Update a year later

[Barrister]

These threads by @RicBoy may qualify as the most painful to read on this board for the past year or so. I would say @biggoal was up there but at least there was a comedic element to those. These are just plain sad.

 

[RicBoy]

I did everything guys have asked me to. Like cut off the kids contact. It was progress.

 

[soulforge]

She was crazy??? Have you read this guy's threads?

Go have a quick look,then tell me who needs counseling.

By pointing out this girl was toxic as fuk, doesn't suggest that I think the OP is a straight up healthy alpha.

From what I have read of his posts, sounds like he needs counciling.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I did everything guys have asked me to. Like cut off the kids contact. It was progress.

Keep moving forward and show your strength, by getting the meaningful professional help needed, to grow beyond where you are.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Keep moving forward and show your strength, by getting the meaningful professional help needed, to grow beyond where you are.

@RicBoy Please do not feel attacked or judged by anything I have shared. That was not my intent. We all grow by making mistakes we wish we hadn’t, along our way.

There is no judgement here that you need to defend yourself against. Channel that energy, if you feel it, into a more positive use.

There is just a genuine desire to see you get the help you need, to give you and your son the best life possible, moving forward.

 

[Igetit!]

By pointing out this girl was toxic as fuk, doesn't suggest that I think the OP is a straight up healthy alpha.

From what I have read of his posts, sounds like he needs counciling.

Good point there. That's fair.

 

[Grinderman]

I did everything guys have asked me to. Like cut off the kids contact. It was progress.

Fvck it. What's done is done. The past is the past.

If blocking her is the best thing for your mental health, then so be it, it will give you that space to put distance between you and the past and regroup, get your strength back. You are your kid's father / legal guardian so you do get to say who he is friend's with or not. If you think this is the best course of action to cut the kids (friends they're not fvcking siblings) then fvck it so be.....

Fresh, clean slate and all.

Leave the past behind and live today.

I would suggest reading the original Stoic works to try and regain some emotional control / rationality. Try to default to rational thinking as a frame. Perhaps some mindfulness would also help you in this matter. Being mindful when you are about to jump into your feelings and become irrational. guide yourself back to your default setting. Takes practice but worth it.

Watch some comedy and learn to laugh again (married with children for example, Patrice O'N standup )

I'm sure you have some quality free time activities planned for you and your son where you will be fully present with him and you will both have some fun and bond.

Keep it real.

 

[Grinderman]

How Stoicism cures anger:

How Stoicism Cures Anger

Ancient Philosophy as a Therapy for Violent Passions

medium.com

Seneca how to control your anger

Seneca on anger (audiobook)

 

[Atom Smasher]

The OP is as self-centered as they come, to the point of using children as pawns to deal with his insecurities.

He blocked the kids from seeing each other as a reaction to a specific trigger... that he heard another man’s voice in the background.

I genuinely feel sorry for these kids. @RicBoy, your obsession with this woman is causing carnage in your life and others’ lives. And to think that you only saw her for 7 months!

The sad part is that this drama is far from over. Until you get counseling and start gaining insight to this dynamic going on, you are doomed to perpetuate it. You need to RESOLVE to handle this once and for all for the sake of your son.

Her leaving is not “disrespect”. It is what she HAD to do. Both of you are complicit in this. The personal chemistry is terrible. But ultimately YOU are responsible for how it’s all handled.

I’ve been telling you all along that you’ve been using the children to handle your own insecurities. This is cruel, and it needs to stop.

Your situation strikes me as a man-child stomping his foot because he didn’t get his way. You’ve invested yourself with someone with whom you have no compatibility. It hurts, but this is part of life. You haven’t accepted this, and therein is the source of your damaging behavior.

For the sake of your son, you need to step up and handle this with the maturity that we have been trying to instill in you. At this point you shouldn’t have a care in the world what this ex is doing.

 

[RicBoy]

The OP is as self-centered as they come, to the point of using children as pawns to deal with his insecurities.

He blocked the kids from seeing each other as a reaction to a specific trigger... that he heard another man’s voice in the background.

I genuinely feel sorry for these kids. @RicBoy, your obsession with this woman is causing carnage in your life and others’ lives. And to think that you only saw her for 7 months!

