. A lot of boredom can be solved by rationing the amount of time you spend with her. That includes sex. Dont see her more than two days out of the week. She will be begging you for marriage and babies by 6 months.

Good luck, men.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

We can’t make wine without fresh grapes.

1) Screen properly. The girl must like you a lot from the beginning. She must have healthy self esteem and upbringing.

2) Let her come to you. The LTR must her idea.

3) Focus on your purpose. She is just along for the ride. She has to be a sidekick character in your life story. How can she help you build an empire if your main focus is her?

4) Create space. A lot of boredom can be solved by rationing the amount of time you spend with her. That includes sex. Dont see her more than two days out of the week. She will be begging you for marriage and babies by 6 months.

Good luck, men.

I disagree with the LTR, I feel like a guys biggest stake in a relationship is proposing marriage and the relationship. When you are letting her put you in a relationship, you are letting her be more masculine than you.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I disagree with the LTR, I feel like a guys biggest stake in a relationship is proposing marriage and the relationship. When you are letting her put you in a relationship, you are letting her be more masculine than you.

Wrong. Our job is to blow her back out. She has to ask for exclusivity. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of relationships and marriage. Asking her to be exclusive is feminine, not vice versa.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Wrong. Our job is to blow her back out. She has to ask for exclusivity. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of relationships and marriage. Asking her to be exclusive is feminine, not vice versa.

The way you can ask can come off either as feminine or masculine. Most men do it the feminine way. Tbh, I think it is more weak to let some girl put you in a relationship without your approval/discussing then a guy asking.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Certain members here can't even get second dates.

Isn't that right, certain member?

probably targeting me, but the way my neck looks right now/I’m getting dinner cooked for me tonight completely debunks this futile attempt at slander