Which path to take?

[ChalengeGuyFan]

I'm 33, doing well financially (good career), probably a 7 on the looks scale and have a sad history with women...

I'm at a point in life where I have to choose between a) and b):
a) either stay with the woman that I'm currently with, which may (or may not) lead to marriage & a family
b) break-up with her and fix my insecurities regarding women

Read on for details:

In my youth, I was a loner and a skinny nerd. At some point I started to become attractive, but the anxiety and lack of skills got the better of me. Result: despite having several girls interested in me throughout the years, I had my first kiss and lost my virginity at age 26 (Fvck!!!).

After that first woman (a lunatic MILF), came a dry spell, then a super-sweet girl... a virgin at 29. Three years of relationship followed. She wanted to start a family with me, but I wanted to meet more girls, instead. And I know I can do it, because at this point I am starting to reach my potential (looks wise, confidence, and so on). Besides, there were many other incompatibilities which would have driven me crazy.

Next came the current girl:

• super-hot (I don't get tired of looking at her); 5 years younger;
• we look great together and our bodies just "click";
• despite having different tastes in almost every area of life, we feel great together even when doing nothing;
• she has some friends (unlike the previous girl);
• is a go-getter (I am more of a thinking type);
• she has a great personality and is very likeable;
• she likes my family (unlike the previous girl);
• she's smart and experienced socially;
• she has the nicest family;
• she brings me calm and joy I just feel complete in her presence.

Of course, there are also some negatives:

• we have a history of arguing a lot (caused by the facts that I was too invested in my work and she was frustrated with her career choice -- both issues are now fixed). Whenever we argue (still happens sometimes), I become frustrated and think "Why do I keep seeing her?". Those thoughts fade away quickly, but are a result of previous arguing where she stayed angry at me for days at a time and even didn't speak with me for days. She literally caused me grey hair... This should probably be a red flag, but it's important that she's learning and is actually fixing herself. She's had her way throughout her life and I am probably the first one to stand up to her like a man and set boundaries.
• she has a history of cheating (once a cheater always a cheater?):
  • in her early twenties, several times on her first bf (but she said she tried to break up with him several times without success -- I can relate to the wanting-to-break-up, because I went through something similar with my previous girl, except I didn't cheat throughout the relationship)
  • and on her last bf -- with me! (it was a dysfunctional and dying relationship for her. And I cheated on my previous girl with her, as well. Can we really be blamed for this? We both wanted out of those relationships, but had a hard time doing it...). The red flag here is that she's finding justifications for her cheating, whereas I admit I was a sh!t person for doing it.
• she has a history of getting bored quickly of guys. But not of me (at least not yet, after almost 2 yrs)
• she gets frustrated very quickly, which I find cute, but I might end up hating this after a while. For example, we went snowboarding (we are both beginners) and ended up leaving after 1 hr because she was afraid and frustrated that she can't do it.
• sometimes, the differences between us are probably too much. For example, while on vacation I want to do X and she wants to do Y. I'm going with Y, but she doesn't really want to do X. This could lead to frustration for me...
• the sex was once epic, but is quite rare these days and not that exciting, anymore.

At the end of the day, I really, really, really enjoy love spending time with her and I want to continue doing things together (going places, meeting up with friends, traveling or just doing nothing at all). The thought of starting a family with her (which she wants)... although kids are something distant and strange for me... I kinda like the thought of staying with her and building something.

But then come my problems: I've been with only 3 girls and I wish there would have been more. There are a lot of missed experiences which I would like to try before I settle (hooking up at parties, on vacation, having one-night stands, enjoying other girls, and so on). This is a 15-year-old frustration of mine which is always in the back of my head (less so when I'm with her) and I cannot let go of it. At the same time, putting in the effort to live those experiences does not seem as exciting as it seemed once upon a time.

She doesn't have these issues... she's lived her life... boyfriends, hook-ups, ONS... she's done it all (and I'm envious of her).

Anyway, three months ago we had a fight and I ended up telling her that I want to break up with her. At that point, the relationship didn't seem to be worth it, considering my frustrations. We've been spending the last 3 months together, anyway. One week ago, another argument (caused by our stand-off situation) made me reiterate the breaking up and now I really must act on it.