The sad part is that this drama is far from over. Until you get counseling and start gaining insight to this dynamic going on, you are doomed to perpetuate it. You need to RESOLVE to handle this once and for all for the sake of your son.

Her leaving is not “disrespect”. It is what she HAD to do. Both of you are complicit in this. The personal chemistry is terrible. But ultimately YOU are responsible for how it’s all handled.

I’ve been telling you all along that you’ve been using the children to handle your own insecurities. This is cruel, and it needs to stop.

Your situation strikes me as a man-child stomping his foot because he didn’t get his way. You’ve invested yourself with someone with whom you have no compatibility. It hurts, but this is part of life. You haven’t accepted this, and therein is the source of your damaging behavior.

For the sake of your son, you need to step up and handle this with the maturity that we have been trying to instill in you. At this point you shouldn’t have a care in the world what this ex is doing.

I have to be selfish when it comes to this. Today is a male voice on the background, tomorrow is my ex moaning. Nah man, things don't roll that way with me. Maybe because I'm Portuguese, very similar to Brazilians. Yes I suffer and I'm obsessed and I wish I could be with her, but I'm the kind of guy if I saw my ex somewhere I would turn my face to the other side.

My cousin who was married 9 years. He found one day his wife on a car with a guy, she han't cheated, it really was just a male friend. But I'm sure she was starting to look elsewhere. When she came home, all her stuff was packed near the door of the front yard. He removed her name from the joined bank accounts and from the mortgage as well and off she went.
That's how he handled the business.

Back to my case, what do you think it would happen when the kids would start to meet up? Me going to her doorstep while she is giving me the cold shoulder or some guy even open the door to me? Or my soon see a new guy in the same bed I used to sleep or at the table I used to eat. No way I'm putting myself through suck a humiliation, I rather eat crap from the toilet.

She left me, I didn't want this, I wanted to be with her and the kids, she can know deal with the consequences.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I have to be selfish when it comes to this. Today is a male voice on the background, tomorrow is my ex moaning. Nah man, things don't roll that way with me. Maybe because I'm Portuguese, very similar to Brazilians. Yes I suffer and I'm obsessed and I wish I could be with her, but I'm the kind of guy if I saw my ex somewhere I would turn my face to the other side.

My cousin who was married 9 years. He found one day his wife on a car with a guy, she han't cheated, it really was just a male friend. But I'm sure she was starting to look elsewhere. When she came home, all her stuff was packed near the door of the front yard. He removed her name from the joined bank accounts and from the mortgage as well and off she went.
That's how he handled the business.

Back to my case, what do you think it would happen when the kids would start to meet up? Me going to her doorstep while she is giving me the cold shoulder or some guy even open the door to me? Or my soon see a new guy in the same bed I used to sleep or at the table I used to eat. No way I'm putting myself through suck a humiliation, I rather eat crap from the toilet.

She left me, I didn't want this, I wanted to be with her and the kids, she can know deal with the consequences.

Gentlemen, I rest my case.

 

[manfrombelow]

I have to be selfish when it comes to this. Today is a male voice on the background, tomorrow is my ex moaning. Nah man, things don't roll that way with me. Maybe because I'm Portuguese, very similar to Brazilians. Yes I suffer and I'm obsessed and I wish I could be with her, but I'm the kind of guy if I saw my ex somewhere I would turn my face to the other side.

My cousin who was married 9 years. He found one day his wife on a car with a guy, she han't cheated, it really was just a male friend. But I'm sure she was starting to look elsewhere. When she came home, all her stuff was packed near the door of the front yard. He removed her name from the joined bank accounts and from the mortgage as well and off she went.
That's how he handled the business.

Back to my case, what do you think it would happen when the kids would start to meet up? Me going to her doorstep while she is giving me the cold shoulder or some guy even open the door to me? Or my soon see a new guy in the same bed I used to sleep or at the table I used to eat. No way I'm putting myself through suck a humiliation, I rather eat crap from the toilet.

She left me, I didn't want this, I wanted to be with her and the kids, she can know deal with the consequences.

Buddy you did what you did. You owe nobody an explanation whatsoever. Move on mate. Best of lucks!

