Should I drop my main plate?(UPDATE: Dropped)

[Atom Smasher]

@Atom Smasher

Just texted her what you wrote verbatim. Will update when I hear back from her.

The next step is critically important: Try not to, under any circumstances, engage in a deep conversation with her. If you do, will lose.

Right now you need to appear detached, unruffled and pragmatic. Convey that you don’t need her - at all. Don’t say that verbally, just convey that in your friendly detachment. No hard feelings, no drama. You need to be the ice man, but cordial.

This will be shocking to her, but her reaction is unknown. As I said before, she may be relieved, or she may try to “fix” things. One thing is for sure, though. She will respect you as a man.

 

[Black Widow Void]

The next step is critically important: Try not to, under any circumstances, engage in a deep conversation with her. If you do, will lose.

Right now you need to appear detached, unruffled and pragmatic. Convey that you don’t need her - at all. Don’t say that verbally, just convey that in your friendly detachment. No hard feelings, no drama. You need to be the ice man, but cordial.

This will be shocking to her, but her reaction is unknown. As I said before, she may be relieved, or she may try to “fix” things. One thing is for sure, though. She will respect you as a man.

Having tried different methods. I concur.
My loses come from impulses and my victories come from reading psychology books.

Before cellphones (and while in limbo) I can recall leaving a message on an answering machine. I didn't get a call back until the next day ... and that one day seemed like a week. After a lot of defeat on this one, I started studying more psychology and three months later, she was chasing me. When I realized that I could have her again, it hit me. I wasn't suffering a broken heart. I was suffering a bruised ego.

Fast forward ten years. Over coffee, a girlfriend of three years said that she wanted to break up because the "relationship wasn't working." I paused (with little or no facial expression) and said... "if you think the relationship isn't working, then you're right. It won't work." Her facial expression was this look of confusion. Before her cup was finished, she said that maybe it's her fault and we shouldn't break up so fast.

Atom Smasher is on the money when he says to remain silent, distant and to never display anxiousness. You might wish to rid your anxiousness by sending another text or calling, but I can almost guarantee that this will amplify any anxiousness.

I've gone through your situation before and it's no fun place to be. Good luck.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Having tried different methods. I concur.
My loses come from impulses and my victories come from reading psychology books.

Before cellphones (and while in limbo) I can recall leaving a message on an answering machine. I didn't get a call back until the next day ... and that one day seemed like a week. After a lot of defeat on this one, I started studying more psychology and three months later, she was chasing me. When I realized that I could have her again, it hit me. I wasn't suffering a broken heart. I was suffering a bruised ego.

Fast forward ten years. Over coffee, a girlfriend of three years said that she wanted to break up because the "relationship wasn't working." I paused (with little or no facial expression) and said... "if you think the relationship isn't working, then you're right. It won't work." Her facial expression was this look of confusion. Before her cup was finished, she said that maybe it's her fault and we shouldn't break up so fast.

Atom Smasher is on the money when he says to remain silent, distant and to never display anxiousness. You might wish to rid your anxiousness by sending another text or calling, but I can almost guarantee that this will amplify any anxiousness.

I've gone through your situation before and it's no fun place to be. Good luck.

Thanks!

I know we tend to disagree on most things but I appreciate your insights in this thread.

I went out on another date last night with a new woman who appears to be super interested based on follow up texts she sent so I guess when one door closes another one opens.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The next step is critically important: Try not to, under any circumstances, engage in a deep conversation with her. If you do, will lose.

Right now you need to appear detached, unruffled and pragmatic. Convey that you don’t need her - at all. Don’t say that verbally, just convey that in your friendly detachment. No hard feelings, no drama. You need to be the ice man, but cordial.

This will be shocking to her, but her reaction is unknown. As I said before, she may be relieved, or she may try to “fix” things. One thing is for sure, though. She will respect you as a man.