She's really suffering and my heart is breaking at the thought of ending things with her. The idea of pursuing other girls (which I lust for when I see them on the streets) doesn't seem that great, anymore. But if I don't do it now, I might have to live with that underlying frustration for the rest of my life.

What's your take on this, guys? What do you advise me to do?

 

[SargeMaximus]

I always choose the path of freedom, even if it isolates me

 

[Mazer]

Thirty-three is still young these days. You might regret getting locked down at this age despite what your friends tell you. I’m currently in a relationship but the best years of my dating life were between the ages 37- 41. Good Luck.

 

[Kotaix]

Ask yourself the honest question what it is you like about her. Is she truly worth it? Don't fall for the disney view that you're going to find someone that you will be completely happy with, that doesn't exist. It's healthy to have occasional arguments. If she starts drama for no reason I would ditch her because that will never improve. But if she argues with reason and intelligence you might want to keep her.

It's rare to find a girl that comes from a good family. This alone speaks volumes,

The conquest of other pvssy is fun and relieves the monotony, but in the end it's empty because sex isn't what matters. It's being able to put up with her, and it sounds to me like you've found someone you can tolerate.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Challenge,
"Happy I could be with either,were other sweet charmer away", You see yourself as being on the horns of a dilemma,but the real choice is not between two lovers but rather,do I go down the matrimonial path or opt for a philanders life?...Promise nothing,prevaricate and placate and yes,ENJOY!...In retrospect making a decision at this stage will seem rash,events have their own synergy just go with the flow and keep your options open.

 

[metalwater]

few key points from your story. I note that the negatives sort of conflict with the positives..

#1 sex; it is a great measurement of things within a romantic relationship. you can still have a relationship that is not romantic and many men end up with that at some point. however; in the age range you tell, you both have many years of lust left built into the body. If it is not going to be directed at each other then where will it go to...

#2 " she brings me calm and joy I just feel complete in her presence. ". this is to me a red flag... this gives her enormous control of you.

#3 the arguing; and then arguing to the point of breakup TOGETHER with low or no sex. think about this together with #2

If you try to make improvements on yourself with her in tow; she will fight you very hard. As you grow in strength she will challenge you harder and harder UNTIL it is clear you win. I don't mean anything cruel I mean emotional strength, wisdom, and tenacity. It can be done but most will not because the alternative to move on is way easier and honestly probably just as good of a choice.

If you choose to stay with... or I should say, if you choose to let her stay with you then you must remove #2 and replace it with something else.

 

[Murk]

#2 " she brings me calm and joy I just feel complete in her presence. ". this is to me a red flag... this gives her enormous control of you.

#3 the arguing; and then arguing to the point of breakup TOGETHER with low or no sex. think about this together with #2

I completely agree with your post and these two stuck out for me. No woman should be completing you like that, you sound very passive and docile hence the late-blooming and dillydallying over this situation.

Stop arguing, be more assertive, find a real purpose in life and set some goals.

You seem like you're coasting to mediocrity/grave.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

I agree with @Kotaix saying:

Don't fall for the disney view that you're going to find someone that you will be completely happy with, that doesn't exist."

Exactly!

There are red flags which I would not tolerate, such as lack of ambition, high potential of cheating, or being a drama queen. Does she really fit the bill of these core values? In general, yes. If I didn't have this frustration with women, I would continue the relationship and see how it plays out. I wouldn't marry her any time soon, but I would consider this option for the next 1.5 - 2 years.

At the end of the day, we both consider this relationship the best that we've ever had.

#1 sex; it is a great measurement of things within a romantic relationship. you can still have a relationship that is not romantic and many men end up with that at some point. however; in the age range you tell, you both have many years of lust left built into the body. If it is not going to be directed at each other then where will it go to...

The sex is not as it used to be (intense, every day, even multiple times a day), but it's still there, albeit more rare - a couple times a week, or fortnightly in the worse case scenario (from time to time). The relationship is still romantic, though, both of us being very touchy-feely, showing lots of affection, etc. Maybe that's what 1 year of 24/7 stay-together does to a relationship...

