Cold Approach failed before it even started.

[manfrombelow]

Hi guys,

So today I was working at a cafe shop (there's no lockdown or social distance whatsoever where I'm from) when I noticed at least two cuties (at least 7 in my standard), and I wanted to find a good opportunity to approach them, when there will be less people for example.

But when there was really less people, and at least one of them saw me looking at her, I was freezing in terror by the sheer thought of simply walking towards them and start a conversation. Mind you, I had plates in the past before, on Tinder and similar platforms, I got phone number from chicks share an elevator with me, I had no problems cracking jokes and asking for phone numbers from the girls at the barbershop...

A long time ago, I literally GAVE myself an order to approach at least one girl I find cute everywhere I go and ask for her number.

Looking back, all the times I was succesful was when I started the conversation with them naturally and outcome-independently, I did not for once thought about asking them out or asking for their phone numbers, I just wanted to have a fun conversation with a woman.

But this time, I was terrified of getting rejected. The said ORDER I gave myself became a burden, a pressure to great to handle, so I failed before I even started. I was literally terrified.

As much embarrased as this ugly experience made me (I'm still feeling like a beta pile of sh!t right now), I just thought it might be of useful to you guys. Thanks for reading. Cheers.

 

[Charm2K]

Bro, iam still proud of you!

"“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”"

 

[Romanemp22]

Don't worry man it can happen to anyone, don't be so hard on yourself. The important thing is you're trying and working on getting lays (approaches, OLD etc).

Now work on kicking that fear out of your head, easier said than done but you can overcome it by not giving a phuck. Good luck!

 

[manfrombelow]

Thanks brothers. The pain of regret sucks. Now I fully understood the meaning of the famous saying about the hero dies only once, but the coward dies a thousand times.

 

[Velasco]

i just remind myself of my goal for being out tonight (i know this is ur shop, so you weren't actively out to cold approach, but if you see a girl you want to fck, then that's ur goal) when I feel any awkwardness about approaching the girl I want. like say she's surrounded by a group of guys and girls. I'd feel it'd be awkward for me to just go up to them and introduce myself ("hey guys is this seat taken" - open someone in the group and get myself involved in the convo asap) and try and game her. but I'm here to get laid, so those few short awkward 1-3 seconds on approach will be long forgotten after I'm balls deep inside her 2 hours later.

 

[Charm2K]

". but I'm here to get laid, so those few short awkward 1-3 seconds on approach will be long forgotten after I'm balls deep inside her 2 hours later."

My man, My man.....

 

[MoMoses]

I just thought it might be of useful to you guys. Thanks for reading. Cheers.

Dude, I can relate to your story and I think a lot of users can aswell.

But you got the right mindset already! Do not be outcome dependant. This has been a huge breakthrough for me in the past and you're already there at a younger age than I was.

Failing to make an approach because you're overthinking it still happens to me sometimes. Men who say it doesn't happen to them are either lying, sociopaths or have been approaching women for a very, very long time. It doesn't bother me all that much anymore. The approaches I did make and were a complete desaster took longer for me to process. That's why outcome-independance was such a huge breakthrough for me.

Keep it up

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hi guys,

So today I was working at a cafe shop (there's no lockdown or social distance whatsoever where I'm from) when I noticed at least two cuties (at least 7 in my standard), and I wanted to find a good opportunity to approach them, when there will be less people for example.

But when there was really less people, and at least one of them saw me looking at her, I was freezing in terror by the sheer thought of simply walking towards them and start a conversation. Mind you, I had plates in the past before, on Tinder and similar platforms, I got phone number from chicks share an elevator with me, I had no problems cracking jokes and asking for phone numbers from the girls at the barbershop...

A long time ago, I literally GAVE myself an order to approach at least one girl I find cute everywhere I go and ask for her number.

Looking back, all the times I was succesful was when I started the conversation with them naturally and outcome-independently, I did not for once thought about asking them out or asking for their phone numbers, I just wanted to have a fun conversation with a woman.

But this time, I was terrified of getting rejected. The said ORDER I gave myself became a burden, a pressure to great to handle, so I failed before I even started. I was literally terrified.

As much embarrased as this ugly experience made me (I'm still feeling like a beta pile of sh!t right now), I just thought it might be of useful to you guys. Thanks for reading. Cheers.

Easiest thing would have been to walk up to the two and ask them if they have tried such and such on the menu and then tease the one you were interested in and say something like "You definitely don't look like the kind of girl who would be into that sort of thing." And turn your focus to the other one...

 

[manfrombelow]

Dude, I can relate to your story and I think a lot of users can aswell.

But you got the right mindset already! Do not be outcome dependant. This has been a huge breakthrough for me in the past and you're already there at a younger age than I was.

