rebuilding social/dating life pre covid lockdown

[sangheilios]

When covid hit and the shut downs in my area were initiated I developed a pattern last year that changed my life drastically.

One, I made the decision to work a ton last year and with this extra money I was able to invest to a ridiculous degree. I now have an investment portfolio that is well into the 6 figure range and with some of it I'm earning monthly dividends/passive income that is with current value enough to cover the cost of a studio apartment in my area. To say the least I'm doing very well financially and barely past 30.

Through the spring the gyms closed down, temporarily reopened only to be closed down again but have stayed open since late August. I'm in unbelievably good shape right now, I've always been fit but this might be the best it's been in a very long time. On top of this I've been doing a lot of solo hiking, so I'm getting a lot of activity in and out of the gym as well.

Now, while I've done very well for myself personally with those factors above, my social life has taken a serious decline, some of which was good and bad. Last year there were a bunch of fake friends who ultimately ended up being exposed and they are no longer in my life, either through their own actions or something I'd say to them. Elaborating on these individuals isn't necessary but a lot of it stemmed from jealousy or them trying to benefit from my success, something I learned was to just keep this to entirely to myself instead of bringing it up. There are a lot of gold diggers/social climbers in my area, which is something that took me a while to pick up on, and I've since learned how to spot and avoid it.

As for my dating life, I haven't asked a woman out or spoken to one in a non platonic manner in over a year. I'm not a big nightlife/party person and never felt very comfortable in environments like that. I do regularly go to the gym and there are a few women I see there who repeatedly seem to make eye contact and create proximity but it's been so long since I've even spoken to a woman that the idea of approaching one seems totally alien to me. I've absolutely slaughtered it last year and given the environment of last year every decision I made was the correct one. My issue now is I have no clue how to put myself back into a dating environment and resisting the pull to just remain in my current comfort zone of the routine I developed last year.

 

[sangheilios]

find a new hobby and try to fit in

I'm not interested in going out of my way to try to fit in with a bunch of random people but I do agree that some new hobbies or activities that get me out of my routine and around other people would be helpful.

 

[2Rocky]

Branch out from the gym. Group classes for cross training, group bike rides or runs. Healthy cooking classes at the kitchen/cooking store. do group activities that are tangential to your main interest.

 

[Velasco]

boxing

 

[sangheilios]

Branch out from the gym. Group classes for cross training, group bike rides or runs. Healthy cooking classes at the kitchen/cooking store. do group activities that are tangential to your main interest.

One thing that I looked into a few years ago that I never followed through with was latin dance, particularly salsa. I live in an area that is heavily dominated by a hispanic population and they had salsa classes/social events at quite a few different places in my area, though I'm not sure if they are open now or not because things are still not 100% back to normal.

 

[sangheilios]

boxing

That was something I used to be into until around 2016/2017, though I eventually grew bored with it. I had a trainer and I got really good at it and genuinely enjoyed it but I never really had much in common with the people that frequented there. Literally their whole life was boxing, kickboxing, mma, bjj, etc. and outside of that there was nothing I had in common with them. The place that I went to was definitely a "meathead" mma type gym, so looking back it was kind of easy to see why I didn't really vibe that well with the people there.

 

[Velasco]

That was something I used to be into until around 2016/2017, though I eventually grew bored with it. I had a trainer and I got really good at it and genuinely enjoyed it but I never really had much in common with the people that frequented there. Literally their whole life was boxing, kickboxing, mma, bjj, etc. and outside of that there was nothing I had in common with them. The place that I went to was definitely a "meathead" mma type gym, so looking back it was kind of easy to see why I didn't really vibe that well with the people there.

you said you "grew bored with it" in one sentence. and "genuinely enjoyed it" in the next? anyway, seems like u did a sht job screening the place out for the type of person who goes there then. maybe u didn't mind cuz u signed up just for the boxing/mma. not to make friends. but ya, ur more likely to find guys interested in going out with you to pick up chicks (and be decent at it) there than salsa/bike riding/cooking/meetup.com guy.

 

[sangheilios]

you said you "grew bored with it" in one sentence. and "genuinely enjoyed it" in the next? anyway, seems like u did a sht job screening the place out for the type of person who goes there then. maybe u didn't mind cuz u signed up just for the boxing/mma. not to make friends. but ya, ur more likely to find guys interested in going out with you to pick up chicks (and be decent at it) there than salsa/bike riding/cooking/meetup.com guy.