Does any of you have a practical experience with sex being just as good/frequent 2 years into a relationship, as it was in the beginning? I haven't seen that in my previous relationship, nor in friends' relationships. And it's not only the girl at fault.

But, yeah, I am not 100% pleased with how sex has become. When COVID restrictions fade and options to meet other people will reappear, where will that lust go? That's a very valid question.

#2 " she brings me calm and joy I just feel complete in her presence. ". this is to me a red flag... this gives her enormous control of you.

I acknowledge this. Goes both ways. It's great for pushing each other to do things when we become too comfortable, but also creates a dependency with each other, which is not so great.

#3 the arguing; and then arguing to the point of breakup TOGETHER with low or no sex. think about this together with #2

Yes, this worries me.
The breakup was initiated by me, though, due to my own problems.

If you try to make improvements on yourself with her in tow; she will fight you very hard. As you grow in strength she will challenge you harder and harder UNTIL it is clear you win.

Can you expand on this? In general, she's very supportive to my growth. I don't quite understand what you refer to.

No woman should be completing you like that,

Why not? I don't subscribe to the sosuave view that you have to be your own man your entire life. At some point it becomes tiring and having someone you can connect to, that you can fully relax with (temporarily), that can make you feel that you are enough, is very welcome. If that person keeps a fire under your ass to not let your guard down completely with regards to taking care of and developing yourself, then all the better.
Convince me otherwise. Seriously.

you sound very passive and docile hence the late-blooming and dillydallying over this situation.

Docile no, but passive yes. I have this tendency and yes, this held me back in life and is the root cause for not making a decision in the past three months.

Stop arguing, be more assertive, find a real purpose in life and set some goals.

You seem like you're coasting to mediocrity/grave.

Far from it. Yes, I don't take massive action towards my goals, but I am above the average man in many areas, because I have been working on them consistently for the past 15 years.

Regardless, these last sentences of @Murk's struck me like a bag of bricks, because they're largely true (painful to acknowledge).

===

I would like to take a step back from from the dissection of the relationship and rephrase the general question:

Given a perfectly good relationship, which one of you would really kick it to the curb in order to fix longstanding frustrations with regards to women?

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

Thirty-three is still young these days. You might regret getting locked down at this age despite what your friends tell you. I’m currently in a relationship but the best years of my dating life were between the ages 37- 41. Good Luck.

Is it, really?

At some point I was considering that I wouldn't get into a might-get-married relationship before age 38. Lately, though, I've been feeling changes (physical and mental) which I never felt before. I'm starting to feel like I'm growing up into... a grown-up man. Before that, I had the full energy and mindset of an early twenties guy. (minus the stupidity) Maybe the new lifestyle is at fault for this...

Can dating continue? I very much think so. But I also think that it might be increasingly hard to find young women who don't want to get married ASAP.

Also: isn't it quite hard to find the right person? That's what they say! And when you do find someone who seems good-enough, it's wise to spend some years with her (my "wisdom" says 3 years) to get to know her "completely", right?

All of this might mean having kids at 40, which I don't find optimal.

I guess that I'm just scared that I'm letting go of something which will be hard to find again...

What do you think?

 

[Murk]

I agree with @Kotaix saying:


Exactly!

There are red flags which I would not tolerate, such as lack of ambition, high potential of cheating, or being a drama queen. Does she really fit the bill of these core values? In general, yes. If I didn't have this frustration with women, I would continue the relationship and see how it plays out. I wouldn't marry her any time soon, but I would consider this option for the next 1.5 - 2 years.

At the end of the day, we both consider this relationship the best that we've ever had.


The sex is not as it used to be (intense, every day, even multiple times a day), but it's still there, albeit more rare - a couple times a week, or fortnightly in the worse case scenario (from time to time). The relationship is still romantic, though, both of us being very touchy-feely, showing lots of affection, etc. Maybe that's what 1 year of 24/7 stay-together does to a relationship...

