Dating as a single dad is it even possible.

[Starcrusher55]

I am a 32 year old male, my wife of 9 years is divorcing me we have 3 kids together. she filled for paperwork in early Jan and is already in a full blown relationship with one of her co-workers. is it possible for a man with kids to find this kind of success in dating? I am newly red pilled and new to the idea of spinning plates. What type of effect will being a single dad have on my ability to spin plates? should I be focused on trying to find a stable person for another LTR? I am already taking the steps to become the best version of my self I.E working out, focusing on my career and my finances. any experiences you all can share and tips to help increase my odds to get back out there when the divorce is over will be incredibly helpful. Also I in the military if I were to date during the divorce and the soon to be x wife gets bitter about it she can ruin my career and life. thanks in advance

 

[Barrister]

It is absolutely possible. I am assuming you aren't going to be primary physical custodian of your kids? If you have 50/50 custody or less you will have plenty of time to date and spin plates. Whether you want an LTR or something casual is completely up to you. However, after you just got out of a marriage/LTR of 9 years, I would probably keep things casual in your dating life for awhile and let yourself breath a bit before you jump right back into another LTR. If you don't give yourself some time to focus on yourself you will probably find you will just be taking a lot of baggage from your failed marriage into an LTR anyway. You definitely will need some time.

In the meantime, focus on yourself, date for fun, and get your ducks in a row with the divorce proceedings. Good luck, brother.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

LAST thing to do after a divorce!!!: Getting asap into another LTR

Countless dads spin plates, so can you!

Will the kids stay with you?
How long will the divorce take?

If your wife can give you a hard time/ruin your career during divorce, dont date women at that point. I dont know about the laws at your place, but a lawyer will tell you what you can do and what not.

If nothing else, you can keep preparing for your life after divorce.
As you mentioned you already do, you can keep working on becoming the best version of yourself.

If you are not allowed to "date"(fvck? having a coffee? the movies?) women by law or society(career), start building your new social network.
Start flirting with women, practice making them comfortable around you, get into the game. Invite them into your new social network. Get yourself a nice pool of plates to escalate when the time is right and you are free.

LAST thing to do after a divorce!!!: Getting asap into another LTR

 

[Lookatu]

I can try offering input. I'm 48 but been dating for the past 3 years and also have 3 kids.

The dating market is heavily skewed towards females these days so it's easy for girls but hard for guys.

Work on bettering yourself looks wise(work out, new clothes, haircut, grooming, etc) so that you are the most marketable.

IMPORTANT: This took me awhile to adjust my thinking but GET OUT of the RELATIONSHIP mode and get into dating mode. For guys that's been in LTR or marriages, sometimes we tend to linger in relationship mode. This will easily kill off any dating prospects.

Don't invest too much and too soon. In marriages, it's easy and expected to go all in but you can't do this when dating.

Since you're just getting out of a marriage, concentrate on just meeting women, learning, experiencing, and having fun. Do NOT get hung up on a relationship yet.

Women say whatever to fit their needs and get what they want. Do NOT try to white knight and be the good guy. That doesn't mean not to be a gentleman but don't go overboard to accomodate THEIR needs. You do do and concentrate on what you're needs are and try to meet them.

Don't concentrate on securing someone or getting sex. Just work on getting familiar with women again and interacting with them.

Don't overshare info when unnecessary. For example, don't tell someone that you are still going through a divorce. They don't need to know that if it's never going to go beyond a first date. Plus divorces can take over a year to be finalized and not everyone realizes or understands that.

Sometimes advertising kids freely can work against you. I would only volunteer this info when asked or if you know they have kids already.

There's a bad rep associated with single mothers but if you're a single father, that can actually help you in some regards if you do meet single mothers.

Lastly, establish with your ex some ground rules for dating and not having the kids get involved in that in any way until things become serious.

Good luck with the divorce.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Although I have no experience on being a divorced dad, I can speak from the experiences of a kid that grew up with divorced parents. Until you meet someone that appears to be a stable part of your life, I wouldn't introduce your kids to various 'revolving-door' women. There's enough instability going on for kids as it is and they can become quickly attached to new people in their lives.

To give another example; for years, my step mother invites me to various family functions (Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays). My young niece (that looks up to me) has seen me arrive with various women (most of which, I knew weren't going to be 'keepers') . Unintentionally, I may have given her the impression that a woman's role is to be expendable to a man.

I'm not saying that I regret my above lifestyle, but when were' talking about our own family members, we want to set a more positive example.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

We are in a resource based dating economy, meaning if you are stuck paying Alimony and CS, you are not going to have a very good time.

There will be women who will want to start over with you, but there will be compromises, probably on both ends.

With that being said, if you are willing to engage in Self Development, I would suggest nearly anything is possible in today's economy, as most men cannot be bothered to even maintain, never mind develop.

 

[2Rocky]

1) make your parenting plan so you have some time child free.
2) dedicate your time with your children to them. Now is your time to be "Good-Time Dad"
3) have a project/hobby that doesn't involve children career or women. Rediscover the passion of doing something for yourself.
4) +1 to the advice of staying out of an LTR.
5) It's only fair to let women know that there are times you are unavailable due to Kids or Career. Your time is valuable. Quality women won't disrespect your limited time.

 

[derby1]

get ready for the Sh*t show, dumpster fire bro, most women available to date now at your age are gonna shock you.....

Im 38 and its dysfunction junction. They all look pretty & tasty for the first evening

 

[ThisIsSparta]

We are in a resource based dating economy, meaning if you are stuck paying Alimony and CS, you are not going to have a very good time.