You can genuinely enjoy something but later just grow bored of it haha. As for the clientele, I think it had more to do with the demographics of the area and just the social culture the place had. For instance, when I tried the BJJ classes there was a ton of bullying and blatant disrespect I got from other people there. I remember one of my first classes I told this guy I was new and he just said "figure it out". They had some blue belt there that was under 5' tall and like 80 pounds that behaved in a similar manner, it was a little comical. After a few classes I stopped going and just stuck to the boxing/kickboxing with the trainer I had. There is another gym in my area that does all of that stuff (mma, bjj, etc.) and from what I've heard it was even worse there, I met one of the owners and the dude was super sketchy.

As for salsa, that would definitely be a better means of meeting women and potentially getting out of my comfort zone.

 

[SW15]

https://www.meetup.com/

Meetup has a bad reputation. Lots of socially awkward men swarming the 1-2 cute women attending events.

One thing that I looked into a few years ago that I never followed through with was latin dance, particularly salsa. I live in an area that is heavily dominated by a hispanic population and they had salsa classes/social events at quite a few different places in my area, though I'm not sure if they are open now or not because things are still not 100% back to normal.

This could be good. Dance classes themselves are meh, but getting the skill to go to the dance clubs is more of the play on that one.

Hiking paths are ideal for your area. You can pick up on trails.

I do regularly go to the gym and there are a few women I see there who repeatedly seem to make eye contact and create proximity but it's been so long since I've even spoken to a woman that the idea of approaching one seems totally alien to me. I've absolutely slaughtered it last year and given the environment of last year every decision I made was the correct one. My issue now is I have no clue how to put myself back into a dating environment and resisting the pull to just remain in my current comfort zone of the routine I developed last year.

You don't have to do much at the gym with the women creating proximity and making solid eye contact with you. Just say hi and ask them some questions. You're 6'4" and muscular. That's the ideal for a lot of women.

 

[corrector]

I'm not interested in going out of my way to try to fit in with a bunch of random people but I do agree that some new hobbies or activities that get me out of my routine and around other people would be helpful.

You mean the meetup sausage fest. You look for a hobby but only other guys and an odd taken girl shows up.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You can genuinely enjoy something but later just grow bored of it haha. As for the clientele, I think it had more to do with the demographics of the area and just the social culture the place had. For instance, when I tried the BJJ classes there was a ton of bullying and blatant disrespect I got from other people there. I remember one of my first classes I told this guy I was new and he just said "figure it out". They had some blue belt there that was under 5' tall and like 80 pounds that behaved in a similar manner, it was a little comical. After a few classes I stopped going and just stuck to the boxing/kickboxing with the trainer I had. There is another gym in my area that does all of that stuff (mma, bjj, etc.) and from what I've heard it was even worse there, I met one of the owners and the dude was super sketchy.

As for salsa, that would definitely be a better means of meeting women and potentially getting out of my comfort zone.

It's fun and adds to your quality of life

 

[corrector]

Ask a cashier for her number.

 

[sangheilios]

Meetup has a bad reputation. Lots of socially awkward men swarming the 1-2 cute women attending events.

You mean the meetup sausage fest. You look for a hobby but only other guys and an odd taken girl shows up.

Yeah, in the past I remember checking out some meetup things online and was able to see who was attending, as they had the profiles shown on there. A bunch of fat women, a couple that were normalish/average and a bunch of really awkward looking men. It kind of reminds me of the speed dating event I attended almost 2 years ago, never again have the desire to place myself into an environment with people like that.

 

[SW15]

Yeah, in the past I remember checking out some meetup things online and was able to see who was attending, as they had the profiles shown on there. A bunch of fat women, a couple that were normalish/average and a bunch of really awkward looking men. It kind of reminds me of the speed dating event I attended almost 2 years ago, never again have the desire to place myself into an environment with people like that.

Speed dating also has had a bad audience. Most of the women there are subpar looking and the ones that aren't are usually average looking careerist women. The men usually aren't that good either.

 

[sangheilios]

This could be good. Dance classes themselves are meh, but getting the skill to go to the dance clubs is more of the play on that one.

Hiking paths are ideal for your area. You can pick up on trails.



You don't have to do much at the gym with the women creating proximity and making solid eye contact with you. Just say hi and ask them some questions. You're 6'4" and muscular. That's the ideal for a lot of women.

It was an idea I considered several years ago but I just never followed through with it. Like I mentioned on here, I think it would be something new to try out that would get me out of my comfort zone and if it isn't something I'm that into there is no reason why I have to stick with it.