Does any of you have a practical experience with sex being just as good/frequent 2 years into a relationship, as it was in the beginning? I haven't seen that in my previous relationship, nor in friends' relationships. And it's not only the girl at fault.

But, yeah, I am not 100% pleased with how sex has become. When COVID restrictions fade and options to meet other people will reappear, where will that lust go? That's a very valid question.


I acknowledge this. Goes both ways. It's great for pushing each other to do things when we become too comfortable, but also creates a dependency with each other, which is not so great.


Yes, this worries me.
The breakup was initiated by me, though, due to my own problems.


Can you expand on this? In general, she's very supportive to my growth. I don't quite understand what you refer to.


Why not? I don't subscribe to the sosuave view that you have to be your own man your entire life. At some point it becomes tiring and having someone you can connect to, that you can fully relax with (temporarily), that can make you feel that you are enough, is very welcome. If that person keeps a fire under your ass to not let your guard down completely with regards to taking care of and developing yourself, then all the better.
Convince me otherwise. Seriously.


Docile no, but passive yes. I have this tendency and yes, this held me back in life and is the root cause for not making a decision in the past three months.


Far from it. Yes, I don't take massive action towards my goals, but I am above the average man in many areas, because I have been working on them consistently for the past 15 years.

Regardless, these last sentences of @Murk's struck me like a bag of bricks, because they're largely true (painful to acknowledge).

===

I would like to take a step back from from the dissection of the relationship and rephrase the general question:

Given a perfectly good relationship, which one of you would really kick it to the curb in order to fix longstanding frustrations with regards to women?

I don't see women as "completing" me but I do agree to some extent. As someone who has never been in love (I don't think), when a women enters my life and plugs the gaps, keeps me on track, works with me and encourages me, it feels great and in some sense, I feel complete. If that's what you mean then I agree. I just read it as "I was lost until I found her".

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

I don't see women as "completing" me but I do agree to some extent. As someone who has never been in love (I don't think), when a women enters my life and plugs the gaps, keeps me on track, works with me and encourages me, it feels great and in some sense, I feel complete. If that's what you mean then I agree. I just read it as "I was lost until I found her".

That's exactly what I mean (what you described, not the "having been lost" thing).

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Eject............ so many red flags ..... i have trouble deciding where to start.

Women that "like" to argue a lot will become an even greater pain in the ass once they think they have legal leverage on you (married, kids...), this is going to be an uphill battle.

You have a different taste in almost everything..... this is trouble when you have to deal with this for every days decisions in a LTR, especially combined with her taste for arguing.

Bored quickly, frustrated quickly.... this might be "cute" for some months but it will be a pain in the ass in the long run.

Cheating..... she cheated AT LEAST 2 guys before you, she will get bored, frustrated again and will cheat on you.

I dont go into every red flag i see. This woman is unstable, high maintainance and i think you are trying to save her from herself.

With regard to you only having been with 3 women, i think you cling on that girl out of a scarcity mindset.


Break free of her, get a few plates, spin for a few years, develop an abundance mindset and maybe then get into a LTR.

 

[Grounded eagle]

I'm 33, doing well financially (good career), probably a 7 on the looks scale and have a sad history with women...

I'm at a point in life where I have to choose between a) and b):
a) either stay with the woman that I'm currently with, which may (or may not) lead to marriage & a family
b) break-up with her and fix my insecurities regarding women

Read on for details:

In my youth, I was a loner and a skinny nerd. At some point I started to become attractive, but the anxiety and lack of skills got the better of me. Result: despite having several girls interested in me throughout the years, I had my first kiss and lost my virginity at age 26 (Fvck!!!).

After that first woman (a lunatic MILF), came a dry spell, then a super-sweet girl... a virgin at 29. Three years of relationship followed. She wanted to start a family with me, but I wanted to meet more girls, instead. And I know I can do it, because at this point I am starting to reach my potential (looks wise, confidence, and so on). Besides, there were many other incompatibilities which would have driven me crazy.

