a very "oneitis" question, but I gotta ask it anyways

[Black Widow Void]

I'll share something with you that was said by our middle school counselor. The middle school that I attended was comprised of former 5th graders from three different schools.

On the first day of 6th grade, the counselor arrived and introduced herself. We were all seated next to friends we'd known from our former elementary school. The guidance counselor said that "by the end of the year, we'd likely have new best class-mate friends." I thought to myself.. "no way. Neal will remain my best class-mate friend throughout the year."

On the last day of that school year, the guidance counselor returned. She reminded us of her previous prediction. She asked us to look at the person we chose to sit beside. And then, she asked if it was the same person from the beginning of the school year. I noticed that I was sitting beside Scott (my new best class-mate friend) and Neal was sitting beside Randy (his new best class-mate friend).

Although you are now about ten years older than this former 6th grader, some things will always continue as a natural progression. While it's possible that you two could make things work, it's also probable that one of you (or both) will eventually find yourselves in different places.

No matter the case, I wish you luck.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

its not set in stone that I am gonna have to move far away, but many of the jobs that appeal to me are much farther up north than I am. I love this girl no doubt about it, but my family and my parents have sacrificed too much for me to throw the option of a good starting career away so easily, I guess all im looking for is any landmines to avoid in doing this, any absolute **** ups that wont be easy to mend over facetime

So are you claiming that those type of jobs only exist in the area of the country you would be moving to?

At the end of the day you can use whatever reasons or rational or justifications you like. If you want to make it work you will make it work and if it is just lip service then you won't.

 

[rjc149]

I wont rule out the possibility of her losing interest over time, but honestly if I was a betting man Id say she would be fairly loyal...

Many better men than all of us have lost millions upon millions of dollars on that bet. With women they shared a living space and daily life.

You can read about the red pill, especially when it's spun from bitterness and misogynist resentment from Rational Male or Richard Cooper, or those creeps on Youtube who are essentially grown Elliot Rodgers that became pickup artists and "built online businesses" that charge incels for "coaching." And that can give you the wrong idea of what it's all about.

Thing is, you're not going to be able to actually swallow the red pill until you've been burned by the truth. And I think you're a little young for that. There is a naivete and idealism that bursts through your posts, which isn't a bad thing, but it betrays your relative youth and inexperience with serious romantic relationships. Especially LDR's.

Some men take the red pill, and are overcome with its bitterness.

Some men take the red pill, and let it heal their wounds. They then understand, and accept with grace, certain immutable truths about women. All women. No, not all women are cheating, lying, hypergamous hoes who belong to the streets. Many women add value to this world, to our society, and will add value to your life.

But all (heterosexual) women are wired as females -- and in order to remain in a relationship with you, you must add value to their lives. Or they will be out.

Ask yourself -- what value are you adding to her life, 100+ miles away, as a screen? Women value physical touch, intimacy, closeness, and yes, sex -- how are you adding that value? How are you a better value proposition than an attractive man who is offering her that value in real life?

When is your LDR going to become a real relationship? When will the distance get closed? Is there a date in the calendar for that, or is it just "we'll do LDR until we decide xyz?" Do you expect this to result in marriage and a life-long commitment?

I would actually advise you to do this LDR. It will teach you valuable lessons about women and their needs. You will most likely get burned, and then, you can take the red pill and understand that attractive women do not, and will not, remain loyal in LDR's indefinitely. Women do not remain in relationships with men that don't add value to their lives. For some skanks, that's money, status, whatever. For most, that's emotional connection, validation, and intimacy.

Learn your lesson. What happens after that, is what you make of it.

Also, you shouldn't be reading someone's private messages unless she's your wife and you suspect infidelity.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I have been dating this girl for about a year and a half now, everything is great and we click really well, the only issue is that I will be graduating this year and will more than likely be moving a decent distance away depending on the job I get. id hate to lose this girl, she ticks all the boxes for me and is a great combo of fun, sexy, supportive and caring. she still has a couple of years in college left and just like me she is probably gonna go where the money takes her. I love this girl and she definitely loves tf outta me but I also know long distance relationships can be hell, has anyone heard or done anything that could make it work or am I just kidding myself?

