try not to get in over your head

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

i've noticed that everytime i get into a relationship , basically
the woman has come down an smv point or 2 to be with a guy who they can feel comfort with, instead of being with a guy they have to compete with other hot women for.
by the time i realize the woman is actually with me for comfort or lack of competition its usually too late, usually i realize i actually love her more than she loves me so i just end it and leave , ppl will try and tell you that you will never find a girl like her again or that she is very attractive and you shouldnt leave but this is a dangerous game being with a woman like this, where she can leave you after a year or 2 for some random guy she just met online.
anyone else have experience with this?

 

[TheNewStyle123]

I am at the point where I would seriously begin to consider a relationship with a woman again following my divorce 8 months ago and this has been something on my mind. There are two women in particular that I really enjoy spending time with, and based on our interactions it seems that they are more into me than I am into them - but I am not sure if this is genuine, or these women desiring comfort/knowing that there is competition out there as I have not committed to either one.

My worry is that the moment I make a commitment to one, she will lose that lust/interest/competition anxiety and it won't be 'fun' anymore. This is a challenge I'll need to face at some point as I did a lot of things wrong during my marriage related to this, and I have not been in a LTR since then.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Nah, hypergamy. I’m never exclusive with a woman at or above my own SMV. That’s a recipe for disaster.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

I am at the point where I would seriously begin to consider a relationship with a woman again following my divorce 8 months ago and this has been something on my mind. There are two women in particular that I really enjoy spending time with, and based on our interactions it seems that they are more into me than I am into them - but I am not sure if this is genuine, or these women desiring comfort/knowing that there is competition out there as I have not committed to either one.

My worry is that the moment I make a commitment to one, she will lose that lust/interest/competition anxiety and it won't be 'fun' anymore. This is a challenge I'll need to face at some point as I did a lot of things wrong during my marriage related to this, and I have not been in a LTR since then.

my mother used to always tell me ''find a woman that loves you more than you love them, my only thing is.. how long will it last? how long will it be that way..there is a chance that once you commit to one of these women , that it can change and if you spend too much time with them , you will start to enjoy their company more than they enjoy yours . if you do get into another ltr with one of these women , dont stop talking to the other one, you dont have to cheat , but dont cut her off completely

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

Nah, hypergamy. I’m never exclusive with a woman at or above my own SMV. That’s a recipe for disaster.

the problem is , i didnt realize it till it was too late.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

I get provider compliance zone tested all the time now but it is so incongruent with my self image that the relationship never takes off.

interesting, tell me more about these test?

 

[TheNewStyle123]

my mother used to always tell me ''find a woman that loves you more than you love them, my only thing is.. how long will it last? how long will it be that way..there is a chance that once you commit to one of these women , that it can change and if you spend too much time with them , you will start to enjoy their company more than they enjoy yours . if you do get into another ltr with one of these women , dont stop talking to the other one, you dont have to cheat , but dont cut her off completely

Exactly... this is what I'm worried about man. That's a great point not to cut the other one off completely too.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

Exactly... this is what I'm worried about man. That's a great point not to cut the other one off completely too.

you have it pretty good right now , you can choose to get in an LTR , because you have the power to walk away to the other chick if the LTR doesnt comply, 9 times out of 10 at some point the LTR WILL test your strength , because she wants to know WHY you are in a relationship

is it because you choose to be in a relationship? or are your options scarce
the only way she can test this and know for sure is to start pushing you away to see how you react.

if she does go right on and leave, now she knows you CHOSE to be with her , she should come back and the LTR should improve from that point.
now its just maintenance and the occasional **** test , comfort test.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

you have it pretty good right now , you can choose to get in an LTR , because you have the power to walk away to the other chick if the LTR doesnt comply, 9 times out of 10 at some point the LTR WILL test your strength , because she wants to know WHY you are in a relationship

is it because you choose to be in a relationship? or are your options scarce
the only way she can test this and know for sure is to start pushing you away to see how you react.

if she does go right on and leave, now she knows you CHOSE to be with her , she should come back and the LTR should improve from that point.
now its just maintenance and the occasional **** test , comfort test.

Ahhh I see what you're saying man. Simply put, if she begins to misbehave, pull away, or act differently that is the moment where I begin to walk (as I have options) and she will comply because she sees this.