Next came the current girl:

• super-hot (I don't get tired of looking at her); 5 years younger;
• we look great together and our bodies just "click";
• despite having different tastes in almost every area of life, we feel great together even when doing nothing;
• she has some friends (unlike the previous girl);
• is a go-getter (I am more of a thinking type);
• she has a great personality and is very likeable;
• she likes my family (unlike the previous girl);
• she's smart and experienced socially;
• she has the nicest family;
• she brings me calm and joy I just feel complete in her presence.

Of course, there are also some negatives:

• we have a history of arguing a lot (caused by the facts that I was too invested in my work and she was frustrated with her career choice -- both issues are now fixed). Whenever we argue (still happens sometimes), I become frustrated and think "Why do I keep seeing her?". Those thoughts fade away quickly, but are a result of previous arguing where she stayed angry at me for days at a time and even didn't speak with me for days. She literally caused me grey hair... This should probably be a red flag, but it's important that she's learning and is actually fixing herself. She's had her way throughout her life and I am probably the first one to stand up to her like a man and set boundaries.
• she has a history of cheating (once a cheater always a cheater?):
  • in her early twenties, several times on her first bf (but she said she tried to break up with him several times without success -- I can relate to the wanting-to-break-up, because I went through something similar with my previous girl, except I didn't cheat throughout the relationship)
  • and on her last bf -- with me! (it was a dysfunctional and dying relationship for her. And I cheated on my previous girl with her, as well. Can we really be blamed for this? We both wanted out of those relationships, but had a hard time doing it...). The red flag here is that she's finding justifications for her cheating, whereas I admit I was a sh!t person for doing it.
• she has a history of getting bored quickly of guys. But not of me (at least not yet, after almost 2 yrs)
• she gets frustrated very quickly, which I find cute, but I might end up hating this after a while. For example, we went snowboarding (we are both beginners) and ended up leaving after 1 hr because she was afraid and frustrated that she can't do it.
• sometimes, the differences between us are probably too much. For example, while on vacation I want to do X and she wants to do Y. I'm going with Y, but she doesn't really want to do X. This could lead to frustration for me...
• the sex was once epic, but is quite rare these days and not that exciting, anymore.

At the end of the day, I really, really, really enjoy love spending time with her and I want to continue doing things together (going places, meeting up with friends, traveling or just doing nothing at all). The thought of starting a family with her (which she wants)... although kids are something distant and strange for me... I kinda like the thought of staying with her and building something.

But then come my problems: I've been with only 3 girls and I wish there would have been more. There are a lot of missed experiences which I would like to try before I settle (hooking up at parties, on vacation, having one-night stands, enjoying other girls, and so on). This is a 15-year-old frustration of mine which is always in the back of my head (less so when I'm with her) and I cannot let go of it. At the same time, putting in the effort to live those experiences does not seem as exciting as it seemed once upon a time.

She doesn't have these issues... she's lived her life... boyfriends, hook-ups, ONS... she's done it all (and I'm envious of her).

Anyway, three months ago we had a fight and I ended up telling her that I want to break up with her. At that point, the relationship didn't seem to be worth it, considering my frustrations. We've been spending the last 3 months together, anyway. One week ago, another argument (caused by our stand-off situation) made me reiterate the breaking up and now I really must act on it.

She's really suffering and my heart is breaking at the thought of ending things with her. The idea of pursuing other girls (which I lust for when I see them on the streets) doesn't seem that great, anymore. But if I don't do it now, I might have to live with that underlying frustration for the rest of my life.

What's your take on this, guys? What do you advise me to do?

Leave her.Fix yourself.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

• she has a history of cheating (once a cheater always a cheater?):
  • in her early twenties, several times on her first bf (but she said she tried to break up with him several times without success -- I can relate to the wanting-to-break-up, because I went through something similar with my previous girl, except I didn't cheat throughout the relationship)
  • and on her last bf -- with me! (it was a dysfunctional and dying relationship for her. And I cheated on my previous girl with her, as well. Can we really be blamed for this? We both wanted out of those relationships, but had a hard time doing it...). The red flag here is that she's finding justifications for her cheating, whereas I admit I was a sh!t person for doing it.

You had me at this. I would eject. She WILL cheat again. And the fact that she cheated on her last ex with you gives her the impression that this is something she could pull off again because you were OK with it when it was her cheating on a BF with you.

