Do Men Still Pay For Dates

[Black Widow Void]

A lot will depend on the culture.

I live in the states and am at the age where this is considered customary. Only twice (I've been lucky) have I dated an opportunist. These are the types that aren't conscientious or just don't care... for instance; when you order a well drink, they will order a call drink.

It's not that I can't afford top shelf, it's all about studying her behavior. Women aren't the only ones that 'test' the opposite sex.

 

[Velasco]

i used to get dissected by older gents who'd been there done that when i was new to pick up and i found it annoying as fck getting nitpicked about words i used. looking back it was very beneficial to me cuz i learned that the words someone uses give us an indication of where that guys's mindset's at.

mindset => "impressed" => see spending $100 per first date as no big deal.

 

[Georgepithyou]

If you got the cash to burn, and you’re leaving town in a few days....

who F’in cares?

Im not trying to wifey this girl. I’ll never see her again.

But why not get an escort for the night instead of going out to eat with a girl for the slim chance to sleep with her? I was broke in college dating girls, i would literally go for a walk in the park and it still worked.

Maybe it changes when you get older who knows

 

[Mike32ct]

I don’t know what younger women are like, but older women (say 40s) I’ve been out with have offered to pay say every other time.

I would maybe let them pay 1/3 of the time.

 

[Velasco]

Night with highly interested , DTF IG girl

why would you take a highly interested DTF girl to a nice restaurant tho?

 

[manfrombelow]

I ALWAYS pay on the 1st date. Why? Because I offered her the date, so I paid the bill. I lead the interaction, that's why I do.

But, if the woman insists on splitting the bill with me on the 1st date, I'd see it as a big sign of low interest and there's a big ass chance I won't bother wasting time with her again.

 

[Velasco]

Because I’m hungry and don’t feel like Chicken Nuggets that night.

you're not making sense. you said she wouldn't be impressed with the equivalent of a "chicken nuggets" date. so therefore nice restaurant. what I was getting you to see is, and others have spoken to you about this before, if she's highly interested and down to fck, why take her out to eat at all before fcking her?

 

[BeExcellent]

Because I’m hungry and don’t feel like Chicken Nuggets that night.

Exactly. When I go out I go to nice places. The men I associate with (in their 40s and 50s with the occasional cool 30 something thrown in) are successful men. I am successful in my own right too. We like nice places, we can afford nice places, that’s our thing. The food’s good, the drinks are good, the atmosphere is sophisticated and has an exclusive feel.

The riff raff can’t afford it.

I can do a dive bar or a
street taco cart too or a ballgame. But I’m a seat snob. If I’m going to go deal with crowds and parking and all the hassle? I’m not sitting in the nosebleed section. My TV at home is more comfortable, the view is better and the drinks are cheaper. But I like live sports, the roar of the crowd. The experience. Good seats are expensive.

Next week my friend is going with me to Vegas. I have connections there as well as work and he’s got one of his girls there. So he’s flying in with me. His gal has to work early the next day so he & I are going to hang out that night. Then we’ll split the next am and I’ll go to a noon meeting, he’ll find something to do til she gets off work and then he will hang with her for the weekend and I’ll fly home for a weekend with my man.

We are going to grab dinner at an exclusive steakhouse that is very tough to get a reservation for (thank you connections), then we are doing a show with VIP seats and bottle service, and then we are going to a cool night spot to check that out & we will stay at a high end room. I’ll do a high end meal alone but the show & the night spot are more fun with company, but this is the kind of stuff I enjoy doing...and it’s not cheap. We will split some of the costs, some I can expense, some he will pay, some I will pay. It’s about the experience and sharing the experience. I enjoy this guy’s company so he is fun to do stuff with.

I have tickets already to a performance in June that are front row seats. I’m sure I’ll probably take my man or, if he can’t go I’ll take one of my friends.

Most of the men I know take pride in being able to pick up the check for a woman they care about. They feel like a man doing that, like a provider, and men like to feel that way.

Feminine women like to feel protected and provided for. It’s a synergy and a polarity that is hardwired into both men and women and you are kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

That doesn’t mean the chick is out to fleece you. It means she likes to feel like the girl. Men like to feel like The Man. Ya know?

