Advice on plate not being 100% invested

[manfrombelow]

Hi my fellow DJs,

Last week, the plate I've been hanging out with said she'd invite me to cinema this week, to which I agreed.

So yesterday, she hit me up with some BS text that said "Look like you have forgotten me" due to me not texting her the entire weekend.

To which I played it aloof saying "Looks like someone owes me a cinema date this week" and "Let's go tonight!!!"

To which she replied with "How about this Sunday? Today I'm busy"

To which I said "I've been occupied this Sunday, so Saturday is better for me, honey." (Because truth is Sunday is when I'm spending time with my main plate).

And she said "I'm busy this Saturday, how about another time when both you and I are free?"

I've been silent since. Even though I could easily say yes to her proposal but I don't want to operate in her frame. I mean if she really wanted to go out with me that much, Saturday is not a problem - especially when we already had an agreement over the phone last week.

I am not even surprised if, just like me, she's having options beside me and she's already got a date with one of them on Saturday. Fair game. I'm cool with that.

So, what would you reply in this case? Or should I just keep being silent?

Your advices are appreciated, brothers.

 

[Warpal]

you could asked the moment she asked you for the cinema what her availability was. So you would have settle the date right away. For now i would just texted her something like. Oke let me know when you're free and see if we can work something out. Just put the ball in her court.

Or settle 2 dates on one day. That when one of them flakes you have a backup

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What's your schedule like?

She gives you days she is free. You pick one. All this silly back and forth doesn't happen.

 

[manfrombelow]

What's your schedule like?

She gives you days she is free. You pick one. All this silly back and forth doesn't happen.

She gave me only Sunday. I'm not 100% free on Sunday.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She gave me only Sunday. I'm not 100% free on Sunday.

Ah, got it. I always hate that back and forth stuff but some women seem to revel in it like they are haggling at the Grand Bazaar...

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

the girl I'm talking to is in medical school and sometimes she has devoted 1 hour of whatever time she had to see me for a quick bite to eat. I wouldn't expect this from a girl you just met tbh, but if you have established some connection then "are you really that busy"

 

[Lookatu]

From what I see, you have some amount of ego and power trip involved here. She has some power trip and insecurities involved on her end.

Both need to put it down or things just end in stalemate with no forward progress.

I would to do what @BackInTheGame78 suggested and figure out when both of you will be free.

The fact that she's not free on many days just means that she probably made other plans since you didn't contact her for a bit. It could be true or not. Once again, if she's bs'ing about being busy then that's a power trip on her end.

Her request to reschedule to a time when you're both free is perfectly normal.

I would say cool and try to coordinate a time.

Just remember, anyone can initiate a plate but not everyone can maintain them. Maintenance requires a certain level of effort and not everyone is willing to do that nor is good at that. I generally tend to separate out plates into 3 levels:

level 1 - total low investment, girl is pretty much trash and only good for sex, I don't care if I lose her as a plate
level 2 - girl has cool things about her and is fun to be around besides sex
level 3 - girl has wowed me but I still wanna take it slow with my emotions until she passes all my sh1t tests to be a potential GF/LTR

Figure out where she falls and put in effort accordingly.

 

[bat soup]

Hi my fellow DJs,

Last week, the plate I've been hanging out with said she'd invite me to cinema this week, to which I agreed.

So yesterday, she hit me up with some BS text that said "Look like you have forgotten me" due to me not texting her the entire weekend.

To which I played it aloof saying "Looks like someone owes me a cinema date this week" and "Let's go tonight!!!"

To which she replied with "How about this Sunday? Today I'm busy"

To which I said "I've been occupied this Sunday, so Saturday is better for me, honey." (Because truth is Sunday is when I'm spending time with my main plate).

And she said "I'm busy this Saturday, how about another time when both you and I are free?"

I've been silent since. Even though I could easily say yes to her proposal but I don't want to operate in her frame. I mean if she really wanted to go out with me that much, Saturday is not a problem - especially when we already had an agreement over the phone last week.

I am not even surprised if, just like me, she's having options beside me and she's already got a date with one of them on Saturday. Fair game. I'm cool with that.

