Lately whenever I see couples, I think and wonder what is the glue that holds them together? I don't understand. Cause often times, they seem distant yet always come back to each other even after arguing. Maybe I actually do understand, but I'm just too independent for it to work for me. Maybe a female has nothing to offer to my life (other than sex), and that's why I feel like I'm not missing anything?
I don't think I'll ever figure this out.
If a compatible female did cross your path, you're probably in a better position than you realize......
You have to remember that a relationship will take on its own dynamic. But where does that dynamic come from?
Let's look at the unhealthy one:
The codependent relationship with two codependents: This couple will look very very united and very close together. Very loving. Unfortunately it's not love that is brewing underneath the surface. It's a toxic, unholy thirsty need that's flowing like a dirty, sewage filled river, bubbling, waiting to smash the unsuspecting dam clean off its hinges. the glue that holds this couple together is a dependence of the other, unfortunately the other is also an emotional child. Two emotional children sucking the life slowly out of each other. When the dam bursts, it will not be pretty. Suicides happen here, overdoses, domestic abuse, drunken car crashes, prison, divorce, self harm. When the dust is cleared and the codependent is alone (the history of codependence is one will always flee if they are not killed or incarcerated) the pain will be unbearable. My "soul mate" has gone. Devastation. The codependent who survives will probably go back online to look for the next victim..em I mean host....em I mean partner. That's it.
ALL MEN WHO USE ONLINE DATING APPLICATIONS HAVE CODEPENDENT AND ABANDONMENT ISSUES TO SOME DEGREE.
The codependent relationship with one codependent and one independent: This could work for a long time. Unfortunately if the codependent becomes too dependent on the independent, this can be a drag for them both. The codependent will feel a sense of condescension and the independent may start to feel resentment. This elements will drive the undercurrent of the relationship and will manifest in slights and passive aggressive behavior from both parties. The independent may start to feel burdened by the codependent. The history of any codependence is that one always walks. Both of them will curse the opposite sexes and the codependent will go and look for another host...eh victim..eh partner.
The healthy one
The interdependent relationship with two independents. The only relationship that has a chance to carry a healthy dynamic that may bear the fruits of actual love (love is a verb by the way, the feelings are only the fruits of the actions). Two people who have strong mature boundaries, have their life together (careers, finances, social life) and
ARE HAPPY BEING SINGLE. In other words, they don't need a relationship but are open to a coming together of two strong entities (a business must have itself in proper working order in order to interdependently come together with other businesses). In order to be interdependent, the two independents must also have their values aligned. The must agree on religion, money/finance, kids etc
Remember that you must behave in life as at a dinner party. Is anything brought around to you? Put out your hand and take your share with moderation. Does it pass by you? Don't stop it. Is it not yet come? Don't stretch your desire towards it, but wait till it reaches you.
Do this with regard to children, to a wife, to public posts, to riches, and
you will eventually be a worthy partner of the feasts of the gods. And if you don't even take the things which are set before you, but are able even to reject them, then you will not only be a partner at the feasts of the gods, but also of their empire. For, by doing this, Diogenes, Heraclitus and others like them, deservedly became, and were called, divine. Epictetus, The Enchiridion.
