Joseph Stark
Banned
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2021
- Messages
- 12
- Reaction score
- 5
- Age
- 27
What’s up guys. I’m Joseph Stark. Just signed up for the forum today. I just took the red pill earlier this year, I think right around the April Covid-19 shutdowns. I’m here to learn from you guys and also spread knowledge from my own experiences as well. If you agree/disagree with me or have any suggestions, please comment/message me. This post ended up being long on accident but whatever. It’s about why a guy shouldn’t make his girl or wife his “best friend”, and this is pretty important in my opinion because every relationship I’ve seen where I guy treats his girl like this ends up single.
“OMG! My best friend and I are getting married!!!!”
I am beginning to see this quote, or something close to it, on my social media feed all the time (mostly Facebook). It’s usually posted by a girl around 22—26 years old, and the “best friend” that she is always referring to is the boyfriend who just proposed. The caption is almost always accompanied by a photo of her flashing her engagement ring for the camera while the boyfriend gives her a lean-in kiss from behind. It’s pretty cringe in my opinion, and I wanted to see where some of you stand on this topic. A man’s girlfriend/wife should never be his best friend. I believe this is the case because a man interacts with other people differently depending on who he’s speaking with (example: you just can’t talk with your mother the same way you talk with your best bud on your football team). Even if you don’t realize it, you subconsciously will interact with them differently.
Before giving my opinion on why exactly it’s terrible for a guy to attempt to make his girl/his wife his “best friend”, I’m going to first talk about why it technically makes no damn sense in the first place. Two people that are sexually attracted to each other cannot and will never be best friends. You don’t bang your friends… I cannot make it any simpler than that. But since that little one-liner isn’t enough to convince some guys, I unfortunately have a whole essay prepared. The two genders’ concepts of friendship are completely different. Guys usually pick their friends because they have similar interests and they generally hangout while doing those interests/activities. For example, the guy I consider my best friend today, we met on the high school football team. We have a common interest in lifting weights and combat sports. So, we became friends and frequently hang out doing those activities. Female friendships tend to not rely too much on common activities to bond. Girls will talk to each other like old friends even if they just met in the bar bathroom ten minutes ago, just by virtue of their being women. The women in your life will most likely find themselves bonding over the social interaction itself as opposed to what exactly they’re doing at their hangout. In the hunter-gatherer days, aimless socialization and gossip were the basis for female friendship. The men went out to kill and conquer, while the girls got together and just talked. I’m just including that last line to give illustrate an idea of where that female behavior comes from…they pretty much evolved to behave like that.
So to summarize, when a couple tries to become “best friends”, the guy will be naturally approaching the relationship in the same manner he approaches his other male friendships, and she’ll be approaching that relationship the same way she does her female friendships. The Boston comedian Bill Burr had a pretty good point about this too. He remarked one time that he thinks women (including his own) are pissed off that men can effortlessly have a good time together over a football game, just sit there with a beer, enjoy the game without excessive talking, and have a fantastic time doing it. Check out that clip on the Conan O'Brien show. I’m not saying you can’t enjoy the company of your girl, but do not expect her to consistently interact with you in the same way your male friends do.
Now that I’ve covered why “BFF-izing” your girl doesn’t even practically make sense, let’s talk about why it’s detrimental to yourself to even try. First, it conflicts with her hypergamous nature. I know most of you are “red-pilled” and are probably familiar with Rollo Tomassi’s work in the Rational Male in which he heavily concentrates on the concept of hypergamy. But for the sake of clarity, the rest of this paragraph will cover the concept of hypergamy for newcomers. Skip ahead to the next paragraph if you are already familiar with this term. Hypergamy means to mate UP, and in my own word I’m going to describe it as a psychological function in a woman’s mind that has evolved over several millennia. Every single woman on the planet has it. Not some, ALL. To say only some women have it is the equivalent of saying “only some men have testosterone coursing through their body.” Anyway, in laymen’s terms, a female’s hypergamous nature compels her to seek out a male she perceives to be better than her on some level. Sometimes she believes her guy to be socio-economically better than her, sometimes she believes the guy to be genetically better than her (she thinks he’s hotter than her), sometimes both. No matter what, she doesn’t want to mate down. This is why you will NEVER see a grown woman who is fully financially established dating a male waiter or secretary.