As for hiking, I've seen women on certain trails but you have to go to the right places. I personally enjoy the more remote and rugged trails that aren't too far from where I live. I specifically chose them because they are isolated but naturally you won't cross paths with a woman on such a place.

As for the gym, what you mention is true and I only hesitate because of a handful of bad experiences I've had in the past, though the most recent was over 2 years ago now. Totally new gym, different people and from those bad experiences I was able to learn a lot and would know how to avoid potential backlash.

 

[sangheilios]

Speed dating also has had a bad audience. Most of the women there are subpar looking and the ones that aren't are usually average looking careerist women. The men usually aren't that good either.

It was a long time ago but there were a bunch of really weird and awkward looking guys, I felt super out of place as soon as I walked in. One guy had those crutches on his arms like Jimmy from southpark, a bunch were super overweight, one was bordering on being a dwarf. As for the women, there were a few fat women, one was cringey with the amount of tattoos she had on and the rest were average to unattractive. There was one careerist woman there that was a physical therapist and she was a total snob. All of the women with the exception of from what I remember 2 were just completely awkward and offered nothing in regards to conversation.

The first of the two had a really good sense of humor and when I asked her what she was doing there she said she was on the prowl looking for her future husband, I wasn't attracted to her but she was interesting to talk to. The other one worked in law enforcement but she specialized in something to do with problematic children and teens, it was actually pretty interesting and I gave her my honest input about how I felt about criminal behavior and how I feel past a certain point there is no chance of changing those individuals.

 

[SW15]

As for hiking, I've seen women on certain trails but you have to go to the right places. I personally enjoy the more remote and rugged trails that aren't too far from where I live. I specifically chose them because they are isolated but naturally you won't cross paths with a woman on such a place.

Go to the female friendly hiking trails and find some hotties there. I did hiking path approaches before I even studied day game soon after graduating college.

As for the gym, what you mention is true and I only hesitate because of a handful of bad experiences I've had in the past, though the most recent was over 2 years ago now. Totally new gym, different people and from those bad experiences I was able to learn a lot and would know how to avoid potential backlash.

Most of the big box gyms (24 Hour Fitness, LA Fitness, etc.) have solid rates of membership churn. Women change frequently. That's good. The other thing about big box chain gyms is that they often have multiple locations covered under your membership in the same city so you can hunt one location for a bit. If either an approach or a full fledged relationship goes bad, you can go to a different location under the same brand name.

I have belonged to a quality independent that doesn't give me that privilege. That's why I had to mess with classes at secondary facilities before the pandemic hit for gym pickup.

 

[sangheilios]

Go to the female friendly hiking trails and find some hotties there. I did hiking path approaches before I even studied day game soon after graduating college.



Most of the big box gyms (24 Hour Fitness, LA Fitness, etc.) have solid rates of membership churn. Women change frequently. That's good. The other thing about big box chain gyms is that they often have multiple locations covered under your membership in the same city so you can hunt one location for a bit. If either an approach or a full fledged relationship goes bad, you can go to a different location under the same brand name.

I have belonged to a quality independent that doesn't give me that privilege. That's why I had to mess with classes at secondary facilities before the pandemic hit for gym pickup.

If some women rejects me I'm not really bothered by that. What did bother me with gym approaches was being lead on by women that I had approached, though at the time I didn't really know how to prevent and avoid the drama associated with it.

For instance, I had one I approached who constantly made eye contact and she told me she was seeing someone as a rejection, I said it was nice to meet her and walked away. This particular woman went OUT of her way to engage with me, flirt, approach me, etc. so at the time I felt maybe she changed her mind. Fast forward a couple months and I tried again only to get rejected. Looking back I should have asked her out the next time she had approached me and if she rejected me again something like "Why are you approaching me then?" or something along those lines would work.

Since I've had experiences like that I feel I'd be able to avoid drama like that and would know how to cut it off right then and there.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Meetup has a bad reputation. Lots of socially awkward men swarming the 1-2 cute women attending events.

When I did meet up it was 90% women. I actually became an organizer for once a month movie & drink outings. Mostly women showed up.

 

[bonesmahoney]

Before the fake pandemic, meetups for young adults were all very active. Even in smaller cities, turnouts were pretty strong. In bigger cities, young adult meetups could get triple digit attendees. Ratios weren't great, but 20/80 to 30/70 isn't much different than what you'd see at most bars or clubs, either.