I want to be a father one day...

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I wasnt intuitive enough to be a Rollo or an early adaptor or a writer of the RP but I was definitely smart enough to realize they were pointing out what was going on in my life that my upbringing masked. So in 2010 the changes started. Its always a work in progress.

I am a big advocate 0n approaching and game. I took value from rsd, Mystery MM, London day game model, and RooshV. I don't like what rubbish that is pua now. It doesn't dismiss the value that it once had but it needs to be field tested and implemented in the modern Era while EVOLVING to new times. Never be complete.

I personally think being a parent is great in the nuclear family but the way it is today is overrated. The kids are not yours after 5 years old unless you are Amish. The state owns them.

After Rollos new book, I did a deep dive into the works of John Walton. There's gospel about not sparing the rod. Similarly, there's a lot value to be digested. Women and men were once segregated in church. It was to uphold to a higher being. Today it's cucked outside maybe orthodox. To comeback full circle, Rollo dissects covenant marriage. outside of that following religious beliefs and valueso, I don't see any other reason. this and children is the best way forward but there's no going back

not to mention some people get obsessive OCD with their kids and make societies problems worse. This is why "Dog mom" stickers exist.

The bible said to not think to highly of your children for a reason. Our job is to raise law abiding citizens they are productive and not destructive.

The Asianso do it right. hard work, academics in the stem field and ivy league. Strong nuclear family. Shocker father's in the household. Pulling from the following areas are beneficial in contrast to the dumpster fire here. Still no guarantee but I bet the stats agree.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

D you have good views bro. The game never does end whether we marry or not. To me thats a good thing. The stakes are higher but hey Im ok with the risk of this current go around.
The early PUA still applies in your LTR they just look a little different.

I agree. Sadly rsd has fallen off a cliff. I miss the pickup content. The old archive was solid. I'm thinking that about the Time everyone left from Alex, Todd, and replacement like Luke was indications of the good times are over. I took monumental value from rsd especially Tyler and Julien. Todd too or even Natural Tim mid 2000s. the game has changed though I think the fundamentals are nonstop because it is rooted in our hind brain. women reciprocate to dark triad traits. women initiate 80% of divorce. they abandon ship later but the shift happens a long time ago. The culture changes and with it so does the game.

@TheProspect it's not a good time for men seeking the nuclear family. The smp is full of *****s and marriage to trash sets a rubbish precedent. I think foreign women are better candidates then the west but they merge with the culture. Women are born to follow.

 

[Kotaix]

Late to the game here. I would also like to be a father one day, that said I'm very glad that I never did have kids with any of my exes, because they've all turned out to be exes and I would probably be screwed by child support and having to stay put in the area for the rest of my life. Given the way things are going I'm very glad that I still have the freedom to move wherever I want.

You have to be brave/stupid to have kids in the US until family law changes, which is going to be never. The only other option is to be lucky enough to find a unicorn.

If I do have kids it's going to be in a country where divorce rape isn't a thing.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Late to the game here. I would also like to be a father one day, that said I'm very glad that I never did have kids with any of my exes, because they've all turned out to be exes and I would probably be screwed by child support and having to stay put in the area for the rest of my life. Given the way things are going I'm very glad that I still have the freedom to move wherever I want.

You have to be brave/stupid to have kids in the US until family law changes, which is going to be never. The only other option is to be lucky enough to find a unicorn.

If I do have kids it's going to be in a country where divorce rape isn't a thing.

The Tates are doing it right. the 2 are ride or die blood brothers. they Eiffel towered wannabe barbie Mik Peterson. rich. got Game. can fight. stated several places where men aren't ****ed by the state.

If divorce raped Tate said he would 1. BTC his brother or 2. incinerate everything. if men actually put their foot down, things would change. straight up I'd rot in jail before funding her ride on the carousel and cuckold.

I see 0 value in monogamy outside starting a family.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Like @TheProspect , I too would like to father children in the future. I’ll be 32 soon. Life is about people. Currently I’m dating with only suitable mate qualifications in mind.

 

[TheProspect]

Currently I’m dating with only suitable mate qualifications in mind.

If you determine at some point a particular girl is no longer suitable after initial screening (a first date, etc), will you relegate her to a plate/ONS if she offers value in that regard, or will you just drop her altogether?

 

[EyeBRollin]

If you determine at some point a particular girl is no longer suitable after initial screening (a first date, etc), will you relegate her to a plate/ONS if she offers value in that regard, or will you just drop her altogether?