“OMG! My best friend and I are getting married!!!!”
I am beginning to see this quote, or something close to it, on my social media feed all the time (mostly Facebook). It’s usually posted by a girl around 22—26 years old, and the “best friend” that she is always referring to is the boyfriend who just proposed. The caption is almost always accompanied by a photo of her flashing her engagement ring for the camera while the boyfriend gives her a lean-in kiss from behind. It’s pretty cringe in my opinion, and I wanted to see where some of you stand on this topic. A man’s girlfriend/wife should never be his best friend. I believe this is the case because a man interacts with other people differently depending on who he’s speaking with (example: you just can’t talk with your mother the same way you talk with your best bud on your football team). Even if you don’t realize it, you subconsciously will interact with them differently.
Before giving my opinion on why exactly it’s terrible for a guy to attempt to make his girl/his wife his “best friend”, I’m going to first talk about why it technically makes no damn sense in the first place. Two people that are sexually attracted to each other cannot and will never be best friends. You don’t bang your friends… I cannot make it any simpler than that. But since that little one-liner isn’t enough to convince some guys, I unfortunately have a whole essay prepared. The two genders’ concepts of friendship are completely different. Guys usually pick their friends because they have similar interests and they generally hangout while doing those interests/activities. For example, the guy I consider my best friend today, we met on the high school football team. We have a common interest in lifting weights and combat sports. So, we became friends and frequently hang out doing those activities. Female friendships tend to not rely too much on common activities to bond. Girls will talk to each other like old friends even if they just met in the bar bathroom ten minutes ago, just by virtue of their being women. The women in your life will most likely find themselves bonding over the social interaction itself as opposed to what exactly they’re doing at their hangout. In the hunter-gatherer days, aimless socialization and gossip were the basis for female friendship. The men went out to kill and conquer, while the girls got together and just talked. I’m just including that last line to give illustrate an idea of where that female behavior comes from…they pretty much evolved to behave like that.
So to summarize, when a couple tries to become “best friends”, the guy will be naturally approaching the relationship in the same manner he approaches his other male friendships, and she’ll be approaching that relationship the same way she does her female friendships. The Boston comedian Bill Burr had a pretty good point about this too. He remarked one time that he thinks women (including his own) are pissed off that men can effortlessly have a good time together over a football game, just sit there with a beer, enjoy the game without excessive talking, and have a fantastic time doing it. Check out that clip on the Conan O'Brien show. I’m not saying you can’t enjoy the company of your girl, but do not expect her to consistently interact with you in the same way your male friends do.
Now that I’ve covered why “BFF-izing” your girl doesn’t even practically make sense, let’s talk about why it’s detrimental to yourself to even try. First, it conflicts with her hypergamous nature. I know most of you are “red-pilled” and are probably familiar with Rollo Tomassi’s work in the Rational Male in which he heavily concentrates on the concept of hypergamy. But for the sake of clarity, the rest of this paragraph will cover the concept of hypergamy for newcomers. Skip ahead to the next paragraph if you are already familiar with this term. Hypergamy means to mate UP, and in my own word I’m going to describe it as a psychological function in a woman’s mind that has evolved over several millennia. Every single woman on the planet has it. Not some, ALL. To say only some women have it is the equivalent of saying “only some men have testosterone coursing through their body.” Anyway, in laymen’s terms, a female’s hypergamous nature compels her to seek out a male she perceives to be better than her on some level. Sometimes she believes her guy to be socio-economically better than her, sometimes she believes the guy to be genetically better than her (she thinks he’s hotter than her), sometimes both. No matter what, she doesn’t want to mate down. This is why you will NEVER see a grown woman who is fully financially established dating a male waiter or secretary.
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