 

[Velasco]

Most of the men I know take pride in being able to pick up the check for a woman they care about. They feel like a man doing that, like a provider, and men like to feel that way.

correct. and experienced women like yourself know this all too well and take advantage of it in the end the man ends up feeling good about feeling useful (aka a simp) and you end up getting what you want.

 

[BeExcellent]

you're not making sense. you said she wouldn't be impressed with the equivalent of a "chicken nuggets" date. so therefore nice restaurant. what I was getting you to see is, and others have spoken to you about this before, if she's highly interested and down to fck, why take her out to eat at all before fcking her?

Because it’s what he likes to do with or without a date. Company makes what you like to enjoy by yourself already...more fun.

 

[BeExcellent]

correct. and experienced women like yourself know this all too well and take advantage of it in the end the man ends up feeling good about feeling useful (aka a simp) and you end up getting what you want.

This idea that I or other women come from a place of “taking advantage” is the exact reason I made the point I did. Now there are women who will seek to take advantage. It’s your job to screen those women out. If you don’t know how to do that, that’s a topic for another thread...I’ve already dropped over $1000 on the VIP seats and the bottle service. Why? I know he will love the show (I’ve seen it before) and I know he’s great company. So it will be fun. Everybody is happy (and I am fine spending some dough on something and someone I enjoy...he’s been a tremendous friend to me through some tough things & he looks after me in all sorts of ways).

Men who think ALL women or “experienced” women or whatever are out to “take advantage” give up their masculinity in that way of thinking. To think that way gives up your personal power.

It’s along the lines of some men being bitter because beautiful women don’t have to make an effort/risk rejection/etc. It’s the way it is. You can worry about the boogeyman or you can ask an attractive woman out. If she says yes, go enjoy yourself. So what if you pay. Did you invite? Is it really such a burden? Don’t do stuff you can’t afford obviously...but go have an experience.

 

[Velasco]

Company makes what you like to enjoy by yourself already...more fun.

lol.

i know this guy is one of few guys here that gives you validation (yes yes I know you get enough attention in real life and all that lol) , so naturally you'll want to stick up for him. but no lol. his framing is that a girl of a certain beauty will not accept something less than a nice restaurant. so he has accepted (social conditioning+reinforcement from certain individuals here) he has to pony up the dough as its just part of business. for me this is what we are trying to get him away from this thinking. but i see of course you will encourage it

 

[BadBoy89]

@cola and @EyeBRollin are spot on. There is a social contract or social graces, whatever you want to call it. Kind of like opening the door for a lady. It’s what a gentleman does.

And a lady also knows as things evolve, to take good care of her man in ways that please him. She’ll cook, pick up the bill once in awhile, be sexually pleasing etc.

If you want a real woman be a real man.

What if the man is a feminist, a champion for women’s rights? Does he still pay?

 

[Velasco]

I am fine spending some dough on something and someone I enjoy...he’s been a tremendous friend to me through some tough things & he looks after me in all sorts of ways.

yes he's earned it. me i look at my girl giving me a really nice place to sleep, buying me food, clothes, jewelry, underwear, cooking me breakfast, as a token of appreciate for being a great lover to her. do i pay her for anything? nope. I'm her lover. that's my gift to her.

but my question here is, what has all these random girls he DMd, swiped right on, done to get 5 star treatment before she's done anything other than accept his invitation to eat out somewhere he wouldn't normally go, cuz hot? (he also says these girls are already down to fck so, I question the invitation in the first place, but that's a different question).

 

[BeExcellent]

lol.

i know this guy is one of few guys here that gives you validation (yes yes I know you get enough attention in real life and all that lol) , so naturally you'll want to stick up for him. but no lol. his framing is that a girl of a certain beauty will not accept something less than a nice restaurant. so he has accepted (social conditioning+reinforcement from certain individuals here) he has to pony up the dough as its just part of business. for me this is what we are trying to get him away from this thinking. but i see of course you will encourage it

The OP wondered if men still pay for dates. The answer is yes they do IF they see enough value in the woman to do so. Simple.

I don’t date anyone who posts here so I’m not personally invested in what any particular poster here does.

What you don’t want, as a man, is to come off to a woman you like as cheap or unable to support yourself or unable to afford a date, especially early on. None of that is a (+) reflection on a man.

Attractive women have choices and they vote with their attention (or lack thereof) just like sought after men do. It’s fairly simple.

 

[BeExcellent]

What if the man is a feminist, a champion for women’s rights? Does he still pay?