Has she brought up marriage?

If so, there are only two choices here:

1) Marry her and bring her with you
2) Drop her

Long distance relationships are delusional so don’t even entertain that thought.

 

[RickTheToad]

I have been dating this girl for about a year and a half now, everything is great and we click really well, the only issue is that I will be graduating this year and will more than likely be moving a decent distance away depending on the job I get. id hate to lose this girl, she ticks all the boxes for me and is a great combo of fun, sexy, supportive and caring. she still has a couple of years in college left and just like me she is probably gonna go where the money takes her. I love this girl and she definitely loves tf outta me but I also know long distance relationships can be hell, has anyone heard or done anything that could make it work or am I just kidding myself?

You should be spinning plates @ 23. If you chase her, you'll just push her away. You can, however, give her the option to ride with you, but that's it. DO NOT CHASE. Chasing, in terms of relationships, is like a negative magnet.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Also, you shouldn't be reading someone's private messages unless she's your wife and you suspect infidelity.

Great post overall - 100% truth. But a comment on this last statement.... I agree with you though don't think it should be limited to just a wife. If it's a girlfriend in a committed monogamous relationship with you, and you have genuine reason to believe there might be infidelity going on, I feel it is ok in that situation as well. Definitely not ok to do it just to satisfy your own insecurity with no valid other reason. For the first time in my life, I ended up going through a GF's phone recently after she did something that gave me cause for concern. Let's just say I'm very glad I looked.

 

[Barrister]

Great post overall - 100% truth. But a comment on this last statement.... I agree with you though don't think it should be limited to just a wife. If it's a girlfriend in a committed monogamous relationship with you, and you have genuine reason to believe there might be infidelity going on, I feel it is ok in that situation as well. Definitely not ok to do it just to satisfy your own insecurity with no valid other reason. For the first time in my life, I ended up going through a GF's phone recently after she did something that gave me cause for concern. Let's just say I'm very glad I looked.

Agree - LTR I just ended had a number of issues, but I would have been completely unaware of the male "friend" who had become a major part of my ex's life when I wasn't physically around. That piece of information definitely pushed me to break it off and despite it being difficult now - let's me feel assured that it was the correct decision to make.

 

[Bigselfimprovementguy]

Many better men than all of us have lost millions upon millions of dollars on that bet. With women they shared a living space and daily life.

You can read about the red pill, especially when it's spun from bitterness and misogynist resentment from Rational Male or Richard Cooper, or those creeps on Youtube who are essentially grown Elliot Rodgers that became pickup artists and "built online businesses" that charge incels for "coaching." And that can give you the wrong idea of what it's all about.

Thing is, you're not going to be able to actually swallow the red pill until you've been burned by the truth. And I think you're a little young for that. There is a naivete and idealism that bursts through your posts, which isn't a bad thing, but it betrays your relative youth and inexperience with serious romantic relationships. Especially LDR's.

Some men take the red pill, and are overcome with its bitterness.

Some men take the red pill, and let it heal their wounds. They then understand, and accept with grace, certain immutable truths about women. All women. No, not all women are cheating, lying, hypergamous hoes who belong to the streets. Many women add value to this world, to our society, and will add value to your life.

But all (heterosexual) women are wired as females -- and in order to remain in a relationship with you, you must add value to their lives. Or they will be out.

Ask yourself -- what value are you adding to her life, 100+ miles away, as a screen? Women value physical touch, intimacy, closeness, and yes, sex -- how are you adding that value? How are you a better value proposition than an attractive man who is offering her that value in real life?

When is your LDR going to become a real relationship? When will the distance get closed? Is there a date in the calendar for that, or is it just "we'll do LDR until we decide xyz?" Do you expect this to result in marriage and a life-long commitment?