 

[RicBoy]

Gentlemen, I rest my case.

Check the post bellow, a picture of 6 months ago a well know member here advised me

 

[RicBoy]

 

[MoMoses]

Dude! So you read this post and you blocking your ex and forbidding your son to hang out with his former step sis is what you made of this??

Are you F-ing kidding me here?

I'm done. This is the last thing I'm posting in this thread. You obviously have no clue what people here are saying to help you. You need glasses to help you look at the world as it really is. You need a jar filled with red pills man.

edit; Be an example to your son! This is excellent advice! Now you're showing your son how to beta over a woman who ran to the hills after getting to know you.

 

[Grinderman]

So you read this post and you blocking your ex and forbidding your son to hang out with his former step sis is what you made of this??

You're possibly going too far and some what emotional insisting the kids were "step brother and sister" which is a ridiculous perspective to have considering they were dating for only seven months. Dating. As far as I read, they were not married which would have made them somewhat "step siblings".

If the relationship had a toxic dynamic and she tried to get his sone taken off him, believe me, cutting all contact and putting up a siege mentality would be the best way forward.

I'm done. This is the last thing I'm posting in this thread.

Probably for the best, you seem very emotionally invested. You are taking a dig at the guy with every sentence you write. Lot of virtue signaling on display here by a lot of members. Lot of "red pill chest thumping".

The kid will have other friends who are not attached to what was a toxic dynamic. Life goes on. One chapter closes and another begins.

 

[MoMoses]

Probably for the best, you seem very emotionally invested.

That seems to be your answer for everything. But I understand why it may look as if I'm emotionally invested Got a bit carried away and that's unnecessary.

You're possibly going too far and some what emotional insisting the kids were "step brother and sister" which is a ridiculous perspective to have considering they were dating for only seven months. Dating. As far as I read, they were not married which would have made them somewhat "step siblings".

Fair point.

However, this doesn't change the fact that this guy has some issues he needs to address. His actions have led him to this point and he doesn't see this. He keeps putting the blame on others and as long as he doesn't see this he will keep making the same mistakes. That's sad.

 

[bat soup]

For the ones who followed my case about a year ago (link here https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/current-situation.264765/) I leave here a quick update if you're curious. So my ex had dumped me but my son and my ex's daughter remained friends. I had been in no contact for 7 months.
It's been 3 months since my son is living with me (he was living with his mother before in another country) and my ex didn't try to set up any play dates between the kids but my son and her daughter would video call weekly.

Eventually my ex started to show up on the videos calls. A month ago, I started to hear a guy on the background on the video call, in this case was a friend of my ex's daughter, but one day could be a new bf of my ex. ..i decided this was too much for me and was setting me back.

I blocked my ex and her daughter from my son's phone and end all of this.

I know eventually kids would meet and I would be driving back and forth like in the past my son to my ex's house while she would give me the cold shoulder and leave me with the nose at her door. I don't wanna look like a dog crawling for a bone anymore so I put an end to all of this. No more video calls, or playdates.

Unfortunately, I was a bit emotional and when I block them from my son's phone, I texted the msg bellow to my ex. But it's done now.
For reference Roni is my son and Mia is her daughter.

"I don't feel comfortable you talking to Roni on the phone while I'm in the house. I wanted to be with you and the kids but you decided to leave, therfore you and Mia need to go completely from Roni's and my life too. I'm blocking Mia and you from Roni's phone. It's the best for everyone. I'm not interested in having any connections, including the kids, unless we are dating."

I should have just blocked and no msg, and especially not" unless we are dating"... But it is what it is

You have to accept that it's over and move on. Once you actually do that you'll feel a lot better. If you can't do it by yourself, maybe a psychologist could help.

 

[RicBoy]

Her daughter just texted me, ask me to please let the them speak. She said her mother told her I don't allow them to talk more. I can't go back on my word otherwise my ex will respect me even less

 

[TheProspect]

You have received enough advice already in your two threads about this one woman (both of which have become very circular).

I suggest re-reading both of these threads so you can identify what the members' consensus advice was, and actually apply it going forward.

If you're going to post another update thread, make it because you found a new woman.

This woman and her daughter are history. Act accordingly.