 

[spikeanut]

OP, a few things about your post. If you're letting random strangers dictate whether or not you stay in a relationship of almost 2 years with a girl who makes you "feel complete," then it's pretty apparent you've already made a decision in your head and merely seeking confirmation bias to bolster your indecisiveness. I'll give you a bit of advice, not on your relationship, but on your inner thinkings as a man.

For one, indecisiveness is a very feminine trait. When a man makes a decision, he follows through with it. Even if it's a bad choice, the masculine way would be to own up to those bad decisions and learn to grow from it. Women lose respect for a man that cannot make a decision. Empty threats to leave is about the most feminine thing you can do. If she has not already cheated on you, these types of actions is exactly what will lead to her cheating and then justifying it by YOUR actions.

Additionally, another reason you don't base your life changing decisions on other people's advice is you will never truly know if the decision was solely yours. This will always lead to a period of regret and self loathing, which does nothing for your growth as a man. Your important decisions need to be yours and yours alone. Getting input from others is great, but no one on this forum will have the insight of the past 2 years other than you.

And finally, take the advice on this forum with a grain of salt. The majority of this forum is focused on getting and maintaining plates or short term dating. Hence, it's very easy for people to say "eject" or "drop her" due to various red flags since their advice comes from a viewpoint of a relationship without much commitment or investment. You're in a situation where you've already invested 2 years of your life and know other intricacy of your relationship that we will never comprehend. There are definitely red flags, but most of those red flags are more significant when vetting and filtering out women who you are casually dating from getting into an LTR; you are beyond that stage. So again, getting advice and a third party perspective is fine, but ultimately you need to make that decision. Most of the varying perspectives you will get from this forum are not from people in an LTR themselves, so their views may not be in-line with your personality and personal beliefs.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I'm 33, doing well financially (good career), probably a 7 on the looks scale and have a sad history with women...

I'm at a point in life where I have to choose between a) and b):
a) either stay with the woman that I'm currently with, which may (or may not) lead to marriage & a family
b) break-up with her and fix my insecurities regarding women

With all due respect, without having to read the entire post and simply going by what I'm quoting above I can tell you that choose path B.

If you choose path A, your "happiness" or "mental health" will be dependent on something you can lose tomorrow. If a long-sustainable-lasting fulfilling is what you want, break up with her and work on yourself. Travel, explore, taste, f**k, succeed, fail, laugh, cry, meet as many people, and see the world through as many lenses, as possible.

You see, when you die, that is what you will take with you. And the way you lived your life and how much you've grown will either make you smile or cry on your deathbed. In life, what weighs the most is not the regret of what you've done but what you have not done. To have lived a life that was expected of you, but not true to yourself.

Hope this helps.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Lookatu]

For one, indecisiveness is a very feminine trait.

Your important decisions need to be yours and yours alone.

And finally, take the advice on this forum with a grain of salt. The majority of this forum is focused on getting and maintaining plates or short term dating.

Most of the varying perspectives you will get from this forum are not from people in an LTR themselves, so their views may not be in-line with your personality and personal beliefs.

While I agree with your post, I'm a LTR person and have always been most of my life. I also think the OP should eject based on knowing people and myself that's gone through similar situations.

I've NEVER seen any LTR's last where there is constant arguments. You shouldn't have to argue all the time in a successful relationship IMO. Life is too short and there are far better people you can spend it with.

The other negatives that OP outlined seems troubling and is usually a recipe for disaster.

He can try to prolong it but he's only fooling himself and missing out on other potentially valuable opportunities by being tied down.

OP, I'm kind of surprised you've been a member here since 2008 and find yourself in this situation. I thought some of these would've been very apparent to you by now.

 

[spikeanut]

While I agree with your post, I'm a LTR person and have always been most of my life. I also think the OP should eject based on knowing people and myself that's gone through similar situations.

I've NEVER seen any LTR's last where there is constant arguments. You shouldn't have to argue all the time in a successful relationship IMO. Life is too short and there are far better people you can spend it with.

The other negatives that OP outlined seems troubling and is usually a recipe for disaster.

