Is this emotional abuse or am I being dramatic?

[TheCharmingGuy]

So I’m dating this girl, it’s a pretty recent thing but it started a few months ago. We really click and care about each other, we say I love you, stay over at each other’s places. Every once in a while, we will get in an argument, and she’ll respond by not talking to me. Personally I’m big on talking things out because communication is a HUGE thing for me, but she never apologizes unless she can make it seem like she’s still the victim. If I ever try to blame anything on her, even if it’s totally her fault, she accuses me of being mean or abusive or rude. The only way for us to get on talking terms again is for me to come and apologize, sometimes for something that I didn’t even do. If I don’t want to apologize, she’ll ghost me until I do. But this is virtually her only flaw, she is otherwise kind and intelligent and witty and laughs at my jokes and actually makes an effort in the relationship, so I don’t think I should drop it. But idk any advice

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

Communication is probably the biggest thing you need in a relationship to make it work. The silent treatment is a passive aggressive approach and yes, emotional abuse to manipulate and control the other person until they (you) in this situation, apologize.

That's a very bad trait. It usually stems from stunted emotional maturity, and indicates a personality disorder.

You say it's her only flaw, but it's a huge one. I'd rather deal with 2 or 3 other flaws than tolerate that.

 

[manfrombelow]

So I’m dating this girl, it’s a pretty recent thing but it started a few months ago. We really click and care about each other, we say I love you, stay over at each other’s places. Every once in a while, we will get in an argument, and she’ll respond by not talking to me. Personally I’m big on talking things out because communication is a HUGE thing for me, but she never apologizes unless she can make it seem like she’s still the victim. If I ever try to blame anything on her, even if it’s totally her fault, she accuses me of being mean or abusive or rude. The only way for us to get on talking terms again is for me to come and apologize, sometimes for something that I didn’t even do. If I don’t want to apologize, she’ll ghost me until I do. But this is virtually her only flaw, she is otherwise kind and intelligent and witty and laughs at my jokes and actually makes an effort in the relationship, so I don’t think I should drop it. But idk any advice

From what you've provided, I can assume that before this girl, you hadn't had much experience in terms of plating and dating and dealing with women in general.

First off, as you can see, the fact she "responded by not talking to you until you come and apologize" was her manipulative move that she pulled, whether she did it in a conscious or sub-conscious way.

Secondly, this only happened because you didn't control your emotions and your frame well, and these manifested in "arguments". Alpha men who understand women simply don't engage in arguments with them.

Thirdly, right now, you must STOP doing the following two things:

1/ Engage in arguments with her.
2/ Do not apologize for things you don't do. The next time she pulls this move for things you didn't do, you just ignore her until she initiates contact with you. But in order to deploy this successfully, you need to have abundant mindset by having side pvssies to bang beside her, so the next time sh!t happens, you go bang these side pvssies so you won't get mentally occupied by your girlfriend 24/7. (Men naturally need to have harem for mere sexual purpose)

If you don't do anything about this and let it continues the way it has been, you'll forever lose your frame, and become totally submissive to her, to the point she'll dump your azz after svcking other dudes' d!cks because they'd make her more horny than you do.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

If you don't do anything about this and let it continues the way it has been, you'll forever lose your frame, and become totally submissive to her, to the point she'll dump your azz after svcking other dudes' d!cks because they'd make her more horny than you do.

And there it is. The phantom "Next guy that comes along" presupposition. Typical scare tactic on this forum. You act as if this girl has the upper hand, and this "other dude" is going to want to deal with these character flaws. Stop with the pedestalizing. What she's displaying is toxic behavior. There's nothing appealing about it for the next guy she happens to date. In all likelihood, he'll get sick of it too and SHE will get dumped.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So I’m dating this girl, it’s a pretty recent thing but it started a few months ago. We really click and care about each other, we say I love you, stay over at each other’s places. Every once in a while, we will get in an argument, and she’ll respond by not talking to me. Personally I’m big on talking things out because communication is a HUGE thing for me, but she never apologizes unless she can make it seem like she’s still the victim. If I ever try to blame anything on her, even if it’s totally her fault, she accuses me of being mean or abusive or rude. The only way for us to get on talking terms again is for me to come and apologize, sometimes for something that I didn’t even do. If I don’t want to apologize, she’ll ghost me until I do. But this is virtually her only flaw, she is otherwise kind and intelligent and witty and laughs at my jokes and actually makes an effort in the relationship, so I don’t think I should drop it. But idk any advice