If I smash but she disqualifies herself for an LTR, I continue dating her if there is 100% initiation from her. I keep having sex with her as a plate until she asks for exclusivity (with which I decline) or I’m forced to decline a date due to schedule conflicts with more suitable prospects.

My most recent plate dismissed was in the picture for 11 months. She finally wised up and demanded exclusivity so I bid her farewell.

 

[TheProspect]

If I smash but she disqualifies herself for an LTR, I continue dating her if there is 100% initiation from her.

Gotcha, so basically you don't go out of your way to reach out and invest time in a chick whose disqualified from an LTR (whether she disqualifies herself, or you've determined she is not an ideal candidate for whatever reason).

That's pretty much the same approach I'm taking right now.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Gotcha, so basically you don't go out of your way to reach out and invest time in a chick whose disqualified from an LTR (whether she disqualifies herself, or you've determined she is not an ideal candidate for whatever reason).

That's pretty much the same approach I'm taking right now.

Yes, @TheProspect I don’t do an interrogation like screening of any woman I haven’t smashed. My first few dates are more about compliance tests, attraction, and if we have fun. I don’t even screen them seriously until the physical chemistry is established. I also don’t ever “break up” with girls I have sex with until they give me a concrete reason to do so. I just let them do the pursuing.

 

[Mazer]

I thought at the age of twenty five I wanted a child. I also thought I wanted to be married. Now that I am forty-two years old, I’m glad I didn’t. I am financially set. I have the flexibility to go anywhere I want, anytime. For example, going on a three month European tour once Covid-19 fades. You can’t do these things when you have children. I have been called a selfish priick but I’m okay with that.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I thought at the age of twenty five I wanted a child. I also thought I wanted to be married. Now that I am forty-two years old, I’m glad I didn’t. I am financially set. I have the flexibility to go anywhere I want, anytime. For example, going on a three month European tour once Covid-19 fades. You can’t do these things when you have children. I have been called a selfish priick but I’m okay with that.

You can’t take any of those material things with you when you die.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I thought at the age of twenty five I wanted a child. I also thought I wanted to be married. Now that I am forty-two years old, I’m glad I didn’t. I am financially set. I have the flexibility to go anywhere I want, anytime. For example, going on a three month European tour once Covid-19 fades. You can’t do these things when you have children. I have been called a selfish priick but I’m okay with that.

You still can but it's not the same. One childhood bud is a hardcore survivalist type. Weapons training. Hand to hand combat. Survival packs ready to go. He is trad. He has a couple kids and a wife. He said only a couple was by choice. I asked why? He said, "if the bombs start dropping or shut kicked off, he grab both and run. What chills down my spine was when he said if he had a third, "one could be left behind." Refuses #3 because he couldn't carry a third and run.

 

[Fruitbat]

Find a woman from a culture which still promotes marriage as a norm, shuns female promiscuity, female drinking culture and shames divorce.

I would think very, very hard about marrying a western woman. A hot western women, no way Jose.

You really do need to be a couple of rungs above to marry in this culture. lets say your woman is the usual bait and switch western narcisstic woman raised on SATC nonsense, if you’re several leagues above then she’ll always want to keep you. On the other hand, you may find a woman who wishes to dominate you and can’t cope with the risk of you cheating. If you’re happy with that deal, you prob won’t get divorced but you’ll never have a good marriage.

outside of the west, there are legions of women who don’t get child support, welfare, leg ups in the workplace or social acceptance if she fvcks around and then blames it on her husband. Regardless of the fact she may get this here, it’s dialled into theDNA.
The best thing you can do as a western man is stick a finger up to this horrific modern version of female empowerment and take what talents you have and employ them with someone who wants the same things you do.

It makes me laugh so hard as I did this and married a girl from the Far East (an educated girl - no mail order stuff) and all my middle class friends were “you’ll get used in a divorce!” “She can’t want you for you”!

we have all these stereotypes but they are mainly false. Fair enough if you’re 65 and she’s 19 perhaps. If you’re of similar ages, and both in reasonable league, then it’s total nonsense. I see the same people being totally run by their wives and GF while I really enjoy my life together. Sex is still great post kids and 2 years into marriage - never been turned done once. Not once. She doesn’t spend my money and thinks about the same way I do - plan for tomorrow.

so, if you want a good marriage, get someone who culturally wants a good marriage.