He can try to prolong it but he's only fooling himself and missing out on other potentially valuable opportunities by being tied down.

OP, I'm kind of surprised you've been a member here since 2008 and find yourself in this situation. I thought some of these would've been very apparent to you by now.

I agree. Personally I wouldn't have gotten in this LTR in the first place. My advice is more so for OP's personal development as a man. It ultimately needs to be his decision one way or the other, and he needs to own it. But yes, these red flags would have been mitigated during the vetting and filtering phase of dating or at the initial occurrence.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I agree with @Kotaix saying:


Exactly!

There are red flags which I would not tolerate, such as lack of ambition, high potential of cheating, or being a drama queen. Does she really fit the bill of these core values? In general, yes. If I didn't have this frustration with women, I would continue the relationship and see how it plays out. I wouldn't marry her any time soon, but I would consider this option for the next 1.5 - 2 years.

At the end of the day, we both consider this relationship the best that we've ever had.


The sex is not as it used to be (intense, every day, even multiple times a day), but it's still there, albeit more rare - a couple times a week, or fortnightly in the worse case scenario (from time to time). The relationship is still romantic, though, both of us being very touchy-feely, showing lots of affection, etc. Maybe that's what 1 year of 24/7 stay-together does to a relationship...

Does any of you have a practical experience with sex being just as good/frequent 2 years into a relationship, as it was in the beginning? I haven't seen that in my previous relationship, nor in friends' relationships. And it's not only the girl at fault.

But, yeah, I am not 100% pleased with how sex has become. When COVID restrictions fade and options to meet other people will reappear, where will that lust go? That's a very valid question.


I acknowledge this. Goes both ways. It's great for pushing each other to do things when we become too comfortable, but also creates a dependency with each other, which is not so great.


Yes, this worries me.
The breakup was initiated by me, though, due to my own problems.


Can you expand on this? In general, she's very supportive to my growth. I don't quite understand what you refer to.


Why not? I don't subscribe to the sosuave view that you have to be your own man your entire life. At some point it becomes tiring and having someone you can connect to, that you can fully relax with (temporarily), that can make you feel that you are enough, is very welcome. If that person keeps a fire under your ass to not let your guard down completely with regards to taking care of and developing yourself, then all the better.
Convince me otherwise. Seriously.


Docile no, but passive yes. I have this tendency and yes, this held me back in life and is the root cause for not making a decision in the past three months.


Far from it. Yes, I don't take massive action towards my goals, but I am above the average man in many areas, because I have been working on them consistently for the past 15 years.

Regardless, these last sentences of @Murk's struck me like a bag of bricks, because they're largely true (painful to acknowledge).

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I would like to take a step back from from the dissection of the relationship and rephrase the general question:

Given a perfectly good relationship, which one of you would really kick it to the curb in order to fix longstanding frustrations with regards to women?

Instead of arguing with her, why don't you be an adult and sit down and communicate with her about the difficulties you are having in some areas with the relationship and what you want and then let her do the same and then sort things out from there?

It seems like you have done lots of arguing but don't actually communicate your needs to each other or what it is that you don't like about the other person. That will never work...if you can't communicate better you are doomed no matter how long you stay together

 

[deadmasterx]

b) break-up with her and fix my insecurities regarding women

How will breaking up with her be fixing, by any means, your insecurities? Relationships are bless when it comes for men's personal emotional growth, it's exactly the other way around. For a "weak" man there's nothing harder than keeping a relationship alive, and when I say ALIVE I mean having sex more than once a week, caring and loving each other regardless. There must be a spark. If you're just there and things are lukewarm, boring, little to no sex, little to no feeling and caring, it's better to be out.

Remember, going out and picking girls up IS NOT THE HARD PART. The hard part is keeping a relationship, because it's a long term compromise, a investment, while hooking up is just a bet.

My tip for you is analyse your relationship as it is right now, and picture how you want it to be. What can you do to make it better? Remember, you're the man, your job is to lead the relationship. Your woman will follow you along and will act accordingly. Once you pictured what kind of relationship you want, get back and ask more questions if you don't know how to do it exactly.