She does this because you allow her to do it and get away with it. You have trained her that eventually you will cave to her will. It's a power play and you are losing every time and she is slowly losing respect for you each time it happens.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

This is a textbook classic female frame-grab and manipulation. Playing the victim is something women do well.

Women want a man who is decisive, and a leader. That means that when an issue like this arises, you need to form your OWN opinion about it, not let her manipulate you. You absolutely should listen to her, ask questions, seek to understand where she is coming from, and really, truly make her feel heard and understood. This means doing so without interjecting your own opinions or defenses of yourself. Literally just ask her questions to truly understand how she is feeling. Let her talk. Let go of your own defenses while you listen. At the end of this, a good woman will feel better, let it go, warm up to you (unless it is something that YOU yourself truly feel you did wrong in which case you can and should apologize). But after that, if it still feels like she is trying to make you feel you owe her some sort of debt and she uses the silent treatment or victimhood or ghosting as a punishment, this is the sign of a low quality woman you need to remove investment in.

My own experience with women like this is that there is something scrambled upstairs, maybe from their upbringing, that causes them to take on a masculine role of trying to wear the pants, call the shots, and be the leader. The trouble is, these women will never be happy in any scenario:
1. They get with a weak guy who lets them wear the pants in the relationship. As a result, they lose respect and attraction for him and that turns to anger and disgust which causes her to mistreat him and then usually cheat on him and leave him for another guy while he ends up devastated. I can't tell you how many guys come to this forum after having lived out that exact situation.
2. They get with a strong guy who doesn't allow them to dominate the relationship. The sexual attraction remains strong but the frustration over the arm-wrestling match that they can never seem to win also remains so strong that it causes fight after fight after fight. She simply can't help herself but to find things to fight about in her never-ending quest to win the wrestling match. And when I say fight, I mean her instigating a dispute even if you don't play along.

One thing that caught my attention in your original post is that you said she will ghost you until you apologize. This is extremely dysfunctional of her, and it also tells me that you are the one that's giving up and crawling back to her each time even when you don't feel you are in the wrong. That is literally the worst thing you can do in this situation. She is telling you very clearly, "You do what I want or I will drop you and never look back. You want me more than I want you and this is proof." You don't want a girl like that and she clearly doesn't care that much about you - she cares more about the control. I understand it's confusing when that is contrasted by the good things in the relationship but you can't let those things cloud what she is doing here with the ghosting. How much can a woman truly love, want and appreciate you if she's willing to never talk to you again over a stupid dispute??

TL;DR: Listen, hear, understand, validate. But NEVER apologize for something you don't feel you did wrong. If she ghosts, you walk away and never look back unless she contacts you again, and her contact is not just a re-attempt to start up the argument again so she can try to "win" it.

If you are questioning whether you are in the wrong for something because of her manipulations, share specific details of the situation here and we can give our opinion. Ultimately, every man must make up their own conclusive decision about wrong and right and not question himself, but years of blue-pill brainwashing can scramble a man's radar so much that he needs some temporary help in calibrating it again.

 

[manfrombelow]

And there it is. The phantom "Next guy that comes along" presupposition. Typical scare tactic on this forum. You act as if this girl has the upper hand, and this "other dude" is going to want to deal with these character flaws. Stop with the pedestalizing. What she's displaying is toxic behavior. There's nothing appealing about it for the next guy she happens to date. In all likelihood, he'll get sick of it too and SHE will get dumped.

The whole "next guy that comes along" thingy is merely an expression about what would happen if OP continues to lose his frame and continues to let his woman keeps treating him this way.