Im sure there are decent women here, but I never found one, and it’s increasingly difficult the older you get.

 

[TheProspect]

I was listening to Tim Ferriss's podcast this morning and he was interviewing Jordan Peterson.

He asked Jordan Peterson,
"How would you recommend someone construct or find meaning, if they reached the pinnacle of competence in a certain area?"

Adding to the question, Ferriss mentioned he asked a friend the same question and his friend half-jokingly responded, "Well at some point you either have to find God or have kids, and having kids is easier, so I had kids."

I found it a very thought-provoking question.

If you've reached the pinnacle in a certain domain, how do you continue to derive meaning from it? You can create new rationalizations into somehow doing so, but taken to it's logical conclusion, once competence and the corresponding meaning has been optimized in that domain you'll eventually have to find a new domain. And that was similar to Peterson's answer. If you really think about it, there's a lot of truth to it.

Now I'm not insinuating that men should seek to have kids in order to derive meaning in their life, but it makes sense when they are pulled in that direction after exhausting other areas of their live in which they derived meaning previously (career, self-growth, achievements, etc).

I don't think finding meaning in life has to be limited to one thing for your entire life. I believe where we can derive meaning in life is fluid and subject to change as we grow and priorities change. I know that has been the case for me.

I think the important thing is just finding meaning today. In other words, to live your life with meaning, everyday. Meaning gives us a reason to live, and to endure the inevitable hard times throws at us. It gives us motivation to become and to behave as the best versions of ourselves.


And that sort of brings my intention of creating this thread to a conclusion and wraps it up for me:

I have found meaning in my life right now. And right now it doesn't include having kids. Down the line, however, I see myself deriving value from fatherhood.

Will it be an inevitability? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know.
Will I still continue to find meaning elsewhere if it doesn't happen? Certainly.

I do want to be a father one day. I know I will find value in it if that chapter begins. I know I will find meaning in it. And if and when that chapter ends, despite the risks and fear-based thinking many have shared here, I know at the end of my life I will be at peace having made that decision.

 

[Lookatu]

I have found meaning in my life right now. And right now it doesn't include having kids. Down the line, however, I see myself deriving value from fatherhood.

I do want to be a father one day.

I'm glad you're able to come to peace and have some answers for yourself.

The biggest thing you can do right now is to look for someone with potential of having kids with. Many people(guys and girls) try to put the cart before the horse or try to rush things out of desperation(hence one of the reasons for high divorce). It's better to find a good person that you could have kids with later on first as a priority, regardless if you want to have them now or not.

I see so many guys and girls these days just wasting away their days on sub-par partners or bf/gf's. They don't really plan for the future IMO and continue on the vicious cycle of mediocracy or debauchery with no end goal in sight. My $.02

 

[TheProspect]

I'm glad you're able to come to peace and have some answers for yourself.

The biggest thing you can do right now is to look for someone with potential of having kids with. Many people(guys and girls) try to put the cart before the horse or try to rush things out of desperation(hence one of the reasons for high divorce). It's better to find a good person that you could have kids with later on first as a priority, regardless if you want to have them now or not.

I see so many guys and girls these days just wasting away their days on sub-par partners or bf/gf's. They don't really plan for the future IMO and continue on the vicious cycle of mediocracy or debauchery with no end goal in sight. My $.02

I see what you're saying and agree with you for the most part.

I also like @BeExcellent's order of priorities (Lover > Partner > Mother), and so I think I shouldn't ignore the first two if it meant finding someone who only had potential to fit the third.

I screen for compatibility anyway (such as sexual chemistry and companionship, among other things), and if a woman isn't a fit in those aspects than I don't foresee raising a kid with her. It would seem to bring more trouble than value and meaning lol. As I mentioned, it's not the end of my life if I don't become a father.

I will find someone I have sexual desire for. If we're compatible beyond the bedroom, then I could consider her as my partner and perhaps accept an LTR when she asks for exclusivity. After an indefinite amount of time, if the desire and compatibility are still there, I may then consider having a kid with her.

This could be a few years away or 10-15 years away. I don't want to rush the process, if it happens. I have plans for the next few years that occupy my ambitions anyway and they have nothing to do with women, so I am content deferring fatherhood at this point...

Sure, I'll still entertain options and candidates, but having a kid won't be a focus for me anytime soon.