UPDATE:

Just received this reply:

"I'm sorry... I understand.
You have a good outlook on life and way of approaching things.
I hope you have a very very happy birthday coming up."

I assume no reply to this is best

 

[Juanto]

UPDATE:

Just received this reply:

"I'm sorry... I understand.
You have a good outlook on life and way of approaching things.
I hope you have a very very happy birthday coming up."

I assume no reply to this is best

I would say so , just let it be and move on with other options.

 

[Black Widow Void]

UPDATE:

Just received this reply:

"I'm sorry... I understand.
You have a good outlook on life and way of approaching things.
I hope you have a very very happy birthday coming up."

I assume no reply to this is best

Sorry to read this. Having been there, I know that this isn't the reply you'd hoped to receive. There may be this urge to respond back with something jovial or to project a certain unaffected image (speaking from personal experience) but it's really best to not reply.

There's a 50/50 chance that she'll send you a happy birthday text. If she does, I'd suggest responding here before texting her back.

My advice isn't to imply that you don't know what you're doing. I just happen to know from experience... that when a woman infects us with their 'venom' ... our clarity can become clouded for a while (again, speaking from experience) .

 

[EyeBRollin]

UPDATE:

Just received this reply:

"I'm sorry... I understand.
You have a good outlook on life and way of approaching things.
I hope you have a very very happy birthday coming up."

I assume no reply to this is best

Correct. Never contact this woman again.

 

[Juanto]

Its your way, or the highway

 

[Barrister]

UPDATE:

Just received this reply:

"I'm sorry... I understand.
You have a good outlook on life and way of approaching things.
I hope you have a very very happy birthday coming up."
I assume no reply to this is best

Definitely time for No Contact.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sorry to read this. Having been there, I know that this isn't the reply you'd hoped to receive. There may be this urge to respond back with something jovial or to project a certain unaffected image (speaking from personal experience) but it's really best to not reply.

Yeah I mean it doesn't get much more disinterested than that. F her. Hahaha

 

[Black Widow Void]

Yeah I mean it doesn't get much more disinterested than that. F her. Hahaha

Damn dude. You may have set the record for bouncing back after a setback.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Damn dude. You may have set the record for bouncing back after a setback.

I mean if you date someone for almost 5 months and they only see you as worth giving scraps from the table instead of a seat at the table in their life then honestly it's insulting.

I'm not a dog that is going to accept laying under the table to wait for food to be thrown down.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I mean if you date someone for almost 5 months and they only see as worth giving scraps from the table instead of a seat at the table in their life then honestly it's insulting. I'm not a dog.

She wasn’t your girlfriend. You are taking this personally when you don’t have the right to. If you wanted more from this girl you should have made her your lady.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She wasn’t your girlfriend. You are taking this personally when you don’t have the right to. If you wanted more from this girl you should have made her your lady.

That's her job to pursue a relationship. I was the one making the effort to set dates, do things, have fun and have sex. If I have to do everything then why bother?

Clearly she didn't see me as that so I disagree with her assessment.

 

[EyeBRollin]

That's her job to pursue a relationship. I was the one making the effort to set dates, do things, have fun and have sex. If I have to do everything then why bother?

Correct. If she didn’t ask for exclusivity in 5 months her interest level simply wasn’t high enough. That means something in your game was off. Likely too available and she felt no competition anxiety.

 

[Atom Smasher]

There you go. Now we know, she was already out. You just forced her hand and eliminated weeks or months of anxiety wresting with this thing. Of course it hurts, and of course you might second-guess yourself, but that pales in comparison to being strung along. You said it best... Why should you accept table scraps?

Well done.

 

[Barrister]

There you go. Now we know, she was already out. You just forced her hand and eliminated weeks or months of anxiety wresting with this thing. Of course it hurts, and of course you might second-guess yourself, but that pales in comparison to being strung along. You said it best... Why should you accept table scraps?

Well done.