I would actually advise you to do this LDR. It will teach you valuable lessons about women and their needs. You will most likely get burned, and then, you can take the red pill and understand that attractive women do not, and will not, remain loyal in LDR's indefinitely. Women do not remain in relationships with men that don't add value to their lives. For some skanks, that's money, status, whatever. For most, that's emotional connection, validation, and intimacy.

Learn your lesson. What happens after that, is what you make of it.

Also, you shouldn't be reading someone's private messages unless she's your wife and you suspect infidelity.

appreciate the honesty, Ill take the advice and see what I can do. (also wish I had stated it in the previous post but she is fine with me on her phone, she often shows me the creepiest messages guys will send her for a laugh)

 

[rjc149]

appreciate the honesty, Ill take the advice and see what I can do. (also wish I had stated it in the previous post but she is fine with me on her phone, she often shows me the creepiest messages guys will send her for a laugh)

I wrote a kinda long post because I once got a nasty burn from a woman I was seeing long-distance. I was also running too much 'alpha' game on her, she was needy, and we were 250 miles apart -- what the fvck did I expect lol. Still hurt though. Just watch out, that's all.

 

[Jor-El]

Iv got a massive sex drive...my girlfriend lives 300 miles away

 

[Bigselfimprovementguy]

I wrote a kinda long post because I once got a nasty burn from a woman I was seeing long-distance. I was also running too much 'alpha' game on her, she was needy, and we were 250 miles apart -- what the fvck did I expect lol. Still hurt though. Just watch out, that's all.

that's exactly what im afraid of. I mean even in the worst case scenario our relationship blows up, ill live and probably just spend more time focusing on myself and moving up in the world, nonetheless she's an amazing girlfriend and It would hurt like a mf to go our separate ways but I guess that's what I signed up for when I entered into a relationship...

 

[2Rocky]

There is a lot of Personal Growth that occurs between 21 and 25. in 3 years you won't recognize the man you were in College.

If you have a Sexual Bucket List, get it all out of your system once you separate from her after school, a Sexual Rumspringa so to speak.

This is coming from a guy who married his College Sweetheart, stayed married 20 years, and after divorcing her, added to the bucket list.

 

[rjc149]

that's exactly what im afraid of. I mean even in the worst case scenario our relationship blows up, ill live and probably just spend more time focusing on myself and moving up in the world, nonetheless she's an amazing girlfriend and It would hurt like a mf to go our separate ways but I guess that's what I signed up for when I entered into a relationship...

It's the worst case, and unfortunately the most likely, scenario.

Again, if she ends up cheating, she gets deleted from your life permanently. That's it for her, she's dead to you and you bury her.

If you lovingly part ways now, with the understanding that it's futile to do an LDR, then the door is always open for a future with a her if you find yourselves in the same city. You're young and life is long. Who knows what will happen. If you love her, don't risk shutting that door now.

 

[B80]

Many better men than all of us have lost millions upon millions of dollars on that bet. With women they shared a living space and daily life.

You can read about the red pill, especially when it's spun from bitterness and misogynist resentment from Rational Male or Richard Cooper, or those creeps on Youtube who are essentially grown Elliot Rodgers that became pickup artists and "built online businesses" that charge incels for "coaching." And that can give you the wrong idea of what it's all about.

Thing is, you're not going to be able to actually swallow the red pill until you've been burned by the truth. And I think you're a little young for that. There is a naivete and idealism that bursts through your posts, which isn't a bad thing, but it betrays your relative youth and inexperience with serious romantic relationships. Especially LDR's.

Some men take the red pill, and are overcome with its bitterness.

Some men take the red pill, and let it heal their wounds. They then understand, and accept with grace, certain immutable truths about women. All women. No, not all women are cheating, lying, hypergamous hoes who belong to the streets. Many women add value to this world, to our society, and will add value to your life.

But all (heterosexual) women are wired as females -- and in order to remain in a relationship with you, you must add value to their lives. Or they will be out.

