I feel like most of the time and around most people I’m confident and not self conscious. However, when dealing with some beautiful women I begin to doubt myself and my self worth. The biggest worry is that gnawing “Am I actually good enough?” in the back of my mind.
Any recommendations on cognitive behavior therapy or something similar to begin working on rock solid self esteem? I have read Pook and Rollo but it is difficult to truly internalize and believe The Great Catch stuff sometimes. I do my best to maximize my career which is rewarding and I enjoy, my hobbies, and my body. I have healthy relationships in general. I would like to work on improving my mindset.
This is more common than you think. While not many men will accept this or be aware of it is a different story but it is common regardless.
Having said that, you are putting "beautiful" women on a pedestal as if they were any different than any other woman, except they closer fit the version of beauty the media has installed and forced upon us. The truth is, they are as "normal' as you and us. They have the same fears, insecurities, and issues as us. So the very first step is to normalize your view of these "beautiful" women.
Obviously, like many fellows here, we simply say do this and do that like it was that easy. Accept and embrace the fact that it will take some hard work on your end to change your mindset, and to be kind and patient with yourself. You are a work in progress whether you see it or not, we all are in fact. It takes time and effort. So always remind yourself of that and stop being hard on yourself for not being something you want to be right now. But know that you are in total control of making that happen at any given point in time.
Now putting all the fluffiness aside, the reality is that is all about thought life: Thoughts become perception, and perception becomes reality. Therefore thoughts shape our reality.
There is a science called Neuroplasticity (or related to this, neurogensis) that shows us that our brains are highly malleable. Just like the very concept of "I am" is highly fluid and malleable. We unfortunately live in programmed mindsets and narratives. Not to our fault but simply because we live in a society that is highly conditioned.
And now to our suggestion: We suggest to men we coach 1 on 1 to start a simple practice every morning and night. A 15-30 mins meditation session which should include various phases: Gratefulness, affirmations, visualizations, etc, etc. Again, know that it will feel forced and uncomfortable. Anticipate that ahead of time so you don't get caught off guard. Like any practice, it takes repetition to finally become second nature. But what you are effectively doing during these mediation sessions is your own brain surgery (neuroplasticity). You are creating new neuron connections in your brain where they weren't present before. It is, of course, a dense topic to get into over a post but hopefully, you get the picture.
Let us know if you have any questions.
Modern Man Advice
