Is my text game that bad...?

[FlexpertHamilton]

I started using OLD again for the past few weeks and almost every situation ends like this; flakes, ghosting, or just completely dies (usually I ghost them out of lack of conversational interest).

I'll upload 2 screenshots of recent text threads I have, with the hopes someone can make sense of them. I'd show more, but I'm lazy.

In the first example, I had been talking with her for a couple weeks and we talked on the phone as well. She flaked the first time, seemed like a legit excuse so I gave her another shot, these were the last texts we sent.

Second case...I don't even know what to make of it, it was all in the span of 1 day.

 

[rjc149]

You're pretty unassertive, you blow obvious windows of opportunity to set a date with a time and place, instead opting to continue meandering, pointless, uninteresting conversations.

First text chain (she was possibly just looking for an IG fan, but still, you weren't assertive and decisive enough about asking her out):

Her: Also I'm free for a drink tonight?
You: Cool, there's a great bar I know of, meet there at 8?

Second text chain (this girl literally got fed up with you blowing several obvious opportunities to ask her out):

Her: so did you figure out your plans for the weekend yet?
You: No, not yet, want to meet for a drink Friday evening?

You're the man, you have to lead the interaction and decisively close for a meeting at the first clear opportunity. Otherwise she'll get turned off.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

You're pretty unassertive, you blow obvious windows of opportunity to set a date with a time and place, instead opting to continue meandering, pointless, uninteresting conversations.

First text chain (she was possibly just looking for an IG fan, but still, you weren't assertive and decisive enough about asking her out):

Her: Also I'm free for a drink tonight?
You: Cool, there's a great bar I know of, meet there at 8?

Second text chain (this girl literally got fed up with you blowing several obvious opportunities to ask her out):

Her: so did you figure out your plans for the weekend yet?
You: No, not yet, want to meet for a drink Friday evening?

You're the man, you have to lead the interaction and decisively close for a meeting at the first clear opportunity. Otherwise she'll get turned off.

In the first case since she had flaked the first time I didn't feel I should put forth much effort to arrange the reschedule.

In the second case I didn't ask her out on that weekend because I already had plans...that's why i said "we should grab drinks sometime soon".

This is an issue I run into frequently where if I'm talking to a girl and I don't ask her out IMMEDIATELY and set firm plans, she loses interest. To be quite honest, I don't have the desire to schedule multiple dates a week, so it becomes an issue to keep her engaged if I can't see her right away.

I'm literally going to start scheduling two, possibly three dates on the same night from now on.

 

[rjc149]

In the first case since she had flaked the first time I didn't feel I should put forth much effort to arrange the reschedule.

In the second case I didn't ask her out on that weekend because I already had plans...that's why i said "we should grab drinks sometime soon".

This is an issue I run into frequently where if I'm talking to a girl and I don't ask her out IMMEDIATELY and set firm plans, she loses interest. To be quite honest, I don't have the desire to schedule multiple dates a week, so it becomes an issue to keep her engaged if I can't see her right away.

I'm literally going to start scheduling two, possibly three dates on the same night from now on.

Okay, that confirms the first girl was likely simply looking for an IG fan.

"We should grab drinks sometime soon" = "meh not that interested in meeting you." If you have plans on a coming weekend, simply tell her "Well, I have plans this weekend, how's next weekend?" Put something in the calendar, even tentatively.

You have the right idea. Set firms plans IMMEDIATELY. OLD with 20-something women (I'm guessing this is the case) is just going to pure numbers. These girls are getting lit up by men asking them out, so you're quickly forgotten or passed over for a more appealing prospect. That's just the harsh reality. Move quickly, escalate quickly, close quickly.

 

[Glassguy]

I agree with the advice already given. OP you text too much. You are coming across as super friendly and talkative like you want to have a text buddy.

A few messages of chit chat and set the date. Then a quick "see you then" and that's it. If she initiated more texting before the date that's OK, just be short and sweet.

You can't talk their panties off through text but you can certainly talk your way out of them.

 

[derby1]

your damned whichever way you do it, god forbid you spoke like a decent man which you did. Probably could have set logistics a bit better, but for gods sake this whole thing is getting tedious, bare in mind 99% of men are angry beta males who double message,.

Fck em

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I agree with the advice already given. OP you text too much. You are coming across as super friendly and talkative like you want to have a text buddy.

A few messages of chit chat and set the date. Then a quick "see you then" and that's it. If she initiated more texting before the date that's OK, just be short and sweet.

You can't talk their panties off through text but you can certainly talk your way out of them.

The confusing thing is that's what I always used to do, keep the messaging/texting to a bare minimum and only logistics, but that doesn't seem work except on girls that are DTF immediately. They need something to spike their emotions whether its witty banter, pictures of your friends puppy, flirting/teasing, whatever.

 

[2Rocky]

At least it's not this:

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Texts weren't bad but you didn't make any concrete plans. I disagree with others. You can text as much as you want IF you are good. Different strokes for different folks. I am great at texting and it helps me so I use it to my full advantage.

But I also set definite plans with dates and times very shortly after initiating contact with them. Then I maintain contact with them up to the day of the date...nothing major, a few messages throughout the day.