You are presumming that no ones would want to bang a toxic woman given the chance? You're either ignorant of reality or underestimating the pvssy power to most simps out there, or both.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

The whole "next guy that comes along" thingy is merely an expression about what would happen if OP continues to lose his frame and continues to let his woman keeps treating him this way.

You are presumming that no ones would want to bang a toxic woman given the chance? You're either ignorant of reality or underestimating the pvssy power to most simps out there, or both.

Whether somebody else wants to bang a toxic woman isn't the issue. There's nothing about his behavior he needs to change. She's the one that needs to change. There's a big difference. He wouldn't have to react if she wouldn't be displaying that behavior to begin with.

By telling him he's "losing frame", you're implying he's at fault. He's not. By apologizing for something he didn't do, he's being the bigger person.

You're filling his head with thoughts of other guys wanting to bang his chick. You are the one rewarding her behavior by implying she's displaying desirable personality traits.

It's pedestal behavior. You guys aren't even aware you're doing it.

 

[manfrombelow]

My own experience with women like this is that there is something scrambled upstairs, maybe from their upbringing, that causes them to take on a masculine role of trying to wear the pants, call the shots, and be the leader. The trouble is, these women will never be happy in any scenario:

2. They get with a strong guy who doesn't allow them to dominate the relationship. The sexual attraction remains strong but the frustration over the arm-wrestling match that they can never seem to win also remains so strong that it causes fight after fight after fight. She simply can't help herself but to find things to fight about in her never-ending quest to win the wrestling match. And when I say fight, I mean her instigating a dispute even if you don't play along.

The bolded part: I know exactly what you are talking about for I have been there myself: The problem with these women is they ALWAYS TRY to be the ALPHA of the relationship - which, ironically - makes the relationship with them exhausting and frustrating.

 

[manfrombelow]

Whether somebody else wants to bang a toxic woman isn't the issue. There's nothing about his behavior he needs to change.

Lol, talking about "advices".

 

[jimwho]

By telling him he's "losing frame", you're implying he's at fault. He's not. By apologizing for something he didn't do, he's being the bigger person.

He's loosing his manhood "frame" by asskissing the pooty when he's not at fault. She's clearly the boss! That's not the bigger person, that's pushing her away guaranteed.

 

[deadmasterx]

Every once in a while, we will get in an argument, and she’ll respond by not talking to me.

That's an awful thing. Communication is the no.1 key to success in a relationship. You MUST sit down and tell her that if she doesn't make a effort to talk to you when things aren't going well your relationship will be hard.

In the other hand, there are women who won't open up, and if you just ignore them (supposing that you did nothing wrong) they'll get back to you and apologize for their behaviour. That's the way they were raised, it's hard to change, but it's worth it if you're willing to invest.

If I ever try to blame anything on her, even if it’s totally her fault, she accuses me of being mean or abusive or rude.

Blaming things on your girl isn't the way to go. It's gonna create some dark shady bad feelings in her about you. If she did something you dislike, you won't play "I'm offended and I'm gonna make you feel like that too" game. Let's suppose, she said something you didn't like, you just look at her and say "Ah honey, that's not cool. Shame on you for saying these things. I know you're way better than that". By doing that you're avoiding a drama (if you communicate it the right way), you're showing that you don't approve her behaviour (at the same time, you're complimenting her, telling her that you know she's better than that - remember, women get better with praise) and you're showing that you won't change your mood or behaviour because of the **** she's throwing at you (nothing sexier than a man that can stand his ground).

If I don’t want to apologize, she’ll ghost me until I do.

This shows that at this matter, she holds the power in this relationship. Listen, women know when they're doing things wrong, when they're being bitchy. The idea is that, if you know that she is, you communicate the right way that you don't like her behaviour. She will test you if she felt at some point that she could hold power on you and turn the "bad partner" lights on you. Stand your ground, don't make a drama, leave it for her. She acted in a uncool way? Tell her and move on, don't stay in the topic for long (unless she's willing to talk about it, and at this matter you must be able to recognize if she's listening to you and trying to change, willing to listen to your complains, or just trying to find flaws to attack you emotionally).

