Update a year later

[RicBoy]

For the ones who followed my case about a year ago (link here https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/current-situation.264765/) I leave here a quick update if you're curious. So my ex had dumped me but my son and my ex's daughter remained friends. I had been in no contact for 7 months.
It's been 3 months since my son is living with me (he was living with his mother before in another country) and my ex didn't try to set up any play dates between the kids but my son and her daughter would video call weekly.

Eventually my ex started to show up on the videos calls. A month ago, I started to hear a guy on the background on the video call, in this case was a friend of my ex's daughter, but one day could be a new bf of my ex. ..i decided this was too much for me and was setting me back.

I blocked my ex and her daughter from my son's phone and end all of this.

I know eventually kids would meet and I would be driving back and forth like in the past my son to my ex's house while she would give me the cold shoulder and leave me with the nose at her door. I don't wanna look like a dog crawling for a bone anymore so I put an end to all of this. No more video calls, or playdates.

Unfortunately, I was a bit emotional and when I block them from my son's phone, I texted the msg bellow to my ex. But it's done now.
For reference Roni is my son and Mia is her daughter.

"I don't feel comfortable you talking to Roni on the phone while I'm in the house. I wanted to be with you and the kids but you decided to leave, therfore you and Mia need to go completely from Roni's and my life too. I'm blocking Mia and you from Roni's phone. It's the best for everyone. I'm not interested in having any connections, including the kids, unless we are dating."

I should have just blocked and no msg, and especially not" unless we are dating"... But it is what it is

 

[spikeanut]

This txt was extremely needy and pretty much showed her you're still pining over her after 7 months of no contact. You have completely validated her and she is repulsed by you. As many other said in the original post, there is no going back. Stop thinking about her, and move on with your life. Continue to be a man that is improving your and your son's life. There is nothing here to salvage.

 

[RicBoy]

This txt was extremely needy and pretty much showed her you're still pining over her after 7 months of no contact. You have completely validated her and she is repulsed by you. As many other said in the original post, there is no going back. Stop thinking about her, and move on with your life. Continue to be a man that is improving your and your son's life. There is nothing here to salvage.

Yeah shouldn't have sent her any text just block and be done. I need to protect myself, hearing her on the background is not healthy for my mental health.

 

[soulforge]

Reading stories like this make me realise why I am just happy smashing chicks casual, without getting emotionally involved with them.

These females can seriously fuk a man over in a serious way!! No thanks.

 

[RicBoy]

Reading stories like this make me realise why I am just happy smashing chicks casual, without getting emotionally involved with them.

These females can seriously fuk a man over in a serious way!! No thanks.

17 months broken up.. Broke NC a few times. I decided this time to cut this for good. Last Xmas she spoke to my son on the phone. Then a month later again. She doesn't want me, she just likes to see what's up. That's why I decided to break the kids friendship for my own good.

 

[derby1]

brother, you dont look a terrible looking guy, and your pining over a 4?

this is what society has done to your self esteem, its absolutely disgusting this is done to men

 

[MoMoses]

This txt was extremely needy and pretty much showed her you're still pining over her after 7 months of no contact. You have completely validated her and she is repulsed by you. As many other said in the original post, there is no going back. Stop thinking about her, and move on with your life. Continue to be a man that is improving your and your son's life. There is nothing here to salvage.

I was writing my comment when I spotted yours. I deleted mine and decided just to quote you because I couldn't have put it any better.

 

[MoMoses]

Yeah shouldn't have sent her any text just block and be done. I need to protect myself, hearing her on the background is not healthy for my mental health.

You know what would do your mental health any good? Tapping another girl!

Seriously, get out there, install Tinder, woo the neighbour.. don't matter how you do it but you need to focus on another woman and you'd be surprised how quickly you'll be over that other one. A few months from now you'll even scratch your head and wonder out loud what you ever saw in that bimbo.

Speaking from experience

 

[RicBoy]

I was writing my comment when I spotted yours. I deleted mine and decided just to quote you because I couldn't have put it any better.

Maybe needy, but they are blocked now from by son's phone. No more bs me hearing her on the background and guys during the videos calls with the kids. Now it's all over, if she never reaches out to me, she will never set another eye on me and my son again. F her..

 

[MoMoses]

Maybe needy, but they are blocked now from by son's phone. No more bs me hearing her on the background and guys during the videos calls with the kids. Now it's all over, if she never reaches out to me, she will never set another eye on me and my son again. F her..

