Girl is talking to someone else, but wants to grab drinks

[BackInTheGame78]

She has a defacto boyfriend but she might cheat with you if you do everything perfectly. She isn't getting enough attention long distance. Personally, I wouldn't invest any time in her just for sex from a low value thot.

LDRs are simply a breakup waiting to happen if she meets the right guy. That guy might be the OP.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You don't want a woman like this breaking up for you.

Based on what? You are making a ton of assumptions based on very little info provided. Talking to a guy is pretty vague and definitely doesn't denote he is anything serious.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Based on my numerous experiences in OPs situation (and of course, being the "talking to" guy). If she is willing to even mention another guy, it's much more serious between them than you think.

Women mention stuff like that all the time, it doesn't always have a meaning.

Guess we will find out. OP, update us when this runs its course.

 

[rjc149]

This really depends on the woman. It's never a one-size-fits-all, as easy and red pill as that explanation is.

She may be mentioning that she's "talking to someone" long-distance for any number of reasons.

It could be her actual boyfriend. It could be a "situation" with a guy. She could be looking to eject from that relationship and begin a real one, with someone physically there. She could be looking for a local sidepiece. This could be an "I have a boyfriend" sh!t-test -- where the fake boyfriend conveniently lives 250 miles away.

Two things with women are usually true-- they inevitably lose emotional interest in LDR's, even women with integrity, and even women with integrity tell half-truths or trickle truth to men, in order to avoid confrontation or spare their feelings.

 

[rjc149]

Saw the worst cases of the LDR issue recently, women started losing interest but moved to be near their boyfriends anyway, and ended things sooner rather than later to take advantage of the new dating market they found themselves in.

That's not surprising. LDR's are fantasies. It's a facade of a relationship -- long periods of being apart, where the intimacy and closeness takes place on a screen, then periodic mini-honeymoons spent in bliss and non-stop fvcking. No real conflict takes place. No routines are performed together. Neither partner truly learns the other.

All the while, the emotional connection is fading.

Then the decision is made to close the distance. Finally, with the connection and attraction now dying, the couple becomes a real physical couple -- and learn that they actually aren't compatible at all.

A real relationship that would have lasted 3 months can make it much longer in an LDR, because it's a fantasy. The true tests of a relationship are deferred and postponed until the couple unites. When that fantasy becomes reality, that's often it's sudden death.

 

[Lookatu]

One "possibly" I can deal with. Not sure if I can deal with two "possibly" responses. I like to think I'm better and don't want to be that far down her priority list. It sounds like you're further down the bench with her second response, maybe even lower than 2nd string.

If she contacts you again, I'd make sure I put the meeting on my own terms(place, time, and effort of when it's the most convenient for you) to shyt test her compliance and interest and go from there.

I've dealt with female plate spinners before and it never ends well.

 

[rjc149]

I think it's imperative to not let the coquettish "possibly" or "maybe" or "we'll see" answers from women rattle you, or show any sort of frustration or impatience whatsoever. It's part of the game.

The best response is no response.

 

[zinc4]

If she mentions it to you, it means you're not first string. You might not even be third or fourth string. If you have great confidence in yourself and are smooth then this wouldn't phase you, you'd simply next her or grab drinks and keep teasing/flirting until she caves and fuucks you.

Personally I'd pass, it's not my business to convince women to like me, it's their loss.

I've laid taken girls and they don't even mention it until after sex. If you're going to grab drinks make it obvious that you're there for the good time and the drinks, not for her.

Agreed. Too much work.

 

[Lookatu]

I think it's imperative to not let the coquettish "possibly" or "maybe" or "we'll see" answers from women rattle you, or show any sort of frustration or impatience whatsoever. It's part of the game.

The best response is no response.

Life is too short for games. If girls are going to be playing games like this early on, it's only going to get worse. I don't wanna participate with people like that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Life is too short for games. If girls are going to be playing games like this early on, it's only going to get worse. I don't wanna participate with people like that.

Thats ALOT of people...

 

[Billtx49]

Thats ALOT of people...

Yes it is, being selective in your life always weeds out some want to be prospects…
Back in the day there was always more milk in the bottle than the cream on top…

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes it is, being selective in your life always weeds out some want to be prospects…
Back in the day there was always more milk in the bottle than the cream on top…

Locario just gave an example of 20 babes. 19 of them are playing games, they do it to get off on the attention. She said the guy should focus on the ONE who is into him and cooperating. We all KNOW this, and yet we still "try".