My only question (and I am struggling with this now) is how do you find the balance between just completely not putting 'effot' into a relationship vs. knowing when to walk or pull away. It's a fine line. I even find it difficult doing this now with them as plates. I wonder "am I texting them too much? Am I complementing them too much? Does my actions seem to relationship-esque?" In the end, it doesn't bother me too much though because I am really just having fun and enjoying their company.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

Ahhh I see what you're saying man. Simply put, if she begins to misbehave, pull away, or act differently that is the moment where I begin to walk (as I have options) and she will comply because she sees this. yup, exactly

My only question (and I am struggling with this now) is how do you find the balance between just completely not putting 'effot' into a relationship vs. knowing when to walk or pull away. It's a fine line. I even find it difficult doing this now with them as plates. I wonder "am I texting them too much? Am I complementing them too much? Does my actions seem to relationship-esque?" In the end, it doesn't bother me too much though because I am really just having fun and enjoying their company.

ppl naturally pull away when bored
it simply goes like this imagine a kid with a toy, what happens when kids play with their toys everyday?
they get bored of them , now they rip the arms off rip the head off , it ends up in the toilet or trash , because they simply got too much of it.
give her the toy for a minute, then take it away

one minute you're all over her, next thing you know, you go hang out with your friends all weekend and dont even text her
one minute you're back on her, next thing you know she text you and you're out of town for a week
hot and cold , hot and cold, hot and cold.
the behavior and the manner you do this is just as important as the action itself.
this is not a gaming tactic , really be out having fun and enjoying things you like , and then give her the toy for a little while but take it away

 

[Grounded eagle]

i've noticed that everytime i get into a relationship , basically
the woman has come down an smv point or 2 to be with a guy who they can feel comfort with, instead of being with a guy they have to compete with other hot women for.
by the time i realize the woman is actually with me for comfort or lack of competition its usually too late, usually i realize i actually love her more than she loves me so i just end it and leave , ppl will try and tell you that you will never find a girl like her again or that she is very attractive and you shouldnt leave but this is a dangerous game being with a woman like this, where she can leave you after a year or 2 for some random guy she just met online.
anyone else have experience with this?

As always,the answer is to improve yourself.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

ppl naturally pull away when bored
it simply goes like this imagine a kid with a toy, what happens when kids play with their toys everyday?
they get bored of them , now they rip the arms off rip the head off , it ends up in the toilet or trash , because they simply got too much of it.
give her the toy for a minute, then take it away

one minute you're all over her, next thing you know, you go hang out with your friends all weekend and dont even text her
one minute you're back on her, next thing you know she text you and you're out of town for a week
hot and cold , hot and cold, hot and cold.
the behavior and the manner you do this is just as important as the action itself.
this is not a gaming tactic , really be out having fun and enjoying things you like , and then give her the toy for a little while but take it away

That's brilliant man! Works out well too because I have a few weekends that I will be gone over the next few months literally doing that stuff exactly. That will come naturally then!

 

[Murk]

Nah, hypergamy. I’m never exclusive with a woman at or above my own SMV. That’s a recipe for disaster.

So you're saying you can only settle down with suboptimum women? Kinda sad.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So you're saying you can only settle down with suboptimum women? Kinda sad.

She can't think she's better than you. That's a fail. . It's also better if she thinks you "look" better.

 

[EyeBRollin]

So you're saying you can only settle down with suboptimum women? Kinda sad.

Suboptimal? The biggest problem men have is they tolerate an exorbitant about of bullshvt from “hot” women. What is desirable about a girl that treats you poorly?

 

[EyeBRollin]

I disagree with the traditional advice that men must date a point or so down, in order to have a happy, fulfilling LTR

It all comes down to sexual charisma. You either have it, or you don't.

No. Hypergamy is evolutionary. Her natural instinct is stronger than any game you have. If she thinks she’s better than you, the relationship is doomed.

 

[Murk]

Suboptimal? The biggest problem men have is they tolerate an exorbitant about of bullshvt from “hot” women. What is desirable about a girl that treats you poorly?

I'm not saying get with a stuck up hot chick that looks down on you and is looking for the next branch. But only committing to lower SMV, imo, is cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Isn't it better to find a woman at the same or higher SMV who shows great character and personality traits, who also pedastalises you and deems you higher SMV?

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

There are plenty of guys on this forum who will advocate LTRs, but they just can't handle being alone and they need an LTR to exist, and they will rationalize it with pathetic things like NAWALT (Not All Women Are Like That).

i see that alot here , anything said against it is considered as ''hate '' or ''complaining '' about women

 

[EyeBRollin]

I'm not saying get with a stuck up hot chick that looks down on you and is looking for the next branch. But only committing to lower SMV, imo, is cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Isn't it better to find a woman at the same or higher SMV who shows great character and personality traits, who also pedastalises you and deems you higher SMV?

That is a contradiction. Women don’t pedestalize men perceived as their “equals” or lesser than. That’s just the way it works. And the reality is most HB8+ don’t have great anything other than looks. The modern world doesn’t require them to develop character and personality.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I disagree.

I like the challenge.

EDIT: I agree with the point you made about hypergamy being instinctive on her part, but I think a guy with sexual charisma can overcome her innate desire to branch-swing.

If her pvssy starts to tingle when she sees you walk into a room....that's what it's all about.

Sorry man, that’s a pipe dream. Her pvssy won’t tingle unless she perceives you as higher value than her. Her assessment of your value is instant. You can improve her attraction with game but that initial valuation is where her heart will always be. She will drop Mr. Charisma her SMV equal and resort to branch swinging as soon as the relationship gets tough. She has to think you are better than her.