 

[Lookatu]

I see what you're saying and agree with you for the most part.

I also like @BeExcellent's order of priorities (Lover > Partner > Mother), and so I think I shouldn't ignore the first two if it meant finding someone who only had potential to fit the third.

This is how it should be and I agree. She has to always start out as a good lover first. If not, it won't last IMO.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

1. Young men who want to stay on the pu$$y carousel and not have kids
2. Older guys, often dads, who have been divorce-raped; they love their kids but wouldn't care to repeat the process
3. Guys mid 20s to late 40s who are open to the idea of kids in theory but are often terrified because of the lousy women they have dated
4. Guys of any age who generally aren't interested in kids - personal preference

You forgot:
5.) Guys mid 20s to late 40s who are open to the idea of kids in theory but are often terrified because the legal system in the western countries is stacked hardly against men and is strongly favoring women in family law.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

... but my biggest concern in life is having a kid with the wrong woman. How do I handle this desire given my concern?

I'm 26 years old, and ever since my nephew was born ten years ago and spent the first 2 years of life in the same house as me, I've wanted to raise a kid of my own one day.


I'm not in a rush to have a kid, I'm only 26, but if I ended up dating a woman for long enough who had ideal motherly qualities and the compatibility to be a long-term partner, I wouldn't be against having one in a few years. I have 1 year of university left so I'd like to finish that and have a few years making money before I settle down with someone.

I know there's a few guys on this forum who've got married, or had a kid with a woman, and it didn't work out (perhaps it was an amicable split or the guy simply knocked up an idiot with a vag!na), but they still are proud to be a father nonetheless. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 and there will always be uncertainty, but I'd like to have the mom in the picture to raise the kid alongside me.

I'm not really interested in marriage or finding a unicorn, but I feel two married individuals who are on the same page on parenting would provide the best environment for a kid to grow up in, and for that reason, I would consider marriage.

I've been with a decent amount of women already by age 26, and the novelty and conquest of new women is starting to wear off. Sex alone doesn't interest me anymore. Most women I've met are the furthest thing from intellectually stimulating, with the ones worth the companionship are few and far between...

I guess there's a worry within me that I won't come across a woman worth having a kid with, however, living in that mind-set seems unproductive and like it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But my fear to have a kid with the WRONG woman is so much stronger than my desire to have a kid to begin with, I'd probably just opt out if I don't find an ideal woman.


At the end of the day, having a kid isn't my purpose or sole ambition in life, so if it doesn't happen because I don't find a suitable mate, then so be it. I wouldn't settle for having a kid with sh!tty woman and let that be my life for 18 years.


TL;DR ... I want to be a father and raise my own kid one day. Wondering the smartest way to approach this desire given the current marketplace and female proclivities these days. In no rush, and I'm not willing to sacrifice on the quality of a woman just for the sake of having a kid, so I can accept it if it doesn't happen... although I really look forward to potential fatherhood. Thoughts?

so you want to be purple pill, you know women's nature but you are willing to risk it.
there is nothing wrong with that its in a mans biology to find a sexy , healthy woman to have a family with.
but tbh if you really want a family its gonna take risk , my 29 years of life taught me that its not worth the risk. there is no rush to having a family commitment, you're only 26 , i would wait to 30 , 35 and then consider. i seen too many bf's get cheated on, too many faithful husbands get taken advantage of financially and get cheated on , dads get cheated on. women are savage, they are the gatekeepers to sex,if you are clueless they will cheat on you in a heartbeat and wont lose a wink of sleep over it. at the end of the day a family is a business venture , a lifetime financial commitment and emotional commitment , once she has you in this spot she now has control you are tied for life. think this through before you make your decision.

edit: not trying to be pessimistic here , but the truth is ugly. a family juice is just not worth the squeeze.
been there done that. and it doesnt end well . most of those families you see
those guys are going through **** because they are sacrificing their own happiness for the health of their kids, which i respect. but its a good chance behind closed doors its not all good.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

you're only 26 , i would wait to 30 , 35

There only problem with that is that it way more fun to be a young dad than a old fart dad.
It's way more attractive both for yourself and your kid/kids. I was lucky to have young parents that got me and my bigger brother in their very early twenties and its something I personally appreciate a lot.

But people's mentality around the concept of a family and the environment from that time has changed a lot from back then and I do agree there the whole thing is a real issue and high risk these days and which is why I haven't done it so far.