As I’ve learned very recently - I think second guessing will be inevitable as well as beating around what you “could have done differently.” It’s just in our nature as men to want to fix things. But things happen for a reason and at the end of the day you should always trust your gut. To echo something you said to me a couple of months ago - always trust your detached rational self over your emotional self. His rational self did not consider her LTR material. He needs to stick to that mind frame now even though his emotional self is stung by her sudden apathy and is feeling like maybe she was LTR material only after she began to lose interest.

Just be ready for the inevitable “hey” text or some other variation to come within the next 2-5 months after NC for a time period.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

As I’ve learned very recently - I think second guessing will be inevitable as well as beating around what you “could have done differently.” It’s just in our nature as men to want to fix things. But things happen for a reason and at the end of the day you should always trust your gut. To echo something you said to me a couple of months ago - always trust your detached rational self over your emotional self. His rational self did not consider her LTR material. He needs to stick to that mind frame now even though his emotional self is stung by her sudden apathy and is feeling like maybe she was LTR material only after she began to lose interest.

Just be ready for the inevitable “hey” text or some other variation to come within the next 2-5 months after NC for a time period.

I don't think that's right. I very much viewed her as LTR material. I think it was the other way around. I think she viewed me as someone to spend time with until her life got too busy and then she'd go back to being busy. I was a welcome relief during COVID times but that is all she saw me as.

I got the sense she only wanted to let me into her life up to a certain point and then if I crossed that line she would back away. Maybe it's something she is scared of, maybe it's her acknowledgement that she knew once she got too busy there would be no real place for me and she didn't want to become too attached or maybe it's a reflection of her thoughts on me in general.

Women seem to always think that "timing" is as important as anything whereas guys seem to think more that if someone is the right person you'd make it work.

Clearly I put more effort into things working at the end of the day then she did and that is a lesson to learn for the next time.

 

[Barrister]

I don't think that's right. I very much viewed her as LTR material. I think it was the other way around. I think she viewed me as someone to spend time with until her life got too busy and then she'd go back to being busy. I was a welcome relief during COVID times but that is all she saw me as.

I got the sense she only wanted to let me into her life up to a certain point and then if I crossed that line she would back away. Maybe it's something she is scared of, maybe it's her acknowledgement that she knew once she got too busy there would be no real place for me and she didn't want to become too attached or maybe it's a reflection of her thoughts on me.

Clearly I put more effort into things working at the end of the day then she did.

You’re putting too much thought into all of this. I think if you had really considered her LTR material it would have happened after 5 months. Your actions sounded like someone who was fairly detached and not looking at her as an LTR. Valentines Day being a recent example.

I get it brother. I am going through a sh1tty breakup right now from a 2.5 year LTR and I’m just recently beginning to feel better again after almost 2 months of NC. I do the same thing with her actions (or inaction) and over-analyze them. At the end of the day it’s an empty exercise and gets us nowhere. As hard as it is you just need to stop thinking about this woman and move on with your life. Like I said - I bet she reaches out again in a matter of weeks or months. What you do at that point will be up to you - but if you’re this emotionally invested you should probably just ignore her completely and stay NC.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You’re putting too much thought into all of this. I think if you had really considered her LTR material it would have happened after 5 months. Your actions sounded like someone who was fairly detached and not looking at her as an LTR. Valentines Day being a recent example.

I get it brother. I am going through a sh1tty breakup right now from a 2.5 year LTR and I’m just recently beginning to feel better again after almost 2 months of NC. I do the same thing with her actions (or inaction) and over-analyze them. At the end of the day it’s an empty exercise and gets us nowhere. As hard as it is you just need to stop thinking about this woman and move on with your life. Like I said - I bet she reaches out again in a matter of weeks or months. What you do at that point will be up to you - but if you’re this emotionally invested you should probably just ignore her completely and stay NC.

It's not my job to make it happen. I did all of things that should have caused her to want that and clearly she didn't.