 

[deadmasterx]

And there it is. The phantom "Next guy that comes along" presupposition. Typical scare tactic on this forum. You act as if this girl has the upper hand, and this "other dude" is going to want to deal with these character flaws. Stop with the pedestalizing. What she's displaying is toxic behavior. There's nothing appealing about it for the next guy she happens to date. In all likelihood, he'll get sick of it too and SHE will get dumped.

Finally, someone with the balls to say that. Why are men caring if they're gonna be "nexted"? If it happens, it's because you weren't fulfilling each other needs. Use the opportunity to grow. This idea of "well there must be a guy right at the door ready to come in and **** her if I screw up" is the no1 thing on little to no experienced guys to fall in the illusion of action and screw things up even more.

In other words, it doesn't matter if she dumps you. It doesn't matter if she cheats on you. What matters is that you, at some point (way better if it's soon enough to save the relationship) are able to learn with your mistakes and correct them (ignore the saving the relationship part if she cheats on you, just dump her straight if she does).

 

[TheKid]

Shes already being manipulative, therefore you cant date this chick. She disqualified herself. You can fxck her thats it.
Next time she is silent for 2 days you dont talk to her for 3.
If she sht tets you and askes "are you mad" or "have i done something" you say, "yes i am dissapointed in your behaviour, it was a huge turn off" this makes it so you have judged her for being wrong and you have also made her question her smv by saying you are turned off.
From then on if she does anything you dont like you ghost her first and rinse and repeat. Do not message her first no matter how much closure you need. She may be one minute away from messaging you first and you would never know.

 

[manfrombelow]

Shes already being manipulative, therefore you cant date this chick. She disqualified herself. You can fxck her thats it.
Next time she is silent for 2 days you dont talk to her for 3.
If she sht tets you and askes "are you mad" or "have i done something" you say, "yes i am dissapointed in your behaviour, it was a huge turn off" this makes it so you have judged her for being wrong and you have also made her question her smv by saying you are turned off.
From then on if she does anything you dont like you ghost her first and rinse and repeat. Do not message her first no matter how much closure you need. She may be one minute away from messaging you first and you would never know.

Actually I would stop talking to her, at least until she crawls back at my doorstep with an heart-felt apology and eat my butt like there's no tomorrow - I would not accept anything less than it.

In the mean time, I'd stop emotionally invest in this one, and start dating and banging other women. In short: I'd unilaterally terminate the official relationship I'm having with her to (emotionally) allow myself to bang other women. A manipulative chick can only be a plate, not LTR material.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

So I’m dating this girl, it’s a pretty recent thing but it started a few months ago. We really click and care about each other, we say I love you, stay over at each other’s places. Every once in a while, we will get in an argument, and she’ll respond by not talking to me. Personally I’m big on talking things out because communication is a HUGE thing for me, but she never apologizes unless she can make it seem like she’s still the victim. If I ever try to blame anything on her, even if it’s totally her fault, she accuses me of being mean or abusive or rude. The only way for us to get on talking terms again is for me to come and apologize, sometimes for something that I didn’t even do. If I don’t want to apologize, she’ll ghost me until I do. But this is virtually her only flaw, she is otherwise kind and intelligent and witty and laughs at my jokes and actually makes an effort in the relationship, so I don’t think I should drop it. But idk any advice

My psycho ex did this and it would basically be her ghosting me and me not doing anything until she came back. At the end of the day staying in the relationship was not worth it(I KNOW THE HOLD FRAME CREW GONNA BE MAD BRAH) It's called gas lighting, so she is emotionally abusing you. You need to leave this relationship and block this girl from your life ASAP. Yes, she will try and use subtle tactics to come back too.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

He's loosing his manhood "frame" by asskissing the pooty when he's not at fault. She's clearly the boss! That's not the bigger person, that's pushing her away guaranteed.

100% correct. She loses respect for him every time it happens and if it continues she will eventually either dump him or force him to dump her by continuing to do disrespectful things to him.