This wasn't a very mature and masculin way of handling this and you know it.

I'm not here to judge you man. So don't feel attacted by me. You have your life and I have mine, but damn dude.. this is about as butt hurt and weak as you can react as a man. I get it that you were hurt. We've all been there. Otherwise we'd have remained blue pilled all of our lives, but don't do shiit like this. Force yourself to grow as a person and as a man and this includes getting over things like this. Let your ex feel that you are over her. This is the most powerful tool in your arsenal and you fail to realise this. Now she thinks even less of you than when she broke up with you.

And the worst part is that you forbid your son from having a sister. Because I reckon that's how these kids think of eachother. Been there, done that. My dad broke up with his gf and from one day to the next I lost my stepsister.

It's too late to patch things up with your ex, but at least don't let the children be the victim of your own insecurity. That ain't right.

 

[RicBoy]

This wasn't a very mature and masculin way of handling this and you know it.

I'm not here to judge you man. So don't feel attacted by me. You have your life and I have mine, but damn dude.. this is about as butt hurt and weak as you can react as a man. I get it that you were hurt. We've all been there. Otherwise we'd have remained blue pilled all of our lives, but don't do shiit like this. Force yourself to grow as a person and as a man and this includes getting over things like this. Let your ex feel that you are over her. This is the most powerful tool in your arsenal and you fail to realise this. Now she thinks even less of you than when she broke up with you.

And the worst part is that you forbid your son from having a sister. Because I reckon that's how these kids think of eachother. Been there, done that. My dad broke up with his gf and from one day to the next I lost my stepsister.

It's too late to patch things up with your ex, but at least don't let the children be the victim of your own insecurity. That ain't right.

The kids aren't siblings. They are friends. My ex isn't my son's mother. And we only dated for 7 months. This connection they have will destroy me mentally long run. After we broke up, I used to drive my son to her house, she wouldn't come outside to even say hi, I stayed with my nose at her door...not going to put myself through it again. Also now kids on the phone and me hearing my ex on the background and I heard a voice of a guy too. No way man. I need to think about my mental health first regardless of what she thinks, if it is weak or not. Imagine me driving the kid and some guy open the door to me, she isn't his mother, I don't need to put myself this low. At least in the end I'm the one cutting off the strings and walking. She brought this on herself not me, I wanted to be with her. There has to be consequences for her actions.

 

[RicBoy]

Reading stories like this make me realise why I am just happy smashing chicks casual, without getting emotionally involved with them.

These females can seriously fuk a man over in a serious way!! No thanks.

I had a few break ups, I can tell you from experience that a woman can totally destroy emotionally. All these get exes back it's an illusion. I only got one ex back and lasted another year. I'm starting to change my whole view on this. Better block and move on. They wanted out right? Well goodbye then.
My mistake was to let my son and her daughter to talk for nearly a year after we broke up which gave me hope. Should have cut kids off a long time ago.

 

[MoMoses]

I had a few break ups, I can tell you from experience that a woman can totally destroy emotionally. All these get exes back it's an illusion. I only got one ex back and lasted another year. I'm starting to change my whole view on this. Better block and move on. They wanted out right? Well goodbye then.
My mistake was to let my son and her daughter to talk for nearly a year after we broke up which gave me hope. Should have cut kids off a long time ago.

There's so much wrong with what you said I wanna break it down with you. Again, not to be a diick, but I wanna show you why this way of thinking is wrong.

I had a few break ups, I can tell you from experience that a woman can totally destroy emotionally. All these get exes back it's an illusion

No it isn't. I've gotten ex's back and so can you. It all depends on how you handle the breakup and judging by what you wrote in this particular case I'd say you are handling them rather poorly.

But nevermind getting them back, the real question is why are you losing these women.

If women keep breaking up with you, you might consider looking at why they do this. Work on yourself, read books, try to figure out what it is about your behavior that is turning these women off.

I only got one ex back and lasted another year

When a woman breaks up with you it means she lost attraction and for you to lower her attraction you did things that she didn't like. Being needy? Being too nice? Being to aloof? etc there are tons of possible things you could have done. The trick is to find out what you did wrong and change this behavior. If a woman gets back together with you this means she is attracted to you at her core. Well done. But if you keep making the same mistakes you will lose her again, as you did.

I'm starting to change my whole view on this. Better block and move on. They wanted out right? Well goodbye then.