There will be women who will want to start over with you, but there will be compromises, probably on both ends.

There are millions of bad-bois out there, broke to the bone, that get chased by women. Its about presenting yourself as the price, not as a divorce-victim.

The last thing i would wish for after a divorce, is a woman that wants to start over(marriage, kids, etcetc.) with me and me having to make "compromises" for her mercy to take me as a divorced beta male.
I would get myself a good life, the way i allways wanted it to be and if a woman shows promise she can join me in that life and enter MY frame.

 

[Lookatu]

2) dedicate your time with your children to them. Now is your time to be "Good-Time Dad"

This is very IMPORTANT!
Your kids will always be with you as opposed to women that will come and go. Also, you only have one chance to raise them as you can't rewind time. Be very mindful of this and be able to balance dating life with kid life.

I made a bad mistake when I first started dating and fell for this girl where I found myself neglecting time with my kids to be with her instead. Don't make the same mistake I made.

Generally women that have kids themselves or independent types that aren't clingy are the best types in your situation.

Just be glad you're 32yo as you can date down to the early 20's where they just wanna have fun and still look good.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

There are millions of bad-bois out there, broke to the bone, that get chased by women. Its about presenting yourself as the price, not as a divorce-victim.

The last thing i would wish for after a divorce, is a woman that wants to start over(marriage, kids, etcetc.) with me and me having to make "compromises" for her mercy to take me as a divorced beta male.
I would get myself a good life, the way i allways wanted it to be and if a woman shows promise she can join me in that life and enter MY frame.

You would or you are?

Also, I just literally watched some homeless guy and his girlfriend carrying all their stuff across a superstore parking lot, you are not wrong.

 

[Epimanes]

Well.. my wife of 25yrs left me for an older guy and my kids decided 1yr after we split they didnt want to live with mom anymore.. they are 16 (son) and 23 (daughter) we started super young so..... im 42 now....43 soon... dated like 13 women since we split.... divorce isnt final yet but i dont give a fuk. Currently seeing another lady from my highschool days back when i met my ex..and its hittin off well... stickin with it for now.

So yes.... its entirely possible to date as a single dad... not that difficult actually. Just keep your expectations low... dont go overboard..and discover yourself again and things will fall into place where they are meant to be.

Shyt happens for a reason....

 

[RickTheToad]

Certainly. However, two things. Be careful of STDs/STIs and, if you no longer want any more children, consider a vasectomy.

 

[Starcrusher55]

Thanks for all the input. I am seeing a trend in these reply. And I will fall back on yalls collective experience.
1.I will not get back in to a LTR
2. When I have my kids I will make them the priority and not let a women take away from that.
3. I will continue to focus on my self.
4. I will start building my social network so when the divorce is over I can start enjoy my life.
5. Get a vasectomy because I am done with kids.
6. Practice spinning plates

Yall have given me some hope. Thanks a lot

 

[RickTheToad]

Thanks for all the input. I am seeing a trend in these reply. And I will fall back on yalls collective experience.
1.I will not get back in to a LTR
2. When I have my kids I will make them the priority and not let a women take away from that.
3. I will continue to focus on my self.
4. I will start building my social network so when the divorce is over I can start enjoy my life.
5. Get a vasectomy because I am done with kids.
6. Practice spinning plates

Yall have given me some hope. Thanks a lot

I'd remove your real pic of you; if I was you.

 

[derby1]

Thanks for all the input. I am seeing a trend in these reply. And I will fall back on yalls collective experience.
1.I will not get back in to a LTR
2. When I have my kids I will make them the priority and not let a women take away from that.
3. I will continue to focus on my self.
4. I will start building my social network so when the divorce is over I can start enjoy my life.
5. Get a vasectomy because I am done with kids.
6. Practice spinning plates

Yall have given me some hope. Thanks a lot

Expect women's behavior to be shoddy, this is why we recommend talking to multiple women....

every 5 DM's you send a woman, imagine you giving her a BJ......and she gives you nothing? make sense?

Some will literally make you feel like they're a fantastic GF prospect, then ghost you like you never existed(hence why you limit attention)

Mercinary mindset

 

[ThisIsSparta]

You would or you are?

Also, I just literally watched some homeless guy and his girlfriend carrying all their stuff across a superstore parking lot, you are not wrong.

Was it a LTR-couple or was she just a plate for the hl-guy?

I have 2 close friends that went through divorce, with kids. Nobody said its easy.
But as a man grows and becomes the best version of himself, he might be doing good with 50% of his former income and he can allways strive to earn more money.
After all, living in a family of 5 isnt exactly for free either if you are the provider. So keeping the money together is most likely an experience he allready had.

Starcrusher55 didnt say he is going to be homeless. Maybe if his situation was THAT dire, he wouldnt ask about spinning plates.
Maybe he has family that can help him out, who knows. Even living in moms basement would be okay for the time being.
Men can live humble/low budget and still be happy.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Yall have given me some hope. Thanks a lot

All the best to you!

One more important thing.......

keep studying the red pill and practice the principles!

If you havent, read "The rational male" and "The unplugged alpha", read them at least twice, both.

There is also tons of content on youtube.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Until just now, I didn't realize that you were new to the forum.

Welcome aboard...

 

[SW15]

5. Get a vasectomy because I am done with kids.

That will hurt your prospects for extended relationships, even if you're not planning to get married for a while. A lot of women in their 20s and early 30s at least want to have the option of having kids with some man. The women who will have relationships with guys with vasectomies are single moms who don't want more kids.