Men, Divorce Her!

[DSterlen]

I have never been married, but I'm at that age (39) where my social circle has been flooded with divorces for more than five years now. All three of my closest friends have gone through nasty divorces. All three of these men were close to suicidal, and I’ve spent hundreds of hours on the phone with these guys throughout this time period.

I’ve always had a certain respect for what a marriage is, or is supposed to be. Life means life, to me. For better or for worse, means what it says, to me. Marriage is useless otherwise, to me. It means nothing without those things.

Many men have called me and said
“I’m getting a f***ing divorce!”

My answer has always been:
“No, you’re not. Tell me what happened.”
I've tried to help them stay. That was my number one goal.

Unfortunately, my answer has changed.

If the man has no children with her, my answer now is:

“Divorce her ass, now! Before it’s too late!”

If it’s already so bad without children, I can’t in good conscious try to convince a friend to stay married.

When children are involved, I have to treat them differently. But the difference now is that instead of trying to keep them together at all costs, I try to stay neutral for a while, to allow them to try to work it out, do counseling and all of that. That's the responsible thing for a friend to do, but after some time I begin to look to these questions to decide what to do.

1. “Is this marriage going to end anyway? Whether it's 5 or 15 years from now.
2. “Are these children watching their parents abuse each other? Is one parent treating the other so poorly in front of the children that this is a poorer example of a marriage than no marriage at all?”

If so, then it’s the same answer as the men without children.

“Divorce her ass, now! Before it’s too late! And fight for as much custody as you possibly can. Give her nothing without a fight”

Sadly, this makes sense to me now. I’ve seen too much. It’s better to start over at 30 than 50. It’s better for kids not to have to watch their mother call their father a “little *****” or a "piece of ****" on a regular basis.

When a 6 year old boy asks his father
“Dad, why is mommy so mean to you all the time?”

It’s time to go. Fvck these broads. Divorce their asses. She's the one who's going to end up stuck alone because her old bitchy dried-up egg having ass has a bunch of kids, not you. You are still attractive. You are still marketable. You are not lucky to have her. She is not better than you. You can do better, men.

 

[Toddz]

Or just don't get married in the first place.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Or just don't get married in the first place.

What do you suggest for men that want children?

 

[Bible_Belt]

When i was even a little kid, i wanted my parents to get a divorce, because they fought constantly. They finally did...when i was about 30 years old. They wasted 30 years of their lives in a miserable relationship.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Many men cause their own problems by becoming complacent and not staying in shape. They become needy and relax their standards and let things slip through the cracks.

Then when they notice changes in their wife they attempt to "fix" them by being overly nice/agreeable/doormat etc...

Also always needing to be right or the "winner" in arguments or starting arguments over dumb stuff is a major factor...for both people. People don't understand how to compromise anymore. Any long term relationship requires it. If you want to pretend it doesn't or that a compromise means you always get your way then marriage is definitely not something to even consider.

 

[Toddz]

What do you suggest for men that want children?

Men can have children without getting married.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Men can have children without getting married.

How is that a better environment for the child?

 

[Lookatu]

Many men cause their own problems by becoming complacent and not staying in shape. They become needy and relax their standards and let things slip through the cracks.

Then when they notice changes in their wife they attempt to "fix" them by being overly nice/agreeable/doormat etc...

Also always needing to be right or the "winner" in arguments or starting arguments over dumb stuff is a major factor...for both people. People don't understand how to compromise anymore. Any long term relationship requires it. If you want to pretend it doesn't or that a compromise means you always get your way then marriage is definitely not something to even consider.

This. ^^^

If men never quit being men, always lead, provide structure, safety, comfort, discipline and continue being the head of their household, they minimize chances of being in these situations. If guys have failed on any of this, they can only blame themselves. Also guys that start out weak will ALWAYS end up weak in their relationships.

Once you lose her respect, compliance, desire, it's very hard to get it back so men need to realize they don't get too many chances to fvck up.

Forums like SS and other RP type books should be mandatory reading before someone attempts to marry or get in a LTR to minimize any mistakes that will cost them down the line IMO. Especially in the modern age. My $.02

 

[DSterlen]

When i was even a little kid, i wanted my parents to get a divorce, because they fought constantly. They finally did...when i was about 30 years old. They wasted 30 years of their lives in a miserable relationship.

Similar here. Not quite so bad, but they did divorce when I was 25. Mom would have probably remarried if she were younger and dad would have had time to rebuild his finances if they had done it sooner.

 

[ERB]

What do you suggest for men that want children?

I have a close friend who has successfully done just this. He told his girlfriend that he doesn’t want marriage and she can hang around and mother his child. They have the best relationship. She stays because she understood and agreed. She care for the man and his child regardless of a piece of paper.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I have a close friend who has successfully done just this. He told his girlfriend that he doesn’t want marriage and she can hang around and mother his child. They have the best relationship. She stays because she understood and agreed. She care for the man and his child regardless of a piece of paper.

