BackInTheGame78
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I never really gave this much though prior to the last few weeks but ever since I have implemented a no time/place change policy once I set a first date the results have been pretty stunning to me.
Make no mistake. This may seem innocent and even IF there is a miscommunication somehow sticking to your guns and saying no will gain you respect in her eyes. Conversely agreeing to any changes groups you into the category of guys she can manipulate(which to be fair is MOST guys which is why you stand out so well when you don't do this).
Just had an example of this literally right now as I type this with a first date for tomorrow. We talked on the phone, super good energy and vibe, lots of similarities, both very interested in meeting...I texted her the time and place yesterday and she agreed to it.
Texts me now asking if we could move the time up because she has a client at 7 for a zoom call that she didn't realize she had scheduled.
Now could I have moved it up? Yeah I could have. I didn't have anything else going on after 3 tomorrow. And I have usually accommodated these in the past. But not anymore. I am not heading down the path where you show you are able to be led instead of showing that you are not. Once you show that, you need to prove to her that you aren't that guy. Likewise once you show her that you aren't that guy, she will take that as proof and assume you aren't.
So I texted her "No, unfortunately I have things planned earlier. I assumed when I let you know the time you would have told me if that didn't work so I planned other things. Are you able to reschedule the patient for earlier?"
I didn't get mad, I didn't get upset, I said No. Then I asked her if she could reschedule HER time to fit mine. This is the key!!! You are forcing THEM to fit YOUR schedule. This is a clear demonstration to her that you value your time more than hers and then give the opportunity to work to align her schedule to mine. This means while is she is doing this extra work she is INVESTING in you without you literally doing anything.
And what happened? She texts back that she misread the text and didn't catch the time and profusely apologized and said she will see what she can do. She then double texted a few minutes after asking if she cna let me know by noon tomorrow and how she feels awful and it is totally her fault and how she was really looking forward to us getting together.
I let her know yeah that is cool and not to worry about it, just a miscommunication via text and that I also was looking forward to us spending time and having fun together so I hope we can make it work.
She texts me back "Thank you for being so sweet...I think it may work to your advantage" with a wink emoji...
So let's break down the interaction:
Not only did I refuse to reschedule and held firm, I asked HER to reschedule her patient. She apologized profusely, said it was all her fault. I wasn't a d!ck about it and said it was a misunderstanding and that we will figure it out. She thought that was really sweet and is now even MORE invested and excited to see me. AND her level of respect just went up because I didn't cave to her demands but I also didn't get upset or mad with her. So bonus points on 2 fronts.
The alternative was to simply agree which would have led to a loss of respect for doing so. Even if it was only a slight one. Regardless you don't want to start off on that foot which is why it is so important NOT to cave...you will actually increase their respect for you...
Stop allowing women to change places and times with you on first dates. AMS had a really good video about it and said not to ever do it and I have to say this has opened my eyes up a lot to this seemingly harmless thing that is causing your value to drop before you even meet. It's insidious...meaning on the surface it looks like it's no big deal but it actually sets the tone and not a good one.
Make no mistake. This may seem innocent and even IF there is a miscommunication somehow sticking to your guns and saying no will gain you respect in her eyes. Conversely agreeing to any changes groups you into the category of guys she can manipulate(which to be fair is MOST guys which is why you stand out so well when you don't do this).
Just had an example of this literally right now as I type this with a first date for tomorrow. We talked on the phone, super good energy and vibe, lots of similarities, both very interested in meeting...I texted her the time and place yesterday and she agreed to it.
Texts me now asking if we could move the time up because she has a client at 7 for a zoom call that she didn't realize she had scheduled.
Now could I have moved it up? Yeah I could have. I didn't have anything else going on after 3 tomorrow. And I have usually accommodated these in the past. But not anymore. I am not heading down the path where you show you are able to be led instead of showing that you are not. Once you show that, you need to prove to her that you aren't that guy. Likewise once you show her that you aren't that guy, she will take that as proof and assume you aren't.
So I texted her "No, unfortunately I have things planned earlier. I assumed when I let you know the time you would have told me if that didn't work so I planned other things. Are you able to reschedule the patient for earlier?"
I didn't get mad, I didn't get upset, I said No. Then I asked her if she could reschedule HER time to fit mine. This is the key!!! You are forcing THEM to fit YOUR schedule. This is a clear demonstration to her that you value your time more than hers and then give the opportunity to work to align her schedule to mine. This means while is she is doing this extra work she is INVESTING in you without you literally doing anything.
And what happened? She texts back that she misread the text and didn't catch the time and profusely apologized and said she will see what she can do. She then double texted a few minutes after asking if she cna let me know by noon tomorrow and how she feels awful and it is totally her fault and how she was really looking forward to us getting together.
I let her know yeah that is cool and not to worry about it, just a miscommunication via text and that I also was looking forward to us spending time and having fun together so I hope we can make it work.
She texts me back "Thank you for being so sweet...I think it may work to your advantage" with a wink emoji...
So let's break down the interaction:
Not only did I refuse to reschedule and held firm, I asked HER to reschedule her patient. She apologized profusely, said it was all her fault. I wasn't a d!ck about it and said it was a misunderstanding and that we will figure it out. She thought that was really sweet and is now even MORE invested and excited to see me. AND her level of respect just went up because I didn't cave to her demands but I also didn't get upset or mad with her. So bonus points on 2 fronts.
The alternative was to simply agree which would have led to a loss of respect for doing so. Even if it was only a slight one. Regardless you don't want to start off on that foot which is why it is so important NOT to cave...you will actually increase their respect for you...
Stop allowing women to change places and times with you on first dates. AMS had a really good video about it and said not to ever do it and I have to say this has opened my eyes up a lot to this seemingly harmless thing that is causing your value to drop before you even meet. It's insidious...meaning on the surface it looks like it's no big deal but it actually sets the tone and not a good one.
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