Ask yourself -- what value are you adding to her life, 100+ miles away, as a screen? Women value physical touch, intimacy, closeness, and yes, sex -- how are you adding that value? How are you a better value proposition than an attractive man who is offering her that value in

Agree - LTR I just ended had a number of issues, but I would have been completely unaware of the male "friend" who had become a major part of my ex's life when I wasn't physically around. That piece of information definitely pushed me to break it off and despite it being difficult now - let's me feel assured that it was the correct decision to make.

Out of interest did you mention it to her... about the messages?

I had similar with my ex wife and unsurprisingly they turn it around on you.

'Shouldn't be looking at my messages' kind of thing, even when caught red handed.

 

[B80]

I wont rule out the possibility of her losing interest over time, but honestly if I was a betting man Id say she would be fairly loyal... I guess my main fear is me, and If I would have the discipline to not cheat (I know its stupid but it would make me feel like an *******) and the ability to still spend some time with her where I can... honestly I am starting to think that its gonna just be my job to schedule out my week so I can have some time to ether facetime her on weekends and/or make a visit like maybe once every month or two

Yeah she could be loyal mate, so don't want to be overly cynical.

I thought the same about my ex wife, different from the other girls, loyal, caring down to earth, submissive, do everything for me etc.

Wind on 15 years we've been divorced past 3. Everything went flat, big part my own faukt/complacency...she just called it a day.

 

[Barrister]

Out of interest did you mention it to her... about the messages?

I had similar with my ex wife and unsurprisingly they turn it around on you.

'Shouldn't be looking at my messages' kind of thing, even when caught red handed.

As I stated in another post - I had actually set down a boundary before in regards to this guy approximately a year ago. I found out about that as well by looking at her phone. At that time, she did exactly what you are suggesting here and tried to turn it around on me that I shouldn’t be checking her phone at all and I was “violating her trust” and I was “insecure” by doing so. Classic gaslighting by deflecting all blame onto me for something she was in the wrong for.

At the end of the LTR when I again checked in and saw this was happening AFTER I had set a boundary and she crossed it, I didn’t even bother disclosing to her I had looked because I knew she’d just turn everything around on me and take no responsibility for it. Part of me wishes I had raked her over the coals over it - but honestly in the end it wouldn’t have made any difference except she would be telling people I was insecure and checked her phone all the time.

 

[B80]

As I stated in another post - I had actually set down a boundary before in regards to this guy approximately a year ago. I found out about that as well by looking at her phone. At that time, she did exactly what you are suggesting here and tried to turn it around on me that I shouldn’t be checking her phone at all and I was “violating her trust” and I was “insecure” by doing so. Classic gaslighting by deflecting all blame onto me for something she was in the wrong for.

At the end of the LTR when I again checked in and saw this was happening AFTER I had set a boundary and she crossed it, I didn’t even bother disclosing to her I had looked because I knew she’d just turn everything around on me and take no responsibility for it. Part of me wishes I had raked her over the coals over it - but honestly in the end it wouldn’t have made any difference except she would be telling people I was insecure and checked her phone all the time.

Incredulous isn't it. Like I say, I played big part in downfall in marriage, but how can you think looking at partners phone is somehow worst than cheating. Defies belief in my eyes.

At least own it when you **** up.

Interested to know why that seems a common trait with (some) women. Scared to look inwards? I dunno.

 

[Barrister]

Incredulous isn't it. Like I say, I played big part in downfall in marriage, but how can you think looking at partners phone is somehow worst than cheating. Defies belief in my eyes.

At least own it when you **** up.

Interested to know why that seems a common trait with (some) women. Scared to look inwards? I dunno.

I can’t speak to your ex-wife, but my recent ex has a lot of narcissistic qualities. She’s incapable of being wrong about anything. So her having a quasi emotional affair with a dude while in a LTR will be projected back onto me as me just being “insecure.” I was incredulous but that’s probably on me! Ha

 

[christie]

If she's going to be your wife and mother of your children, she's going to be a stay at home homemaker and doesn't need to find a job and thus can drop out of college to follow you submissively.

As an engineer, you'll be pulling enough coin for the two of you plus+

Comply or bye.