This is what works for me. It may not work for you. You have to do what works best for you. I typically will talk to long term plates pretty much daily...again a few messages throughout the day. I have been dating my main plate/pseudo gf since early October and we have never gone a day without texting. Sometimes it might be only a single text each in a day if we are busy, other days it might be 4 or 5.

I feel if you do it properly it helps maintain a connection with the other person. Others would disagree. That's fine. That is the great thing...there are lots of ways to do things, and different methods work for different people. I lean towards relatively more contact. Others don't.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The confusing thing is that's what I always used to do, keep the messaging/texting to a bare minimum and only logistics, but that doesn't seem work except on girls that are DTF immediately. They need something to spike their emotions whether its witty banter, pictures of your friends puppy, flirting/teasing, whatever.

Ask random questions.

Stuff like

"If you had 48 hours to spend anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?"

"If you were able to choose any superpower to have what would it be and why?"

"Miracle Whip or Mayo on a sandwich?"

"What did you want to be when you were growing up as a little girl?"

"Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?"

The more random the better.

Be fun...be different...be interesting. So few people are. They fvcking love it.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

Ask random questions.

i usually ask ...spit or swallow?? but i guess miracle whip or mayo is almost as good

 

[BackInTheGame78]

i usually ask ...spit or swallow?? but i guess miracle whip or mayo is almost as good

I never bother with sex related stuff until after I have banged her. That will usually hurt your chances of meeting her rather than help them.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I agree with the advice already given. OP you text too much. You are coming across as super friendly and talkative like you want to have a text buddy.

A few messages of chit chat and set the date. Then a quick "see you then" and that's it. If she initiated more texting before the date that's OK, just be short and sweet.

You can't talk their panties off through text but you can certainly talk your way out of them.

I simply don't agree with this at all. If you text PROPERLY you will increase interest and lower flake rates drastically to almost 0.

Most people are not good at texting and instead of choosing to work on becoming better simply don't do it because they fear screwing up. Not sure how that fits into the self-improvement mindset people want to have because I can promise you that if a person is losing women from texting they have a LOT of room for improvement in this area.

You can have fun convos, be interesting and show personality thru texts. Those are rare traits these days because most guys come across as boring AF via texts. Dudes sending messages like "Hey", "What's up?", "WYD?" or other low value texts that should never be sent are the norm.

It's a different skillset tho and one that requires some work to become good at. Just like anything else in life.

To be clear, I am not advocating spending all day texting but 2-4 well spaced messages throughout the day has always worked really well for me and from others who have a similar style to me. That takes what---all of 5 minutes?

Texting is the most common forms of communication these days, unsure why anyone wouldn't want to make sure they are using it to their advantage by becoming effective at it. This mindset is similar to people who are afraid of technology and want to keep using flip phones and do everything manually instead of on a computer. Embrace technology and use it to your advantage don't be afraid of it.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

I simply don't agree with this at all. If you text PROPERLY you will increase interest and lower flake rates drastically to almost 0.

whole heartedly agree. This morning i woke up to Good Morning texts from 2 women and a good morning boob pic from a 3rd. I'll text them back a few times thru out the day and hopefully be banging the boob pic girl after work tonight if all goes according to plan.
I have texted the panties off more than a few by being witty, adorable and charming (their words not mine).
To each their own i guess, just saying a tight text game will increase your odds.

 

[Glassguy]

Agree to disagree

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Agree to disagree

I'll agree with that

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

I'll agree with that

Im starting to think maybe we found a "Dating Niche" ....and im ok with that.

 

[TheProspect]

Ask random questions.

Stuff like

"If you had 48 hours to spend anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?"

"If you were able to choose any superpower to have what would it be and why?"

"Miracle Whip or Mayo on a sandwich?"

"What did you want to be when you were growing up as a little girl?"

"Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?"

The more random the better.

Be fun...be different...be interesting. So few people are. They fvcking love it.

In my experience, this works better in-person, or if she already has medium to high interest...

If she has low interest, then over text this can just be seen as annoying after awhile, or like you have no other options or anything better to do so you're texting her because she's on your mind. I think in most cases its best to build the majority of your rapport in-person, especially if you haven't even met her yet... you could be bantering back and forth with a guy masquerading as a woman for all you know lol..

At the end of the day, I think you just need to read the chick and that will determine whether yours or @Glassguy's approach would fit better in a particular situation, as I think they are both useful in different situations. In any event, there should always be escalation, especially at the beginning so you know you're not wasting your time, and I think that's one thing we'd all agree on.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

In my experience, this works better in-person, or if she already has medium to high interest...

If she has low interest, then over text this can just be seen as annoying after awhile, or like you have no other options or anything better to do so you're texting her because she's on your mind. I think in most cases its best to build the majority of your rapport in-person, especially if you haven't even met her yet... you could be bantering back and forth with a guy masquerading as a woman for all you know lol..

At the end of the day, I think you just need to read the chick and that will determine whether yours or @Glassguy's approach would fit better in a particular situation, as I think they are both useful in different situations. In any event, there should always be escalation, especially at the beginning so you know you're not wasting your time, and I think that's one thing we'd all agree on.

See I've thought about all this as well as BackinTheGame's approach and realized that there is no one-size fits all approach, every guy is different and every girl is different and your strategy should be curated to each girl. This **** is way too much work. I really, really dislike having to put so much thought and effort into something as shallow and dull as texting.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Stop texting. Waste of fvcking time. Make the date & get off the phone.