 

[rjc149]

Life is too short for games. If girls are going to be playing games like this early on, it's only going to get worse. I don't wanna participate with people like that.

Hate the game, not the player.

The "games" at the very beginning of the attraction phase has been standard female MO since probably 10,000 BC, so ruling out any woman who does this absolutely timeless female behavior is ruling out a large majority of your dating pool.

Generally speaking, not just you, but a lot of posters here seem to have a very short fuse with women and are too easily frustrated by courtship rituals, because it's "disrespectful."

The James Bond analogies are a cliche and a little lame in dating advice, I know, but think about it -- James Bond is pursuing a woman, who then says "a night out with you? In your dreams" with a slight smile.

Does James Bond then say "look, give me a straight answer, I'm busy and I don't have time for your bullsh!t. If you're not willing to respect my time then fine, take care, bye."

No he doesn't. Because he's secure with himself and is confident in his desirability to women. He doesn't get rattled or frustrated, especially by a bit of teasing.

He smiles back "you, in my dreams? You should be so lucky." Or something like that.

If a woman is playing some teasing, flirting games, just smile, keep up the charm, and be detached. And you'll get her.

 

[Lookatu]

Hate the game, not the player.

The "games" at the very beginning of the attraction phase has been standard female MO since probably 10,000 BC, so ruling out any woman who does this absolutely timeless female behavior is ruling out a large majority of your dating pool.

Generally speaking, not just you, but a lot of posters here seem to have a very short fuse with women and are too easily frustrated by courtship rituals, because it's "disrespectful."

The James Bond analogies are a cliche and a little lame in dating advice, I know, but think about it -- James Bond is pursuing a woman, who then says "a night out with you? In your dreams" with a slight smile.

I agree with what you're saying but it just isn't for me at this point in my life. I didn't always have a short fuse and did play the game for a bit before. But that's just not where I'm at now. Different strokes for different folks...

You do know James Bond is fictional, right?

 

[rjc149]

I agree with this, but I think once you have a large enough sample size of experiences then you tend to see that more games initially correlates heavily with poor payout.

Yes, but that depends on the games being played.

A little token resistance "tee hee hee" type stuff is normal and it ramps up the sexual tension.

I would rather the flirty little "hard to get" games first, than a girl who is easy to lay, then starts up the games when you're getting invested. By games, I mean gaslighting, jealousy plays, deliberate emotional manipulation, and disrespectful and/or difficult behavior.

I don't think a girl responding to a date invitation with "maybe " is disrespectful or manipulative.

 

[rjc149]

You do know James Bond is fictional, right?

Men these days could use a better male role model in entertainment media. The contemporary male lead in movies has been totally warped by feministic ideals of masculinity. Time to bring James Bond back.

 

[Lookatu]

Men these days could use a better male role model in entertainment media. The contemporary male lead in movies has been totally warped by feministic ideals of masculinity. Time to bring James Bond back.

Agree.

James Bond is better than characters like Dead Pool. LOL

 

[rjc149]

Its the typical stuff, but it would lead me to invest nothing else in dealing with her on top of her statement about some other guy long distance. I don't think what she did is particularly disrespectful or unique, but it is also not particularly indicative of success either.

True, but the fact is, most women are involved, in some capacity, with another guy when you first meet them. Only women in lower tiers can be totally single and not dating.

So actually, being straightforward about the long-distance guy, right off the bat, could be seen as this chick not wanting to play games.

She's laying her cards out. "Look -- I'm kind of seeing someone right now, but he's long-distance, I'm losing interest, and I'm open to exploring options here locally. So I'll go out for drinks with you, but manage your expectations. You're not the only guy in the picture. If I like where things go, we'll take it from there."

 

[rjc149]

I agree with this, I just find that situation to be exhausting and low yield.

Agreed, I wouldn't get too invested into this or pursue too hard.

In fact I would most likely tell her "I'd be happy to meet you for a drink when you're single not involved with him anymore. You have my number. Otherwise, take care."

Because I've been that long distance guy and I'm not trying to put sh!tty karma out into the world. It also shows non-neediness, detachment, abundance, and the willingness to walk away.

 

[Bigpapa]

Agreed, I wouldn't get too invested into this or pursue too hard.

In fact I would most likely tell her "I'd be happy to meet you for a drink when you're single not involved with him anymore. You have my number. Otherwise, take care."

Because I've been that long distance guy and I'm not trying to put sh!tty karma out into the world. It also shows non-neediness, detachment, abundance, and the willingness to walk away.

guys forget that the seduction happens at the beginning with the guy being persistent with the girl ... and her playing coy