Failing to make an approach because you're overthinking it still happens to me sometimes. Men who say it doesn't happen to them are either lying, sociopaths or have been approaching women for a very, very long time. It doesn't bother me all that much anymore. The approaches I did make and were a complete desaster took longer for me to process. That's why outcome-independance was such a huge breakthrough for me.

Keep it up

Thank you brother. By the way I miss Belgium everyday. Used to study there years ago, met kind people, had nice food, learned a lot there not only at schools, and had some of the best years of my life there.

 

[MoMoses]

Easiest thing would have been to walk up to the two and ask them if they have tried such and such on the menu and then tease the one you were interested in and say something like "You definitely don't look like the kind of girl who would be into that sort of thing." And turn your focus to the other one...

Smooth and smart

Never focus on just one of them. Include the friend or she will be working against you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Smooth and smart

Never focus on just one of them. Include the friend or she will be working against you.

It's funny that actually ignoring the one you are interested in and kind of giving her backhand compliments ends up making her fight for your attention in those situations almost like she is trying to prove she is good enough to you.

 

[MoMoses]

It's funny that actually ignoring the one you are interested in and kind of giving her backhand compliments ends up making her fight for your attention in those situations almost like she is trying to prove she is good enough to you.

"When Kitty cats compete, you win" - Doc Love

 

[bat soup]

Hi guys,

So today I was working at a cafe shop (there's no lockdown or social distance whatsoever where I'm from) when I noticed at least two cuties (at least 7 in my standard), and I wanted to find a good opportunity to approach them, when there will be less people for example.

But when there was really less people, and at least one of them saw me looking at her, I was freezing in terror by the sheer thought of simply walking towards them and start a conversation. Mind you, I had plates in the past before, on Tinder and similar platforms, I got phone number from chicks share an elevator with me, I had no problems cracking jokes and asking for phone numbers from the girls at the barbershop...

A long time ago, I literally GAVE myself an order to approach at least one girl I find cute everywhere I go and ask for her number.

Looking back, all the times I was succesful was when I started the conversation with them naturally and outcome-independently, I did not for once thought about asking them out or asking for their phone numbers, I just wanted to have a fun conversation with a woman.

But this time, I was terrified of getting rejected. The said ORDER I gave myself became a burden, a pressure to great to handle, so I failed before I even started. I was literally terrified.

As much embarrased as this ugly experience made me (I'm still feeling like a beta pile of sh!t right now), I just thought it might be of useful to you guys. Thanks for reading. Cheers.

Try imagining in your head "if I approached them, what would I say?". Imagine what you could say and how you could transition to getting their numbers or inviting them to do something together.

 

[Charm2K]

I just got "recjected" now, asked a girl out and she said "no".

Well how do i feel ? Like a champ.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

Bro, iam still proud of you!

"“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”"

bro, ima get that tatted.

 

[bat soup]

I just got "recjected" now, asked a girl out and she said "no".

Well how do i feel ? Like a champ.

Good. You found out what you wanted to know without spending six months being her friend.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You were terrified because you were seeking acceptance by them. Your ego was totally invested.

You should have instead had the attitude that you were casually investigating whether or not these were people you would like to know. You should have been qualifying and testing them instead of worrying about their acceptance of you. You should always operate from a “creating fun for yourself” vibe.

 

[Chronocidal]

You were terrified because you were seeking acceptance by them. Your ego was totally invested.

You should have instead had the attitude that you were casually investigating whether or not these were people you would like to know. You should have been qualifying and testing them instead of worrying about their acceptance of you. You should always operate from a “creating fun for yourself” vibe.

How does one qualify and test people? Too often I've found testing "Is this person sociosexually available?" is the approach itself when it comes to cold approach.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You engage them for your own fun and enjoyment without expectation of any outcome. During the process, you make a determination as to whether or not you’d like to pursue something further.
The LAST thing that should be on your mind is whether or not she will like you.

If she does, great. If she doesn’t, great. It shouldn’t matter. The problem with classical “”approaching” is that both you know and she knows you are all-in. You have shown all your cards. If instead you convey you are testing and judging them, many, many more will in fact be attracted.

Women reject men because they consider most men to be below them. Be what you should be: Above her. That’s what she wants, what she craves. A man who is above her.

Judge, fellas. Learn to judge and find out for yourselves how many more women show interest.

 

[Lookatu]

Hi guys,

So today I was working at a cafe shop (there's no lockdown or social distance whatsoever where I'm from) when I noticed at least two cuties (at least 7 in my standard), and I wanted to find a good opportunity to approach them, when there will be less people for example.

Bro, this makes it sooo much easier to just do your job with an indirect approach and see how well they respond to it and take it from there.

You should always go up to any gals that look attractive to you and just ask them how their coffee is or how they like the service. Very simple, legit, and unassuming until they feed you with more reasons to keep the convo going. This also diffuses your rejection mentality because you are just doing your job.

Forget if it's busy or not and go up to them at any time that is conducive. You may miss them and they may walk out in the midst of all the mayhem.