First date - offer to pick up vs. meeting at venue

[Barrister]

Question for the board - when you are meeting a chick for the first time do you offer to pick her up or just tell her to meet you at place X? Got a date set up tomorrow night and I thought about offering to pick her up at her place. I’ve had success doing this in the past on 1st dates - but I could also see how it may come off a little aggressive to some chicks since if you’re driving her back to her place there becomes an expectation that you’ll be invited in for a night cap and potential smash.

Thoughts?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Depends on the woman. Some are cool with it and some won't be.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Meet up at the place since it's less investment on my part, I always go to a coffee shop nearby anyways so I don't drive.

 

[momentomori]

Just don't do too much driving, I recently had a date where I drove a lot and I think it killed attraction. Also make sure you have the right jams set up on Spotify from the get-go, otherwise listening to some whack **** will kill the vibe.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

If I haven't seen her in person I always meet somewhere half way on a first date. That way if she's a catfish or I otherwise am not enjoying myself I can eject without issue.

The only exception is if I met her in person and the vibe was solid. If there's a high chance we're going to have a good time and little chance of wanting to eject I don't mind picking her up.

 

[momentomori]

If I haven't seen her in person I always meet somewhere half way on a first date. That way if she's a catfish or I otherwise am not enjoying myself I can eject without issue.

The only exception is if I met her in person and the vibe was solid. If there's a high chance we're going to have a good time and little chance of wanting to eject I don't mind picking her up.

This is a good point. I wanted to eject on my most recent date, but it was difficult to do so because I drove somewhat of a distance. Ended up having a fairly unpleasant experience.

 

[Barrister]

If I haven't seen her in person I always meet somewhere half way on a first date. That way if she's a catfish or I otherwise am not enjoying myself I can eject without issue.

The only exception is if I met her in person and the vibe was solid. If there's a high chance we're going to have a good time and little chance of wanting to eject I don't mind picking her up.

She has a number of solid pictures on OLD so I feel like the danger of cat fishing is low (and I’m well aware this doesn’t mean she hasn’t changed since said pics were taken) - but I take your point. Will think about this and may offer to drive shortly before meet time.

 

[Roober]

Every time I see these posts, it feels like we live on different planets since nothing is open here in Cali

 

[SW15]

The only exception is if I met her in person and the vibe was solid. If there's a high chance we're going to have a good time and little chance of wanting to eject I don't mind picking her up.

I found when using swipe apps that it was nearly impossible to pull off the pick you up at your place manuever.

However, it is possible to do when your first interaction with a woman is in person and not tech assisted.

The picking her up at her place does increase the likelihood of a smash because of logistics. The downside is that it can be interpreted as a classical 1950s-1970s beta manuever and she might not want to smash on a first or second date because of holding out for a provider.

I'd call this another advantage of in-person vs. tech assisted pickup.

 

[bat soup]

Question for the board - when you are meeting a chick for the first time do you offer to pick her up or just tell her to meet you at place X? Got a date set up tomorrow night and I thought about offering to pick her up at her place. I’ve had success doing this in the past on 1st dates - but I could also see how it may come off a little aggressive to some chicks since if you’re driving her back to her place there becomes an expectation that you’ll be invited in for a night cap and potential smash.

Thoughts?

I don't pick them up, because I'm not running a taxi service.

 

[derby1]

The downside is that it can be interpreted as a classical 1950s-1970s beta

Im at a point now where i dont care whats interpreted as Beta, or Alpha........

If i want smooth jams volume 5/Midnight starr on the first meet, I will.

some will think Im cool some not.......Comply or bye

They all come back.

 

[Lookatu]

Make them invest a little at first since you don't know if you guys will even vibe or not in real life.
If you do all the lifting at first, you make it too easy for them and they don't appreciate it or they can view you in a provider role right off the bat.

I always meet them at the venue on a first meetup. Plus some gals have had stalkers previously and don't want a random stranger to know where they live in case things don't work out.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Just don't do too much driving, I recently had a date where I drove a lot and I think it killed attraction. Also make sure you have the right jams set up on Spotify from the get-go, otherwise listening to some whack **** will kill the vibe.

Your conversation skills probably could use some work. Me driving with a woman always raises attraction because of the fun convos we have.

 

[Romanemp22]

I never pick up women on first date, they need to deserve that.

 

[2Rocky]

I'm a grown up with a nice car. "Where shall I pick you up?" is me taking control. She can meet me at her home or somewhere downtown.

 

[momentomori]

Your conversation skills probably could use some work. Me driving with a woman always raises attraction because of the fun convos we have.

Fair enough. My conversation skills are solid, I think in this particular scenario it was the girl who sucked at conversation, she also didn't speak very much English so there's that.

Nevertheless, my point still remains that you don't want to do too much driving with a girl you don't know, because you don't know if she's a weirdo or not, and if she is it can be difficult to bail since you've driven a long distance. If you do know her and there is chemistry, then no problem, drive away.

 

[momentomori]

Couple of thoughts on this:

--Listening, smiling, making eye contact are far more important than "conversation skills."

--Speak 20% listen 80%.

--Invite awkward silence during conversations.

--They are ALL weirdos to some degree (love them anyway).

--During early courtship phase dates should be cheap, local, and convenient (i.e.no long distance travel).

I agree. The tip on inviting silence during a conversation is something that is relevant to me. I've noticed constantly talking is just exhausting for both parties, and its something that I feel like dating coaches don't talk about enough. Silence can often times be golden, as the old saying goes.

And yeah, they're all weirdo's to some degree, as am I, but my point is that there just may be no chemistry, or she may be socially awkward. If you go on a date where you're locked into interacting with them and you don't give yourself an easy exit opportunity, things can get very unpleasant fast. This is why you're last bullet is important and relevant to the OP's original question. You don't want to do too much driving on a first date.

Eye contact, listening, etc. are pretty much all aspects of being a good conversationalist IMO.

In any case, Cheap, local, and convenient are good heuristics when planning first dates.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Meet on first date. Offer to pickup on second

 

[9-3enthusiast]

As already said - it varies, depending on the woman... Use your best judgement based on what you know about her and date logistics (where you're going etc.)
I have however, had some success with women who live a couple of miles (or more) away... by letting her drive over and leave her car near my place, then we go off to wherever in my car.
It means she has to come back to mine to get her own car... Tried that 4 times over last couple of years... 3 of 4 have come in for far more than just 'coffee'.