That is insufficient. It is also the exception not the rule. Frankly, she’s the one getting a bad deal there. She does not get the legal rights of a wife and if she were smart she would take him for child support. Unless that arrangement has some written binding aggreement it isn’t worth anything.

And we’re also kidding ourselves if we think kids don’t pick up on that. Shes a baby mother.

Also for men, why so scared to be the head of a household?

 

[RickTheToad]

Many men cause their own problems by becoming complacent and not staying in shape. They become needy and relax their standards and let things slip through the cracks.

Then when they notice changes in their wife they attempt to "fix" them by being overly nice/agreeable/doormat etc...

Also always needing to be right or the "winner" in arguments or starting arguments over dumb stuff is a major factor...for both people. People don't understand how to compromise anymore. Any long term relationship requires it. If you want to pretend it doesn't or that a compromise means you always get your way then marriage is definitely not something to even consider.

Agreed. When you see something you do not like, you tell her on the spot and put her ass on point. Let her know that if she doesn't address it, there could be issues. If she doesn't address it to your satisfactory, well, then you have some thinking to do then.

 

[RickTheToad]

I have a close friend who has successfully done just this. He told his girlfriend that he doesn’t want marriage and she can hang around and mother his child. They have the best relationship. She stays because she understood and agreed. She care for the man and his child regardless of a piece of paper.

Is it her child or another female's child?

 

[RickTheToad]

That is insufficient. It is also the exception not the rule. Frankly, she’s the one getting a bad deal there. She does not get the legal rights of a wife and if she were smart she would take him for child support. Unless that arrangement has some written binding aggreement it isn’t worth anything.

And we’re also kidding ourselves if we think kids don’t pick up on that. Shes a baby mother.

Also for men, why so scared to be the head of a household?

Think it's more that they are scared of what the family court can do to them. Since you've never been through it, you have no idea how much power the court has. No idea.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have a close friend who has successfully done just this. He told his girlfriend that he doesn’t want marriage and she can hang around and mother his child. They have the best relationship. She stays because she understood and agreed. She care for the man and his child regardless of a piece of paper.

Nobody really knows "how great" a relationship is other than the 2 people in it. Lots of stuff happens for show when other people are around no matter how close a friend you are with him.

It could be a great relationship or it could have major issues that nobody outside it knows about.

 

[rjc149]

Some women also just change who they are in the relationship after having kids -- there's a significant, attitude-changing hormonal shift that comes with nursing and rearing infants.

The romance ends, and the marriage's priority becomes the children.

I'm 36, most of the weddings I attended in my late 20's and early 30's are now divorces. Several of them ended, according to the husband (my buddy), soon after the child was born. The woman, once sweet and playful, became very dominant, humorless and uncompromising, lost interest in sex, and the friction became intolerable once the man started pushing back and standing his ground.

 

[ERB]

Is it her child or another female's child?

His and hers together.

 

[Machine10033]

most men get married thinking they need a female to complete them. It’s the opposite way around females need a man to complete them! Guys give up on being the man... they give power over to a female and that female takes on the masculine energy the male should supply. The female then resents the male and you get the sh$t show you see leading up to the divorce.

I was just over my friends house for a get together... his wife recently got shredded... got a boob job... and some face work. The entire time we were hanging out she harped on him non stop... she commented about his horrible diet... his snoring.... his weight.... he’s no longer allowed to drink during the week... she nagged on his hobbies. He lost control and unless he shows her he is a man again it’s over. I bet she’s already got affair partners lined up. He has no clue and thinks it will make her happy by giving in to those nags. A man needs to be a man...it’s your show and she’s a guest.

 

[rjc149]

Men and women both inevitably get bored of each other sexually. It's just kind of how homo sapiens are wired.

So if your wife surgically enhanced herself and is now getting attention from new men, and is considering reciprocating that attention, well, your marriage with this particular woman has simply run its course. I don't think reclaiming your frame and dominance in the marriage is going to put that much more gas in the tank. You're an old d!ck, she wants new ones.

At a certain point, people are who they are. Typically, very vain, self-absorbed, insecure women who thrive on male attention make sh!tty wives, despite also usually being the hottest "trophies."

A woman who's had any sort of cosmetic enhancement (not including corrective surgery) is therefore willing to go under the knife for more male attention, and is not a good long-term prospect.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Men and women both inevitably get bored of each other sexually. It's just kind of how homo sapiens are wired.

So if your wife surgically enhanced herself and is now getting attention from new men, and is considering reciprocating that attention, well, your marriage with this particular woman has simply run its course. I don't think reclaiming your frame and dominance in the marriage is going to put that much more gas in the tank. You're an old d!ck, she wants new ones.

At a certain point, people are who they are. Typically, very vain, self-absorbed, insecure women who thrive on male attention make sh!tty wives, despite also usually being the hottest "trophies."

A woman who's had any sort of cosmetic enhancement (not including corrective surgery) is therefore willing to go under the knife for more male attention, and is not a good long-term prospect.

The question is how old is the wife? A 45 year old man has a higher market value than a surgically enhanced 45 year old woman. If she gets “bored” and decides to leave she has a rude awakening in store for her as a divorcee...