Crabs in a bucket is real! I'm starting to think that half the time those are "automatic" behaviors that sometime the crabs aren't even thinking about, it's mostly subconscious and automatic....
I think your instinct is right.
Try challenging yourself to learn the Acceptance game.
It's a game of learning the psychological and 'selftalk' tools to accept behaviours like for example, the crabs in a bucket behaviour as mostly subconscious and automatic.
This is the game I've been playing for the last 5 full years(I went to first meeting in January 2016) now while learning al-anon, aa and acoa concepts and tricks for surviving psychologically with Accepting the family disease of alcoholism.
Something as simple as phoning someone at a predetermined time(the other day this happened)and having had the last phone call experience go quite well but then this phone call experience them changing personality. (they 'answer' their phone but don't say anything...waiting for you to say something first. They laugh maniacally at your discomfort. They use sarcasm and condemning words, generally making you feel through horror of their insanity that you regret calling them)
Its fascinating stuff to learn how to cope with Acceptance of people without internalising their hurt as your own hurt.
Its fascinating being able to detach with love and keep the focus on yourself and to realise any horrifying interactions with them are the direct result of how the disease of alcoholism has impacted and mutated them.
Much like any other disease like diabetes or a condition like cancer can alter a person. If you wouldn't be prejudiced against them for having diabetes or cancer you must not be prejudiced against them for the disease of alcoholism either.(people may not have drank for years but the disease is still running them-its covert and difficult to remember you're interacting with someone with this disease when you no longer see them drunk)
Crabs in a bucket is one of the common indicators of this family disease of alcoholism.
There's dozens of mentalities like this. It is fascinating learning the tricks for maintaining my own sanity to learn how to Accept other people and myself and our disease.
