Mindset.
Are you burning energy stressing about things that are outside of your control; or are you defaulting to action on the things that are inside your control. These are two very distinct mindsets. The good news? Both perspectives stem from your thinking.
From the Enchiridion by Epictetus:
"Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.
The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed.
Aiming therefore at such great things, remember that you must not allow yourself to be carried, even with a slight tendency, towards the attainment of lesser things. Instead, you must entirely quit some things and for the present postpone the rest. But if you would both have these great things, along with power and riches, then you will not gain even the latter, because you aim at the former too: but you will absolutely fail of the former, by which alone happiness and freedom are achieved.
Work, therefore to be able to say to every harsh appearance, "You are but an appearance, and not absolutely the thing you appear to be." And then examine it by those rules which you have, and first, and chiefly, by this: whether it concerns the things which are in our own control, or those which are not; and, if it concerns anything not in our control, be prepared to say that it is nothing to you."
I would also recommend you look into meditation (simple mindfulness) for two reasons that pertain to your appeal:
1. You work on focusing on the body initially (body scan to observe and release where you are tense) then you bring your present moment awareness to your breath. This can be calming while keeping you centered. (very practical skill if you ever have a hospital visit for your self or a loved one for example, an interview, approaching etc)
2. Being mindful and observing your thoughts without trying to grasp on to every one of them (imagine a crazed monkey trying to grasp the moving and ever changing clouds above. The monkey needs calming and to leave the clouds to disperse) will help you develop some space between your thoughts and your reactions. This space will allow the observing self (detached from the monkey mind self) to decide if the thoughts pertain to things inside of your control or things outside your control.
Detaching from "self" : imagine you are reading a novel or watching a movie or even reading a post from someone here. You're not that emotionally invested and you can see their "problems" (issue to be resolved) in an OBJECTIVE way. You can clearly see the solution or the path they should take or what they need to stop doing. Your mind is not clouded with emotion. This is how you must detach from your own sense of "self" and observe what's going on in an objective way thus being able to make a decision on how to proceed unperturbed by irrational emotions.
Dealing with "feelings", a Stoic exercise: This observing self needs to recognize what "you" are feeling in any given moment (well should a sudden burst of "stress" or anger come upon you. Rather than repress the feeling 1. Acknowledge it "ok "I" am feeling xyz / I seem to be experiencing a little abc" 2. Don't judge the feeling : rather say "that's ok / (or if you have been repressed in feelings) that's ok I'm allowed to feel that way" so many will stick a subjective judgment on their feelings here "oh I'm such a wet blanket for feeling that way, thus falling into an ego trap of amplifying their feelings (the negative feedback loop) and simply adding to things. 3. Default back to rationality and ask "ok I am feeling that way, how can I react in a rational manner?
Walking is also a nice way to release....