That’s a trickier question. That’s for him to sort out for himself with the women he dates. I personally would rather be in my feminine energy when I’m with my lover or a potential lover. Paying is masculine energy no matter who does it.

 

[Velasco]

What you don’t want, as a man, is to come off to a woman you like as cheap or unable to support yourself or unable to afford a date, especially early on. None of that is a (+) reflection on a man.

it only reflects poorly on a man, if he has sub-communicated to the girl through his words and actions, he intends to make her his girlfriend. Rather than take the lover first. girlfriend maybe approach.

 

[BeExcellent]

it only reflects poorly on a man, if he has sub-communicated to the girl through his words and actions, he intends to make her his girlfriend. Rather than take the lover first. girlfriend maybe approach.

Strongly disagree. I remember this guy from my late 20s. I knew him in college, he dated a stunning brunette who was an acquaintance of mine. Gorgeous man. Sexy and handsome (and he knew it). Ran into him several years after college & he asked me out. He was still very attractive etc., so I said yes. He took me to dinner at a place he picked and when the bill came said he had forgotten his wallet. I sat quietly. He actually expected me to be embarrassed and pay for him. Nope. I sat there. He ended up leaving, cashing a check & coming back to pay. Awkward.

His car was messy & not well cared for and it was a weird experience. Still he was cute. And he wanted to go out again. So he took me to this Christmas music performance but he hadn’t bought tickets beforehand. When we arrived only very expensive seats up front remained. So he said “Gee, there’s a gallery opening I know about, let’s do that instead.” It was free of course. I said Ok. So we went and it was Ok.

I never kissed him. He turned me completely off by coming across as messy, without a plan, broke, and cheap. So I dropped him. Some weeks later I got this letter about how sorry he was, how he really liked me, etc. etc.

Turns out his gorgeous college girlfriend had dumped him for being an entitled loser. He later ended up married to a woman who paid for everything, and he mooched off her until she divorced him. I know all this because his brother and sister-in-law later became close friends of my then husband and I. He always got by on his charm & good looks but was lazy & wanted a sugar mama.

Good women with choices will absolutely screen men out for being broke, messy and cheap. Good women have better options than that.

Taking a woman out shouldn’t be too big a burden early on. Do something you can afford and enjoy yourself. Eventually you gotta bring more to the table than the D unless your girl is super insecure & doesn’t have many options of her own. Desirable women don’t put up with an uneven value equation for very long. And there is always a value equation in any interaction.

 

[Velasco]

Good women with choices will absolutely screen men out for being broke, messy and cheap. Good women have better options than that.

uh huh yeah sure right.

What I see is that your handsome friend here, dated a stunning brunette (who I am sure had thousands of better options in terms of men who have their sht together), who knew full well that he was a broke, cheap, no plan having loser. dumped him, not for that, but only when he committed an offense worth being dumped for (hasn't everyone whose ever been dumped been there tho)? and you in your late 20s when you ran into him again, were in a stage of your life, where good looks weren't enough for you anymore, and wanted more from the men you dated (must have his sht together cuz i'm approaching 30 now (the men you dated in your 17-23 stage....did you get turned off by them when you found out they didn't have realistic long term plans/cheap?). and of course this was 1998. where there was no big female empowerment push from the mainstream media back then compared to the likes of today. where is more acceptable for girls with options to be with guys just for their dck. i know i'm one of the rare ones who can keep it going for years (at least that i know).

 

[Grinderman]

p*ssy ain’t free.

In fairness though, you have openly admitted that you frequent prostitutes. So nobody can be surprised by that statement.

Pvssy isn’t free.

In fairness, you have referenced prostitutes quite frequently too. Is one to ascertain that you frequent prostitutes too, probably. So nobody can be surprised by that statement.

puzzy ain't free? This may come as a surprise to the two John's, but wait for it......women actually like d¡ck too.

If a guy is going to pay, he might as well hire an escort.

that is what they apparently do, so they see the whole episode as a transactional trade: they pay money for the woman's time and company and maybe she will throw the boys a bone. Just maybe. If she likes their armani socks.

If you are spending $100 the question becomes why? No need to.

Yeah, absolutely unnecessary. Obviously he's out to impress and trying to buy her validation, compensating for lack of any value. Spend that cash on people who are already proven in your life. Throwing cash away on strangers is scarcity and try hard.