So, what would you reply in this case? Or should I just keep being silent?

Your advices are appreciated, brothers.

This all seems a bit silly. What difference does it make whether you meet on Saturday or Sunday?

 

[manfrombelow]

After reading (and agreeing) with @Lookatu , I decided to reply to her as follows:

"Cool, see you next Saturday"

To which she replied:

"Well you just do your work (I've always appeared busy to her). We can go to coffee and talk when we are more hassle free. It doesn't have to be a movie."

To which I said: "OK, when are you free this week?"

To which she said: "I can't tell because I'm caught up with my work too... Since we're both too busy so it's not really fair to try and arrange an appointment... So just do your work, no need to care about hanging out with me... and we will have coffee together when the time is more convenient! Have a good night."

I translated it as "I'm emotionally hurt because you don't seem to care about me that much" aka Drama. So I have decided to go full silence. I won't reward drama by giving her a response - since I'm the one trying to make an effort for us to meet, and she's the one playing drama just because I wanted to switch the date to just one day earlier.

Thank you all for your valuable input.

 

[manfrombelow]

This all seems a bit silly. What difference does it make whether you meet on Saturday or Sunday?

Exactly, same goes for her.

 

[Glassguy]

Seems like the juice isnt worth the squeeze. Setting up dates with women that just jump all over the place without committing isnt for me.

 

[Lookatu]

After reading (and agreeing) with @Lookatu , I decided to reply to her as follows:

"Cool, see you next Saturday"

To which she replied:

"Well you just do your work (I've always appeared busy to her). We can go to coffee and talk when we are more hassle free. It doesn't have to be a movie."

To which I said: "OK, when are you free this week?"

To which she said: "I can't tell because I'm caught up with my work too... Since we're both too busy so it's not really fair to try and arrange an appointment... So just do your work, no need to care about hanging out with me... and we will have coffee together when the time is more convenient! Have a good night."

I translated it as "I'm hurt because you don't seem to care about me that much" aka Drama. So I have decided to go full silence. I won't reward drama by giving her a response.

Thank you all for your valuable input.

Bro, you tried and it seems like there definitely is resistance there and I would agree with your assessment. Unless she works weekends, she should be free and the fact that she didn't counter is a red flag too.

These are the type of girls that hold grudges.

Word of wisdom to everyone on here. You do NOT want to be with any girl in any shape or form that holds grudges and tries to use it against you. It will never work out.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

After reading (and agreeing) with @Lookatu , I decided to reply to her as follows:

"Cool, see you next Saturday"

To which she replied:

"Well you just do your work (I've always appeared busy to her). We can go to coffee and talk when we are more hassle free. It doesn't have to be a movie."

To which I said: "OK, when are you free this week?"

To which she said: "I can't tell because I'm caught up with my work too... Since we're both too busy so it's not really fair to try and arrange an appointment... So just do your work, no need to care about hanging out with me... and we will have coffee together when the time is more convenient! Have a good night."

I translated it as "I'm emotionally hurt because you don't seem to care about me that much" aka Drama. So I have decided to go full silence. I won't reward drama by giving her a response - since I'm the one trying to make an effort for us to meet, and she's the one playing drama just because I wanted to switch the date to just one day earlier.

Thank you all for your valuable input.

Say okay sounds good or something brief and let her reach out to you if she wants. This girl sounds like a tease/time waster.

 

[manfrombelow]

Bro, you tried and it seems like there definitely is resistance there and I would agree with your assessment. Unless she works weekends, she should be free and the fact that she didn't counter is a red flag too.

These are the type of girls that hold grudges.

Word of wisdom to everyone on here. You do NOT want to be with any girl in any shape or form that holds grudges and tries to use it against you. It will never work out.

Thanks bro.

The more plates I hang out with, the more I realize that most (>99%) women are just emotionally unstable, in one way or another. Hence I have always been amazed by the fact that most (>90%) men out there only date 1 to 2 or 3 women at best before deciding to jump on the Marriage Train hoping it'll take them to Happily Ever After Land - which it will most likely not.

I mean, we should teach boys from a very young age that they'll need to date (and fvck) AT LEAST 90 to 100 (or more) women BEFORE they have truly realized what they want and need in a romantic relationship, or if they truly want and need a relationship AT ALL.