Now don't get all black pilled and roll yourself in selfpity. This won't change the outcome and you want a different outcome, now do you? If you don't act now you'll be losing girls for the next years to come and you will never know why!

My mistake was to let my son and her daughter to talk for nearly a year after we broke up which gave me hope. Should have cut kids off a long time ago

Again, no! You don't get to make this call. It's extremely selfish, needy and insecure. The 3 horsemen of failing with women.

 

[RicBoy]

I see thibgs a bit differently.
A woman can relace a man easily with internet.
For years I blamed myself too, maybe I was needy, or clingy, or this or that... Then I started to look at all my exes. They all have dumped 5, 10 even 15 guys in the case of my last ex. All those guys can't be that bad. Are you gonna tell me they are all needy amd handles the break up poorly?
Women get bored.
Last 30 years women got jobs money, they are independent, they depend less on men and relationships. At first little argument they leave because they log in in Instagram and have a endless line of guys waiting and this is for the average girl. Imagine the hot ones.

 

[RicBoy]

And back to my case, in Xmas, her daughter texted me asking something about my son. I replied the msg and wish her merry Xmas. 2 days later I was blocked. Obviously my ex saw the msgs and blocked me on her daughter's phone. And now she comes to video call my son? Blocked too... An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, that's how I see it.

 

[MoMoses]

I see thibgs a bit differently.
A woman can relace a man easily with internet.
For years I blamed myself too, maybe I was needy, or clingy, or this or that... Then I started to look at all my exes. They all have dumped 5, 10 even 15 guys in the case of my last ex. All those guys can't be that bad. Are you gonna tell me they are all needy amd handles the break up poorly?

Yes

You cannot blame a woman for losing attraction if a guy is behaving in a weak way. It's simple biology.
It's the same like blaming a guy for leaving his girlfriend for a new, hotter, 10 years younger woman. It's biology aswell.

Can we complain about this behavior? Yes, but it is what it is and because it's natural selection it happens so much.

Why are women dumping so many guys? Simple, it's 2021 and nowadays women can do this. Female biology was the same 70 and 100 years ago but back then society was very male controlled. Females had to listen and weren't even allowed to vote or work in some cases/countries. A man seduced a woman, they got married and that was it. If the relationship wasn't that great, well tough luck.

This has changed since the sexual revolution in the late 1960's. Nowadays women want the most high valuable male they can get and they will dump the previous lover if a better catch walks by (= monkey branching at its finest).

Men have been doing this for centuries, but for different, more look-based reasons.

 

[RicBoy]

Yes I agree with all of that.
However, after a break up your main goal should be to protect yourself and your heart. If she thinks it's weak that I block the kids or not it's her problem. It's not like I'm gonna date again.

I didn't have much of an option anyways, what should I do? Keep kids as friends forever? Listening my ex and maybe some future guy on the background? Drive to her house to her doorstep with my son by the hand while she is giving me the cold shoulder, maybe even have a guy open the door to me. No way I'm putting myself that low again and hive her the satisfaction to see me crawl.. She doesn't want me, ok fine, kids don't talk anymore, I don't contact her anymore

 

[RicBoy]

Quick story, the last ex she had before me, they lived together 4 years. She started to feel the guy was lazy and she met someone else. To this day every year, in her daughter's birthday, he comes over with a gift to the girl...i could never do something like that, that's a pathetic. I take things very personally, even a girl dumps me I'm too the point if a see the girl somewhere I literally turn my head to the other side, like city of angels, totally invisible, I don't care if they think it's immature. Someone leaving me is the biggest disrespect ever.

 

[Toddz]

I read your initial post from the previous thread.

She's your ex for a reason. The relationship was toxic. All the blocking, arguing, drama is a huge energy waste and time suck. Realize this now and go become a better man living a good life. Forget this Woman as she has her own issues. She probably gaslighted you meaning caused drama by pushing your buttons and then blaming you for it.

My advice is to write down all the negative things about her and your relationship with her and pin it to your forehead. Be thankful it ended. If anything was your fault then internalize what you did wrong and never do it again.

You sound like a good guy. Don't waste your time or energy on low quality or low status women. Finally be a good father to your son.

 

[RicBoy]

And brother its not like she just lost interest. This girl when she left me, she fired me too, she was my boss.. When I started to call her etc asking why she fired me, she told me she would call the police, and would contact social services to take my son from me if she knew I was a bad father.. She is a piece of work man. And now she comes to say hi to my son on the phone while she has me blocked.. Not cool