I'm not calling myself a woman expert or anything, but this plate right here is a classic example of the kind that gets upset/hurtful/angry/distant/resentful when she's not getting what she wants, be it a date on her chosen time or a LTR. I mean would you want a woman like this living with you in everyday life inside your house and become the mother of your children?

@Jake_Gyllenhaal69 : I just went full silence. I don't tolerate and reward drama by saying anything back. Just total silence, and let her hamster do the rest.

 

[manfrombelow]

If I was my old self years ago, I would immediately say sorry and propose to go out with her this Sunday and make all kinds of BS promises to never hurt her again or that I will spend more time with her again... And eventually gets dumped by her.

But me now? I felt nothing, and just went full silence. That's emotional maturity. And that's something we as men have to learn through hardship and suffering.

Speaking of "feel nothing and just go full silence," isn't this what women have always been doing to men who failed to make their vaginas tingle since the dawn of time? Aka Ghosting?

 

[Lookatu]

If I was my old self years ago, I would immediately say sorry and propose to go out with her this Sunday and make all kinds of BS promises to never hurt her again or that I will spend more time with her again...

You forgot the flowers and chocolates.

 

[manfrombelow]

You forgot the flowers and chocolates.

And me being on my knees under the rain under her apartment's balcony singing and crying?

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Hi my fellow DJs,

Last week, the plate I've been hanging out with said she'd invite me to cinema this week, to which I agreed.

So yesterday, she hit me up with some BS text that said "Look like you have forgotten me" due to me not texting her the entire weekend.

To which I played it aloof saying "Looks like someone owes me a cinema date this week" and "Let's go tonight!!!"

To which she replied with "How about this Sunday? Today I'm busy"

To which I said "I've been occupied this Sunday, so Saturday is better for me, honey." (Because truth is Sunday is when I'm spending time with my main plate).

And she said "I'm busy this Saturday, how about another time when both you and I are free?"

I've been silent since. Even though I could easily say yes to her proposal but I don't want to operate in her frame. I mean if she really wanted to go out with me that much, Saturday is not a problem - especially when we already had an agreement over the phone last week.

I am not even surprised if, just like me, she's having options beside me and she's already got a date with one of them on Saturday. Fair game. I'm cool with that.

So, what would you reply in this case? Or should I just keep being silent?

Your advices are appreciated, brothers.

Well that depends, how much do you like this girl? If your interest is high, then ask her what her availability is and match it with yours so the date actually happens. Meaning break no-contact and take the lead to make it happen. If your interest is low, then keep your no-contact and let her chase you. If she doesn't, which highly likely, like you she has other plates in which case, make sure you let her know by keeping no-contact that you are a high-value man and will take no less.

This is often the case with dating, it's a game of who is willing to give in and whose frame is stronger. Women have tons of orbiters so it's easier for them to go MIA and do as they please.

But at some point, she has to put some more effort into it and be compliant with your frame. If she continues to fight you, contradict you, and challenge you, then she is likely a modern feminist and doesn't have a lot of respect for you.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

If I was my old self years ago, I would immediately say sorry and propose to go out with her this Sunday and make all kinds of BS promises to never hurt her again or that I will spend more time with her again... And eventually gets dumped by her.

But me now? I felt nothing, and just went full silence. That's emotional maturity. And that's something we as men have to learn through hardship and suffering.

Speaking of "feel nothing and just go full silence," isn't this what women have always been doing to men who failed to make their vaginas tingle since the dawn of time? Aka Ghosting?

Exactly, you'll forget about her shortly anyway. It's better to ghost then deal with these women that love to string men along with games.

 

[Lookatu]

This is often the case with dating, it's a game of who is willing to give in and whose frame is stronger. Women have tons of orbiters so it's easier for them to go MIA and do as they please.

But at some point, she has to put some more effort into it and be compliant with your frame. If she continues to fight you, contradict you, and challenge you, then she is likely a modern feminist and doesn't have a lot of respect for you.

Modern Man Advice

Agree and this is what OP tried to do. He then found out his answer when he tried to be the better person.